by DiAnn Mills
Tears were close to pouring down my cheeks again for so many reasons that it would take me until daylight to list them. “I have my rifle, and Mr. Whitman may need you.”
“A new day always brings answers, Eva. In this instance, you might be right.”
I turned to go inside, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. “Goodnight, Tahoma. I—I never meant to bring so much hardship here.”
“I know. I’ll see you when you get back from Santa Fe.”
I went inside and waited several minutes while I gathered my thoughts. After composing a note to Charlotte, I opened the door and asked Rex to take it to her. Before the sun blended with the horizon, I’d be on my way to Albuquerque—not Santa Fe.
Sleep evaded me as it had done so many nights before. I wrote two more letters: one to Mr. and Mrs. Monarch, thanking them for all they’d done for me, and another similar letter to Rex. I packed my belongings before dawn. If I didn’t occupy myself, I’d dwell on Tahoma’s kiss instead of what I must do. And not just for him—but for all those who’d suffered. Selfishness was not an admirable trait, and I intended to purge it from my head and heart.
The last items to go in my suitcase were from my boys: pictures Cut-tin had drawn for me, an arrowhead from Alex, and nature’s last flower from Brice, now drying between the pages of my Bible. I tucked them away for those days ahead when I longed to be their teacher again. I couldn’t even tell them good-bye, but I’d write once I found a safe place. If possible.
I hoped Mr. and Mrs. Benally realized how much their friendship had shaped me into a better person. Someday I wanted to see them again.
Changing my name made sense, and I decided that later I would notify Mr. Murdock and Victoria of my new destination.
Glancing around my cabin, I realized that although my home in Syracuse held exquisite furnishings artfully placed in every room, and the grounds sparkled with color while servants waited on my every whim, here I’d found love and truth.
A moment later, I changed my mind about contacting Victoria and Mr. Murdock. If the killers had gone after others, they’d surely attack them too. I’d find another way to know when it was safe to resurface. In the meantime, I’d have to find a means to support myself.
No one must find me.
Once the killers were found, I’d be with Victoria again. But I couldn’t cower under her demands and control any longer. I had a life to lead and a difference to make in people’s lives. Perhaps I’d consider teaching school, but not in a well-to-do area. I wanted to touch those children who were often overlooked, left out, and abandoned. Goodness, I had more money than I’d ever need—and now I also had an opportunity to show how my heavenly Father and my earthly father had changed me.
I struggled to pull my two suitcases from the bed and lug them to the door. They were much heavier than when I came—then I realized all the luggage in the world would never be able to contain the memories.
For certain, if the men who wanted me dead found me after today, I could rest in the knowledge that no more blood would be sacrificed on my account.
A light knock at the door alerted me to Charlotte’s arrival. In the wee hours of the morning, she’d replied to my note affirmatively; however, she hadn’t agreed with my reasoning.
I opened the door, and Tahoma stood there. As though paralyzed, neither my mouth nor my feet moved.
“I suspected what you were doing when I saw Charlotte park her car in front of your cabin,” he said.
Must my every undertaking be so difficult? “This is the best way.”
“No, Eva. You’re wrong.”
I looked behind him and saw Charlotte standing by her car in the early morning shadows.
“Talk to him,” she said. “I’ll be waiting.”
I wanted to tell him good-bye, but I also knew he could be persuasive. “All right.”
“Can I come in?” he said. “Just hear what I have to say.”
I stepped aside to allow him into my world just one more time. “Please make this short,” I said. “If another one of the ranch hands is involved, he could tell the wrong people.”
“I will. Would you please sit down?”
Like a child, I obeyed. What else could I do when I’d probably never see him again? In the lantern light, I studied his beloved face. He paced the floor.
“I have a solution,” he said. “I have to keep you from those killers.”
“We’ve already discussed this.” I fought the tears. Why did this man make me weak? “The time has come for me to leave. What else can I do?”
“Marry me.”
CHAPTER 38
“Marry you?” I felt the blood drain from my face. Where were the words of love, the tenderness from the night before? Was this part of the Navajo culture?
“Yes, Eva. In name only.” His gaze was in every corner of the room except on me. “I won’t touch you, but you’ll have my name for legal and moral purposes.”
“Why would I want to consent to such a ridiculous scheme?”
“I’ve given it careful thought. We can live in isolation until we receive word from Mr. Murdock that the danger is over. This is a time to be reasonable. I have nothing to offer you but my commitment to keep you safe until the killers are found. The best way is to hide you away. Nothing—”
“No.” I sensed my voice rising near hysteria. A mixture of hurt and anger bubbled from deep inside me. I loved this man, and he wanted a marriage of convenience?
“Are you ashamed to carry a Navajo name?”
My fingers tingled. “Are you ashamed to marry a white woman?”
He stared at me as though I’d grown horns. “You’re upset. So I’m going to step outside while you think about this. Your friends in Syracuse would never need to know about our temporary arrangement. Once the killer is caught, we can divorce quietly.”
Heat rose from my neck to my cheeks. I wanted to scratch his eyes out for suggesting such a thing. He’d used me! He’d kissed me last night and held me for no other reason than for me to agree to this superficial marriage.
