Except that wasn’t true. He’d flat out asked her last week. She’d said she would never have kids, not biological or adopted. That didn’t mean she didn’t like them though. She’d only been thinking of her concerns about exposing anyone to her perceived problems.
Deacon caught up with her at the kitchen table and they sat in relative silence while they ate burgers and fries.
When Raeann was done, she sat back and looked at him. “So, do you have a timetable?”
He nearly choked on his last bite. “For what?” He had a lot of timetables. He was worried about which one she was referring to.
Her brow furrowed. “For moving the kids in.”
“Oh, right. Yes. I took next Friday off so I can rent a truck and move all their stuff in one day. It will be easier for them if I can get their bedrooms set up so that by the time they need to go to sleep, their rooms will at least be sort of familiar. They’ve already moved once, and they’ll have to move again soon, but for now, this will have to work. The longer I leave them with my parents, the harder it will be on everyone.”
She nodded. “It’s a good plan.”
For some reason, he exhaled as if her approval meant the world to him. Because it did.
“What about daycare?”
He nodded. “I’ve visited two places this past week during lunch. Both of them have availability. I just need to choose one. They’re both near my office. It’s going to be tough, but it will work. I know I’ll probably need a lot of time off in the near future, but Jake is being amazing about it. I finally told him and the rest of my coworkers this past week that I would be raising my niece and nephew. They didn’t seem surprised, and all of them were supportive. I’m fucking lucky.”
“That’s good. From what I’ve heard, Westside Programming is an amazing place to work.”
“It is. And the best part is Jake has only hired guys just getting out of the Army, so we have similar backgrounds. We understand each other. We all did something computer-related in the military.”
She smiled warmly. “Speaking of jobs, I need to email my boss, give her the heads up. I warned her I might need a leave of absence, but that time has come. I’ll lie low until I can get my name changed.”
He swallowed, hating this for her. Hating it for himself. He didn’t want her to change her name or move to fucking Denver. He didn’t have answers though.
Raeann rose and headed for the bedroom. While Deacon tossed their wrappers in the trash, she returned with her computer and set it up on the table.
He left her alone to concentrate, but he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He’d moved his computer desk out of the third bedroom, so he too would be using the kitchen table for a home office when he needed to get work done. It seemed necessary though. He couldn’t easily put the two kids in the same room. They weren’t used to that. They would never sleep.
Speaking of sleep. He reminded himself that living with him was going to be a challenge for Raeann, who needed to sleep at odd hours sometimes. And then he realized they didn’t have to worry about that hurdle right now. Not if she was taking a leave of absence.
He wandered into the first empty room and stared out the window at the night. Should he paint it pink? Probably not. Thank God he’d rented this house. He would break the lease soon though because he didn’t want to wait eight more months to move the kids again. He’d only moved in four months ago.
He was in his own mind, making lists and feeling overwhelmed when Raeann appeared next to him, her hand on his lower back. “You have a full plate,” she commented.
He lifted an arm around her and leaned his cheek on the top of her head. “Yes. Very. But I also feel blessed.”
“I wish I shared some of your optimism.”
He chuckled. “I’d hardly consider myself optimistic. Me. The guy who’s been dragging his feet for six months, avoiding his obligations.”
“I’m sure no one blames you. It’s just taken you a while to absorb everything. It’s not like Teddy and Katia have been in an orphanage, Deacon. They’re with your parents who love them to pieces and would keep them in a heartbeat if it were feasible.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “You’re right, but we all knew this move needed to happen from the beginning. It was like an unspoken truth between me and Mom. Neither of us said it out loud.”
“But you’ve obviously spoken to her about it now, right?” She tipped her head back to look at him.
“Yes. We talked Saturday morning before Dad got up. She cried, but I know she was also relieved. She’s worried about me taking on too much responsibility, but it is what it is. Sometimes life tosses us strange things and we have to catch them.”
“Yeah. There were so many times I thought about leaving my mom. It would have been so much easier on me if I hadn’t stuck around. I could have moved out when I turned eighteen and gotten out of Dodge, away from her volatile unpredictable behavior, away from the Venatori freaks. Hell, I could have left Virginia after she moved into the facility for full-time care, but I didn’t. Because she was my mom and I loved her. Was it tough? Yes. Was it an obligation? Yes. But it wasn’t one I would have ignored.”
She slid a hand up his chest, which was tight from listening to her.
“So, I get it, Deacon. It’s okay to admit you’re stressed, that you feel cornered, that you didn’t want to raise two kids who aren’t yours. It’s okay that you love them but you’re scared. It’s okay that you took a few months to get it together. And I know exactly how you’re feeling. You would never choose differently, and you will do the best job raising them possible, but it won’t be easy. There will be times you hate the world. But you’ll make it, and you’ll be so glad twenty years from now when two of the most well-adjusted kids take off on their own as adults that you raised.”
She smiled at him, and he swallowed back emotions. He’d never been such an emotional guy until lately. Until Aaron died. Until everything around him always seemed insurmountable and sad.
