by Gini Koch
“He needs to calm down. The entities are reacting to the discovery that their penguins are dead, okay? They’re upset and reacting based on the person they’re inside right now. Get everyone away from the cells, but where the astronauts and entities can see them. Then please come back.”
“Okay.” He left, and I heard him talking to the others, heard Martini and Christopher both argue with him, heard Gower support Reader.
“Do you understand yet?” I asked softly.
Brian’s head nodded. “Males fight for females.”
“Sometimes. What are you like, anything I can understand?”
“Bees . . . ants. But like you, too.”
“A hive mind? Combined consciousness?”
Brian’s head nodded again. “No body.”
“You’re a combined consciousness of . . . what? A-C talents?”
“Yes. All combined in one, one divided into many, sent here to guard.”
Reader joined us again, but he didn’t say anything.
“To guard who from what?”
“To guard all of you.” Brian’s foggy eyes shifted and looked away. Even disembodied A-C entities couldn’t lie.
“To guard against us leaving, right?”
“Once.” The eyes looked back into mine. “Then saw . . . ” He was concentrating and I turned around. To see the only crew of astronauts I could pick out of a lineup.
“The crew of the Challenger.”
“I don’t see anything, girlfriend,” Reader said softly.
I turned back to Brian. “How can you show them to me when I couldn’t see the others? James can’t see them.”
“You understand now. He doesn’t.”
“Did you kill them?”
“NO!” I heard Chee and Michael shout this, too. Apparently all the entities were involved in this conversation. “Too far from us. Couldn’t save them.” Tears were running down Brian’s face. “Took care of them.”
“How could you take care of them?”
“Joined with us.”
I thought fast. “You joined the crew’s consciousness in with yours?”
“Yes. All the others, too.”
“You mean any others who died in space?”
“Yes. Ours to protect.”
I thought some more. All the thinking was making my head hurt. “Is that why you’re unhappy? Because the other penguins—” Reader coughed, loudly. “I mean other astronauts you’ve seen are dead, and you can’t join them with you?”
“Ours to protect!” he wailed.
“James, listen to me. I have to get in there, and Jeff and Christopher and all the others have to stay out and stay calm. I don’t care what you have to do, but get me inside and keep the others calm.”
“Oh, no problem, girlfriend. I’ll just shoot them or something.”
“That would be very bad. I don’t want anyone upsetting our protective friends. Tell Jeff they are, right now, more possessive and protective than he could ever hope to be, and we are on the edge of the knife.” I knew without asking that the entities were capable of mass destruction, and I also knew they would shoot Martini first and ask questions later.
Reader was back. “Jeff won’t let you go in alone. Period.”
Figured. “Okay. Then I want Paul. Only.”
“Jeff’s not my type, so I want to stress that you and Paul need to come out alive.”
“Duly noted.”
Gower came over after a lot of arguing. “Kitty, what are we doing?”
“The usual, saving the world from all the other things out there trying to destroy it.”
“Oh, good. Routine.” He unlocked the door. “You’re sure we’re not releasing the next Mephistopheles?”
“I’m sure if we don’t do something, this will escalate to the point where we’ll wish Mephistopheles and all his buddies were back and in charge.”
“Okay,” he sighed. He took my hand, and we moved at hyperspeed into the cell with Brian. The door was locked again by Reader, who was still on the outside.
“Why is he here?” the Brian who wasn’t Brian right now asked.
“He can help, I think.” I sat down. “I sort of feel sick because we moved so fast.” I patted the couch next to me. “Come sit down.” Gower did, but Brian remained standing, though he moved right in front of me.
“Why?”
“Why do I feel sick? I’m human, I function differently than A-Cs do.”
He looked at Gower. “He is both.”
“How can it tell?” Gower asked me quietly.
“Body and brain not like the others.” Brian moved closer to Gower. “More like us.”
Gower leaned back. “Maybe.”
