by Cinda Swans
Then she thought of Mark again, the comforting clap of his hand on her shoulder, his hollering about sports, his strong arms. She wanted to spend more time with Mark.
They had spent nearly every day together when they were children. Behind their houses, there was a large tract of hilly, wooded land. Somehow, both of their parents always assumed that if they were together, they'd be safe, and so they'd been allowed to explore and play in the woods by themselves. It was true that the two of them had made a winning combination outdoors: Bri's keen observational skills combined with Mark's physical strength and boldness really did, actually, keep them out of danger.
Bri pictured in her mind what things had looked like back then. The yard behind her father's house ended at a narrow streambed. She and Mark had made a make-shift bridge to get across it with a long, thick plank of wood. Then a hill rose steeply, dotted with skinny saplings of maple trees. And over that hill, the tree trunks grew wider, there were old beech trees and droopy pines, and bits of crumbling granite where moss and ferns grew. Yes, there had been a lot of magic in those woods. Bri hadn’t thought about it, really, since the beginning of high school. When she had switched schools, Bri had become a loner. She read books, and didn’t share a lot of what she thought about. And then she had changed in college, become confident, but still reserved.
She hadn’t thought about being a child, about playing in the woods, not in ages.
Was it real, Ila had asked. Was it real magic.
She wondered how much Mark remembered. He seemed like such a normal guy, cheering at sports, sleeping with waitresses. Surely he'd never be willing to talk to her about the giant elm tree, the circle of spindly beeches that surrounded it.
He had probably forgotten everything.
But nonetheless, she wanted to go with him to those woods, and to see for herself.
"Crap!" she said, scaring Blanco, who darted back up to his stool. "What am I going to do? I double booked with two strange boys. How did I even end up making plans with Aeyr anyway? He just told me what we were going to do, and I agreed. Huh." She shook her head, feeling a little disturbed. She picked up her phone and called Josie's number.
The phone rang for a long time, which surprised Bri. Usually, unless she was at work, Josie picked up the phone right away. Bri hung up before the voicemail came on and instead wrote Josie a text message that said: What on Earth. Weirdest night. Call.
She felt disappointed - she needed to talk to Josie! How else was she going to figure out what to do next?
A moment later she got a reply text that said: On my way over. Coffee?
Bri jumped up, happy to have such a reliable friend, feeling guilty for even questioning. She set to work making some coffee for both of them.
Chapter 5
"Well, I don't want to be anyone's rebound, but I couldn't think of a reason not to go on a date with him," said Josie, sipping coffee from a wood-fired mug, one of Aunt Claire's collection of beautiful, handmade pottery.
Bri nodded, wanting to be more interested in her friend's budding romance than she actually was. But she was starting to feel a little frantic, with so much happening in her head at once. Josie got quiet and looked her in the eye.
"Bri," she said, "I don't think you have any idea what you're getting wrapped up in, do you?"
Bri looked down into her coffee. It already seemed cold and bitter. She wanted it to taste warm and sweet, to feel comforted by the hot beverage, but she was feeling more and more nervous about everything, and the coffee wasn't helping at all.
"Bri, honey, it's okay." Josie got up and stood in front of Bri and wrapped her arms around Bri's shoulders. "Listen, I'm not trying to scare you or anything. It's just that Ila told me some things about Aeyr which I feel like you should know."
"What?" said Bri, drawing away from Josie's hug. Josie looked her in the eye.
"Part of me thinks I should let you find out all of this stuff for yourself, but most of me thinks that's not fair - because by the time you get it figured out, you'll be pretty involved in the whole mess."
"What are you talking about?"
"Aeyr thinks you can help him."
"How does he even know me? What?"
"Well, that's the complicated part. I guess he says that he knows you from a long time ago, too, but you don't remember."
"What? How do you know this? I thought you didn't know him?!"
"I don't. This is coming from Ila."
"How does Ila even know me?"
