“I’m here, Deacon. I can’t stay. You know that. But I’m here now.”
“Please stay for a while longer. Don’t go sleep on someone else’s couch.”
“Okay.” She had no idea why she agreed. It was a horrible idea. Every day she was here in his home she grew more attached to him. She didn’t know much about kids, but these two pulled at her heartstrings, and she feared she might grow attached to them too. That spelled disaster.
He pulled her closer into his embrace, a place she’d learned she loved to be. He did so often, holding her, touching her. He hugged her every chance he got, wrapping his arms around her on the couch or in bed or even just randomly when he passed her in the hallway or the kitchen.
She wasn’t used to this kind of affection. Her mother had never been overly affectionate. She had done sufficient enough nurturing to get Raeann out of childhood, but Raeann couldn’t remember sitting in her lap or being rocked. Maybe she’d been too young.
Feeling vulnerable and emotional, she hugged him back, holding on tight, lingering for a long time in his arms.
He didn’t let her go, and they stood there in the silence, rocking back and forth for a while until Raeann finally leaned back. “Thank you.”
He frowned. “For what, baby?”
“For everything. For showing me another side of life. For letting me pretend to be a part of yours for a while, giving me a glimpse of normal.”
His frown deepened. “Please tell me you aren’t pretending. I’m not pretending.”
She licked her lips. “That didn’t come out right.”
“This is my life, Rae. I’m baring my soul to you here. Every day. It’s no secret that I want you here. I want you to stay. You know that. I’m not playing or pretending.”
“I know, but I’ve also made it clear I can’t stay. I don’t have the luxury of being what you need me to be.”
“And what’s that? Loved? Cause that’s what I need you to be. Loved. Cherished.”
Her chest tightened. God, how she wanted those things. He burrowed into her soul with the intensity of his gaze, his eyes searching hers. “You’re torturing me with things I can’t have, Deacon.”
“That’s not my intention. My intention is to convince you you can have them. That’s always been my intention. You know that.”
She did. None of this was his fault. He’d been straight with her. He wanted her, and he intended to make it too hard for her to leave. It was working, but she had to force herself to focus on reality every once in a while, too. Remind herself that someone would always be hunting her and she would forever have a cloud of uncertainty about her mental health floating around everywhere she went.
She would never be able to stay in one place for long or fully unpack or settle down. She would never live in an actual house like this one, something she owned instead of rented. None of that was in the cards for her. She would not burden anyone with those problems, least of all Deacon and his niece and nephew.
“Come on,” Deacon murmured. “Let’s go to bed. I want to get started early so that everything is put together while we still have daylight.” He took her hand and led her from the room, flipping off the lights as they left.
It was early, far too early to fall asleep, but Raeann knew sleep wasn’t something Deacon intended for a while. The man was about to show her once again how much he adored her. And she was powerless to stop him. She would not. She wanted to fill her mind with memories, no matter how unwise it might have been.
Chapter 21
Deacon was a mixture of happy and nervous as he entered his parents’ home the next morning, his hand on the small of Raeann’s back. He’d been touching her nearly constantly in one way or another ever since he’d led her to bed last night. He’d removed her clothes as if she were a porcelain doll and made slow love to her until she was moaning, begging, and calling out his name.
He didn’t know what else to do to convince her but tear down every argument she had by making it too hard to deny him. He wasn’t playing fair, but he’d been upfront about that from the beginning.
He knew she often shut down her doubts and lived in the moment. He loved the look on her face when she was totally with him, when she wasn’t thinking about her mom or her potential for mental illness or the batshit crazy people harassing her.
Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to fix any of those concerns except to convince her he didn’t care. And he understood why she did care. He got it. If he were in her shoes, he’d probably feel the same way about the entire package. But dammit, he was in love with her, and he simply didn’t give a fuck about what baggage she brought to the relationship.
