by Cindi Madsen
“Shoot, Sunshine, if you want to hang out, all you have to do is ask.”
Summer crossed her arms and glared at him. “What’s keeping you so busy?”
“Life.”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
Troy flashed a half grin. “Said the girl who always has a secret.”
Just when she didn’t think he could get any more irritating, he upped it a notch. “I give up. I’ll see you around, Mister Bond.” She walked past him, headed toward her next class. She didn’t have time to deal with Troy anyway. All her energy needed to go into putting her plan into motion. Later today she was going to have another talk with Pamela.
***
Kendall was less than happy when Summer bailed early, but she didn’t have time to worry about that. Ashlyn left a message saying she was headed out to buy treats, and Summer zoomed over to her house, hoping to catch Pamela alone. Heart hammering like a jackhammer, Summer knocked on the door and waited.
“Come on in,” Pamela said with a sneer. Ever since Summer had suggested the woman express her love to her daughter, she’d barely spoken to her. Short clipped phrases were all she’d gotten since that talk a little over a week ago. Summer kept thinking she’d try again, only to have something get in the way. Sometimes it was simply her chickening out.
Time to get down to business.
Summer cleared her throat, hoping to clear her nerves as well. “I thought about that talk we had, and I wanted to say that love shouldn’t have to be earned. Ashlyn shouldn’t have to do something involving exercise to get praise. I heard about the diet pills, so I know you care about her. Can you please tell her that?”
Pamela stepped closer, and Summer stared at the woman’s toned arms. As Pamela had so nicely pointed out before, Summer’s were no match. “Why don’t you keep your opinions to yourself? I don’t need some teenager who knows nothing about being a mother to come in and tell me how to be one. If your friendship didn’t mean so much to Ashlyn, I’d ask you to leave my house and never come back.”
The note said she was running out of time, so Summer decided she wasn’t going to tiptoe around anymore. “See, right there, you proved how much you care about her. Just. Tell. Her.” As hard as it was, she stared right back.
The front door swung open, and Ashlyn walked in. “Hey, you beat me here. I got some snacks. And Mother, before you say anything, I’m pointing out that I got veggies and low-fat popcorn.” Ashlyn’s gaze moved from Summer to Pamela. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Summer said. “I was about to head up to your room to wait for you.”
“Well come on then. Scott Pilgrim awaits,” Ashlyn said. Summer followed her, too scared to look at Pamela again.
“I’ve got to use the bathroom first.” Ashlyn tossed the snacks and her bag on the bed, and then stepped into the bathroom adjoining her room, closing the door behind her.
Summer plopped herself on the foot of the bed, and Ashlyn’s bag tumbled to the floor. “Oh holy crap,” she muttered, bending over to pick it up. As she shoved the contents back inside, she saw the box. Either Ashlyn had forgotten to take the diet pills out of her purse, or she was still taking them.
Summer glanced up as Ashlyn walked back into the room. “I accidentally knocked your bag off the bed, and I was picking it up, and…” She held up the diet pills. “I found these. You’re not still taking them are you?”
Ashlyn ripped them out of Summer’s hand. “You act like it’s crack or something. Just leave me alone about it.”
Come to think of it, Summer hadn’t seen Ashlyn eat much in days. “Did you eat dinner?”
“Of course I did. I even got snacks.”
“Carrot sticks? You didn’t even get your usual Diet Coke.”
Ashlyn crossed her arms. “You know, I don’t feel like a movie anymore.”
Summer stood up. “Oh, come on, Ash. I’m worried about you. I just want you to be happy with yourself.”
“Well, I’m not. Especially right now. I feel tired, actually. Maybe we should do the movie another night.”
Summer’s throat tightened. “But we haven’t hung out in forever, and I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Please, let’s just watch the movie. I won’t say a thing.”
“It’s too late to not say a thing. I’ll talk to you later, when I don’t feel like crap.”
