by Robin Gianna
“Won’t it be hurt? Won’t it hurt the baby?”
“No. Baby is protected by all the fluid and tissue around it. And we’ll keep a close eye on the baby’s heartbeat to make sure it isn’t distressed. If it is, I’ll stop. Rory, I want you to keep an eye on the monitor.”
“Got it.”
She watched Jake do as he’d said he would, his big hands pushing and twisting on Natalia’s belly. Her throat tight, Rory glanced at Natalia, wondering what she was thinking. Wouldn’t it be disturbing for any woman to see the mound of the baby in her belly being shoved and turned? But Natalia didn’t shriek or moan at his efforts, at least no more than she had before, so the narcotic and the relaxer he’d given her must be working.
“Heart rate looks good,” Rory said, staring at the monitor.
“Okay. I think we’re getting there. Baby’s definitely moving. Hold on a little longer, Natalia.” He continued his manipulation as the minutes ticked by. “How’s the heart rate now?”
“Still fine.”
“Good. Almost...there.”
He leaned back, and the broad grin on his face had Rory sucking in the first breath she’d taken for a while. She watched Jake pull new surgical gloves from his bag and snap them on.
“It’s head-down now. And I have a feeling your little one is ready to rock and roll now that it’s not stuck. Give me some good pushes, Natalia.”
She pushed, and to Rory’s shock the baby actually crowned. “Oh, my gosh—you were right! There it is!”
It was probably not the most professional thing to blurt, but birthing babies wasn’t something she’d done much of, and the last time had been years ago.
“See it crowning, Jameson? Your baby is coming!”
“I can’t believe it. You’re doing so great, honey.” He clutched Natalia’s hand. “So good. I love you. I love you so much.”
Jake spoke encouragingly to Natalia as she pushed, his fingers working to free the baby’s head, and then with one more big effort the infant’s tiny pink body came into the world, held in Jake’s strong hands.
“You have a beautiful baby girl! Congratulations,” Jake said, that big smile back on his face. “Can you grab the bulb suction, Rory? And a towel?”
“Yes. Of course.”
It was hard for her to speak through the thickness in her throat. Tears stung the backs of her eyes as she grabbed what they needed. She handed the bulb to Jake, so he could clear the baby’s nose and mouth while she took a towel to begin wiping the tiny feet and hands. The little pink belly and wet brown hair.
What a miracle. What a beautiful thing to witness, to be a part of in even the smallest way.
Of course she’d seen babies born when she was in medical school, but back then her own experience had been too fresh, too raw, for her to be able to enjoy and appreciate seeing the birth of a healthy baby when her own had died, knowing it might have been her fault.
She swallowed back the tears and smiled at this sweet new life. Maybe this was exactly what she’d needed to truly heal. Maybe she’d needed to come back home for a little while, back to where the worst day of her life had happened, to see Jake one last time, to talk about it now that there were years between that awful day and now—and to see this beautiful baby born and be able to feel true happiness for the new parents instead of grief and melancholy.
Rory laid a clean towel across the new mother’s chest and Jake wrapped the baby in another towel before giving the infant to her mother.
“There she is. Was it worth all that pain now that she’s here?”
“Yes. Oh, yes. She’s so beautiful. I can’t believe it...”
Natalia beamed as she looked up at her husband. He leaned over to give her a kiss so sweet it made Rory’s eyes sting all over again.
“Do you have a name picked out for her?” Jake asked.
“I don’t know. Do we?” She smiled weakly at Jameson. “We had two girl names and two boy names, figuring we’d decide what it looked like when it came.”
“I think she’s definitely a Shae. Don’t you?” said Jameson.
“Shae...” Natalia whispered, softly stroking the baby’s cheek. “Yes, it’s perfect. She’s perfect.”
“I like that.” Jake touched the baby’s temple. “Little Shae has had a bit of a rough time of it, just like her mama, so we need to make sure she’s good and warm. After you’ve held her for a few minutes Rory’s going to get her cleaned up and swaddled while I take care of you. Jameson, is the fire hot and the water warm? Do you have baby clothes and baby blankets that Rory can put her in?”
“Fire’s lit and the water’s close to hot. Um...where are the baby’s clothes, honey?”
“In the dresser your mom gave us. Get a snap undershirt and one of those warm little onesie things with feet. And there are baby blankets in there, too.”
“Sounds nerve-racking, but I’ll do my best to find what you’re talking about.” With a wide grin, looking totally different than he had an hour ago, Jameson dropped another lingering kiss to his wife’s mouth, moved to throw some more logs on the fire, then headed down the hallway.