I stood from the davenport, my knees shaking. “I suppose you’d want payment. I mean, I wouldn’t expect you to lower yourself to marrying me without some type of compensation.”
“You’re misunderstanding what I mean.”
I cocked my head. “Am I? Looks like a foolproof way to line your pockets. Well, you can peddle your prescription for longevity somewhere else. If that’s how I’m to stay a step ahead of a killer, then I’ll take my chances elsewhere.”
“You’re being irrational.”
“Quite the contrary. I’ve never been more logical. Let me tell you what I think of your ‘marriage of convenience.’ It reminds me of what is shoveled out of the barns.” I grabbed my suitcases and rifle and rushed through the front door. Once on the front porch, I set down my things and slammed the door closed. The whole cabin rattled, and I wanted to do it again just to hear the sound.
Charlotte startled. “What happened?”
Once more gathering up my belongings, I walked to the car. “Nothing worth repeating. I’m ready to leave.”
“I’d hoped—”
“Not if you knew what Dr. Benally proposed.” I spit the last word and swallowed my ire before I took it out on my dear friend. “Please, Charlotte. We need to leave now.”
She took one of my suitcases and walked toward her car.
“Eva,” he called behind me. “Can’t we talk about this?”
“I’m finished discussing anything with you.” I opened the back car door and laid my suitcase on the seat and then whirled around to face him. “I don’t want to ever see you again. Consider the debt owed to my father paid in full.”
For the next several minutes, I stared out the passenger window of Charlotte’s car and blinked back the tears. I couldn’t speak to my friend for the turmoil raging through my body—the wave of emotions that crashed over me—hurt, then anger, then betrayal. How could a man make a wom
an wish she’d never met him?
Love. Such a cruel beast, and I promised myself never to venture into its forbidden waters again.
“Would it help to talk?” Charlotte said an hour later.
I shrugged and continued to stare out the passenger window, seeing but not observing. “I’m not so sure I can. Were you aware of what he planned to say?”
“He asked if he could talk to you, and I agreed. He hurt you that much?”
I nodded and swallowed hard to keep from crying. Oh, I despised weak women who chose tears instead of wit and courage.
“Did he take advantage of you?”
“Not in the way you might be thinking.”
“I feared—”
“No, Charlotte.” I closed my eyes. “I’m grateful for my purity.”
“I’d hate to have to bring out my shotgun.” She groaned. “I’m sorry. My poor attempt at humor does not help your shattered heart.”
At the moment, my love bordered on hate. “Good thing my rifle isn’t loaded. The doctor might need you to dig out a bullet.”
“Despite whatever despicable thing Tahoma has done, do you love him?”
I glanced her way. “So much that I’m physically ill. To think he saw my feelings for him and betrayed me. I—I was so naive. I thought he really cared.”
“But he does. I’m sure of it.”
“No, Charlotte. You didn’t hear the conversation back there. He had other motives for befriending me.”
“Would a relationship really have worked?” Charlotte’s words were tender, but the truth cut deeply. “Think of the cultural differences. What about children? How would they have been raised?”
“I suppose there would have been some adjustments on both our parts. Living in New York would have its disadvantages for him. But I was ready to help. I thought I’d do anything to make a transition easier for him.”
She frowned. “I apologize for my grand endorsement of him.”
“Why was he at the ranch instead of with his family?”
“Some kind of a family squabble. I gather they asked him to leave their community. In any event, I’m thinking he might have done you a favor this morning.”
A favor? Perhaps one day I’d feel that way. But not now. “Promise me you won’t tell him where you’re taking me.”
She stared at the road ahead. “You have my word. Where are you going once we reach Albuquerque?”
“The train station. I have a letter for you to give the authorities. Nothing more, Charlotte. I treasure our friendship and all you’ve done for me. But from now on, I’m on my own.”
“What about Mr. Murdock?”
“I won’t contact him until I read that the killer or killers are found.”
“I’m frightened for you, my dear.”
I was so scared that I could barely reason. “I’ll be back, Charlotte, and when I return, we’ll spend hours together.”
CHAPTER 39
At supper, Tahoma slid onto the bench in the cookhouse beside Rex.
“Where’s Miss Eva?” Rex’s words accentuated Tahoma’s failure to keep her safe.
He lifted a cup of coffee to his lips. “She left before dawn.”
“With Charlotte? Where did they go?”
Tahoma studied Rex—his cloudy gray eyes, his whiskered chin, and floppy ears that stuck out below the brim of his hat. “She thought it best to hide out somewhere else. Our job’s done.”
“Doesn’t seem like her to up and leave without telling the rest of us good-bye.”
Tahoma eyed him. He wanted to fly into Rex about something, anything, to stoke his surly mood. “Seems that way.”
“Is she going to stay with your people?”
Tahoma no longer had any people. “I’ve no idea where she’ll end up.”
“Sorry to hear about it. Since you had feelings for her and all.”
Irritation scratched at him like cactus needles. “Have you ever heard me say that?”
