Not possible, I kept telling myself.
Yet ... the evidence...
“Excuse me, are you Gabrielle Thornton?”
My head jerked up. My thoughts scattered. I blinked up at the tiny man hovering just a few feet away, watching me over a stack of thick books.
“Uh...” I straightened. “Yes?”
He took a step closer, eyes wary behind his glasses. “I’m Professor Wesley Weber.”
I shot to my feet. “Hello Professor.” I stuck my hand out. “I apologize. I don’t recall which class...”
His hand was small and clammy with a bony feel when he squeezed mine.
“No, we don’t have any classes together. I don’t attend this university.”
As a person who seldom went anywhere, I couldn’t fathom why a professor from another school would actively seek me out.
“I’m a little confused,” I admitted.
“Oh!” He adjusted his glasses. “I apologize. I was hired to tutor you.”
“Tutor me?”
There was no concealing the surprise in my voice.
“Physics, I believe, but anything you need, really.”
Aside from Professor Vijayan, Kieran, and Cordelia, no one knew about my troubles in that class. I highly doubted Professor Vijayan would find another professor to help me, and Cordelia would sooner chew glass, which left only one other person.
“Kieran Kincaid?” I guessed, partially already knowing.
Professor Weber nodded, causing his glasses to slide down his nose again. “He asked me to assist you.”
I had absolutely no idea what to do. I knew I should turn him away. Whatever this man was costing, I couldn’t afford, which meant I couldn’t let Kieran simply hire him. On the other hand, failing Physics wasn’t an option. If I had a professor tutoring me one on one, I knew I could get a better understanding of the class, opposed to being another name on a list of fifty other people.
“Ms. Thornton?”
I wished Kieran had talked to me first, before forcing the man all the way there. But he was there. There was no point sending him away now. It would be a waste of time for everyone. At the very least, I should consider it, was what I told myself.
“When were you thinking we could start?”
He fidgeted with his glasses again. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“That soon, huh?” I blew out a breath. So much for sleeping on it. “I’m about to walk into my third period. I can give you a rundown of my classes and you can tell me what times in between work for you, if that works?”
He nodded, and waited as I rummaged through my backpack. I unearthed a piece of paper and a pen, and quickly scribbled down my whole week, marking classes in blue, study hall in black, and free periods in red. I also wrote down my number and home address along the bottom.
“My number’s there.” I pointed with the end of my red pen. “When you’ve had a chance to go over your timetable, you can call or text.”
Professor Weber nodded, looking over the page. “I’m sorry to ask, because I feel like I should know, but what are you working towards? What’s your major?”
“I’m in my last year of getting my Bachelor’s degree in behavioral science.”
He nodded slowly. “All right.” He folded my paper in half and slipped it between the pages of his top book. “I should call you by tomorrow.”
I thanked him and watched as he ambled away.
Kieran.
Despite my mild annoyance, I felt myself grin a little. I would definitely need to have a talk with him about doing things for me. I wasn’t helpless. Entirely. I knew I would have eventually found a way to figure it out. But a seasoned tutor did help, even if I would have to find a way to pay Kieran back for it. And not just with sex. I still owed him for the car. Replacing two tires was a grand easy. I couldn’t even fathom how much fixing the heater had been.
Then there were the slippery fingers of suspicions I had about Cain and Kieran. If I was right and they were the same person, that meant I owed Kieran everything. A debt I could never in a million years pay back.
But it made sense if I was right.
There was only one way to be sure.
I picked up my phone.
Me: “I want to see your face.”
I waited.
Cain: “My face?”
I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see it.
Me: “Yes, your face. Who else?”
Cain: “No blindfold?”
Me: “No blindfold. I want to know who you are. I think a part of me already knows.”
Seconds passed. I counted each one with my heartbeats.
Cain: “If you’re right, does it bother you?”
My fingers trembled, but I got most of the words out.
Me: “I don’t know. I’m terrified, honestly. I want it to be, and I don’t want it to be. If it is, then you know one of my darkest secrets, one I’m not proud of, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look you in the face. If it’s not, then it’s a problem, because I want you to be him and I wouldn’t know what to do if you’re not.”
His answer took forever, or maybe it just felt that way, because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Cain: “I guess there’s only one way to found out, isn’t there?”
I wet my lips.
Me: “Cain?”
Cain: “Yeah?”
Me: “You never asked me why I was there.”
Cain: “Because it never mattered. You were. I got you. I won’t let you go back.”
Please let it be him, I prayed, squeezing my eyes closed. Because the longer I talked to Cain, was with Cain, the deeper I was falling and I had no idea what I was supposed to do if he wasn’t Kieran.
Me: “Have you ever wanted a threesome?”
It was longer than normal. I wasn’t sure if it was the question itself, or if he was just busy.
Cain: “A threesome? With two girls?”
Me: “No, another man, and me.”
Cain: “You want two men? You want me to share you?”
Me: “If you’re not him, I don’t know how else I’m ever going to pick between you.”