“Is it okay if I look for a bowl in the kitchen? I need to put the warm water in it so I can get baby Shae cleaned up,” Rory asked Natalia.
“Whatever you need.” She stared raptly at her newborn, not bothering to look up at Rory—and who could blame her?
As clearly as if it were yesterday, Rory remembered feeling exactly the same way as she’d held her own newborn in her arms. Staring at tiny Adam’s small, angelic face. Kissing his still-warm cheeks.
Beautiful and perfect, even in death.
Her heart constricting, she reached for the baby and Jake lifted his gaze to hers. She drew a deep breath, not sure what she saw in the brown depths of his eyes. Concern? Contrition? If that was the case, surely he couldn’t feel bad about her being here, worrying about her reliving their baby’s birth. This new family had needed her, and she was more than glad to have had the privilege to help.
The emotions twisting through her made her wonder what her expression was like, and yet at the same time it felt impossible to school it into something only joyous and happy. Something not shadowed by the regrets and pain and guilt of the past.
“I’ll get her cleaned up while Dr. Hunter takes care of you. Don’t worry, I’ll be very careful with your new miracle.”
She tried to smile at Natalia, hoping the new mother wouldn’t notice how strange her voice was, how nervous and uncomfortable she felt. At the same time she wanted nothing more than to hold this baby and bathe her, get her ready for the big, new world she’d just joined.
With the baby pressed close against her breast, she looked down into the small, wide eyes looking up at her, seeming to study her. “Your mommy and daddy are so lucky,” she whispered. “Welcome to your life, little Shae.”
Jake’s arm reached out to touch hers as she moved toward the warmth of the fire, his dark gaze pinning hers. “You okay?” he asked, his voice so low Natalia probably wouldn’t hear.
Her eyes met his, but she couldn’t speak. Even after this beautiful experience she had hoped would help her heal, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be okay. But she was going to try to be. She was.
And maybe this time she’d let Jake help her through it, when she just hadn’t been able to before.
CHAPTER TEN
“LIKE I SAID, if you’re feeling like you want me to come see you and the baby tomorrow, I’m happy to do that,” Jake said.
“Thank you,” said Jameson, pumping his hand for the tenth time. “I hope she’ll be comfortable, and that I’ll be taking good care of both of them. But I’ll call if something seems wrong.”
“I’m sure your midwife will want to come check on both of them, so I suggest you give her a call in the morning to let her know the baby’s here. But don’t hesitate to call
me, if you feel you need me.”
If the snow kept coming it wouldn’t be an easy trek in the morning, but he couldn’t leave them stranded up here if Natalia wasn’t feeling well or they were worried about the baby. He definitely wouldn’t be bringing Rory, though. From her strained and bleak expression, it was clear that helping deliver this baby had been beyond hard for her.
He thrashed himself for letting her come at all. Yeah, she’d been a huge help, and if he hadn’t been able to turn the baby he would have had to call on her surgical skills to do an emergency C-section. But her reaction to the baby’s birth, the way she’d looked holding the newborn in her arms, had just about destroyed him.
He’d delivered a lot of babies since they’d lost theirs nine years ago. So many that the birth of a healthy child, or even one with problems, didn’t feel personal anymore—didn’t bring back the sad and horrible memories of that day, and the days after when Rory wouldn’t lean on him. When she’d decided to just up and leave, smashing his heart to bits, along with everything he’d thought he’d have with her.
He’d been hurt. Devastated. And, yes, angry. Understanding why she’d taken off had felt impossible, and he’d been left to grieve alone, with bitterness gnawing at his gut over her actions. Her attitude.
But seeing the pain etched on her face tonight, the deep longing as she’d stared down into the baby’s small face, had softened the shell he’d closed around his heart, vowing never to let her back in for even a minute. Maybe it was time to try to forgive. Not forget—because there was no way he’d let himself get close to her again—but perhaps move on from his resentment? Try to understand at least a little why she’d left? He could work on that.
He turned to the woman who’d broken his heart and realized it felt achy all over again. “You ready?”
He watched her look back at Natalia and the baby, now resting comfortably on the sofa instead of on the hard floor, and give them a smile. Someone who didn’t know her might think it was a regular smile, but he knew it was full of all kinds of emotion. The emotions he could see swimming in her green eyes as she turned them back to him.
“Ready.”
He led the way out—and stopped short for a second, not believing the winter world in front of them.
“What the...?”
“Oh, no! How could there be this much snow? And it’s coming down so hard!” She stared up at him. “Are we going to be able to get back?”
