But it wasn’t.
I loaded up the last of the boxes in my car and took them to the storage unit. I was set to leave for Africa in the morning, which meant I had to turn my keys in to the front office before I left. I needed to dust and scrub down the bathroom as well as mop. I wanted there to be no issues with me turning the apartment back over to the complex so I could cut ties cleanly and easily.
I didn’t want to remember any of this.
I didn’t want to remember how much this hurt.
I stashed the rest of my things in the apartment, then put my suitcase in my car. That was it. Except for my laptop bag and the three blankets I was using to sleep on the floor, that was all she wrote. I sighed as I brought out the last of the cleaning supplies I had, then I swiftly got to work. I dusted down the ledges and washed the windows. I scrubbed the sink and the tub and even the toilet. Sweat was dripping down my face and my thighs were chafing.
I opened some windows to get air circulating when my head started to grow dizzy from the cleaners.
A knock came at my door and I groaned. My back hurt and my feet were sore and I still had the floor to mop. The knock came again, only this time it was more frantic.
So I put down my scrubber, wiped my hands on my shirt, and headed for the door.
I whipped it open, fully expecting to see Emma. I knew she was going to stop by at some point in time today for one last girl’s night before I left. I drew in a deep breath and brushed my sweaty hair back from my face, my eyes connecting with the feet outside.
But the feet I saw weren’t feet connected to Emma.
They were feet connected to Carter.
I slowly panned my gaze up and saw him standing there. With his beautiful eyes and his luscious hair and his strong jawline and his stoic features. He was in a tailored suit that clung to his body with a tie that begged for me to grasp it.
And his eyes were locked onto me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Can we talk?”
I looked back into my barren apartment before I nodded.
“I don’t have a place to sit, but sure,” I said.
I ushered Carter in and his eyes took in my apartment. Void of any furniture or decorations and wreaking of chemicals. He stood in the middle of the room, his eyes flickering along the bare walls and the crisp, clean windows.
“Don’t go,” he said.
His words were like a punch to my gut.
“What?” I asked.
“Don’t go,” Carter said.
“Carter, this is my dream job,” I said as I shut the door. “I leave in the morning.”
“I’ll make whatever calls necessary. Just don’t go. Don’t leave us, Natasha.”
“Carter, I can’t do that,” I said.
“Yes, you can. I’ll give you anything. Anything you want. Any pay. Any price. You name it, and it’s yours.”
“It’s not about the money,” I said.
“Then what is it about? Is it about helping children? Because you were helping mine. Is it about control? I’ll give you total control over the entire damn house. You want to see my finances? I’ll let you have them. You want to move the kids into another school district? I’ll buy us a new house.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I was going to ask you to move in,” he said.
I felt my jaw drop as he took a step towards me.
“That night, when we had dinner. I was going to offer to make you a live-in nanny. Same benefits, more pay, and more control over the environment. You’d have your own key, your own bedroom, your own entrance. Your own rules. Everything.”
“That’s… a very generous offer,” I said.
“And it’s still on the table, Natasha. It’s still there. All you have to do is say ‘yes’.”
I couldn't form the words to speak as he took another step towards me.
“I’ll do everything else if you simply agree to stay.”
Tears welled in my eyes as I shook my head. My gaze lobbed off to the side as Carter closed the gap between us. My eyes fluttered closed as my hand slid up his torso. I felt the swell of his chest panting as his hands fell to my hips. Holy hell, his touch was electric. Shivering, my sweat dripped as the side of my head fell into his body. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close and I could feel his heart beating.
Thumping loudly at an exponential rate.
“I’ll give you anything you want if you just agree to stay,” Carter said.
I lifted my face to him and I was met with a pair of lips upon my own. Carter’s tongue swiped against my chapped lips and my body caved to him. Our tongues collided as I wrapped my hand up in his tie and his arms drew me closer. I could feel his cock growing against me. I could feel his fingers digging into my excess. My head tilted to the side as I backed him into my room, my foot jutting out to kick the door closed behind me.
He wanted me to stay.
With him.
For him.
And I couldn’t do it.
But I could do this, love him.
One more time, all night long.
I fell to my knees and ripped his belt from his belt loops. My hands were trembling as Carter rested against the closed door. His hand was already twisted in my hair, his eyes hot on my face as I pulled his pants down his legs. I released his throbbing cock and it stared at me. Dripping with its angry tip and the protruding vein at the bottom taunted me.
Called to me.
Begged for me to swallow it whole.
I wrapped my lips around it, tasting his precum as it painted my tongue. His groan filled the small room as his hips jutted out, thrusting his cock all the way down the back of my throat. I gagged around his girth as my hands wrapped around his thighs. My nose nuzzled his trimmed curls as his hand twisted tightly in my hair.
He tasted divine.
It was another thing I would miss about him.
“Natasha. Shit.”
I moaned around him as he began to fuck my face.
“Fuck. Oh my… mm. Natasha, yes.”