Cain: “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”
Me: “Picking or sharing?”
Cain: “Both.”
Me: “When can I see you?”
Cain: “When do you want to see me?”
I sighed and slumped in my seat.
Me: “I’m about to head into class.”
Cain: “After school then. I’ll pick you up.”
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
All the air in the entire world mysterious vanished, effecting only me as I sat there gasping between my knees. The phone sat clutched in my hands, a plastic anchor to my clammy, shaky hand.
I wasn’t sure I could make it another five hours.
I wasn’t sure I could afford not to.
The moment I saw him, everything would change ... again, and my life was already a twisted mess.
Then there was the twenty percent chance it wasn’t Kieran. That Cain really was someone completely different. What was I supposed to do then?
I peered up and down the empty corridor, not really expecting to see anyone, but wishing I hadn’t said anything. Somehow, by wanting to know, I’d complicated everything even more.
Maybe I should cancel.
I could tell him I’d changed my mind.
But I knew that wasn’t an option either, because I had to know. I couldn’t keep playing this game. And if he wasn’t Kieran, I would let him go. It would hurt, but I chose Kieran. He was the one I wanted.
The only one.
Me: “Can we do it now? I don’t think I can sit through five hours of lectures with this hanging over my head.”
He was quiet for a long moment.
Cain: “I’ll be there in fifteen. Side parking lot by the main road.”
My nerves rattled. My insides twisted. I was sure I was going to be sick,
but I gathered my things up into my strangely numb embrace and made a wobbly line to the side exit. There was a weird ringing in my ears and all the spit in my mouth had vanished.
Nevertheless, I made it.
I pushed open the glass doors and stood out on the sidewalk, peering out over an ocean of metal and glass. I didn’t check the time. I didn’t look away from the main entrance. My heart clapped in my chest, an erratic tempo of pure terror. I stood rigid in the breeze. Figures moved around me, a blur of faces I barely registered. The plastic on my phone creaked beneath my white knuckled clench.
Cars pulled in and pulled out in a steady stream, each one a fresh jab in the gut when it wasn’t the one I was watching for. A few pulled up to the bottom of the steps inches from my sneakers, but someone would climb out and the driver would continue onward. The rise and drop of my heart was beginning to make me feel sick. The ground wavered with a flash of vertigo that had me squeezing my eyes closed. The crisp air became heavy and hot.
I started to turn away, knowing I needed to find a spot to sit before I tumbled to the bottom of the stairs, when the sleek, black Porsche rolled up and pulled to a stop. The driver side door swung open, and my lungs clapped shut.
Warm, brown eyes met mine over the ten feet separating us, and the entire world came to a screeching halt. My insides flipped. The books in my arms thumped to the ground, hitting the tops of my feet and tumbling down the steps in a scatter of papers and pens. My bag followed, leaving me weightless and free as I lunged forward, my entire body propelling me at speeds that could have broken my neck.
But Kieran was already at the bottom, arms open and ready for impact. They closed the moment I threw myself into his chest.
“Hey baby.” His low murmur pressed into the side of my head.
“I knew it,” I half breathed, half sobbed into his shoulder. “I knew it.”
I made a choking sound, a weak whimper that was barely audible against the heavy material of his coat and the wind, but his arms tightened. His hands closed against my back.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to tell you,” he breathed into my neck. “Christ, Gabby.”
“I’m sorry,” I began.
He shook his head. “No, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”
I sucked in air thick with the scent of him and me.
“I have so many questions.”
He nodded. “Let’s get your books. We’ll go somewhere to talk.”
I let him draw back.
But the moment he did and the chill replaced his heat, reality took that moment to stab me in the chest. The fine definition carved through bone with a precision that nearly had me doubling over.
“Gabby?”
I found his face, gutting horror forcing me back a step.
“Oh my god, it was you.”
“Gabby.” He took a step towards me. “Baby.”
“You ... the auction ... oh my god...” My hands mashed over my mouth. “You saw me...”
“Hey.” He grabbed fistfuls of my sleeves and stopped me before I could ... I wasn’t even sure what I was about to do. I felt frozen, but my feet were positioned to run. “Look at me.”
I tried to. I really did. But all I kept seeing was that bedroom set up at the auction house and him on the other side of the glass, bidding on me.
“God, you saw me, Kieran.”
“Look at me.”
Tears blurred his perfect features, but I raised my eyes to his face. I fixed them there even when the tears rolled free down my cheeks.
“Let me get you into the car, okay?” His fingers swiped away the dampness stinging skin. “We’re going to talk about this somewhere private.”
I let myself get led to the car and get tucked into the passenger seat. I let him close the door and sat there as he hurried back to gather my things off the steps. My books and bag were dumped into the backseat, a disorganized heap I knew would take me hours to set right again. He got in behind the wheel.
I didn’t look at him.
How could I?
God, he’d seen me at my lowest point, a place of my deepest shame. He’d watched me sell myself to the highest bidder like some common prostitute. A glorified one, apparently. A classy prostitute, but still a prostitute, because he’d given me money for the only thing I had worth selling — my body.
