by Cindi Madsen
Words didn’t come, so Summer simply nodded.
“I hope I didn’t just unwittingly put you back in the closet. I wanted to prove you rejected him because he’s a loser. Plus, just yesterday you were talking about the drummer being cute, so I assumed…”
“You assumed right,” she said. “I think Cody just can’t believe that any girl could resist his charms. So I guess when he saw me with Ashlyn last night—”
“Last night?”
“Cody was at the Crusifictorius show with his brother. I said hi, then Ashlyn and I took off. I guess he decided that meant I was with her. Like with her, with her.” Summer shook her head. “Oh well, I don’t really care what they think anymore. I guess as far as rumors go, that one’s not that bad. I suppose it won’t land me many dates, but that’s not something I’m too concerned about right now.” She realized she was still holding Troy’s hand, and that she didn’t want to let go of it. “Thanks for getting me away from them.”
“No problem.” He glanced around. “I’ve got to jet, but I’ll see you later?”
She nodded. “Later.”
Butterflies swirled through her stomach as she watched him walk away. Nope, she definitely wasn’t into girls. All she could think about was that kiss and how much she wanted to kiss him again.
***
The day went from horrible to awesome, back to horrible. At practice, Lexi called her a backstabbing whore because she’d obviously stolen Troy. Yeah, it was real classy. Then Kendall joined in with the insults. She and Summer had exchanged insults, and Kendall demanded her things back, which apparently included items she’d given Summer as gifts.
Instead of lingering on that, she decided to rewind back to this morning, when Troy had kissed her. Thinking about it made her pulse quicken and her heart flutter. She was definitely grinning like an idiot, too. But she told herself not to read too much into it. They’d been friends for so long. Yes, she had liked him in the beginning, before she found out about his girlfriend and things had gotten messy. But he was flirty by nature and had even said he was trying to help her out.
I feel like things have been shifting lately, though. She wanted to believe there was more to that kiss, but he certainly didn’t act like it meant anything to him. And I was so shocked I just kinda stood there. Great. He probably thinks I’m a crappy kisser now.
Summer unlocked the front door and tossed her keys off to the side. “Dad? Are you home?”
No answer.
She moved into the kitchen and saw a chocolate cheesecake on the counter, a couple of slices missing. There were also dirty dishes in the sink—it looked like Dad and Tiffany had come and gone. Summer grabbed a fork and dug into the dessert. Something about eating it right out of the pan made her feel happy and desperate at the same time.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out. Ashlyn’s name lit up the display, so she swallowed the giant bite of food in her mouth. “Hey,” she choked out. Man, that cheesecake was rich.
Sobs greeted her first. “I…” Ashlyn sniffed. “Can you come over?”
Summer froze, hand wrapped around the glass she was pulling out of the cupboard. “Are you okay?”
“I just need a friend.”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Summer grabbed a cold Dr. Pepper out of the fridge instead of bothering with a glass. On her way out the door, she texted Dad. As long as he knew where she was, he was pretty understanding. She noticed he was even more understanding since she was no longer spending time with Cody.
The desire to speed to Ashlyn’s was strong, but the last thing she needed was another ticket. After what seemed like twice the normal time it took to usually get there, Summer pulled up to the beige rancher.
When her best friend opened the door, her eyes were rimmed in red. Since Summer had recently taken to crying all the time, she knew the look all too well. “What happened?” she asked.
“My mother and I got into a huge fight.”
Summer’s heart dropped. So many bumps already lined the road to Ashlyn and her mom’s reconciliation. “What about?”
“She found out I was taking these diet pills. I thought she’d be happy.”
“You’re taking diet pills?” Summer hardly recognized her own voice, it was so high. “Those are so dangerous.”
Ashlyn crossed her arms. “Now you sound like my mother. I should’ve known you wouldn’t understand. You don’t have to work to be skinny.”
“Ash, I’m sorry,” she said. “I just don’t want you to do anything that would harm your body.”
