by BA Tortuga
“Oh, yeah. Remember when he tried to convince us eating green apples would make us fly?” Emmett snorted. “Or when he said you could dip your hand in whiskey and light it up, and it wouldn’t hurt?”
“God, yes. Just like he told us if he got on a calf backwards and held onto the tail it couldn’t buck him off.”
“It’s not my fault you two suck at riding bulls.” Jesse was still staring. “I-I don’t know if I can go back out there, without the Flow, without knowing things. It’s what I do. Otherwise I’m just…” He sighed. “I don’t even know. I think I’m gonna take a walk for a bit.”
Jesse was getting clear about the edges, like one of them old pictures from way back when, the ones you could damn near see through where they’d worn.
Good thing Ezrah still held his hand. “No. You promised.”
“I ain’t got no body to go back to, Jess. You can’t leave him. He ain’t meant to be by himself.” Emmett crossed his arms and took the stubborn stance. Momma had always called it that.
Ez looked at Jesse, at the sparkle around his lover’s edges, and he simply pulled Jesse in to a fierce kiss. He wasn’t leaving, damn it, and he had given Jesse something no one ever had. Reality. Love. Need.
Jesse was his. That was that.
Jesse gasped for him, lips parted, those blue eyes as bright as a summer sky. They kissed hard and long, clinging to each other, the air thrumming with energy around them. Ez forgot about Emmett, about where they were, what they were doing. He had his Jess.
They broke to stare at each other, both of them a little stunned, he thought. He touched Jesse’s cheek. “You belong with me.”
“Uh-huh.” Jesse leaned into his touch, cheek solid, warm.
“Are you ready to go back?” He smiled. “I ain’t worth much without a herd to take to market, but I reckon we’ll figure it.”
“We just follow the silver cord. It’ll take us back.”
“Silver cord?” Had there been one of those? He held Jesse to him and looked around.
There it was, huge and fat and glowing on the ground, pulsing as if it were alive. Odd. It had been all dark when he’d found Jess. “Em?”
No one answered that. Emmett was gone again.
It hurt less this time, and he had to get Jesse out. He waved, believing Em was there, somewhere, seeing him. Ezrah was starting to believe in spirits. In magic.
“Follow the silver, huh?”
“That’s the secret, Ez. Hold my hand?”
Yeah, this trip was scary for his lover. There was pain on the other end. A whole new world, too, which might be even more frightening. He tugged Jesse close, holding on tight. “I got you, baby.”
“Then I’ll come with. After all, you asked for me, and I came.”
That was good enough for him. They followed that crazy thread together, holding hands, and Ezrah sure prayed his hope was going to be rewarded. Hope could be a damned terrible thing sometimes.
Sometimes that was all you had.
Chapter Fifteen
He felt the drums, thrumming in his aching head, beating through his muscles, and they ached, so deep.
“I’m going to get you in the water, Jess.”
Water? What water? He frowned, his face feeling too tight.
Ez chuckled softly. “Don’t look so confused. You need to be clean, and we need to soak the bandages off. At some point you have to open your eyes, you know.”
He tried to shake his head, but madness crouched there, all fangs and claws. Moving could be bad as all get out, whatever all get out was. Opening his eyes meant bright, blinding light.
“Can you at least say my name?”
“Ez.” He knew that, like he knew his heartbeat. “Inside me.”
Ezrah was inside him. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that, but Ezrah wanted him to. Maybe he could try.
He cracked his eyes, peeking, looking for his Ez.
“Oh, there he is.” Ez looked so pleased, all smiles. Maybe it was worth opening his eyes to see that, especially since nothing was burning his eyes. “I miss your face when you won’t look at me.”
“There’s water?”
Ez nodded. “A pool. Can you believe it, Jess? A pool to wash in. This place is amazing.”
Place? He dared to look around. Inside. They were inside. Somewhere cool. Except the pool was warm, or something. Maybe a spring? Minerally.