Summer’s heart fell into her stomach. Not only had she pissed off Pamela, she’d also pissed off Ashlyn. She reached out and squeezed her friend’s shoulder. “That’s really not what I meant to do.”
“I know.” A tear ran down Ashlyn’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
“Okay, if that’s really what you want.” Summer waited for her to say it wasn’t, but she didn’t. “See you tomorrow.”
Without a word, Ashlyn headed over to her dresser and snatched the iPod off it. Summer walked out of the room, down the hall, which seemed twice as long as usual. This night hadn’t gone at all the way it was supposed to.
Pamela was sitting on the couch, watching television. “I hope that know-it-all head of yours fits out the door.”
No response seemed like a good one, so Summer simply left. She could handle Pamela being annoyed, but the fact she’d hurt Ashlyn’s feelings made her gut clench. By the time she made it to the car, she felt so sad it seemed like she’d never be happy again.
***
Troy’s Jeep was parked in front of her house when she pulled into her driveway. Summer flipped down her visor and looked at her ragged reflection. Every time Troy was around, she managed to look like hell. Taking a deep breath to prepare, she headed inside, and followed the blare of the television.
Dad picked up the remote and hit the pause button. “Hey, kid. I thought you’d be at Ashlyn’s ‘till late.”
“Ash was tired, so we chatted for a few minutes, and then I took off.”
“Well, Troy said he had some time to kill, so we’ve been watching UFC fights. It’s nice having a guy around. This kid knows his stuff.” Dad scooted to the edge of the couch. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
“You can’t leave now,” Troy said. “We’ve got to finish this fight at least.”
Summer sat next to Troy. “Yeah, Dad, finish the fight. I don’t mind.”
“You’re just trying to butter me up,” Dad said.
Summer smiled at him. “And what’s wrong with that?”
Dad leaned back and pressed play, and the fighters on the television commenced trying to beat the crap out of each other.
“Something wrong?” Troy whispered.
Summer shook her head. “I’m fine.” She was getting so sick of saying that, when the truth was she was freaking falling apart. Her best friend had asked her to leave. Pamela wanted to crush her, the way the guys on the television screen were crushing each other.
They watched until one of the bloody, battered men was declared the winner. Dad turned the volume way down and looked at Summer. “Hey, before I forget, I need you home tomorrow. Tiffany wants to make us dinner again. She feels really badly about last night.”
Summer groaned. She didn’t have time to deal with Tiffany. She needed to do some serious damage control with Ashlyn and Pamela.
“Summer doesn’t like my girlfriend,” Dad said, apparently thinking Troy needed to know.
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Dad turned off the TV and tossed the remote on the coffee table, leaving the room way too quiet all of a sudden.
Troy’s phone beeped and he glanced at it. “My mom. I’ve gotta get home.”
Dying to know if he was telling the truth, she tried to get a quick look at his screen, but he was too fast. He stood, and she felt like it was so unfair that he was leaving, even though she wasn’t sure how to be around him these days.
She pushed herself off the couch. “I’ll walk you out.”
“I’m giving you five minutes,” Dad said. “Which is pretty generous considering you’re still aw
aiting sentencing for yesterday’s offense.” He raised an eyebrow at her, so much warning in that tiny movement.
The cool night hair cut through Summer’s thin shirt, despite the fact that she was wearing long sleeves. She and Troy walked in silence over to his Jeep. She wasn’t sure why she’d wanted to walk him out. Only that she needed to be around him for a few more minutes, even if things were weird.
Troy bumped his hip into hers. “Thanks for walking me out, Sunshine. You’re a real gentleman.”
Summer couldn’t help return his smile. “Well, I know how scared you are of the dark.”
He glanced back at the house, and she did, too, thinking Dad must be standing in the doorway watching them or something. If he was, she sure didn’t see him. “You know, I actually enjoyed hanging out with your dad tonight,” Troy said. “You should give him a break.”
“What do you mean, I should give him a break?”