“Seriously, did my mother call and run lines with you?”
Summer took a deep breath, working to find the right response. “Okay, you vent. I’ll listen. Just let it all out.”
“Let’s go to my room.” Once they got to Ashlyn’s room, she talked about how hard she’d worked to lose weight and how she’d turned to the diet pills when she got desperate. “So Mother found them in my purse and had a conniption. She said all the stuff you did, claiming they weren’t safe, and that she wanted me to lose weight the healthy way, not the cheating way. I told her that the healthy way wasn’t working, then she said it was because I was lazy.” Tears filled Ashlyn’s eyes and her voice rose a couple octaves. “That I wasn’t trying hard enough.”
“That’s where my opinion is different,” Summer said. “You’re not lazy. I know that for a fact. You drag my butt into the water on a regular basis, and I can hardly keep up.”
Ashlyn shook her head. “I wheeze the whole time, though. I thought if I could get some of the weight off, exercising wouldn’t be such a pain and I could finish the so-called healthy way.”
“Seriously, I think you’re fabulous the way you are.”
“That’s because you’re skinny. It’s easy for you to say because no one’s ever called you fat. My own mother does.”
Summer felt her blood pressure slowly rising. “She said you’re fat?”
“She doesn’t have to say it. She says it with her actions and her disappointed expressions. With every low-fat meal she shoves at me and every pointed mention of exercise.”
Summer locked eyes with Ashlyn, wanting to be sure this came across. “When I look at you, I see my best friend. I never even thought it was possible to be so close to someone in such a short time. To me, that’s more important than anything else. And I honestly think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”
“What did you think when you first met me, though?”
“I thought that I really wanted to get to know you.” It was an honest answer, but only halfway honest. Summer had judged Ashlyn—had thought about her weight. That memory slapped her across the face now. “I know I’ve been judgmental before. A few months ago, I might’ve even joined in with the other girls to make fun of Darren and Aaron—probably the whole group—and I’m ashamed of that. I decided to change who I was, and I hope I’m doing that. I know I won’t be perfect, that I’ll occasionally slip. But I want to make it clear again that I think you’re really pretty. Obviously Matt does, too.”
Ashlyn studied Summer a moment before giving her half a smile. “So you don’t regret your decision to join The Misfits?”
“Not for a second. Earlier today at practice, I even told Kendall that I’d rather be in the Reject Group, knowing that they have my back, than have fake friends who turn on me. If anything, I regret my decision to ever get caught up with her group in the first place. I’m not going to lie, certain aspects were nice, but I think I lost myself along the way. So much so, that I didn’t remember who I really was until I met you.” The memory of Aaron and Darren trying to teach her how to play chess today at lunch hit her, and she smiled. “Until I learned more about chess than I ever wanted to know.”
Ashlyn’s smile deepened. “Who knew such a cool girl was hidden among the snobby airheads?”
“I’d say something about that, but I’m trying not to be judgmental. So I’ll just say that I’m sure somewhere deep down, there a
re good things about those girls, too.”
“Wow, how very politically correct of you.” Ashlyn leaned back against the headboard of her bed. “You really told Kendall that you’d rather be in the Reject Group?”
“I did. I didn’t bother telling her that we prefer the title The Misfits. I’ll have to throw that in some other time.”
“I would’ve loved to see her face. I bet no one’s ever stood up to her before. That’s why she’s so mad.”
“It’s sad, though,” Summer said, and the wall she’d worked to build up around her heart cracked a bit. “Kendall and I used to be friends. Maybe not on the same level you and I are, but I never thought it would get this bad.”
“I’m glad you don’t give in and go back to them. That’s what most people would’ve done.”
Another wave of guilt crashed into Summer. If Gabriella hadn’t pushed her, would she have gone back? She certainly hoped not. At least she knew she wouldn’t ever go back now. And not just because Kendall wouldn’t let her.
