by Cindi Madsen
“Please, Dad, don’t make me talk to anyone. I just have a lot of stress right now.”
Dad sat next to her. “You can tell me about it, you know. Give me something, because, honestly, I don’t know what to do with you anymore.”
Summer shook her head, blinking back tears. Where would she even start? Gabriella? Her failure to make peace with Ashlyn and her mom? The recent revelation that she’d delayed Mom enough to get her killed?
Dad leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head. “If your mom was here, she’d know what to do.”
Her breath quickened, and then she just blurted it out. “It’s my fault. It’s my fault that Mom’s not here.”
He slowly raised his head and looked at her, his brow furrowed. “Summer, don’t talk like that. You couldn’t have done anything about your mom.”
“I could have, though! I knew something bad was going to happen, and I begged her to stay, but she went anyway. If I would’ve kept her home or let her go, everything would’ve happened differently.” Tears lodged in her throat. “Instead, I kept her just long enough to be in the store with that man. It’s my fault she’s dead.”
Summer winced, waiting for him to storm out, or for him to yell and ask her why she did that. She deserved it.
She deserved a lot more.
“You can drive yourself crazy with the ‘what ifs,’” Dad said, voice calm. “I keep thinking that I shouldn’t have gone out of town that morning. That if I’d decided to stay home instead of attending that training conference, all of us would’ve been doing something together. That maybe I would’ve been there at the store with her so I could’ve saved her or taken her place.” He swallowed thickly. “But it doesn’t change anything. It just hurts more, and I think you’ll agree it hurts enough without adding to it.”
“But, Dad, I knew something bad was going to happen. Sometimes I get these…” Flashes. Visions. She couldn’t say it. Not aloud. “These very strong feelings that something bad is going to happen. It’s more powerful than a gut feeling. I had one, and I still let her go. I asked her to stay, but I should’ve told her about my instincts. I should’ve tried harder.”
Dad shook his head. “Don’t do that. I don’t want you blaming yourself for the actions of that man. He’s the one who went in with a gun. He’s the one who pulled the trigger.”
“But if I could have stopped her from going, then she wouldn’t have been there.”
“Your mom was very headstrong. Sometimes we’d be in the middle of a conversation or a night out, and she’d have to go somewhere. She said she knew someone needed her help right then and there, and she’d up and leave. Just like that.”
“Did you ever find out where she went? What she was doing?”
Dad looked at Summer for what seemed like forever. “After we’d been dating for several months and were starting to talk about marriage, you mom told me she got very strong feelings, kind of like what you just said, that someone needed her help. At first I joked that she was Superwoman or some other masked avenger. She didn’t laugh, though. Simply asked me to be understanding when she got them, because she had to help, whatever it took. I knew bigger forces than me and her were at work.”
Dad put his hand on Summer’s shoulder, his eyes meeting hers. “I know this might sound crazy to you, but I feel like your mom had a special job to do here. She never said how or who she helped, but she’d come home and tell me that she’d succeeded. Sometimes she’d tell me she was struggling to help somebody. It was like she was a guardian angel to people when they needed one.”
“Not exactly a guardian,” Summer said. “More like a helper.”
“She told you, too?”
Summer shook her head. “Not exactly.” She bit her lip, nervous to hear Dad’s answer, but knowing she needed to ask the question. “You didn’t think she was crazy?”
“Your mom was gifted, not crazy.”
Summer let out the breath she’d been holding, letting what Dad said wash over her. A spark of hope in the dark—a spark she needed so badly she wanted to chase it and cling to it. Gifted. Not crazy. “After everything she did, aren’t you mad a guardian angel didn’t help her when she needed it?”
“I was at first, but I guess after the shock wore off and I had some time to think, I decided she must be needed on the other side more.”
Summer’s heart felt like it wanted to escape from her chest. He didn’t think Mom was crazy. It was time to let him in on what she could. “Dad, I get this strong feeling that Ashlyn needs my help. Please don’t ground me. I’ve got to follow my instincts.”
