He released me with a shove that sent me teetering sideways. I barely caught myself on the back of the sofa. A sob caught in my chest that couldn’t make it up to my sore mouth. Tears blinded me, but I held them back, not allowing him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
The phone hit my abdomen, hard enough to leave a mark and knock the wind out of me before clattering to the floor. My purse was tossed to the ground next to his feet, it’s content spilling free across the afghan. He stepped over them and returned to his seat, to his scotch, to being the cold, aloof monster in his three-thousand-dollar suit.
I sank behind the sofa to gather my things, but mostly to gather myself. All I wanted to do was crawl under the clawed legs, curl into a ball and weep.
“Come sit here, Gabrielle.” David’s voice whipped through the room, finding me even in that moment of pain.
I snapped my eyes closed and prayed for it all to end already.
With my things gathered up, I shuffled to where he indicated and sat. I could feel him watching me, his stripping gaze relishing every moment of my agony.
My face felt swollen and bruised. There was an odd numbness to it that made me want to reach up and touch it, but didn’t dare. I had cuts on the insides of my mouth from where he had forced the skin against my teeth, and I was certain he’d loosened at least two teeth.
Kieran took that moment to return. His annoyance entered before he did, but he strode in. There were deep ridges between his eyes that mirrored the downward tilt of his mouth, but I didn’t stare too long. I turned my gaze to the ground and let my hair curtain as much of my face as I could manage.
“How did your call go?” David asked.
Kieran reclaimed his spot. “Uneventful. Thank you.”
I wanted to text M back. I wanted to beg him to meet me again, to take me again, to erase David’s touch and make me forget. I would do anything for another hour with him. I would pay any price. Maybe that made me desperate and starved for love, but I was. I was dying, slowly disintegrating inside for the one thing no one had ever given me my entire life. And while M hadn’t professed his undying love and devotion, he had given me kindness. He had shown me gentleness. Those were things I never thought I would ever feel from another person.
But could I ask for more? Could I allow myself another taste knowing the consequences? I knew David’s threats weren’t idle. I knew he would do it, and get away with it. I knew there wasn’t a single person on the entire planet who would notice my absence.
I had no friends. Not even acquaintances. David owned my apartment building. He had monthly dinners with the Dean of my school. He could dump me in a hole and I would simply vanish forever.
Plus, there was the agreement, the slip of paper promising him my body in exchange for the right to attend school and move out on my own. It wasn’t something I took seriously, or at least not nearly as seriously as I probably should have. I may not have been brave, but I wasn’t stupid. No court in the world would agree to such a load of bullcrap. Honestly, I would have liked to see him standing before a judge and trying to explain all the things he’d done. It wouldn’t happen. And that was the confidence I needed to make my escape. Once I left the country, he would be nothing but a bad memory.
My gaze went to my purse and the phone hidden inside. That tiny bit of plastic had in the flicker of a second become a whole window of endless possibilities. It had become freedom. A freedom that could ultimately get me killed, but I was twenty-two years old and I was done being scared. It was dangerous and reckless, but I needed more.
I needed contact.
I needed to feel human.
Cordelia stalked into the parlor on her towering heels, shattering my thoughts and disrupting my pain. I blinked and focused as the stunning blonde sashayed to Kieran and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Hello darling.” She purred before moving gracefully to David. “Hello Daddy.”
The word daddy made me want to vomit. I never wanted to hear it again where David was concerned. But I doubted he ever said those things to her. I doubted he threatened to have her kidnapped and raped if she ever slept with a man. Otherwise, she would have already been dead; Cordelia had been openly and shamelessly sexual since the age of sixteen. The number of times she’d been caught in the act was in the double digits. But there was never any shortage of the Thornton hypocrisy.
Cordelia finished greeting all the important people and turned.
Her gaze locked with mine, hers a brilliant blue of a summer afternoon. They widened in a tumults moment of stunned surprise. The lashes fluttered like the wings on a deadly, but beautiful butterfly. But I didn’t move. I didn’t even allow myself to breathe. I hovered in that place between wanting to bolt and wanting to remain perfectly still.
“Gabrielle.” Syrup dripped from the purr. It hit the air between us and immediately crackled with a thin coating of ice. “How lovely.”
I swallowed past the paste coating my tongue. “Hello Cordelia.”
There were razor blades in her smile. “You’re in my place.”
“What?” I was positive I hadn’t heard her properly.
Her chin nodded to the spot I held, the one David had told me to take, the one that now felt like I’d stupidly parked my butt in a pit of venomous snakes.
“Why don’t you sit here, Cordelia?” Kieran motioned to the other side of the same sofa, the one next to the armchair he commandeered every Sunday.
The smile dissolved from her face, and it was like watching a winter sun sink behind a thundercloud. Its light faded to annoyance.
“Why do you always seem to come to her defense, Kieran?”
My stomach tensed. My head jerked up to find David drilling painful promises into me with unblinking eyes.
He knows. Oh god, he knows.
I wasn’t sure what he knew or how much, because there was nothing to know, because there was nothing between Kieran and me, but he had me pinned to the seat writhing with terror.