"Right, she doesn't. But Aeyr says he knows you, and —"
"But I just met both of them last night! What, did you talk to Ila for hours last night or something?"
"Well, actually," said Josie. "Yeah. Actually yeah, we did talk, for a really long time. I haven't slept much. I was trying to understand the story."
"What story!" yelled Bri. She stood up and started to pace, and Blanco watched her walk back and forth. "Ah! Everything is freaking me out."
"I know, I know. Okay, listen, just, you should talk to Aeyr more, but know that he's a very complicated character with lots of conflicting motives."
"That I gather."
"Well, good. Are you going to see him again?"
"Yes. Will you tell me what is going on, please?" Bri sat down next to Blanco, and drew him into her lap. He pressed his cheek into her hand and purred until she began to stroke his back and scratch lightly behind his ears.
"Let's just say that Aeyr spent some time in Boxfield, too. You could say he grew up there, like you, but he moved away, and never went to school there.”
"I don't remember him."
"Right, well, I guess he knows that you don't remember him, but he was around and he remembers you."
"So how in the hell does he think that I'm going to help him?"
"Well, okay. I guess you have some piece of a story he's trying to figure out, to help him put together some part of his past that he needs to understand."
"Why?"
"Well, to move on, I guess. Seems like he's maybe had some troubles, and he's trying to heal himself so that he can move on. You noticed that he wasn't drinking at the bar, right?"
"Yeah, actually."
"Yeah, he gave up drinking some time ago, and that I guess was the beginning of him trying to sort out his life."
"Huh," said Bri, taking it in. "Wait," she said. "Remind me again: if you don't know Aeyr at all, how the hell do you know this whole story?"
"Because Ila and I talked about it."
"How long have you known Ila?'
"Oh, I don't know. Four or five years now, I guess. A long time. We don't always hang out, because we're both busy in kind of opposite ways, but we talk."
"And how long did she and Aeyr date each other?"
"Let's see, let me think. About a year and a half, they dated seriously, but I think they were seeing each other for a while before that, too."
"Why did they break up?"
"Geez, now I feel like you're drilling me!"
"Sorry. Just, so much is going on - I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do."
"Fair enough. They broke up for complicated reasons, mostly related to how Aeyr needs to figure all this stuff out. It's been hard on Ila - I mean, not because she puts up with anyone's bullshit. She's a smart woman. I think she probably almost fell in love with him, but stopped herself because she knew he could never really be there for her. I mean, you can talk to her more yourself if you want."
"I feel like that would be weird."
"Why?"
"Because I'm supposedly about to get involved with her crazy ex-boyfriend? Anyway, who's to say I even want to get involved with this guy? He sounds like a mess! I don't know anything about his story that he's trying to figure out. And now I just feel weird and like I'm being put up to something that I didn't even choose."
"Well, I guess that kind of is what's happening. But based on what I saw, it doesn't seem like a question of whether or not you want to get involved with him - you're invo
lved. Just look at you!"
"Josie!"
"Well? I'm just saying. You can choose not to see him again, but you'll still be thinking about him."
"Ah, you're right. He is so captivating." She closed her eyes for a moment, and saw him again, sitting at the bar, before she'd talked to him or started hearing about all this tangled mess of people who seemed to know strange things about each other. "Man," she said. "Last night was bizarre. I just start showing up, and all these men come out of the woodwork to talk to me about the past."
"All these men?"
"Well, Aeyr, Mark. Dude, and then that old guy out front! And you talking about how all these things were going to happen."
"No, I never said anything about things that were going to happen, I just said that if you avoid using your intuition to make sense of them, then things could get out of whack."
"So I need to think on my toes, you're saying. Well great. So, help me with this stupid thing."
"What's that?" Josie laughed. Blanco got up from Bri's lap and climbed back into his stool, and Josie poured herself more coffee.
"Well, I accidentally made plans. With Mark - to go to the woods in Boxfield."
"Yeah, I heard that part."
