I wasn’t expecting Mrs. Jenkins to be so forthcoming, and it made me realize something I should’ve seen before. Our conversation might lead to mention of the Tunnels, and Jack didn’t know about them. I had to steer her clear of the topic. The news of what was waiting for me at the end of my six months had to come from me, not Mrs. Jenkins.
“Mrs. Jenkins, do you know how I survived?” I asked.
She sighed and gave a slight shrug. “I only know of one person who survived like you. It happened hundreds of years ago. Adonia was her name. She Returned from the Feed, young and sane, as you did.”
“How did she do it?”
“She never had a chance to tell anyone.” Mrs. Jenkins gestured to the jar on the mantelpiece. “The current queen found her. Those are her ashes.”
I could feel the blood drain from my face. “The queen burned her?”
Mrs. Jenkins smiled as if I were a simpleton. “No. The queen found her and stole what was left of her energy. But when a queen steals your energy, the transfer is so violent it shreds a person. We burned Adonia’s remains.”
Jack looked like he was going to be sick. I was sure my face mirrored his. How could Cole think I’d ever want to be a queen?
“So you see, my dear, even if you survive, that doesn’t mean you’ll be queen.” My heart started to race, and I suddenly felt very exposed. Was that why Cole and Maxwell had talked about keeping my existence a secret from the queen?
“Don’t worry, now,” she said, noticing my expression. “I had no idea you existed. I’m sure if you were going to end up like Adonia, it would’ve happened by now. It would take an act of betrayal by the Everliving who Fed off you to get word to the queen.” She looked at the jar. “I’m afraid Adonia was not in tune with her Everliving. He wanted her to be his queen, but she did not. So he took his revenge by telling the queen about her. And”—she paused for a moment—“where, exactly, the queen could find her.”
A sound like muffled ocean waves reached my ears as my pulse quickened. Would Cole ever do that to me? Could he? Jack grabbed my hand, which I hadn’t realized was shaking.
“I don’t want to be queen,” I mumbled.
“Well, you can just be an Everliving.”
Jack sat forward. “She doesn’t want to be an Everliving, either.”
She frowned and tilted her head, confused, as if Jack had just told her I wanted to scratch my own eyes out for fun. Uh-oh.
“Don’t be silly,” she scoffed. “What other choice is there? You don’t really think she’d—”
She was dangerously close to talking about the Tunnels. I had to shut her up, so I shot out of my seat and started coughing loudly and frantically. Jack put a hand on my back. “Do you need some water?”
I nodded, and Jack sprinted to the kitchen. I had a few seconds at the most.
“Don’t tell him,” I whispered to Mrs. Jenkins. “About the Tunnels.”
Her mouth opened in a speechless kind of way, and then Jack was back with a glass.
“Thanks,” I said, and as I sipped the water, I shot Mrs. Jenkins my most pleading look.
She tried to smile but it looked forced, and at that moment, her demeanor transformed from confused to calculating. Her eyes narrowed. “Despite how you feel now, if you do get to the throne one day, perhaps you’ll remember this old woman, who helped you in every way she could.”
Her own daughter hadn’t survived the Feed, and now she saw me as a golden opportunity for her. Without saying the words, she and I had made a bargain. She wouldn’t tell Jack about the Tunnels, and I would remember her when I was queen, an event she saw as inevitable.
Jack spoke up. “Is there a way we can get Cole to leave Nikki alone?”
She shook her head. “Everlivings are a tenacious bunch.” She gestured to the mantel. “In fact, I would be wary of making one of them angry.”
A chill ran down my back as I glanced at the urn, and I quickly changed the subject. “Mrs. Jenkins, why did Meredith Return?”
Her smile melted into a frown. “I was surprised too, although I shouldn’t have been. Meredith thought that since she came from the same line as Adonia, she would have a better chance to survive and become the next queen. She was convinced. Perhaps we both were.” She let out a deep sigh. “Meredith says she came back for me. It’s ridiculous, really, her attachment to me. I raised her better than that. And now I can do nothing for her. Nor she, me. The moment she left for the Feed, I let her go from my mind and my heart.”