He pressed his lips together, and she worried she shouldn’t have said anything. “You’ve got to find a better way to help her than getting into fights at school.”
“Okay. Instead of these giant muscles”—she flexed to add to the joke—“I’ll try to use this giant muscle.” She pointed to her head.
“Your brain’s an organ, not a muscle.”
“Aw, Dad. You’d get along with these guys I know. They like to throw out nerdy facts like that, too.”
Dad smiled, but it was only fleeting. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Summer thought for a moment. “If you could talk Mr. Strider out of my suspension from the dance team, that would make my life at school easier. Kendall’s going to be so angry. State’s only a little over a month away.”
“Sorry, kid. You got yourself into that mess, and you’ll have to find a way out of that one on your own. I won’t ground you, but there are going to be extra chores I’ll expect you to do. Especially once you finish helping Ashlyn.”
Summer supposed that was only fair, even if part of her wanted to argue. “Thanks for understanding.”
“You know you can always talk to me, and as much as I know you’re going to fight it, Tiffany’s a good listener. She knows much more about girls than I ever will.”
“You’re not suggesting I tell her about my…” Summer searched for the right word. “Instincts?”
Dad shook his head. “No, we don’t want her to think you’re crazy.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You know what I mean. That’s a lot to lay on someone. I’m saying she has experience with relationships. She has four sisters. Think about it.” Dad’s expression turned solemn. “And I don’t want you blaming yourself for what happened to your mom. If she said she had to go, she had to go. It’s not your fault.”
Summer wished that made her feel better. All she could think about was that Mom’s conversation with whoever she helped should’ve taken place in the parking lot, where the gunman wouldn’t have shot her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Knowing things between her and Troy were going to be weird, Summer waited until last minute to jet into chemistry and take her seat. Mr. Jennings started his lecture, and she had to force herself to keep her eyes glued to her notebook instead of glancing at the boy across the aisle.
“Was it worth it?” Troy whispered.
Is he talking about our kiss? She was going to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of her. “What are you talking about?” she whispered back.
“Fighting Jenna over that loser. The whole school saw it happen. I can’t believe you keep going back to him. I really thought you were smarter than that.”
Summer glanced at Mr. Jennings. Since his attention was still on the board she swiveled to face Troy. “Apparently, I’m not smart. I go for all the wrong guys. But you know what? At least Cody never kept a string of girls.”
A crease formed between Troy’s eyebrows. “That doesn’t make any sense. Every time I think I’ve got you figured out, you prove me wrong.”
Summer blew out her breath. “The fight wasn’t about Cody. In fact, I was going to walk away, but then Jenna said something mean to Ashlyn. That’s why I got into a fight. Now, I have enough crap to deal with without you telling me how dumb I am, so—”
“Troy and Summer, are we bothering you?” Mr. Jennings as
ked, making Summer jump. “If you have something important to say, please let’s hear it.”
Summer turned to face the front of the room. “Sorry.” She was already on probation. If he sent her to the office, she’d be kicked off the dance team for good, and nothing would convince Dad that she’d listened to his speech last night.
“Summer, why don’t you move behind Steve since you and Troy can’t stop talking.”
Ew. Not Stinky Steve. Slowly, she started to gather her belongings.
“I’ll move,” Troy said, picking up his books and heading to the other desk. As frustrated as she was with him right now, she appreciated his sacrifice of taking the seat behind Steve. It was almost enough to make her ignore all the other girls and just hope he’d narrow it down to her someday.
Almost.
Kendall and several of the other girls from the team surrounded Summer as she put her books into her locker. “You can’t dance for two weeks?” Kendall asked, her voice a couple octaves higher than normal. “Are you trying to sabotage the team?”
Summer turned around to face them. “I want to dance. You think I’d keep going to practice even though you all gang up on me if I didn’t want to be on the team?”
Lexi crossed her arms. “This is your way of punishing us.”
“Yes, I planned Jenna Cambell pushing me just to spite you guys.”