Including his relationship with Raeann. She was a mixed blessing. He was so deep into her that he would give anything to keep her, but he had ten thousand other obligations at the same time, and he couldn’t force her. If she stayed, it had to be her decision. Otherwise, they would both end up regretting it later.
Yes, he needed to make a lifetime commitment to two kids, but asking someone else to make it with him had seemed insurmountable. He’d believed until a week ago that he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever ask another person to join him. But that was before he realized he couldn’t and wouldn’t let Raeann go. Not without giving it everything he had. If she still left, he could at least look back and say he’d tried.
He hugged her tight and kissed her forehead. “I’m exhausted. You’re exhausted. Let’s go to bed.”
“Okay.” She squeezed him around the waist and let him lead her from the room.
Chapter 18
Raeann shut herself in Deacon’s master bath and opened her toiletry bag. She removed her makeup and brushed her teeth. When she finished, she stared at his toothbrush holder before settling her toothbrush in next to his with a shaky hand.
Why did it seem like such a big deal? It was just a toothbrush. Maybe she could make a joke about it. That would lighten things. She left the rest of her toiletries in the bag on the counter, but tomorrow she promised herself she would put her shampoo and conditioner in the shower and leave them there.
She changed into a tank top and cotton shorts while she was in the bathroom too. Everything about this arrangement was awkward. The man had not only seen her naked more than once, but he’d been inside her. He’d shown her that sex could be so much more than she’d ever imagined.
It was unreasonable to think they wouldn’t have sex again. Obviously, they would. Maybe not tonight but soon. She had no idea what would be appropriate to wear to bed, so she’d gone with what she normally wore.
When she opened the door, she found Deacon sitting on the edge of the bed. He was wearing fla
nnel pants and no shirt. His broad chest made her salivate as usual. He looked up from his phone and smiled before setting it down and walking toward where she stood in the doorway.
He slid his hands up her biceps to her shoulders. “Find everything you needed?”
“Yeah. I, uh, put my toothbrush in your holder too.” She smiled coyly.
“Did you now?” He kissed her forehead. “Baby steps.” As he slid past her to enter the bathroom himself, he patted her butt. He spoke to her back as he entered, the door almost shut. “The tank top is sexy, but it’s not going to last long.”
She bit back a grin as she rushed over to climb into his bed. Her heart rate picked up at his words. She shouldn’t continue sleeping with this man. It was a horrible idea. It was also inevitable. And why deny herself more pleasure? The damage she was going to have to endure for a lifetime after she moved to Denver was already done.
Five minutes later, he returned to the bedroom, flipped out the lights, and climbed onto the other side.
“I wasn’t sure if you had a side you preferred. This was where we ended up last time, so I just…” Could this be any more awkward?
He reached for her and pulled her against him, chest to chest, eye to eye. “I’m not invested in a particular side. You can choose.”
She swallowed and nodded as her eyes adjusted to the dim light coming from outside.
“Let’s just see what happens naturally.”
“’K.”
“Are you tired?” he asked.
“Yes.” But also not.
“You want me to leave you alone so you can sleep?” He lifted a brow.
She shook her head. “I’d never be able to fall asleep without… I mean…”
He chuckled. “I bet I can wear you out so that sleep comes easily.”
“I’m okay with that.” She was more than okay with it. Already, her nipples were tight points against her tank top.
He slid a hand into her hair and closed the distance so their lips touched. For a few moments, he simply teased her with light barely kisses until he finally tipped his head more to one side and deepened the contact.
He seemed to release a satisfied moan into her mouth as his body relaxed against hers. She felt the same way. Like pent-up energy had been sizzling between them from the moment he’d stepped into her condo earlier. An awkwardness that could only be soothed by facing the fact that they were both crazy about each other. Sex was inevitable and welcome.
Holding her head with one hand, he slid the other down her back and under her shirt. When his palm splayed on her back, she arched closer to him. She loved his touch, his fingers stroking her skin, warming her inside and out.
She was so aroused by the time he pushed her shirt over her head that the forced break in their kiss made her whimper. His lips were back on hers seconds later, however, and she smoothed her free hand up and down his back and over the flannel to squeeze his ass.
The man was so built, every inch of him firm beneath her touch. Rock hard. Even his amazing ass was toned.
He groaned when she slid her hand under the waistband of his sleep pants and cupped his butt skin to skin. When he did the same to her, she tipped her head back, breaking the kiss, causing her nipples to rub against his chest.
Deacon nibbled a path down her neck and between her breasts, nuzzling her skin there before sliding his mouth to one side and suckling a nipple.
She cried out, every inch of her on fire. So sensitized. Would it always be this way with him? Would she always light up when he touched her? Already she was close to orgasm and he hadn’t touched her clit yet.
Deacon eased lower, lining his mouth up with her chest while he slid her shorts and panties over her hips. She lifted her body to accommodate him, her hand coming to his biceps to grip him and hold on. As if she might fall. It felt like it. Like she was floating in the room and needed grounding.
As soon as she was completely free of clothing, he rolled her to her back and scooted even lower down her body, climbing between her legs, parting her thighs, and kissing up and down her inner thighs until she was shaking with need.