How could she be so unfeeling? Meredith was her daughter. I looked at Jack, and he nodded, probably thinking the same thing.
Jack leaned forward. “Do you know where we can find her?”
“I haven’t seen her, and I’ve been looking.”
Finally I thought I saw a sign of humanity in her, until she continued.
“She stole a piece of jewelry that belongs to me. I think she took it to get my attention.”
The bracelet, I thought. Jack opened his mouth, but I shot him a look. He nodded almost imperceptibly.
“One more question,” I said. “How many of you are there?”
She smiled. “You’d find us all over the world. Near every entrance to the Everneath.”
“Why didn’t you tell her about the bracelet?” Jack said once we were in his car and driving away.
“It didn’t feel right. I don’t trust her. I feel like the bracelet is the only card we have to play, although I have no idea what to do with it.” I took a deep breath. “Plus Mrs. Jenkins was creepy and weird.”
“She’s a Daughter of Persephone. Weird probably doesn’t begin to cover it.” Jack allowed himself a little smile. “One thing I learned from our visit,” he said, his expression serious again. “We can’t let Cole know we’ve been digging around.”
I thought back to the urn on the mantel, and I was sure Jack was thinking of the same thing.
TWENTY-FIVE
NOW
School. One and a half weeks left.
My mark reached the end of my shoulder and started to trickle down my arm, and as it did, it looked like someone had poured chocolate syrup on me and it was oozing over my biceps, gravity helping it along.
I could feel the change inside of me as well. A dark, claustrophobic feeling, as if I were trapped inside one of the musty alcoves of the Feeding cavern. I felt it even when I was standing outside on a cloudless day, as if my face would never again be warmed by the sun.
The Tunnels were getting closer.
In my art class the following Monday, Cole—in his dark-haired “Neal” disguise—turned out several watercolor paintings that the teacher, Mr. Tanner, displayed at the front of the classroom.
“Now, this is what I mean when I talk about brushstrokes.” Mr. Tanner made sweeping gestures with his hands. “Where did you say you transferred from, Neal?”
“Seattle.” Cole glanced at me sideways. “The suburbs.”
Mr. Tanner inflated his cheeks, then blew out the air. “And this is the first art class you’ve taken?”
“The first one that involved paper. We were using rocks and chisels before.” He chuckled, as if enjoying a private joke.
Mr. Tanner smiled like he understood, even though it was obvious he had no idea what Cole was talking about. He turned to the front of the room, where he had attached paper to the chalkboard. Using his charcoal sticks, he demonstrated his own version of the technique Cole had used, and then put us to task on our own easels.
I started drawing a house. Art never was my favorite subject, and every attempt of mine usually ended up being a house anyway. And my hands had stopped shaking. I had enough muscle control for my drawing to actually resemble a house.
Cole tweaked his easel so I couldn’t see what he was working on. It also meant he could watch me work. I’d stopped caring a long time ago.
“Nik,” he whispered loudly. “What’s that supposed to be?”
“It’s a house.”
“Oh. Um … stunning.”
I focused on my sketch, but I could feel Cole’s eyes watching my lines.
“Hey, Nik!”
“What?”
“Has it started running down your arm yet?”
I whipped my head around, and the piece of charcoal I had been using flew out of my hand and ricocheted off the back of Cole’s easel. “What did you say?”
Cole held up his hands in mock surrender. “Whoa. Didn’t mean to freak you out. Just wondering about your mark.”
“How did you know?” And then I shook my head. “Never mind. I forget you’ve been through this before.”
“Not like this. I’ve never tracked someone after the Feed. Like I said, you’re different. You’re—”
“I know. I know. Special.” I knew the real answer now. I wasn’t old and crazy. “Please draw and stop talking.”
He put his charcoal on the tray of his easel and then rubbed his hands together lightly. “The Shade is getting stronger. You know the fingers of your mark? The ones that look like little breakaway lines? Those represent the Tunnels. As if the Shade is reaching out for them.”