“He’s worried about you. I told him you were okay, because hell, I didn’t know what else to say, and he looked so stressed out about it. Maybe I shouldn’t have assured him everything was cool with you. Maybe I’m making it worse.”
“No, I’m glad that you did.” She put her hand on his arm. “Thanks. Sorry you had to deal with that. And I’m sorry he got all weird about his girlfriend. It’s not that I don’t like her. She’s just not…”
“Your mom.”
“She’s nothing like her, and I don’t understand how he can even like someone who’s so opposite of her. Of us.”
“I’m sure it’s good for him to try to move on and be happy,” Troy said. “You both deserve to be happy.”
Every time she was around Troy, he knew exactly what to say to make her fall apart. She bit back the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. “I know you’re right, but I have a hard time letting my mom go. I just keep thinking if I would’ve stopped my mom that morning, then none of this would’ve happened. He wouldn’t need a new girlfriend.”
Troy put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in her the eye. “You can’t do that. It’s not like you could’ve changed it.”
Oh, hell, the tears were coming. “That’s not true. I knew something bad was going to happen. I had a really bad feeling that morning before she left. I tried to talk her out of it…” She clenched her jaw to kill the sob in her throat. “But she went anyway.”
“You can’t torture yourself with the past.”
The images were torture. Something tickled Summer’s memory as the quick flashes she saw if she let her guard down started up—but there was something new, in the far corner of her mind. She almost had a grasp of it, then Troy spoke again. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
His features came back into focus, the streetlight casting them in sharp relief. “I’ll tell you my secret if you tell me yours.” As much as she wanted to know his, she’d have to edit several details out of hers. In fact, she couldn’t really tell him. He’d think she was insane.
A slow grin spread across his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sunshine. I’ll save you your usual spot in chemistry. We both know that trying to sit away from me didn’t work.”
There was no way his secret was as awful as hers, yet he seemed as reluctant to share it. “Goodnight, Mister Bond.”
After his taillights were lost in a sea of others, she hurried back to the house, eager to have some time to focus on her last memory of Mom. As soon as she was inside her room, door closed securely behind her, she sat down on her bed.
Usually, she avoided the memory. Now she forced herself to plunge on in.
The temperature in Chicago had hovered at the ninety-nine degree mark that day—they’d broken the previous record-high for August. Mom was at the door, getting ready to head out.
“I’ve got to go, Summer,” she’d said.
“Oh wait.” Summer got up from the couch, abandoning her television show. “Can I get some money before you go? The girls and I are going to grab lunch.”
Mom reached into her purse and handed her a twenty.
“Thanks, Mom.” Summer leaned in for a hug.
Mom hands her cell phone to an unfamiliar red-haired woman. The woman pushes several buttons and holds the phone up to her ear. Aisles of candy are lined up behind her, a magazine stand is off to the right.
A large, mangy-looking man standing near the cash register pulls a gun from his hip and aims it at the cashier. “Give me the money! And don’t do anything stupid or everyone in here will die!”
He turns and swings the gun in Mom’s direction.
Mom holds her hands up in the air.
“Get off the phone!” The man yells at the woman behind Mom, leveling the gun on her. The woman’s lips are moving quickly, speaking into the cell phone.
“She’s almost done,” Mom says in a soothing tone.
The man pulls the trigger, and the woman talking on the phone goes down. He shoots again. Mom falls back into the candy-filled shelves and tumbles to the ground. Blood pours from the wound in her chest.
“Mom, don’t go,” Summer said as she released the hug, her heart racing, her mind swimming. “I’ll blow off lunch with my friends and go with you somewhere. We can see if there’s a dance class we can slip into, or catch a movie, or hit the mall. Whatever you want to do.”
“Don’t be silly,” Mom said. “I’ve got to go, and I’m in a hurry. I’ll see you when I get back this afternoon.”
“Mom, please. Please don’t go.” Summer had had the flashes before and nothing had ever happened—well, not that she knew of. This was her mom, though. She wasn’t willing to take any chances. “I really want you to stay with me today.”