Summer picked a stray thread off Ashlyn’s bedspread, not wanting to fight anymore, but not willing to let it go. “Now, I know this might make you mad, but as your friend, I’m going to go ahead and say it anyway. Your mom, as many faults as she might have, proved she loved you tonight. Even if it was in a slightly twisted and offensive way. That’s progress, right?”
Ashlyn heaved a sigh. “I guess. But really, really little progress.”
“When you cool off, you should tell her you appreciate her concern.”
“Let’s not get crazy. The woman did call me lazy.”
Something told Summer not to push. Not right now. “So are you gonna put on some tunes or what? I’m ready to dance it out.”
Ashlyn pushed herself to her feet. Like Summer, she bought mostly CDs so she could have the inserts that came in them. There was just something about holding the lyrics. “Oh, I know. I’ll blast My Chemical Romance. Mother hates it.”
So much for progress.
Chapter Twenty-One
Troy stood in front of his locker, looking as cute as ever. Possibly even cuter than normal. His gaze was on the book in his hands, his eyebrows drawn together. His lips—the same lips he’d pressed against hers yesterday—were pursed in concentration.
Usually she’d stroll right up and start talking, no thought about how she looked or if she’d sound stupid. Oh holy crap, I have no idea what to say to him now. She almost chickened out and fled the scene, but then she told herself he’d helped her out yesterday. So no matter how awkward, she needed to go talk to him. And try to figure out if the attraction was one-sided, which would totally suck. Even though she’d decided to approach him, her feet remained planted.
Just get it over already. Her heart picked up speed as she approached him, beating so fast she was slightly dizzy. “Good morning, Mister Bond.”
Why did my voice come out all squeaky? Two seconds in, and I’m already a wreck.
Troy flashed her a smile and draped his arm over her shoulders. “Hey, Sunshine. Are things better or worse today?”
“Well, I’m not sure. Yesterday’s practice was sorta like dance team gone rabid. Apparently Lexi’s decided that I’m the reason you didn’t keep going out with her.”
“She can definitely keep that blame all to herself.” Troy walked toward their classroom, keeping her next to him. “So you’re saying I made things worse?”
“No, I think your stunt was enough to at least keep Ashlyn out of the rumors. I’m sure they’ll come up with much more insulting things to spread around about me soon, though.”
“So you don’t need me to be your pretend boyfriend anymore?”
She looked at him, the words I need you to be my real one on the tip of her tongue. She wasn’t that bold, though. Just give me a hint. Something that says you want to be more than friends.
“Hey, Troy!” a guy yelled across the hall.
Troy gave the guy the nod. “What’s up, Tiny?”
Tiny? The guy had light brown skin and an eyebrow piercing, was built like a linebacker, and had the deepest voice she’d ever heard in the halls of school. Calling him Tiny seemed like a good way to get punched in the face.
“Need to talk to you,” Tiny said, jerking his head toward a less crowded area.
Troy dropped his arm from Summer’s shoulders. “I’ll catch up with you in a second. Make sure no one takes my seat.”
In other words, you need me to get lost. As Summer turned to walk into chemistry alone, her chest tightened. Why oh why, hadn’t she said she needed a pretend boyfriend for a little while? Maybe the pretend part could drop off in time. After seeing him again today, she knew what she hadn’t admitted to herself last night. She was already crazy about Troy, on the verge of getting hurt all over again if it went badly. And of course now she was only more curious about his extracurricular activities.
What exactly is he doing that makes him so popular with everyone, that he also wants kept a secret?
Before lunch, Summer walked up to Troy, determined to figure him out. “How were your last few classes?”
“Boring. I prefer chemistry where I have you to talk to.” He tugged on her broken belt loop. “I like your pants, by the way. I see you’re taking this whole rebel thing very seriously.”