As Cole spoke, his words felt like an ice cube on my neck, shooting down my spine. I couldn’t answer. Cole smiled and turned his easel so the picture he had been working on faced me.
On the canvas was a thin girl with long black hair, the ends of which were flowing behind her as if she were facing a strong wind. But as I looked closer, I realized her hair wasn’t blowing. It was being sucked into a dark vortex behind her.
Cole held my gaze for a few moments. I could tell what was behind his eyes. He was saying, Come with me and this won’t be you.
He pointed to my arm, then reached out as if he would grab it. “It’s not too late.”
The bell rang. I jerked my arm away. I had to get him away from me. I had to.
We stared at each other in silence for a moment. I didn’t realize how much time had passed, and I started to put my tools away. The rest of the students had already done so and were filing out of the room. Cole stayed behind, waiting for me.
I packed my gear as if he weren’t even there, and then I ripped my name tag off the box Mr. Tanner had given me at the start of the year. I wasn’t going to waste the little time I had left in art class anymore.
Cole watched. He probably knew what I was doing. If I could wish for anything at this moment, it would be for Cole to leave. Let me have this little time to myself.
He followed me into the hallway. I turned abruptly and blurted out, “What would it take to get you to leave me alone?”
“I think you know exactly what it would take.”
“What if I make you a deal?”
His eyebrows wrinkled. “A deal?”
Lowering my voice, I said, “What if I promise to go with you, but not until right before the Tunnels come?” I took a step closer in my sudden enthusiasm, and he backed up. “As long as I go with you before the Tunnels actually come, it will work. If you give me these last moments with Jack alone, I’ll go with you.”
I tried not to let my face show the lie I was telling.
His face went blank, then it broke out in a wide grin. “Golly, do you pinky swear?” he said sarcastically. When I didn’t answer, he continued, “Your little plan would involve me taking quite a bit on faith. You’re not exactly a safe bet.”
I guess I wasn’t surprised. But I was so tired of Cole. I looked him directly in the eye. “If you can tell when I’m lying, you should know without a doubt when I’m telling the truth.” I put my face even closer to his. “Here’s the truth. I. Will. Never. Ever. Go with you.”
Cole’s eyes became tight, and then I saw something on his face I’d never seen before. Genuine pain.
I took in a short breath of surprise, but I stood my ground. If the hurt on his face was as real as it looked, maybe that’s what it would take to get him to back down.
Cole looked over my shoulder, and his expression switched from hurt to blazing anger, the fierceness of which sent a cold shiver all the way to my fingers and toes.
I turned to see the recipient of such venom, even though I knew who was standing there.
“Jack,” Cole said, his voice tense and jeering, “help me out here. Our girl is talking crazy, and I don’t speak crazy.”
Jack shot me a curious look. “Ignore him,” I said, a pit growing in my stomach. I tugged on Jack’s arm, but he didn’t move.
“Oh, sure,” Cole said. “Ignore the guy with the information. Speaking of information, Jack, has Nikki told you about her mark?”
The breath stopped in my chest.
“Yes,” Jack said, still at a loss.
“Cole—” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“I should’ve been more specific,” Cole continued. “I meant to say has she told you the truth about her mark?”
I yanked Jack’s arm. “C’mon, Jack. Let’s just leave. Please.” Only now he definitely wasn’t going anywhere.
“Did you know it’s growing?” Cole took a step toward Jack and spoke in low tones. “I mean, have you seen it? The whole thing?”
Jack didn’t answer. I looked at Cole. “Cole. Please.” I turned to Jack. “Please,” I said again, to both of them.
Cole smiled. “I’m just trying to help. He needs to know.”
“He’s got a life here,” I said, momentarily ignoring Jack at my side. “It doesn’t mean anything to him anymore.” I tried the only thing I could think of. “It’s between me and you. It won’t matter to him.”