I wanted to die.
“Do you have a passport?”
The question had me pulling out of my own spiral misery to glance at him.
“What?”
He turned out of the school parking lot and pulled onto Main Street.
“A passport.” He spared me a quick peek. “Do you have one?”
Baffled past the point of comprehension, I managed a nod.
“Where?”
“My apartment?” I wasn’t sure why it came out as a question, but... “Why?”
Rather than answer, he took the first street leading onto mine and headed in the direction of my apartment. I watched as it drew closer.
“Why do I need my passport?”
“Do you trust me?”
Despite everything that had happened, that was one of the few things that hadn’t changed.
I nodded.
That seemed to satisfy him as he pulled up in front of my doors.
“Grab your passport and ID,” he instructed. “Then come back. Gabby.” He took my chin between gentle fingers, willing me to look at him. “Please. If you don’t come back in ten minutes, I’m going to take that as you no longer being interested and I’ll leave, but if you still feel the same about me as you did this morning...”
He didn’t finish, nor did he need to. I understood perfectly.
I pushed open my door and shoved my stiff joints out of the car. I grabbed my things from the backseat and made a path up the steps. I didn’t look back when letting myself in. The glass door slipped shut between us, and I started up the stairs.
There was a rolling emptiness inside my apartment that seemed abnormally loud to me. I wasn’t sure if it had always been there, but it was deafening. It screamed with all my indecisions, my fears, and doubts. Howling demons tormenting me, mocking me for the royal screw up I was.
But that didn’t solve my problem. It didn’t answer the question, do I follow Kieran, or do I stay? I could end it by staying up in the safety and darkness of my apartment, or I could go and hear what he had to say to all my questions.
I could go, because how I felt about him hadn’t changed, despite everything.
There was no question about it.
I had to know.
I had to ask.
I left my books on the kitchen counter, my backpack on the floor by the door, and grabbed my passport from beneath my mattress. I stuffed it into my purse with my wallet, double checked all the locks, located my cellphone from the side pocket of my bag where Kieran must have stuffed it, and winced at the slight spider web along one corner from where it had been dropped on concrete. It turned on and it wasn’t too bad, thankfully, but I knew it would bug me.
Nevertheless, it joined my passport, the charger cord, my toothbrush, and a spare pair of panties inside my purse. I also added my makeup bag and deodorant.
I didn’t know where he was taking me, but if I needed a passport, I wasn’t going without deodorant.
Satisfied I was semi prepared for anything, I locked up my apartment and made my way down.
Kieran was still there, parked along the curb, anxiously drumming his fingers on the wheel. He looked up and caught sight of me, and was immediately out of the car.
“I have questions,” I told him evenly.
He nodded and opened my door.
I got into the seat before I could change my mind and held my breath as he jogged around the hood and joined me.
Neither of us spoke as he drove. The tension was brittle, but I couldn’t find words to break it. Plus, curiosity had me watching our destination for clues.
We pulled into the airport.
“I
have classes tomorrow,” I told him. “I can’t miss another day.”
“I’ll have you back in time,” he promised, tossing back his seatbelt. “Trust me.”
Not saying anything, I followed him inside. He veered away from the regular kiosks and made a path to a corner counter with a pretty blonde manning the computer. He stated his name.
“Yes, Mr. Kincaid,” she chirped. “Your plane is ready when you are.”
He was handed two tickets and motioned onward.
I’d been on a few planes during family events that required my attendance. I knew the process. But Kieran didn’t take us through the regular checkout area. I was taken into a secluded sitting lounge with leather chairs and a restaurant. It screamed executive and expensive.
We passed through it and made our way down a curved stairway to a small, discreet set up consisting of two men behind a scanning device.
I set my purse on the conveyor belt and stepped through the metal detector.
Kieran followed after me.
My purse was returned to me, our tickets were checked, then we were motioned out through a set of glass doors onto the tarmac.
A sleek, black jet awaited us several yards out. KCK was emblazoned in gold along the tail. I took a wild guess.
“Kieran Cain Kincaid.”
Kieran followed my gaze and nodded.
“What does M stand for?” I asked.
He waited until we’d reached the bottom of the ramp before answering, “Nothing. It popped into my head in the spur of the moment.”
I followed him up into the lavishly crafted airplane with its rich, shiny wood and deep leather seats. I’d never been on a private jet, but I could see the fascination; it was gorgeous. Even the air smelled sweet and spicy. And unlike normal planes, there was room for movement. There was a full sofa to stretch out on and chairs that reclined and vibrated. Not even the first-class seating David was so fond of measured up.
A brunette greeted us with a toothy smile and took the tickets from Kieran. She didn’t utter a word, not even a hello, but she motioned us in and disappeared into the cockpit.
We each claimed a seat adjacent to the other. Belts were locked into place.
Then there was nothing left to do, but sit and listen as the ramp was pulled away and the door closed. The engine started with a low purr. Then we were airborne.
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