"I also accidentally made plans to talk to Aeyr more. At the same time."
"You're going to hang out with both of them together?"
"No! I mean, I made plans with both of them, and now I have to decide which one to see."
"And you don't have a way to call either of them to make an excuse."
"Nope."
"Well. I know from Ila that Aeyr is not easy to get a hold of. He's never had a phone, and when she wants to find him she usually just goes to his apartment and leaves a message with his roommates. We could ask her to do that, if we really needed to. But let me guess, it's not Aeyr that you want to cancel your plans with, is it?"
Bri paused and thought for a moment about Josie's assumption. Last night, Josie had advised her to move toward hanging out with Mark, to avoid getting wrapped up in Aeyr and Ila's messy break-up. Now she was assuming that Bri would rather find out more information about the mysterious Aeyr than hang out with easy-to-get-along-with Mark. What did she want? What was there to do anyway? Man, Ila must be a very persuasive person, too, if she had convinced Josie to relay all these messages.
"Well, what exactly were the plans you made?" Josie asked.
"Mark said he'd pick me up from the train that gets into Boxfield at 6 on Saturday. Er, that's tomorrow, holy cow. But I don't even - I mean, I assume he'll remember that he said to do that, but, I mean, we were just making spur-of-the-moment plans in a bar, and we didn't really confirm anything, did we?"
"And Aeyr?"
"He said he'd meet me here at 4:00."
"Ah ha."
"What?"
"Well, 4:00 is when you need to leave your house to get to the train anyway, isn't it?"
"I guess - it could be cutting it a little close, but it's probably enough time."
"So have Aeyr walk with you to the train station and talk to him on the way, and see what your intuition tells you to do."
"Right," said Bri.
Chapter 6
Bri spent Saturday feeling nervous. She cooked herself breakfast, and then could hardly eat it. She dusted the knick-knacks in the china cabinet and polished the stainless steel fridge. She went to the library, and absent-mindedly checked out a few books, hardly looking at the titles. She walked in the sun, trying not to think very hard.
She called her father, to tell him she was coming up to Boxfield later. He sounded surprised, and like she was interrupting him in the middle of something. Her father took Saturdays to work in his garden, which he took very seriously. But he said he'd be happy to see her. She told him she wasn't sure when she'd get in, but maybe they could do breakfast again. He agreed.
Then it was 3:30. Bri made sure that Blanco had plenty of food and water to last an overnight or two, and then she figured she'd water the plants, and then she’d be ready to go. Some of them were little dusty, so she carefully bathed the leaves in water. The plants seemed to sigh in thanks, they seemed to rustle a little and respond to her touch. Bri felt suddenly a little jealous of her father - wanting a plot of land to care for herself, wanting to be closer to the trees, to cultivate flowers and rows of basil for herself.
Then Bri got to the plant that Josie had asked about - the one that had suddenly sprouted a red flower. Its leaves were very dusty looking. The flower was dry at the edges, the leaves fringed with brown. Bri frowned. Had she been neglecting this plant? It looked unhappy. What had Aunt Claire called the plant, anyway? It was so mysterious. She gave it a drink of water and gently touched each leaf with a damp cloth. "Strange plant," she said. "What do you need?"
As she brushed away what had seemed to be dust, the leaves underneath turned a glowing, blueish-green color, with tiny yellow veins. "Strange plant," she said, "Where are you even from? You must be such a long way from home."
Bri finished by spritzing the tower of small succulents in the bathroom. They didn't need much water - they seemed to get hydrated from the shower's steam. Then Bri took a shower herself, got dressed, and tried to prepare herself to see Aeyr.
How would she greet him?
Would he ask the doorman to buzz him up?
Would he just be waiting outside?
How did - wait! A thought occurred to Bri as she put on her shoes. How did he know where to find her?
Her heart started to pound in her ears.