“Between me and you? Together? How far are you willing to go with that, Nik?” Cole’s grin widened and I knew he was calling my bluff, and before I could say or do anything else, he said, “The mark on her shoulder is like a timer, Jack. She’s going away again. And soon.”
I froze and closed my eyes.
“What do you mean?” Jack asked. “If you think Nikki’s going to choose to go with you, I know her. She’s not.”
I squeezed my eyes tighter.
“Jack, she’s leaving whether she decides to go with me or not. She has a debt to pay, and there’s nothing you, or her dad, or her friends, or even Nik, can do about it.” I heard Cole take another step closer to Jack. When I opened my eyes, Cole had a hand on Jack’s stiff shoulder. “I’m sorry she didn’t tell you, bro. But maybe you can help her make the right decision. You know how Nik can be … self-destructive. Behind one door, she faces endless pain, until she just … disappears. Behind the other, she’ll be exalted. Help her choose eternal glory over the Tunnels of hell. She can either serve the Everneath as a battery, or rule it.”
“Enough!” I stepped between them. “Leave, Cole. There’s nothing more you can do.”
“Is it true, Becks?” Jack couldn’t look at me. “You’re leaving?”
“Yes,” I said. My heart felt like it was breaking.
Jack started to turn away.
“Wait, Jack.” He paused, but he didn’t turn. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“She’s really, really sorry,” Cole said, making my apology seem shallow.
Jack didn’t say anything. He walked away.
Cole stood beside me as we watched Jack walk down the hall and shove open the glass doors that led to the parking lot. For a few long minutes I didn’t move.
“I’m sorry, Nik. You should’ve known what backing me into a corner would do.” His voice grew quiet. “But he deserved to know the truth.”
I didn’t answer. I should’ve told Jack. I knew this. Maybe he still would’ve left. But maybe he wouldn’t have.
Completely numb, I started walking. Like a shadow, Cole fell into step beside me, and I let him. I was too tired to fight anymore.
We walked out the doors and into a sharp wind that carried tiny flecks of ice in it. I buried my nose in the collar of my coat. I put my key in the car door, then turned around and faced him. He had shifted back to his original self. I was surprised by how fast he could make the switch. I didn’t ev
en catch a glimpse, and he was Cole again. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is it so important for you to make Jack hate me?” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. “Please. Tell me.”
“Because people in love tend to make irresponsible decisions. Human relationships—you know, the things for which you would give up your chance at eternal life—are fleeting.” He was taking my own words and using them against me.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. “You’re lying.”
“No, I’m not.”
“But there’s something else too, isn’t there?” There had to be another reason. Everything Cole did had a motive. He was holding something back. “Tell me.”
His smile disappeared, but he stayed quiet.
“Fine. If you’re not going to talk to me…” I jerked my car door open, but Cole slammed it shut from behind me. He kept his hand pressed against the window. I turned around, and his face was so close. “What? What do you want?”
“You, Nik.” Cole took a couple of deep breaths. “I want you. Whether we take over the throne or not. I want you in my life, and the only way that will happen is if you become like me. We shared a heart, Nik.” He touched his finger to my heart. “Your heart is in me now.”
“Not my heart,” I said. “Just some of my emotions.”
“Same thing. It belongs to me. And so I belong to you.”
I closed my eyes, but I didn’t fight him. I was tired of losing everybody I cared about. Tired of being alone.
“We used to be like this, Nik.” He leaned even closer, not physically touching me, but I could feel the charge between us. I knew I should’ve pushed away, but my stupid body betrayed me. My traitorous arms and legs wanted to tangle with Cole’s again. That hundred years in the Everneath had molded us together, and our bodies had memorized how they were supposed to fit.
He lowered his head next to mine so we were cheek-to-cheek. “We were exactly. Like. This. For a century.”
I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to.
He kept his right hand on the door, and he slipped his other arm behind me, pulling me away. “Except my hand was here.” He pressed his fingertips into my lower back. “And your hand…” He moved his right hand and grabbed my left arm, then wrapped it around his back, soft and low, and pressed my fingers into position. “There.”
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