Ez eased him in the water, and he gasped, flailing a bit until Ezrah’s hands didn’t leave him, didn’t let him sink too far. Oh. Okay. Yes. That actually felt good. Soothing. The water felt thick, and little bubbles started to form on his bandages.
“Look at that.” Ez chuckled. “You holler if you can’t bear it. Zill says this is healthy for you and, so far, he’s doing pretty good by you.”
Zill? That was a great name. Like a Flow name. He liked it. Jess frowned. Were his tattoos all fucked up?
“What, baby?”
“My ink.”
“They’re right there, where they were before. Your port thing, though, it’s gone.”
He remembered that. Emmett had told him that. Emmett had visited a lot when he was asleep, told him all sorts of stuff Ezrah didn’t. He didn’t hide any of it from Ez, but then, Ezrah didn’t ask a lot about the folks who visited in his dreams. The man just took care of Jess.
Not only that, but Ez was there. Inside.
Jesse knew it.
Ez was inside him, and they had been lost within…something. It had bonded them together as nothing else, not even all those crazy scrapes they’d gotten into during their childhood.
“You’re smiling. What’s funny, Jess? Tell me.”
“Thinking about when we climbed down the well on your folks’ ranch. It was wet.”
It hadn’t been warm, though. Or as snake-free.
“Oh, God. That was scary as hell.” Ez chuckled. “We tried so hard to be brave.”
“We did.” They had been young, silly. Stupid.
This was so much better. The water soothed him, eased the pain enough that he could relax a little, his muscles unclenching one by one. The release almost made him cry.
Ez pulled the bandages away, and Jesse watched those dark eyes, searching for a hint of disgust, of worry. “Is it bad?”
“It’s way better than it was,” Ezrah murmured.
Heck, Ez looked happy, not worried. Pleased. That meant good things, right?
He reached for his face, curious to touch, to feel for himself what the damage was, but Ez grabbed his fingers.
“No touching. It needs to heal. Let the water heal it.”
“You suck.” The accusation held no heat. Ezrah was too damned good to him. Made him feel oddly guilty.
“Not right now. Give it a month or so, and I am right there.” Those sloe-eyes twinkled with some very naughty thoughts.
Jesse could almost hear them.
“Ez!” Oh, how he loved that, that Ezrah felt as if he could tease, play with him. He’d left all those years ago never having talked about what he felt for Ez, or about what they might do together. After their one night with the Diné, he never thought they’d mention it again. This side of Ezrah was a surprise and delight.
“What? In case you need incentive.”
He laughed, and it didn’t hurt as badly as he thought it would. In fact, it felt good. He moved his fingers, wiggled them and his toes too. They both worked.
“See? Not as bad as you feared.” Chipper. That was the only word for Ezrah’s tone. His chipper cowboy.
“They must have fed you beans.”
“Butthead.” Ezrah held him up, but used one hand to start easing off bandages. “At least you can’t smell it like you could with Em.”
“True. True.” He met Ez’s eyes again. “You did see him, didn’t you? You saw him, hugged him.”
Jesse needed to believe, needed to know Ez believed.
Ezrah paused, clearly choosing his words carefully. “I did. He was there when we needed him. I’m not sure
how, but I know he was. He always did love you best.” That last came with a silly grin.
“No. No, he loves you more than life.” Because Jesse had offered his, and Em turned him down.
“Well, I love you both. If I get to see him once in a while, even if just when we have a need, then I’m happy.” Ezrah stroked Jesse’s belly, the touch light as feathers or dust.
Jesse smiled, glad the water hid the tears that escaped his eyes. He wasn’t sad, or hurting, but there was so much inside him, it seeped out.
“Zill says tears make the water more potent.”
Jesse chuckled. Yeah, that sounded as if something a shaman would say. He thought Ez said Zill was one of those. Lord, those cowboys of Ezrah’s thought Jess was weird. Obviously they hadn’t spent time with the Diné and their magic men.
“When will we go? Will we go meet Cyrus?” He liked Cyrus, the man was kind to him, good with the livestock. Livestock. “Did you bring your horse?”