She had never told him her Aunt's address! In fact, she had never told him that she was living with her Aunt! She hadn't told him anything besides her name. Ok, sure, she tried to rationalize, her hands shaking a little bit as she put on her hoodie to go out, he might have still been around late last night and asked Ila to ask Josie . . . but still. This chain of communication was starting to give her the willies.
She sat on the couch, her head whirring with a million thoughts at once. She started to wish that she'd never even gotten involved in any of it. How could Josie be anything but trustworthy? And she had gotten good vibes from Ila, too - she liked them both. She just kept feeling like they were clued in to some creepy, mysterious thing that she was still in the dark about. She closed her eyes. Blanco jumped onto the couch and settled in her lap. Bri concentrated on clearing her mind.
Intuition, Josie kept saying. Intuition was key. Bri knew that she had a strong sense of her own intuition, she'd been guided by it before, in subtle ways, she was sure, but she had never actively tried to get something from it. She thought of ways she'd heard people - like her freshman year anthropology professor - describe meditation, the way you were supposed to just clear your mind, to not think anything at all.
It seemed impossible. It must have been nearly 3:30, and Aeyr - if he was coming - would be here soon. There was the train to take, Mark to find. And maybe - Bri tried to avoid thinking of her, but did he remember anything about Aeyr's family? Or about Mark? Did he know anything about the woods behind their house? Should she ask him? Or keep everything secret?
The thoughts continued to whir. Then Bri took a deep breath. Focus on your breathing, she reminded herself. Blanco began to purr in her lap.
For what felt like a very long time, Bri sat still like this, trying to see something, but nothing came.
Then she stopped trying, and she stopped wanting to understand anything. She breathed, Blanco purred. Everything was suspended.
Then a vision came to her.
She saw as if she had her eyes open, even though they were still closed. She could see the plants in the corner of the room, and the one with the sudden red flower was especially prominent. The flower grew larger, until it was the size of the room almost, and it had a deep blue center, the color of a sky at dusk. It was beautiful - maybe the most beautiful color Bri had ever seen. The center of the flower seemed to yawn open, like an eye or a mouth, and inside of it there was a space - a deep space. Then Bri suddenly beca
me aware of her own body with her inside of the vision - only, it was the body of a child. She lifted her foot off the ground - which had become a soft forest floor - and dipped her toe into the opening, as if it were a pool of water. There was a temperature difference - inside the flower, the air was warm and moist. Back on the other side, it was dry and cool, like a night in early Fall. She drew her foot away quickly, and then crouched down to look into the flower.
Inside of it, she saw that she was looking down from a few feet off the ground, into another forest, but in this one, the leaves on the trees were more blue than green. The soil on the ground was a rich, fertile, black color. Then suddenly there was a sound of light laughter, the sound of a boy laughing, the flash of his eyes glinting at her from the shadows. Dream-Bri gasped, frightened, or embarrassed, the way a girl feels embarrassed when a boy laughs at her. She pulled her eye away from the opening, and a voice said, "Hey! Wait! Hey! Hey come back! Come look again!"
Bri shut her eyes as hard as she could, like she was slamming a door shut. The vision disappeared, and Blanco mewed, and Bri opened her real-Bri eyes. She was still sitting quietly on the couch in Aunt Claire's apartment, and the buzzer for the door was ringing.
Bri stood up, gently depositing Blanco on the floor, and she swallowed nervously and went over to answer it quickly - before she lost her nerve completely. "Coming down," she said into the speaker.
She quickly grabbed her things and stepped out, glancing at the red flower out of the corner of her eye before she shut the door behind her.
She stared at her reflection in the elevator mirror, feeling like she was inside of a dream still, like dream-Bri was taking her over. Dream-Bri's hair was curled softly around her face, which was glowing rosily in the yellow elevator light.
It hit the bottom floor, and the doors whisked open.
There was Mike, the doorman, lounging in his post. "So serious tonight, Bri?" he said. He glanced at the dark shape of a black-haired boy on the sidewalk with his back to the glass doors of the building.