Today was important in his mind. Today she would be forced to interact with Katia and Teddy again. If she fell under their spell like he suspected she would, he prayed she would be unable to deny him.
As soon as they stepped inside, Katia came running, as usual. That girl had bionic ears. She always knew when the front door opened and beat everyone to greet her uncle. “Unca Dea,” she shouted, making him smile at the way she pronounced his name.
He swooped her off the floor, his usual way of greeting her, and wrapped his arms around her as she hugged his neck tightly.
Raeann smiled warmly as she tucked the tips of her fingers in the front of her jeans.
Katia leaned back and cupped Deacon’s face with her chubby little hands. “Gigi says today we are moving to your house. It’s going to be an advencature.”
Deacon chuckled. “An adventure.”
Katia frowned. “That’s what I said.”
Deacon kissed her nose. “Can you say hi to my friend Raeann?” Deacon asked Katia. “She’s going to help me move your things today.”
Katia squirmed to free herself and turned to Raeann when her feet hit the floor. “Rain is a funny name.”
Raeann laughed. “I guess it is.”
Deacon didn’t even try to correct Katia. For some reason, it was cute how she pronounced it rain.
His mom showed up in the entryway next. She set a hand on Deacon’s arm and rose up on her toes to kiss his cheek before turning to Raeann. “So nice to see you again. Thank you for helping.”
“You too, ma’am. I don’t mind helping at all.”
His mother waved a hand through the air. “Please, call me Marcy.”
Raeann smiled as they followed his mother toward Katia’s bedroom. Katia ran circles around them, jumping up and down in between. “Gigi packed some of my toys in boxes.”
Deacon smoothed a hand over her soft curls. “Maybe Raeann will help you finish packing your smaller things while I take your bed apart.”
Katia grabbed Raeann’s hand and dragged her the rest of the way to her room. “Come on, Rain. I’ll show you my dolls and my stuffed aminals. Did you know that monkeys are an aminal? I have a pink one.” Their voices faded as Deacon turned toward Teddy who was just starting to walk, wobbly on his feet. He was teetering toward them as they passed the kitchen.
Deacon leaned down to pick him up next, tickling his belly to make him laugh. His little baby giggle made life worth living. Deacon carried him into the kitchen to say hi to his dad, who was sitting at the table. He had several stitches in his forehead now, but it didn’t look too bad.
“Hey there, son. What brings you by the house today?”
Deacon swallowed. Watching his father slowly lose his short-term memory was difficult.
His mom patted his dad on the shoulder. “Deacon is moving the children to his house today, honey. He’s here to pack up their things.”
“Ah, right. How could I forget?” He smiled up at Deacon from sipping his coffee, his expression seemingly normal. It was getting harder and harder to tell how aware he was. “I’ll help you as soon as I finish my coffee.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Deacon knew that wouldn’t happen. All his dad did lately was sit at the table with the newspaper open in front of him sipping coffee all day. His mom reheated it several times a day, and she humored him b
y keeping a subscription to the local paper that still got tossed in the driveway every morning.
Deacon left his father and followed his mother to Katia’s room, bouncing Teddy on his hip before setting him on the floor inside the room.
Raeann was seated cross-legged next to a toy box. It appeared that Katia was making things progressively worse by taking everything out of the box. She was mid-sentence when they entered. “And this is Penelope. She’s my favorite. She has a pink dress.” Katia handed the doll to Raeann.
Raeann winked up at Deacon and his mom. “She’s very pretty. Should we put all these toys back in the box so they can get loaded in the moving truck?”
Katia shook her head. “I’ll hold them.”
“All these toys?” Raeann asked, her eyes dancing with laughter.
“Yes. In my lap.”
Teddy wobbled closer, but he tripped at the last moment and fell headfirst toward the toybox.
Luckily, Raeann was fast, and she managed to swipe him off his feet before he hit his head. He started crying anyway, so she stood and settled him against her chest, patting his back and bouncing around as if she were a natural at childcare.