His legs were flexing with every thrust. Drops of precum were sliding down my throat. With every thrust he made, his dick pulsed against my teeth. I hollowed my cheeks out, swirling my tongue around the tip of his cock as his head fell back into the door.
“Holy shit,” Cater said breathlessly. “So good.”
I released him with a pop and he ripped me to up onto my feet. He gathered me into his arms as he toed out of his shoes. We fell to the floor with a thud, crashing against the blankets I had cushioning my sleep at night. His mouth was all over me. Nipping at my neck and mouthing at my clothed breasts as his knees parted my legs.
He undressed me with his nimble fingertips as my sweaty body was revealed to him. He lapped at my saltiness as groans dripped from his lips. My legs were spread for him as his cock throbbed against my thigh. I slipped his coat and his shirt from his shoulders, revealing the whole of him to me one last time.
I would miss this.
His strong, chiseled body hovering over mine.
His lips wrapped around my swollen nipples as I arched into him. My hands raked through his hair, pushing him closer and pulling him back. It was all too much and yet, not quite enough. His hands were squeezing and massaging places I never wanted him to stop touching. They pushed my knees apart, exposing me to the cool air of my apartment.
He then settled between my legs and lapped at my slit.
I watched him. I leaned up onto my arms and watched him eat my pussy. His eyes connected with mine as his tongue moved side to side. Shivering my legs and causing my jaw to unhinge. The little grin on his face was something I committed to memory. There was a pride and a happiness I would never find on another man’s face. His tongue pressed deeper and it caused me to slip back. The pleasure he was crashing over my body made my toes curl.
“Cum for me, Natasha. Coat my face in your scent.”
“Carter. Oh yes. Just like
that. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Oh, fuck. I’m cumming. I’m cumming. I’m cum-!”
My legs were contracting as my toes curled so hard they cramped my legs. Carter released them immediately, then his hands set to massaging them as he suckled on my clit. His tongue darted lightly around the tip of it, causing stars to burst in my vision. His hands were kind and soft as his tongue continued to dominate my body.
I was dripping onto the blankets beneath us as my legs finally settled down.
He kissed up my body, leaving a trail of wetness in his wake. I enveloped him in my arms, crashing his lips down onto mine. I tasted myself on him. I memorized the combination. The whole of my body puckered to him as his hands caressed my skin. He fell between my legs and pushed his cock into my body, savoring the moment. I groaned into his lips, my hips shifting and rolling to try and take more of him in.
I wanted to feel him against me.
I wanted to feel him buck into me.
His hands pinned my hips to the floor and I whimpered. His command of my body was yet another thing I would miss. Tears rushed to my eyes and I closed them, trying to keep them at bay as his body consumed mine.
Then his lips dipped to my ear as his hot breath cascaded across my skin.
“Please stay,” Cater said. “I’m begging you.”
There was something in his voice. Something primal and childlike. The memory of his children on his porch came rushing back as tears rushed down my cheeks. He sank his cock to the hilt, his trimmed curled pressing against my oversensitive clit.
I clung to him. I dug my fingernails into his skin to try and pull him closer to me.
“Please move,” I said breathlessly. “Please, Carter.”
He slowly slid out and sank himself back in. I kissed along his shoulder, making my way to his neck. His forearms planted beside my head as our eyes met, and they stayed connected as he picked up his pace. His thrusts became desperate as tears rolled down my cheeks. He dipped to kiss every single one of them. Like it pained him to see me cry. I opened my body to him and rested him within me. I pulled his sculpted muscles as close to me as I could get them. His cock pulsed against my walls as I rolled desperately into him. Raising my hips to take him in and meet him thrust for thrust.
Skin slapping skin filled the corners of my room. I could feel my wetness dripping down my ass crack. His balls were slapping my skin and his cock was growing thicker than I’d ever felt it before. Our lips collided, and he sucked on my lower lip, nibbling and running his tongue along my teeth.
My body was shaking. Jolting at his assault as my fingernails dug into his back.
Nothing but groans and pants and slapping skin echoed off the corners of the walls. I could feel that telltale burning in the pit of my gut. He ground his hips into mine as my legs wrapped around him, pulling him deeper into my pussy with each thrust me made. His hand slid down my leg, clutching me tighter as my heels dug into his lower back. A growl fell from his lips as his face fell to the crook of my neck, and I could feel his hips beginning to stutter.
“Cum for me, Carter,” I said breathlessly. “Let me feel you.”
He pounded against me, his movements growing ferocious. Like a lion who had been denied its right to the best female in the pride. I whimpered into the crook of his neck as my body exploded around him, my pussy milking his dick as my entire body shivered.
“Carter. Carter. Yes. Holy fuck. Oh, hell. You feel amazing. Carter. Yes.”
He slid into me one last time before he stilled against me. His hand ran through my hair and tugged my head off to the side. His teeth sank into my neck, marking me as his other hand pinned mine above my head. I felt his cock filling me to the brim. Pumping me full of his hot cum as it spilled out from between my legs.
The white-hot pleasure was so intense it blinded me, causing the room to fuzz as his tongue lapped over the teeth marks he’d embedded into my skin.