“It’s not about defending her,” Kieran chimed in. “It’s about you sitting down instead of getting upset over a spot. You have to admit you’re too old to be so petty.”
My lungs sucked in a breath at the subtle implication in his words and the war he was about to start. I wondered if he knew what he was doing, if he cared.
“Petty?” Cordelia mumbled, her tone suggesting he’d used a word she’d never heard before.
“It means childish,” Kieran explained smoothly. “It’s unattractive.”
I wished he would stop speaking. He didn’t realize it, but he was stabbing the hornet’s nest with a burning stick. To make matters worse, I was standing directly beneath it.
“Kieran is right,” David interjected. “It’s only a spot. We’re all adults here, aren’t we?”
Having no one on her side for once, Cordelia had no choice but to lower herself down on the cushion next to her father. She shot me a venomous sneer that sent a ripple of fear down my spine, but was easily overlooked, because it wasn’t the worst glare she’d ever given me.
Eric took that moment to waltz into the room, looking like he’d only just rolled out of bed. His hair resembled a startled porcupine around an unshaven face that still harbored lines from his pillow.
He stumbled into the room. Literally. His foot caught the carpet and he went sprawling across the floor in a crumpled heap of intoxicated limbs. The thud echoed through the room, and rattled down my spine.
His family made no move to offer assistance. Kieran did get to his feet as if considering the idea, but he remained in place with a firm set to his mouth.
“Did someone redo the room?” Eric flipped onto his side, the clumsy struggle of an upside-down turtle. “That chair wasn’t always there, was it?”
“There was no chair,” Cordelia muttered. “You’re drunk.”
Eric shoved to his feet. He swayed backwards a step before the momentum drove him forward to the vacant spot next to me. The whole sofa bounced with his hard drop onto the cushion. I came o
ff my seat by a foot from the impact.
“God, it’s early,” Eric griped, rubbing at his temples.
“Rough night?” Kieran lowered himself back down.
“Triplets,” Eric said as if that made any kind of sense. “I was forced to use extra stamina.”
Eric wasn’t vindictive or cruel like Cordelia. Maybe he was incapable of it, or simply too lazy. But he was a leech, a drunken, womanizing slob who had never worked a day in his life, yet was given a seat on David’s company board for no other reason than because he was born a Thornton.
I wasn’t even sure he knew where the office was.
“Hello Father.” Eric grinned. “Looking remarkably more disapproving than usual, I must say. And sis.” He clicked his tongue at Cordelia. “Laying that war paint on a bit thick, aren’t you? Here’s a bit of advice I got from a gorgeous model in Milan, less is more, except in your case, I recommend a full face lift.”
Cordelia lost her cool façade and flipped her brother off.
Eric snickered. That was when he noticed me and blinked.
“Well, hello stranger, look at you sitting at the grown up’s table.”
“Can we cut the crap?” Cordelia barked. “Where’s Mom?”
“She’s coming.” David assured calmly, adding to the deceit that was my mother. “How is business, Kieran?” David redirected his attention to the man who had yet to get a commentary from Eric. “Has the lawyer had you sign over the last of your father’s business holding?”
Kieran nodded. “There’s a few more, but I have the majority of his ... special projects.”
His hesitation didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. I didn’t understand it, but David laughed as if they shared a secret. I didn’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t like the idea of Kieran having anything in common with that sadist.
“Walter had always had a certain kind of vision. You had to respect his uniqueness. You know,” David scooted closer to the edge of his seat. “He inspired me to find my own ... passions. Haven’t had a regret since.”
Kieran offered a tight lip smile, but made no comment.
David scratched at his jaw, visibly torn with whatever had his eyes narrowing deliberatively.
“Listen,” David clapped his hands together. “If you ever find yourself overwhelmed, I’d be more than willing to buy some of those contracts off you. I know you probably have a million other priorities and—”
“We can certainly discuss that,” Kieran broke in. “We can set up a meeting later this week.”
Light glimmered to life behind those empty eyes, the joys of a snake locating a clueless mouse. I didn’t know what the conversation was about, but whatever had that glee twisting David’s mouth couldn’t be good.
“I’m sorry I kept everyone waiting.” Mom strolled into the room in a body molding dress cinched at the waist by a thick, crimson belt that matched her pumps and lipstick. She smiled loosely, lazily like a sleepy cat. “Shall we make our way to the dining room?”
Everyone rose, except me. I remained until Eric’s back had disappeared around the corner and I was completely alone.
I closed my eyes and willed down the inexplicable need to burst into tears. Their unexplained appearance was testament to the mountain of stress crushing me; my breakdowns usually knew never to happen within those walls. My tears waited until I got home. Yet, the longer I sat there, inhaling everything I hated, the stronger my urge to run became. It drummed through my system in a reckless tempo that mirrored the hammering of my heart. Blood roared between my ears, silencing the rest of the world. I could feel myself drowning on my own pain. I could feel it squeezing the life from my lungs.
“Stop.” The plea croaked from my lips, but I nearly didn’t hear it. “Stop. Just stop. You can do this. It’s only an hour.”