“Deacon…” Her hands came to his shoulders.
“What do you need, baby?” he whispered against her sensitive skin.
“Your mouth on me. Please.” She was panting now, her head tipped back farther, lips parted, vision clouded.
He took his time, kissing and licking her everywhere except where she craved him the most. The man was a God. Torturing her until she was close to begging before he finally took her clit between his lips and sucked.
She cried out, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Her orgasm was so close to the edge. She’d missed him so much. She’d thought about every moment of their previous sexual encounters over and over again while she’d been without him.
And now she was here. Again. In his arms. His mouth on her pussy. His hands holding her open. His breath… God, every time he exhaled, she grew closer.
All of a sudden, he pushed her thighs wider, legs bent, knees high. He held her down as he thrust his tongue into her channel.
She detonated, an explosion of sensation consuming her. Her entire body shook from the force of her orgasm, her nerve endings raw and sensitive.
She tugged at him, her breaths irregular as she begged. “Deacon, please. I need you inside me.”
He slid up her body, leaned over to the nightstand, and returned with a condom. Seconds later, he was sliding it on. Then he lined up with her pussy. “Fast or slow?” he asked.
For a moment, she was confused. Then she lifted her hips. “Fast. Fuck me. I want to feel every inch of you deep inside me.”
He thrust into her all the way, his hands sliding under her shoulder blades so he could hold on to her with his fingers wrapped around her shoulders. It was so possessive and hot.
His lips came to hers, kissing her senseless again, making it hard to focus on his cock filling her, stretching her. Goosebumps rose all over her arms as his thrusts increased. If she’d thought their previous escapades between the sheets had been an illusion, she’d been wrong. Nothing in life compared to what it felt like to have Deacon on top of her, filling her, fucking her, taking her, claiming her, marking her.
Scaring the fuck out of her. But she’d deal with that later.
Right now, all that mattered was how damn good it felt to make love to this man.
Chapter 19
Raeann woke up to a warm hand cupping her breast, a finger circling her nipple. She opened her eyes to find Deacon on his side next to her, leaning his cheek in his palm, staring at her while he absently played with her breast. “Good morning,” he murmured, his morning voice the stuff out of romance novels.
“It is,” she responded as she slid her hand up his arm and rolled to face him.
His hand remained on its target, his finger never losing its mark, not touching her nipple directly.
“Mmm,” she managed. I could get used to this, was on the tip of her tongue, but she held it back. She had no business getting used to this.
He lowered his face to her nipple and finally made contact, not with his finger, but with his tongue. Even better.
She lifted her top leg and draped it over his hip, opening herself up, all modesty lost after spending yet another night with this gorgeous, amazing lover. She smoothed her hand down his side and found his cock, stroking it gently, smiling inside when she found him already sheathed and ready.
He groaned against her nipple, the vibrations traveling to her pussy, making her arch. How could he affect her this strongly, this quickly, this thoroughly? Morning sex wasn’t something she was familiar with. Apparently, she’d been missing out in this arena too.
Deacon growled as he released her nipple, his lips coming to hers, an urgency in his kiss. His hand moved from her breast to her ass, gripping her firmly.
She slid her tongue along the seam of his mouth while she closed the scant inches between them. After stroking his cock several more times,
she lined it up with her entrance and thrust her hips forward, impaling him.
He broke the kiss with a gasp, his gaze coming to hers, his hand cupping her ass. “Jesus. Warn a guy.”
“More fun this way.” Without their usual foreplay, her pussy was tighter. Every stroke of his cock felt more intense.
“Mmm.” He repeated her sound from a minute ago, his deeper, sexier, raspier. “I could get used to this…”
She froze when he said exactly what had been on the tip of her tongue, pausing long enough for him to search her gaze. “You okay?”
“Yes.” She smiled, hoping it didn’t look forced. She needed a moment to pull herself back together, rein in her emotions. If she could just enjoy their time together without letting her heart get involved…
He furrowed his brow. He wasn’t convinced, so she shoved his shoulder and moved with him, coming over him so that she straddled him when he landed on his back.
Now he was smiling, his hands on her hips, his cock buried deeper in this position.
She arched her chest forward, her head tipping back as she enjoyed the fullness. They fit together so damn perfectly, but she needed to chase that thought away and remind herself once again to enjoy the moment.
It was so hard not to think about the future. A future in which she did not get to have this cock inside her on a lazy Saturday morning. A future without riding this man or having him on top of her, fucking her senseless until she couldn’t remember her name.
And how rich was that? She probably wouldn’t be able to remember her name. In a few weeks, it would no longer be Raeann. It would be something totally different. Jane or Mary or Beth.
She set her hands on his hard pecs and dug her knees into the mattress at his hips, lifting almost off him before slamming back down.
“Rae…” His nickname for her rolled off his tongue, sounding so rich and full of promise.
She fucked him hard, picking up the pace, heedless of her breasts bouncing with every thrust. All her focus was on how good it felt to have him stretching her like this. The intimacy.
Takeoff (Open Skies Book 5) Page 13