His mother sighed. “Oh my. That child has been into everything this morning. I would have had more packed, but I’ve had to chase him from room to room.”
Raeann looked toward Deacon. “What’s most helpful? I can keep them out of the way or pack.”
Deacon’s mother swiped her hand across her forehead. “Oh honey, if you entertain them while I help Deacon, you’d be a godsend. It’ll be easier since I know what all needs to go with you.”
Raeann nodded. “Perfect. I’ll take them into Teddy’s room then, while you work in here.” She took Katia’s little hand in hers and led her from the room.
Deacon stopped her at the door, cupped her face, and met her gaze. “Thank you,” he mouthed. His heart was full. God, she was gorgeous. Even with her arms full of his niece and nephew, she was amazing. She hadn’t asked for this. In fact, he’d nearly begged her to help out today. And she stepped up to the plate as if she did this every day.
She smiled at him and left the room.
He made quick work taking the bed apart and then helped his mother empty the dresser so it wouldn’t be as heavy. He had a dolly, but he was going to have to do most of the heavy lifting himself.
By the time he headed to Teddy’s room, he found Katia playing quietly on the floor with her doll and Teddy asleep in Raeann’s arms in the rocking chair.
Raeann grinned and whispered, “Easiest job ever. Why do people always seem exhausted taking care of kids?” She was joking, as was evident in her sarcastic tone and the wide eyes that exaggerated her expression.
His mother laughed softly. “Please. Call me and say that tomorrow.”
Raeann grinned knowingly.
His mother whispered again. “You want to put him down in the middle of my bed? He’ll probably stay asleep for another hour.”
Raeann rose carefully and followed Deacon’s mom from the room. She returned a few minutes later, clapping her hands together. “So, what do you want me to do? So far I’ve gotten off easy.”
Deacon dragged in a few more boxes and started taping them. “You can fill these while I take the crib apart.”
“I’ll go get some more tape,” his mother declared before padding from the room again.
Deacon dropped the box, snagged Raeann around the waist, and hauled her against him. “Have I thanked you?”
She giggled and glanced at the door. “Yes. Your mom isn’t going to believe we’re friends if you don’t let me go.”
“My mom never believed we were friends.”
He loved the way her face flushed as she wiggled free of him and jumped out of his reach. “Stop fooling around. We have work to do.”
They went back to packing, and two hours later, they were done with both rooms. It was almost noon when they had the moving van loaded, which Deacon thought was pretty good timing.
His mother had made them lunch, so they all sat down at the table and dug into her famous foot-long sandwiches. His father set his paper aside to join them.
Teddy made a mess with his food, some of it ending up in his mouth, most on the floor. Katia sat on a booster seat and ate part of a sandwich. Deacon had eaten many meals with them, but he watched them closely this time, realizing this was the last meal his mother would be totally in charge of.
Deacon glanced over at his mom when he realized she’d been speaking to him. “I’m sorry. Repeat that last part.”
His mom smiled and held up a piece of paper. “I said I wrote some things down for you. Hopefully, it will help out for the next few days, but please call me every time you need to and ask me questions. I know it will be tough at first.” She slid the paper across the table toward Deacon. “Mostly I wrote down times that Teddy usually naps and the hours he sleeps. He’s drinking regular milk now, but he still takes a bottle to go to bed. Should probably break him of that soon.” She started to choke up.
Deacon reached for his mom’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s going to be okay, Mom. I promise. For all of us. You and Dad can come over anytime you want, and we’ll come here.”
His mother swiped at her tears. “I know. It’s just hard. Your brother…” She sucked in another sob and then stood and scurried from the room.
“Honey?” his father asked before turning toward Deacon. “She’s been emotional lately. I don’t know why.”
Deacon’s chest seized. He knew exactly why. She’d lost her other son. She’d lost the only daughter she’d ever had too. Aaron’s wife, Cici. She was slowly losing her husband. And on top of all that, her grandkids were moving out. Of course, she was sad.