He collapsed on top of me as his cock stayed sheathed within my pussy. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, feeling him shake against my body. We were covered in sweat and the smell of cleaning supplies was tainted with the smell of sex. I kissed along his shoulder and his neck, memorizing the thickness of his muscles and the way they fell against my body.
Because even though something inside of me wanted to stay, the majority of me still wanted to go.
And I knew when I told him that, it would kill him.
I knew I would never see Carter again.
So I memorized what I could so I could hang on to the memory of him. Because the memory of Carter was better than nothing at all.
Eighteen
Carter
I stood at the stove cooking dinner for the kids. The new nanny had just left for the evening and I was stuck trying to figure out what to make everyone for dinner. It hadn’t been something I’d had to worry about in months, and now the concept seemed foreign to me.
It felt foreign to not have Natasha with us.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Clara?”
“I miss Miss Nattie.”
“I miss her too, sweetheart.”
“Why won’t she come back?” Nathaniel asked.
“Because she’s following her dreams, buddy,” I said.
“Can’t she follow them here?” Joshua asked.
“She can’t. She had to be in Africa to do what she wants to do.”
“That’s stupid,” Nathaniel said.
“You watch your language,” I said.
I stirred the macaroni and cheese as the kids sat silently at the table. The new nanny wasn’t terrible. She was in by seven in the morning to get the kids fed and off to school. Then she picked them all up, brought them home, and helped them with their homework. I kept an eye on a few of the things Natasha had taught me to look out for. The boys’ moods when they got home from school and Clara’s exhaustion levels by the end of the day. Clara seemed to be handling full days at school better, but the boys were exhibiting signs of being too tired from their school days.
I made a mental note to tell the nanny to let them nap after school.
“What’s for dinner?” Joshua asked.
“Macaroni and cheese, apple slices with peanut butter, and milk,” I said.
“What kind of macaroni and cheese?” Nathaniel asked.
“The kind from the blue box,” I said.
“Oh,” Joshua said.
“You guys don’t want mac and cheese?” I asked.
“That’s fine,” Nathaniel said.
“What is it, guys? You can have whatever you want,” I said.
“When you said ‘macaroni’, we thought you meant Miss Nattie’s,” Joshua said.
“Does she make it differently?” I asked.
“Miss Nattie boiled noodles and made it herself,” Clara said.
Of course, she did.
“Well guys, I don’t know how to make mac and cheese from scratch,” I said.
“Could we call Miss Nattie and get the recipe?” Nathaniel asked.
“Oh! We could say hi! See how she’s doing!” Joshua said.
“We call Miss Nattie?” Clara asked.
I sighed at the stove as I continued to stir the noodles.
“You guys, Natasha’s not coming back,” I said. “And we have to be okay with that. She has a dream she’s following and we need to respect that.”
“But don’t you miss her?” Joshua asked.
“I do, buddy.”
“Then why don’t you tell her that?” Nathaniel asked.
I closed my eyes as my mind wafted back to that night. The night before she left where I had gone to her apartment and pleaded with everything I had. Her body had felt so warm and comforting. We moved like two dolphins weaving in and out against the sea. I had taken her over and over. Held her in my arms and made her cum until she begged for mercy.
But even after I reminded her of our chemistry and even after I had taken her out for one last dinner that night, she still said no.
&n
bsp; She still left the next morning to go to Africa.
“Nathaniel, you remember that dream you told me about?” I asked.
“What dream?” he asked.
“The dream about you making your first soccer goal?”
“Yeah. I remember.”
“What if someone was asking you to give up soccer before you made that first goal?” I asked. “How would you feel?”
“I’d tell them to let me make my goal first, then I’d do what they wanted me to do.”
“But you wouldn’t give up your dream, right? You wouldn’t quit before you made that goal?”
“No,” he said with a sigh.
“Then why are you asking the same of Miss Nattie?” I asked.
“I don’t like it when you’re right,” Joshua said.
A grin crossed my cheeks as I chuckled.
“In this particular circumstance, I don’t like it either,” I said. “But Natasha has a plan for her life and we can’t expect her to give that plan up because we want her.”
“Need her,” Clara said.
I turned around and looked at my daughter as her eyes connected with mine.
“We need her,” Clara said.
“I know we do,” I said. “And sometimes, loving someone and needing someone means you give up what you want so they can have what they want.”
“Do you love her?” Joshua said.
I stopped stirring the macaroni and cheese so I could dump all of the contents into it.
“Because I love her,” Joshua said.
“Me too,” Nathaniel said.
“Me four,” Clara said.
“You mean three,” Joshua said.
“No… Daddy’s ‘me three’,” Clara said.
Tears lined the rims of my eyes as I stirred the milk, butter, and cheese powder into the pot.
“She’s right,” I said. “I am ‘me three’.”
“Did you tell her that?” Nathaniel asked.
“Tell her what?” I asked.
“That you loved her,” Nathaniel said.
“I didn’t.”
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