“Nope. Didn’t have to.”
Tahoma stood from the bench and left his barely eaten plate of food. He needed to get away from anything and everything that reminded him of Eva.
What had he done to upset her? He hadn’t asked her to move into a hogan. Neither had he asked her to consummate the marriage. He’d asked her to marry him to keep her safe—and for a little while, he could say that Eva Fortier was his wife.
He should have gone after her. But what more could he have said? He wasn’t about to confess his heart to a woman he could never have.
Tahoma opened the door to the outside and lifted his face to the cold air. Where did he go from here? What purpose was there in this heartache?
God, are You punishing me for denying You?
The time had come to get away from the high desert. He had no home, and working for Charlotte held no appeal. With determination weighing in his boots, he made his way to check on Whitman. Once he was assured the man was healing properly, Tahoma would clear his gear out of the bunkhouse and pile his whole life into the truck he’d just purchased from Charlotte. All he had left in the world consisted of medical equipment and medicine, which he’d store here until he figured out what he was supposed to be doing.
The West Coast sounded good. He’d never seen California, Oregon, or Washington. Camping in Yellowstone and spending the days alone while he waited for God to pour out His wisdom was Tahoma’s only choice. The icy temperatures could not be any colder than his heart.
I insisted that Charlotte leave me alone at the train station in Albuquerque. She would visit the sheriff’s office there and report the shooting of Mr. Whitman. I apologized for the inconvenience of driving there instead of Santa Fe, but she reminded me that this was where our friendship had begun. When she refused to take any money for gasoline, I left ten dollars on the dashboard.
After picking up a train schedule, I waited inside the station until I felt certain she’d left for the sheriff’s office. A porter helped me transport my bags and rifle to a small hotel, where I checked in under a different name. Exhaustion crept over me. So many decisions to make and no strength to pursue them.
I lay on the hotel bed and prayed for direction. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off to sleep, but dreams of Tahoma invaded my mind. I remembered one day when he accompanied me and the boys to look for rocks. At the time I imagined us married and taking our own sons on adventures.
Would I ever be able to forget or forgive him?
Near dusk I awoke and realized I hadn’t eaten all day. Grandfather had always said the best decisions needed a full stomach and a sound mind. Well, my fuzzy mind might grow clearer with nourishment. He also added a jigger of Scotch, but I’d never developed a taste for it.
My final destination would be a place where no one would ever find me. And I needed an answer soon.
I recalled hearing that God answered prayer in His timing and not in ours. While eating a tasteless beef stew and cornbread dry enough to choke a camel, I glanced through the newspaper. One of the delights of home was daily news, but at Ghost Ranch, state, local, and national events grew cold before I learned about them. For a few minutes, I delighted myself in catching up with the world and in casting aside my many sorrows and worries.
Actually, I gobbled up the news, and the diversion it provided gave me more nourishment than the bowl of food before me. And then, in a small obscure paragraph at the bottom of the back page, I found my new home. I had no idea divine direction would come so soon.
Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona needed a teacher for a mission school.
CHAPTER 40
Six months later
Tahoma shielded his eyes from the sun and stared up at the brick and stone building on the corner of First and Main Streets in Syracuse, New York.
401 Main
James Murdock, Attorney at Law.
He had to know if Eva was all right, and the man who owned the law firm would have the answers to the questions plaguing him since they’d parted at Ghost Ranch.
“Hey, Injun, aren’t you a little far from the reservation?”
Tahoma swung his attention toward a beggar who had his back propped against the building housing Murdock’s law firm. He held a rusty can, and his body smelled like he hadn’t had a bath in months.
“Yeah, you, Injun.” The man grinned through a toothless mouth. “Where’s your tomahawk?”
Tahoma wanted to spit out exactly what he thought of the man’s insults, but what good would that do? He reached into his pocket and flipped a nickel into the can. Without waiting for the beggar’s response, he opened the door and made his way into the law office.
Six months ago, he’d probably have said plenty with all the sarcasm he could muster, but he’d changed. Or rather, God had changed him. From the shores of the California Pacific Ocean where he observed the sea lions to the mountains of Oregon and on to the fishing waters of Puget Sound. Everywhere he went, Tahoma sensed a deep revival in his spirit. But the most startling work had been done in Yellowstone National Park.
There, while viewing the hot geysers that rose from deep beneath the rocks, he finally understood his prejudices were keeping him from God’s will for his life. He’d disappointed his parents and Eva, and instead of learning and growing from the opposition, he’d run. His parents did not accept his faith, but he still loved them. He should have been there every day, showing God’s love by tending to their needs. His father needed constant care, and Tahoma had done nothing. And Eva… He’d seen the love in her eyes, and his reasons for not pursuing a God-honoring relationship came from his own prejudices. He was Navajo by race, but he was a Christian man by faith.
Some people lived a lifetime without making amends and changes. He was one of the lucky ones.
Tahoma stood before a pretty, young receptionist who looked at him strangely. “Is Mr. Murdock available?”
“Do you have legal business with him?” He read fear in her eyes. Did she think he was going to scalp her? The thought amused him.