He choked down the rest of his sandwich and looked toward Raeann. “Can you keep an eye on things for a few minutes?”
“Of course. Go.” She nodded toward the hallway.
Deacon stood, wanting to bend down and kiss her, but he refrained, knowing she wouldn’t want him to display that level of affection in front of the kids or his father. Deacon was reaching a point where he didn’t give a single fuck who saw him kissing her, but he needed to be patient. If he pushed too hard, he would lose her.
He found his mom in Teddy’s empty room, staring out the window. She must have sensed him approaching because she started talking without looking over her shoulder. “I should move the guest furniture back in here.”
“Nah. You’re going to sell this house soon.” He set his hands on his mother’s shoulders.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.” She swiped a tear off her cheek.
He hugged her against him, comforting the woman who had comforted him for all of his life. His heart was hurting too, but he knew her situation was so much worse. “Regrets?” he asked, not sure why the word slid off his tongue.
She shook her head. “God, no. Never. I’d rather have had Aaron for the years I did than not at all. And your father… We’ve been together since we were kids. Even if he lives twenty more years and doesn’t know me, I’ll be by his side as much as I can. I love him.”
Deacon swallowed, choking up as his mother spoke. He’d only known Raeann for a few months. He’d spent part of that time separated from her. And still, he already knew his mother spoke the truth. Even if Raeann did develop a mental illness and needed support, he wanted to be that man. He wanted her to trust him to be by her side in sickness and in health. He wanted her to stop being so stubborn and believe that he spoke the truth when he told her those things.
It was hard watching his father decline, and he knew it had been even harder for Raeann to watch her mother slip away. She’d been much younger. She’d been the sole provider for her mom. There was no comparison, but Deacon thought he could at least understand the pain she must have felt.
They stood in silence for a while before his mother drew in a deep breath and stood taller. “Raeann is amazing.”
“Yeah, she really is.”
&nbs
p; “So…?”
He chuckled. “It’s complicated.”
She spun around and crossed her arms to glare at him. “It’s always complicated.” She swung her arms out to encompass the room or the house or even the planet. “Do you see anything around me that isn’t complicated? If we always waited for things to be not complicated, we’d never live.” She shook a finger at him. “And believe me, it’s better to have lived and lost, blah blah blah. Were you listening to me before?”
He smiled. “Yes, Mom. And I think it’s loved and lost.”
She narrowed her gaze. “Which only proves my point more.”
He smiled again. “Believe me, Mom. I’m working on it. You’ll have to trust me on this one.”
She hesitated. “You better be. I like her.”
“I love her,” he blurted out.
Her eyes went wide. Her smile broadened. “Well then.”
“Keep that to yourself for now.”
“You haven’t told her?” She looked incredulous.
“She’s not ready.”
More smiling, then his mother clapped her hands over her mouth. “That’s so exciting.”
“Mom…” he warned, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake in saying anything.
“I won’t say a word.” But her face was lit up brighter than he’d seen in a while. She was downright giddy.
“Mom…” he warned again.
She schooled her face, almost.
“Well, we better get to the house and get all this stuff moved in. You still okay with bringing the kids later?”
“Yes. Of course. We’ll bring them when you’re ready. I know it would be hard to unload their stuff with them underfoot.” She sighed heavily. “I’m going to miss them terribly.”
Deacon pulled her in for another hug. “I know you are. But your hands are full. This is the right thing to do. In a few weeks, we’ll see about finding you a place closer to me.”
“I know it’s for the best. And bless you for doing this. I know it wasn’t in your life plan. You’re a good brother and a great man, Deacon. If I were younger…”
They both knew that in a few years his father would be a liability, not recognizing the kids. The job of raising them would be far too hard for her. It was only reasonable for Deacon to take them. And he would do his best by them. It might be scary, but he had this.
Takeoff (Open Skies Book 5) Page 15