“I’ve got to go do my job.”
“I thought you had the day off,” Summer said, desperate to keep her here no matter what she did. “Just stay here. Please!
“Someday, you’ll understand. You’ll see you can’t help when you have to go.”
Summer’s heart thumped faster and faster, harder and harder. “But I need to tell you something, and it can’t wait.”
“It’ll have to wait. This is something I can’t be late for. Now, be good. You’re awesome. I love you.” Mom blew her a kiss, then walked into the garage and pulled the door closed behind her.
Summer bit her lip, debating what to do. I’m going to have to tell her. Even if she doesn’t believe me, even if she thinks I need to be put in a mental institution, I can’t let her go. She heard the garage door close and ran for the front door. By the time she’d unlocked it and stepped outside, Mom was already driving away. She pulled her phone out and called Mom’s cell.
No answer.
She called five more times.
Mom never picked up.
It made sense now, why Mom insisted she had to go. Why she said Summer would understand someday. Mom had been going out on a Cipher job, Summer was sure of it. And Mom had been killed trying to do that job.
Summer hadn’t saved Mom, and it had eaten away at her every day since. But she was going to save Ashlyn. There had to be a way, and she was going to find it.
Because Summer couldn’t have another death on her conscience.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Summer bent down to pull on her boots. When she straightened, Gabriella was there. “Oh, holy crap,” she muttered. “I mean—Just crap. Not holy. But seriously, you scare me every time.”
“It’s been over a month, Summer,” Gabriella said, ignoring the popping-up-and-scaring issue. “You’ve got to know it’s drawing near.”
Bile churned in the pit of Summer’s stomach. “Just tell me when exactly. It’s driving me crazy.”
“I don’t even know for sure—those orders go out last minute. I do feel the urgency of the situation, though, which means you must, too. Those instincts were given to you for a reason. You can’t delay any more, or the only result you’re going to get is horrible guilt for you, Ashlyn, and Pamela.”
Ashlyn. Who might still be mad at her. Sh
e was going to fix that at school first thing, but while she had Gabriella here, she wanted confirmation on her theory. “My mom died on a Cipher job, didn’t she?”
Gabriella sighed. “Yes. That one came down to the wire. It was literally seconds before her death that your mom got her to call and talk to her husband. I’m not sure why she didn’t get there earlier.”
“That call cost my mom her life. I saw it. The man with the gun got mad because that other woman was on her cell phone.” The realization of what had happened hit Summer, knocking the air out of her. If I hadn’t delayed Mom, she wouldn’t have been in the store when the gun went off. She would’ve done her job before the woman went inside. Her head swam as she tried to put together words. “Does anyone die on accident?”
“Summer, this is complicated stuff. I can’t reveal the secrets of the universe to you. I’m here to do my job, which is to get you to do your job. I will tell you that Ciphers have failed before. Sometimes they’re too late—it’s not a perfect science. There are ways to get past it for the deceased and the family members, but it’s much more extensive and emotionally scarring. Some people never come back from it. That’s why it’s so much easier if you do your job now. Before it’s too late.”
Summer grabbed Gabriella’s hand, desperation throbbing through her veins. “Just tell me if some deaths are accidents.”
Gabriella’s watch chimed. “I’ve got a tight schedule, Summer. I don’t have time to keep coming down here, so please put a little more effort into this.”
She tightened her hold on the Angel of Death’s hand. “I’m trying as hard as I can. But right now, I really need you to tell me if people die when they’re not supposed to. Suicide, that kind of thing? Do people die before their time?”
Gabriella’s outline started to fade, and then Summer was clinging on to nothing but air.
***
“Did you see Ashlyn this morning?” Summer asked Troy at lunch. Ashlyn’s usual spot across the cafeteria was empty, she hadn’t answered any of her calls, and Sumer was starting to worry she was too late. Everything inside her turned cold and hard. Not only did she fail, but her friend had died mad at her.