I reached out and took Brian’s hand. “He’s not ready. Come here.”
He knelt before me. “So lonely.” He started to cry again.
“I know.” I leaned his head into my lap. “James, I want the intercom off.”
He sighed. “Okay.” I heard something click, and the little white noise that showed the ’com active was gone.
“Paul, you need to listen to me, and this goes no farther than you and I. You can’t tell Jeff or Christopher, ever.”
“Terry’s still in you,” Gower said softly.
“Yeah, you knew?”
“I guessed. Once you realized what was going on, I figured part of her was still in there.” He put his hands to my temples and concentrated. “It’s not a lot of her,” he said finally. “Just . . . a trace, really.”
“That’s what I thought. But it helps me sometimes, and this is one of those times.” I stroked Brian’s head. “Can you tell me, if you join with someone here, will that mean all the consciousness, what’s here and what’s still out there in space surrounding us, will all be inside whoever you join with?”
He nodded. “Don’t want to hurt you. Here to guard!”
I looked back at Gower. “The entity is a combination of all A-C talents, distilled. They shouldn’t have included empathic, but they did. That’s what’s caused this, which could be good for us. The empathic part got attached to the various astronauts it’s seen. And for those who died in space, it pulled their consciousnesses in with it. So there are human minds mingled in. That’s why it thinks you’re the most like it—you’re a human/A-C hybrid.”
“How is this good for us?” Gower sounded mildly freaked out.
“The Challenger disaster traumatized the entity, just like it traumatized the world. It wanted to save them and couldn’t. I’d call that the turning point. It doesn’t want to hurt us, it wants to protect us. That’s why Jeff picked up its confusion. It wants to help but is supposed to harm.”
“Why was it attracted to you?”
“She understands. She thinks . . . right.” The tears were still coming; my pants were getting wet.
“Well, there’s something out there that believes your mind works the right way,” Gower chuckled. “Not sure that’s comforting.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Nice. Look, we have to help. And we need your help,” I added, as I stroked Brian’s head again.
“How?” Brian’s eyes were still foggy.
“Why don’t you want to stay with Michael?”
“Not right mind. Close, not right. Hurts.”
“They need to be with someone who has A-C talent, I think.” I took a deep breath. “And I think that means they need to be with you.”
CHAPTER 36
“WHY ME?” Gower didn’t sound as freaked out as I was prepared for, but he didn’t sound completely convinced, either.
“I think they need to be with someone who can interpret dreams. They don’t communicate the way we do. This is so hard for them, can’t you tell?” He nodded. “But they could communicate with you on a different level, nonverbally.”
“Why not Jeff or Christopher or one of the girls?”
“Because they’re not hybrids. And because you’re on Alpha Team, and that means we put the most powerful consciousness in our solar system into the mind of someone
who’s already proved he’s capable of handling great power and responsibility.”
Gower seemed to be considering all of this. Brian spoke, eyes still foggy. “Orders were wrong.”
“I know. They didn’t understand what they were doing to you, though, I think.” I knew they were quite clear on what they were doing to Earth and all who lived on it.
“You forgive them?”
I stroked his head. “They sent people, and you, to protect us. Not for good reasons, but still, that’s how it’s worked out. All my friends, and the man I love, wouldn’t be here but for that. So, yeah, I forgive them.”
“This one loves you, too.” Brian’s eyes closed. “Some others, also.”
“I know. But it has to be mutual. That’s why Paul has to agree to let you join him, why you can’t just take over a body and make it yours, why Brian and Daniel and Michael are all fighting you. Why you’ll have to let Paul take the lead and share with him, not try to make him do what you want.”
Brian’s eyes opened. Still foggy. “Understand. Agree.”
“What if it reneges?” Gower asked.
“Then I pull it out. I can do that, it’s why it’s attracted to me.” Brian nodded. “It’s my job, why I’m really on Alpha Team. I’m the one the space entities all wanna hang with.”