“What happened to you?” Kendall asked, running her gaze up and down Summer. “You used to be cool.”
“Yeah, when I wasn’t being myself. When I let you push me around. Look, I’m going to keep practicing the routine, I just can’t practice with you guys.” Actually, getting lost in the music and the dance moves without the girls tearing her down would be kinda nice.
Kendall narrowed her eyes on Summer. “I hope we don’t have to make any changes.”
“Then I’ll have to learn the new moves when I get back,” Summer said. “That seems like it would be a lot of extra work.”
An evil grin spread across Kendall’s face. “I guess we better pull in an extra girl in case you don’t make it back.”
Kendall was obviously watching for Summer’s reaction; Summer was determined not to give her one. “Do what you feel you got to do,” she said before moving past Kendall and the rest of the girls. She wasn’t going to waste any more time on these girls. Her real friends were in the cafeteria, waiting for her.
By the time she made it to the Misfits’ table, she’d cooled down some. It would suck to be kicked off the team, but if it happened, she’d live. Somehow.
“So guess what?” Ashlyn said as soon as Summer sat down across from her. “I have a date tomorrow night. Matt and I are going out.”
“It’s about time,” Summer said.
Ashlyn’s gaze drifted over Summer’s head. “Hey, Troy. Are you going to join us for lunch today?”
Even though Summer told herself not to look, she couldn’t help it. Troy stared at her as though he hadn’t expected her to be was sitting there. “Uh, not today. But I’ll see you guys around. Ashlyn,” he said with a nod. “Marcie, Nelson, Darren, Aaron.” Nod, nod, nod, nod. His eyes met hers, but he didn’t say her name or nod, just held her gaze for a beat and then walked away.
“Goodbye to you, too, Troy,” Summer said. “Thanks for the obvious snub.”
“What was that all about?” Ashlyn asked, eyes wide. “It was like he was shocked to see you or something.”
Summer threw her hand up. “Who knows with that guy? He’s in a mood, or has somewhere to be, or just…Who knows?” Yeah. That’s what she was going to stick with. Still, she kept remembering how he’d moved in Chemistry so she wouldn’t have to. How there was a flicker of…hurt? in his green eyes just now. Ugh, she needed to put him out of her mind.
Focus, Summer, focus. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.
Hmm. Bigger fish? She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Ashlyn said, “What phrase are you contemplating now?”
“How did you—?”
“You get this scrunchy eyebrow face,” Ashlyn said. “It’s either about your food choice or sayings, and you’re already eating your Doritos, so…”
Summer laughed. “You know me so well it’s a little scary, but in the coolest scary way ever. I was thinking about the ‘You’ve got bigger fish to fry’ saying. I mean, why would you start with the big fish? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go little?”
“You’re on your own with that one. I don’t like fish at all. Or this sandwich. Yuck to the eggplant turkey combo, as if there was any doubt that it’d suck.” Ashlyn tossed her food aside and reached for her Diet Coke. “So, you’re coming to my place after school, right?”
Summer grinned. “Since I can’t practice and we got banned from the ballgame, I guess I have nothing better to do.”
“That makes me feel special.” Ashlyn pointed to her heart. “Right in here.”
Summer laughed again and then turned to Marcie. “You know you’re free to join us anytime, right?”
“Thanks for the offer, but my mom needs me to help out at home. I do want to do something right now, though.” Marcie turned to Aaron and Darren. “Whip them out, guys.” Aaron, Darren, and Nelson scooted closer to Ashlyn, Marcie, and Summer. “We got bored in our art class today. So we made these.”
Aaron dropped several chess pieces on the table. “We decided to make everyone pawns.”
“See, because it works on many levels.” Darren picked up one of the pieces. “We’re all just pawns against the man. We can trade up for something better. All of us are on equal footing. Pick anything. It all goes.”
Aaron studied the pieces and passed them out. “This one’s you…that one’s you. We’ll give Troy his some other time. Here’s yours, Summer.”