Purple paint from when she and Mom had painted Summer’s bedroom back in Chicago was splattered across the denim, and both knees had huge holes with white fringe hanging down the sides. “These used to be my favorite jeans. I still can’t find any that fit this good, so I can’t bear to throw them away. Honestly, it’s more of a sign of needing to do laundry than rebellion, though.”
Another tug on her belt loop. “Well, whatever the reason, I say go with it.” He glanced at the large clock hanging on the cafeteria wall. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll catch you later.”
He turned to leave and she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “It seems you’re always rushing off, like you’re late to your underground resistance meeting or something.”
He threw his fist up. “Viva la resistance,” he said with a laugh. “Did you need something else before I go? You have another problem I can help you with?”
“Don’t you get sick of helping me with my problems?” she asked.
“No.” He stepped closer, and he was studying her so closely that heat crept into her neck, across her cheeks. Now she felt stupid. “I’m happy to help. Whatever you need. You know that.”
It took her a couple of seconds to find her voice again, but she figured now was as good a time as any to get answers. “Do you get sick of me?”
He frowned. “Why would you think that?”
“I just want to make sure.” Summer couldn’t figure him out. Sometimes he seemed to be all about her; other times he was in a huge hurry to get away. If he was as interested in her as she was in him, he’d want to stay, right? Or was she being needy? Ugh, liking him was making everything too complicated. Maybe she should just leave it as friends and forget about the kiss. Her gaze automatically drifted to his lips.
He put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m not trying to get away from you, I swear. But I really do have to go.”
“Okay, later then.” Frustration filled her as he walked away, and she wondered how she was going to get control over her sudden, overwhelming feelings for him on top of everything else.
Unfortunately, some problems you just have to fix yourself.
***
Clothes lay in piles all around Summer’s room, and she decided the laundry couldn’t wait any longer. Mrs. Crawford had sent her to the office earlier today. Apparently, the school has a dress code they sporadically enforce, and ripped jeans happened to be on the bad list. If she didn’t do her laundry, she’d have to wear the ripped jeans again, along with the kitty shirt Dad had bought her when she was in junior high. The other girls from the team had plenty of ammunition to throw at her already without adding a shirt that had never been cool in the first place.
She gathered her
clothes into a giant heap and scooped as many items in her arms as she could carry. She spun around to take them to the laundry room.
And found herself face-to-face with Gabriella.
“Holy crap!” The clothes dropped to the floor as Summer threw her hand over her heart. “Could you give a girl a little warning? I’m going to die of a heart attack before I can help anyone else.”
Gabriella cocked a brow. “I assumed you could sense it better. And I don’t like that saying, by the way. There’s no such thing as holy…most anything you people put after it, but especially not that.”
“Well, my mom said it all the time.”
“I hated it when she said it, too. In fact, she used the more profane version for years. I finally got her to break that, but she only swapped it for crap. Not much better, if you ask me.”
Summer stared at Gabriella as the impact of the words hit her. “Wait? You knew my mom?”
Gabriella’s eyes widened. “I… You see…” She sighed. “Yes, I knew her. Under normal circumstances, mothers are the ones who train their daughters for their Cipher jobs. But yours…ran out of time.”
Summer tried to get words out, but it took her a few seconds of unintelligible squeaks before she finally succeeded. “Why didn’t you mention that before?”
“It’s not easy, trying to figure out how much I can tell you. What will push you over the edge, what’s helpful and what’s not. I planned on mentioning it later, after you finished your job with Ashlyn, because I was afraid talking about your mother might slow you down. And honestly, dear, you’re working way too slowly already.”
“You didn’t think it might help me?”
Gabriella leaned a hip against the dresser. “You already had a hard time believing it all, and I was fairly certain bringing her into it would result in anger and most likely being called a liar. Plus, I know it’s a sensitive subject for you, and I didn’t want to make this more difficult.”
As much as she wanted to argue, Summer was still having trouble wrapping her mind around it. Gabriella knew Mom. But how? And when? And why didn’t she ever say anything?