Gower laughed. “Seems that way.” He sighed. “Aside from being kind to a clearly pathologically lonely being, why should I take this risk?”
I looked at him and I knew the smile I was giving him was my mother’s. “Because if Centaurion Division controls the PPB net, then Centaurion Division cannot be made to do anything it doesn’t want to do.”
Gower grinned. “Oh, you are your mother’s daughter.” He took a deep breath. “What will it do to me, when it joins?”
“No harm,” Brian said. “Must protect.”
“You won’t be able to join all the consciousnesses of the dead any more,” I reminded the entity. “That would overload Paul’s mind, and you can’t afford that.”
“Maybe some,” Gower amended. “We can decide together, but Kitty’s right—I’ll have to make the final decision.”
Brian nodded. “Agree. Not in charge, here to protect.”
“Can you be with someone who is in charge? Because Paul has to run many things and make many decisions.”
“Will help, decisions must be his.”
“Works for me. How about you, Paul?”
He nodded. “Sure.” He closed his eyes. “Can I . . . say good-bye to Jamie, just in case?”
“Yes.” I stroked Brian’s head. “Just don’t take too long.”
Gower sighed. “I know.” He got up and went to the door, Reader unlocked it and then locked it a moment later. Hyperspeed was a wonderful thing.
“He fears.”
“I do, too. Don’t you?”
“Fear loneliness. Nothing else can hurt.”
“Why?”
“No body. Spirit only.” We were quiet for a few long moments. “What if he refuses?” I could hear the fear.
“Then I’ll find someone else. I won’t desert you.”
Brian’s arms went around me. “I know.” He sighed. “So good to touch.”
“I know.” I leaned my head back against the wall. I wondered if the A-Cs who had created this sentient net had considered how cruel they were being, or if they’d cared one way or the other. I knew it was the empathic portion that was causing the entity’s trauma. It was a very loud reminder that Martini felt things more strongly than others. I wanted to hold him and tell him I wasn’t going anywhere, but I wasn’t sure if he’d pick it up correctly right now.
“He . . . is too close,” Brian said. “Loves you so much . . . can’t read clearly.”
“You mean Jeff can’t read my emotions right?”
“When angry, scared, jealous, no.” The negative emotions clouded Martini’s abilities, at least in regard to me? Interesting.
“How can you tell?”
“Feel it. Out of balance.”
“Am I bad for him?”
“No!” Brian looked up at me. “Needs you. But . . . needs to feel . . . safe.”
“Safe?”
Before the entity could answer, Gower came back in. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“Sit.” Brian was still holding me. Gower sat next to me again. “Hold hands.”
We did, and I felt something flowing through me, from Brian to Gower. It was strong and lonely and a little bit frightened, but also fascinated and excited. It had seen many things but not much of the things it wanted. It was more powerful than anything I’d ever experienced, like getting electrocuted but not dying from it.
I felt it brush the little wisp of Terry inside my mind, and then it pulled her away from me. I wanted to cry, but it stroked my mind. “Not fair, to her or you. Must be what you are, must let her be what she was. Here, with us, when you need her.”
The power flow continued, it felt as if it was a long time, but I couldn’t tell for certain. Then, finally, it was over. I felt as if my mind were floating around outside of my body as I watched Brian slide to the floor onto his back. Gower fell against my body, which knocked me down and on top of Brian. I wasn’t so out of it that I didn’t dread Martini’s reaction to this, but I couldn’t do anything about it.
“Thank you,” the entity’s voice was in my disembodied mind. “We will never desert you, either.” Something hugged my mind, making me feel loved and protected, and then it let go.
My mind whizzed back into my body and I whizzed right into unconsciousness.
CHAPTER 37
I WOKE UP IN SOMEONE’S ARMS. I felt two hearts pounding, and the arms around me were very familiar. “Jeff?” I wanted to open my eyes, but it was as if there were sandbags on my eyelids.