Summer held out her hand, and he placed the pawn on top of her palm. They’d glued blond, curly hair on top, then drawn in her face. The Misfits was written across the bottom.
“It’s okay if you throw it away,” Aaron said after he’d passed them all out. “We know it’s nerdy, but we had fun making them look like everyone.”
Summer curled her hand around it and held it to her chest. “Are you kidding me? This is awesome, and I’m going to find a special place to show it off.”
Marcie grinned at everyone. “I think it’s nice to belong to a group, even if it is the Misfit Group.”
“I love being in the Misfit Group.” Looking around at her friends, Summer nearly teared up thinking about how lucky she was to have the supposed rejects in her life.
After another half day of classes that ticked by at a snail’s pace, Summer headed out of the school and bumped into Troy—he seemed to be everywhere. “Why is Jenna draped all over your boyfriend?” Troy asked, jerking his chin toward the spot where Jenna and Cody were kissing in the parking lot.
“Newsflash I already gave you forever ago, we broke up,” Summer said. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“But you said…” Troy shook his head, the confusion on his face clear. “There was that whole comment about how psyched you were that he didn’t have a string of girls.”
“That comment was directed at you.”
Troy’s eyebrows lowered even further. “I don’t understand.”
“Think about it.” This time, Summer got to be the one to walk away without looking back.
***
“Is your mom home?” Summer asked as she and Ashlyn neared the front door. Since they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, Summer was a little nervous to see Pamela again.
Ashlyn shook her head. “She won’t be home until late tonight. Isn’t that great?”
A lead weight formed in Summer’s gut. Not wanting to see her was one thing; it being impossible for her and Ashlyn to interact at all was another. With each passing day, the sick sensation taking over Summer’s stomach got worse. Her stupid instincts told her that she needed to hurry.
When they got to Ashlyn’s room, she pulled out her drawer of CDs—it was beautiful, all those color
s and titles, the hours of musical possibilities. “So what should we listen to today?”
“Whatever. I prefer something with a strong beat, but I trust your taste in music.”
“Okay, I’ve got a confession. It’s my darkest secret, and if you ever tell anyone, I’ll have to hurt you.”
That certainly caught Summer’s attention. “Spill.”
“I’ve got a secret stash of pop and hip-hop. Usher, Rihanna, and—cough—3OH!3. I don’t even put them on my iPod because I’m afraid someone will see it and accuse me of not being as cutting edge as I think I am.”
“Oh, Ash. A boy band with an exclamation point in the name?” Summer shook her head, mocking disappointment. “You don’t have Jonas Brothers in there, too, do you?”
“Of course not!” Ashlyn bit her lip. “But I do have…” She lifted a CD out of the drawer. “Selena Gomez. I bought it in junior high—I can’t be responsible for my lingering Wizards of Waverly Place love. It’s a sickness, really.”
“Actually, I have a couple of songs from that album on my laptop—it’s catchy as hell. I say throw on the 3OH!3, already. We can’t be cutting edge all the time. And really, it’s for the love of dancing. That makes semi-stupid lyrics okay.”
Ashlyn got the music running and turned it up loud.
Summer bobbed her head to the beat. “Troy would be so disappointed in us right now.” She didn’t want to think about him, but she couldn’t help it.
“What’s up with you and Troy anyway?”
Summer shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s a hard person to figure out sometimes.”
“Probably even harder to figure out if you like him.” Ashlyn sat next to Summer. “You do, don’t you?”
“I think I do.” Her chest tightened. “No, I don’t think. I do. A lot. I think about him all the time, and when he’s around other girls it makes me crazy.” She bit her thumbnail. “Time for my confession…” She looked into her best friend’s pretty face, so glad she could finally talk to her about this. “I kissed Troy a few days ago.”
Ashlyn’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! So?” Her eyes lit up in that same way Kendall’s used to when they used to gossip, but she’d never tell Ashlyn that, because she wouldn’t understand it was okay they had some similarities. “You kissed him and then what?”