But an hour felt like an infinity. The strain of those sixty minutes pulled at my very soul until I was teetering on the very brink of madness.
Salvation arrived with the retrieval of my phone. I dug it from my purse and pulled up the message from M.
It was exactly how David had read it — “Hello, this is M, from last night.”
I bit my lip as the warm ripple started in my belly and spread like honey through me. My heart raced with anticipation and a flicker of fear. The combination had my hands trembling and my words jumbling on my head. But I drew in breath, expanding my lungs to their max before I started typing.
Me: “Hi, I wasn’t sure I would hear from you again.”
I hit send and quickly put my phone on vibrate. It was tucked away in my pocket, not expecting an answer right away. But the moment I pushed to my feet, it buzzed against my hip.
I jolted and scrambled for it.
M: “How could I stay away? I already miss you.”
My heart skittered on my chest, an abrupt cease before galloping wildly. I didn’t know what to say in return. I’d never flirted before. The very concept terrified me, but I had to say something.
His next message arrived before I was done typing.
M: “I hope you don’t mind.”
I hurriedly erased what I’d written and started over.
Me: “No! Not at all. I asked Mr. Murray to pass along my number to you. I was hoping you would use it.” I hesitated on my next choice of words, the novelty making me stomach queasy.
Me: “I missed you this morning.”
The moment I hit send, my face flooded with heat. My nerves jangled. I couldn’t believe I’d sent that to him.
This time, when it vibrated with his response, I couldn’t bring myself to check it, convinced he thought I was some clingy one-night stand with abandonment issues.
But the call was too great. The temptation hounded me to the door, begging me to take one peek at the message. It would be rude not to, I decided, reaching for my pocket.
M: “I’m sorry. I had an early meeting I couldn’t avoid, or we would still be in that room and I’d be making your toes curl the way they do when I kiss that spot on the inside of your thigh.”
I bit my lip at the imagery. My toes curled into the worn carpet.
Me: “I would have really liked that.”
His next message arrived on the heel of mine, making me think he’d been writing it the same time I was.
M: “Tell me honestly, how are you feeling? Did I hurt you?”
His concern was endearing. With just four, small words, he had made me feel wanted, cherished even. Was it any wonder I needed him?
“You were wonderful,” I wrote back. “I’ve never felt anything like that.” Which he knew, I reminded myself. “Thank you for everything.”
“Thank me in person,” was his response. “Meet me. I need to see you again.”
I hesitated.
Not because I didn’t want to, but because I did. Because I wanted it so much.
But I wasn’t stupid.
I wasn’t so blind that I didn’t notice the chasm looming before me.
M, for all the wonder and freedom that he was, was still just a man, a man with a substantial amount of wealth, enough that he could slap down over a million dollars on some girl for one night. But did that mean he felt entitled to me? Did he think I owed him my body forever, and that he could continue using me until he felt the amount was paid?
I didn’t want meaningless sex. I didn’t want to become someone’s plaything. Maybe asking Mr. Murray to give M my number hadn’t been the best decision, especially if he thought I would continue sleeping with him because he’d paid for me.
I was overthinking it. I knew I was being irrational. It wasn’t as if I could even be with him any other way, not without risking David finding out.
M: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.”
I closed my eyes against the new message. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to tell him without sounding like I was an insecure lunatic.
So, I did the only thing I could think of, I wrote back.
Me: “No, you didn’t. I’m at my parent�
��s house for dinner. Can I message you later?”
The little time stamp next to his replay indicated it only took him a minute to reply, but it felt like hours. The unexplainable dread in my stomach made every second stretch.
I wasn’t even sure why I was worried about his answer. I hadn’t said anything that might upset him, yet I honestly expected him to call me a tease and tell me not to message him ever again.
Crazy, but my self esteem issues were at their max volume, it seemed.
M: “Of course. Enjoy your evening, and I look forward to hearing from you again.”
I stored the device back into my pocket and remembered for the first time where I was. The realization struck me with crippling horror.
I’d been there too long.
Everyone would wonder.
They would ask questions I wouldn’t have answers to.
God, why had I answered? I should have waited until I could dedicate my attention to it.
To him.
David was going to be furious.
I snatched up my purse and sprinted from the room. My bare feet made no sound at all as I crossed the corridors in the familiar direction of food and my family.
Dinner had started.
No one had even noticed my absence until the leg on my chair hit the table’s and jittered everyone’s wine goblets.
Conversation rolled to a slow stop. Heads pivoted in my direction.
I winced. “I’m sorry.
“Well, at least you arrived,” Cordelia muttered, dabbing delicately at the corners of her lips with a cloth napkin. “What would dinner be without our resident—”
I never got to hear the end of that when Kieran’s phone took that moment to buzz, distracting her.
“Oh for goodness sakes, who keeps messaging you over dinner?”
I quickly took my seat while no one was looking.
“Leave the man be,” David cut in. “It’s the price of being a business man.”
Cordelia looked no less annoyed as she watched Kieran scan the message. Whatever it pertained had amplified the lingering remains of his frown. He returned the message quickly.
“I apologize.” He put the phone away. “That was the last one hopefully for the evening.”
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