“It’s okay, baby, I’m here.”
I could hear other people. “Is Paul awake?”
“Not yet.” Martini’s voice was tense. “The astronauts are just coming around.”
“The entity is inside Paul.”
“James told us.” Martini didn’t sound relaxed or relieved. “Baby, can you open your eyes?”
“I’m trying. I’m so tired.” I was. I just wanted to curl up, put my face into his neck, and go to sleep.
Martini shifted me, and my face was right where I’d wanted it. I wrapped one arm around his neck and went to sleep.
My dreams were interesting—I was very aware I was dreaming for starters. I saw things I’d never imagined, things I guessed were from another solar system. I saw a system with three suns—two larger, one very small and red and much farther away. There were a lot of planets. I couldn’t count them all, but they moved oddly. There were two sets of three planets that moved around one each of the two bigger suns. The rest moved in odd figure eights around the big suns. I realized I was looking at the Alpha Centauri system. I tried to pick out Martini’s home planet as well as Beta Twelve, but I was whisked away before I could.
I flew through space, danced through comets, crossed endless nothing, heading toward a tiny light in the distance that grew into a small, yellow sun, much like the two I’d left. I passed things I recognized as my own solar system’s outer planets, circled Saturn and Jupiter, then raced on through the asteroid belt, past Mars, to the blue and green shining jewel that sat out here, so alone. I wrapped myself around it, and then I waited.
The loneliness hit, so hard and all-encompassing that I started to sob. The entity, more than any human on Earth, understood how very alone this planet was. And it was more alone than Earth, because no one on Earth knew it was there.
I woke up still sobbing. Martini was rocking me and kissing my head. “Kitty, wake up, baby. Please, baby, it’ll be okay.” I clung to him and nodded while he held me tight and kept on kissing me. “Relax baby, I’m here, you’re safe.”
“Are . . . the others . . . all right?”
“Not so much. They all did what you just did, sort of woke up, then went into a deep sleep.”
“Are they crying?”
“Yeah. It’s kind of horrible.”
I hugged him. “I’m sorry. It’s not trying to hurt you. It’s just been so alone.”
“It isn’t hurting me. I think it’s blocked this from me. I can’t feel anyone’s pain, at least not yours, Paul’s, or the astronauts’. I can feel James, but not you.” I heard the fear lurking in his voice.
“It’s just for now, until this passes. It doesn’t want you to suffer.”
“Watching you cry isn’t exactly a fun time.”
I forced myself to stop, and then I sat up in his lap. “I know.” Martini’s expression was so tense, and his eyes were so worried, I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed him. He kissed me right back, and the pain washed away.
He ended our kiss slowly. “When will it let me feel your emotions again?” He stroked my face and the back of my neck, and it made me want to purr—and do other things as well. He grinned. “Oh, right now, I see.”
“Glad we’re back to normal.”
Martini’s eyes moved away from mine. “Only us.”
I turned to where he was looking. Gower was curled up, and Reader was holding him much as Martini had been holding me. Brian was the same, and Claudia had her arms around him. The other astronauts were in the room with us. Chee was being held by Lorraine, and Michael was being held by Alfred. No one looked recovered.
“I have to help them.” I slipped off Martini’s lap and went to Gower first.
Reader’s eyes were wild. “Girlfriend, this isn’t really what we were expecting.”
“It . . . showed us things. Things we needed to see.”
“Why?” Gower sobbed.
I stroked his head. “So we’ll never forget. It’s us alone out here, and we have to stick together. The entity wants to be with us, but it also wants to be understood. Its pain is ours, only magnified. Are you in there?” I wasn’t asking for Gower this time.
He nodded. “Yes, we are.” The voice was different, not quite Gower’s. “We did not mean to cause so much pain.”
“It’s okay, we’ll recover. People can recover; it’s part of how we adapt and survive. Can you help Paul, though?”
“We are . . . trying. He is resisting.”