He couldn’t imagine Ez without his horse.
“Bonny. The big chestnut mare. Since you started to heal I’ve been out with her a couple of times. Queenie came with us, too. She pulled your travois. They have amazing mustangs in their herd, here.” Ez turned him a little. “They have goats, too. I don’t like goats.”
“You’re unreasonable. Goats give milk. Milk makes cheese. I like cheese.” He stopped, groaned as another sore spot eased up. “I didn’t really think a goat would eat Emmett.”
“I know. I’m telling you, it was a wild pig.”
Ezrah was just in the best mood. Ever. Or at least since they’d come together as adults.
“You know I’ll never be able to eat roast boar again without worrying about eating Em.”
“Good thing these people are way more corn, squash, beans and cabrito kind of folks.” More bandages fell away under Ez’s gentle hands. “Your skin looks pretty good, baby.”
“Yeah? Not scary? I scare everyone enough.”
“Oh, the folks here aren’t scared. They’re tickled to have us. Especially you.” The motion of Ezrah’s hand pushing the water over him became hypnotic. “They call you a spirit walker.”
“Me? I’m a Grounder. I was.”
Spirit walkers were treasured, kept close, but they were Diné. He’d never heard of a white man being given the honorific. Or having the talent.
“Well, at least they don’t call you white cow man.”
This time the laughter wasn’t quiet or soft; it tore from him, wild and joyful. The sound echoed, seeming to get louder, to bounce around them.
Ezrah laughed with him, the water sloshing with the movement of their bodies.
Better.
He felt better, as if he could breathe. His body felt looser, too, as if his too-tight skin was easing up, letting him move.
“Zill was right. The water helped a lot.” Ez beamed at him. “Maybe now we can get food into you, skinny man.”
“I am not skinny.” He looked at his arms and legs, floating in the water. “Maybe svelte.”
“Skinny. Tiny. All bones.”
He pursed his lips. “Before the Big Quake, that was fashionable.”
“Now it just means you starve faster.” Ez poked his ribs, super gentle.
“You are definitely more famine resistant.” He ended up floating in Ezrah’s arms, weightless and cradled. He thought he could stay there forever. Maybe he would. Ez didn’t seem to mind.
“You saying I’m fat?” Ez was chortling.
“Oh, yeah. Huge.” His perfect cowboy. Ezrah was beautiful, broad through the chest and shoulders, narrow at the waist, with a ridged, flat belly. More than one of the Diné had murmured at Ez, offering him succor, telling him he was edible. He’d heard it.
Ezrah’s eyes, though, were only for him, and every time he managed to swim back to consciousness, that warm hand on him, encouraging him to wake up. It was what kept him going, what got him through the days when his head felt as if someone had taken a blacksmith hammer to it.
“Huge.” His hip was pinched, gently. “We should get out soon.”
“I could stay here forever.”
Ezrah hummed, holding him closer. “I’m turning into a prune.”
“Will you help me?” He was still weak as a kitten.
“Of course.” They sort of floated to the edge of the pool, but Ezrah lifted him out when they got to the edge easily, wrapping him in a well-worn blanket.
He ended in Ezrah’s lap, nearly asleep, trusting in the arms around him to keep him warm, protected. That was the one constant thing in his life right now, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even that amazing water.
Chapter Sixteen
Zill was this huge, quiet presence. Ezrah knew dick all about the man, really, except he was a good healer. Seeing Jess was all the proof Ez needed of that. The scars looked better every day, Jesse’s color was returning, and the haunted look on Jess’ face was leaving.
At any rate, Zill usually came and left without more than a grunt or two and an instruction or four, but today, Ezrah had a question for the man. Not about Jess. So he scraped together the last of the tobacco Cookie had given him and rolled a couple of smokes, offering one to Zill before he came to check on Jess.
“Have a smoke with me?”
“I will.” Zill eased himself down to the floor with a grace that seemed near impossible for such a big man, and offered him a smile.
Blinking, Ez plopped down and handed over the tobacco, which Zill lit with an ember from the little fireplaces, which were always going in the corners. Ez lit his, too, inhaling deep before blowing it out.
“I think I might be going crazy, Zill.”
The big man frowned. “Why do you say that? Your man, he heals, yes?”
“He does. I can’t tell you how grateful I am.” Jess wasn’t the problem. His damned dreams, though, they were a mess.
“I keep talking to my brother in my dreams. No memories. He asks me about Jess.”
“That’s because you dream with him, with your Hathaali’. He is a Spirit Walker, they come to him, speak to him. His soul is open to them, calls their names.”
“But Jess isn’t always there.” He could believe Jesse was magical, no problem.
“No, but you are his anchor, what draws him back to this space.”
Ezrah nodded slowly, taking another drag on his cigarette. “So what about Emmett? Is that just because I miss him so much?”
“You have a bond that was forged in the womb. It goes beyond death. It’s in your bones.” Zill said everything matter of factly, whether it was ‘get the bandages’ or ‘you have a bond that goes beyond death’.
“Are-are spirits going to be coming to Jesse when he sleeps all the time.”
Zill shrugged. “Until he listens to them when he’s awake, yes.”
“He can do that?” Whoa. That was some serious shit.
“Together you can.”
Together? Them? Ezrah glanced over, finally looking Zill in the eye. “I don’t understand.”
“He can find them, but it’s the trust in you that allows him to go into their world. The dream world.” Zill spoke as if this was the most natural thing in all the world.
The silver cord. Ezrah was always the one to find it, to bring them back. How damned strange was life? “I guess I can talk to him on it.”
“I have never met a white man who was a Hathaali’, but he is special. A soul brother to the Diné, hmm?”
“Y’all put your mark on him years ago. I guess someone knew even then.”
Zill’s laughter echoed against the adobe walls. “There were not many people to be after the earth shook. We had to bring the tribes together, even when our people were born to the hos-teen’.”
He’d never thought of it that way. Ez knew the tribes used to be more separate, that they had banded together after the Big Quakes, but the whole idea of people like Jess being made for the tribes was something he’d never even considered before.
Maybe
that explained why Jesse had always been apart. Different.
“So, how do I start him doing this awake?” Ezrah asked.
“He should breathe, relax. This body has been trained to go into places where men do not go. Does the spot hurt him? Here?” Zill pointed belong his own ear, where Jesse’s port had been.
“Sometimes, yeah. He says it’s like a hammer.”
“Like a hammer?”
Ezrah grinned, taking the last drag off his smoke. “As if someone is hitting him. He complains a lot less about it these days.”
He had no idea how long they’d been there at the pueblo. Time seemed very fluid, and the people never changed.
“You may try stroking it, gently. That is a sign for his mind, I believe. Once he goes inside, you bring him home.” Zill stubbed out the cigarette and tossed it into the fire, big hands easy as always. “I will go see him now. You are no crazier than ever, White Cow Man.”
The moniker made him chuckle, just as it always did. “He’s wandering, Zill. Exploring.”
Zill waved his hand, dismissing him. “I will find him. This place tells all our secrets.”
“Does it?” Ez did hear whispers sometimes. “Thank you, Zill.”
“Thank you, Ez-Rah. You and Jesse have brought much joy with you.”
Joy. Huh. He smiled and let Zill help him up once the man had risen. “If you find him, send him my way.”
“You have my word.” Zill left him as silently as he came.
Ezrah chuckled, shaking his head. Maybe he should go for a ride. Hell, maybe he should take a nap and talk to Emmett.
Instead he wandered, exploring. This place seemed endless, one set of mud stairs leading up to one of what must be a hundred rooms. There were smiling people, people chanting, drums beating. This place was unlike anything he’d imagined.
He found a cooking area, where a beautiful young woman pressed fry bread filled with beans into his hand. Someone was always feeding them.
“Ezrah?” Jesse’s voice seemed to come from everywhere.
“Jess?” He said it out loud, drawing a few puzzled glances.