“Good question.” He waded through the thick white fluff and stowed the equipment in the back seat again. “The roads won’t be plowed until we get closer to Eudemonia, but my truck can handle deep snow pretty well. I think we’ll be okay.”
“Should we just stay here?”
“I’d rather not. Unless you want to?”
He didn’t particularly want to bunk down there—for a couple reasons. One was interrupting the new little family having quiet time on their own. And the bigger reason was he didn’t think it would be good for Rory to have to spend that many hours around the baby—seeing her again in the morning, maybe even helping care for her.
He couldn’t bear the anguish in her eyes. He wanted to get her back to town so she could find her equilibrium again, since this experience had obviously cut her off at the knees.
“No. If you think we’ll be fine then I’d prefer to go.”
He saw her pumping her thighs up high, nearly to her waist, as she trudged through the snow, and realized that, while he’d grabbed boots at his house before they’d come up here, she was wearing flat, slip-on leather shoes.
“Jeez, Rory! You can’t walk through a foot of snow in those. Why didn’t you say something?”
“Why would I? I doubt if you have boots in my size hanging out in your truck.”
He strode around the car and she squeaked when he swung her up into his arms. “No, but I do have a different solution.”
She scowled, and at the same time a breathy laugh slipped across his face.
“Put me down. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Yeah?” The feel of her body in his arms, held close against him, felt beyond good—the way it had when he’d been unable to stop the need to kiss her in the kitchen. “The California city girl who’s been wearing a heavy winter coat even in early October has no problem walking practically barefoot in cold snow?”
“It’s a good thing I am wearing a coat, too, since you’re not dressed nearly warmly enough for this kind of weather and I’m perfectly comfy.”
Looking down into her eyes, he saw they still held a tinge of sadness, but they were filled with a smile, too. It was the kind of smile that reminded him of the Rory he’d known and loved before it had all got away from them. Unbidden, memories burned through his brain to join the feelings, the tenderness for her that welled in his chest, and he nearly dropped a kiss to her mouth again.
That would be a bad idea, so he drew a deep breath and looked away from that beautiful green gaze, trying to focus on getting to the truck.
He juggled her in his arms and opened the truck door, then placed her in the seat. “I’m glad you’re comfy. And I won’t say that coats are for sissies, since I admit it’s handy to have one when we’re in the middle of a snowstorm.”
He lifted his finger to swipe thick snowflakes from her lashes and somehow, without his meaning it to, his finger drifted down her cheek and across her lips. All the laughter left her face and her lips parted as she looked up at him. He could tell she was feeling it, too. All the heat that had been there for so long between them, that had flared into fire in the kitchen, now swirled inside the truck and left him breathless.
Damn. He straightened, then shut her door to go around to the driver’s seat. He stomped the snow off his boots before sliding into the dark interior next to her. No way was he going to start things up again with Rory. Too much bad stuff had happened between them, and the last thing either of them needed was to stir it up all over again—especially when she’d be leaving again in a matter of days.
“Put on your seat belt. Things might get a little rough.”
“How can you even see? It’s a blizzard out there.”
“Definitely not the best conditions for driving, but once we get about twenty miles closer to town the hilly roads give way to the main road, which is pretty flat.”
“I assume you have enough gas to keep us warm if we get stranded?”
“I’m not even going to answer that ridiculous question.” He shot her a grin, not wanting her to be worried. “You were always a survivor girl when you lived here, having your parents’ house stocked up and prepared for Armageddon. I learned from you—so, yeah, I not only have extra gas, I’ve got water and food. We could stay up here for days if we had to.”
She didn’t answer. He turned to see her eyes looking at him across the bench seat and his heart quickened. He hadn’t been thinking about what he’d said, really, but suddenly images of the two of them stuck inside this truck, holding one another close and making love to stay warm, were suddenly all he could think about.
He was glad that getting the truck out on the road took all his concentration and his mind off sex with Rory. And keeping the vehicle on the road when he could barely see became a bigger challenge with every passing mile.
After traveling for only about twenty minutes, in the worst conditions he’d ever driven in, he knew there needed to be a change of plan.
“Rory?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s bad out here.”
“Yeah...”
“I know there’s a dry cabin nearby, where a lot of hunters go. I’m pretty sure it’s off a road I think we’ll be coming to soon. What do you say we bunk there for the night and see how it looks in the morning?”
A long silence was followed by a deep sigh. “I don’t think we have a choice. If we keep going there’s a good chance we’ll end up in a ditch. I
’d rather be in a cabin, where we can build a fire, than stuck in the truck in a snowstorm.”
“Then that’s our plan. Don’t worry. We’ll be fine, I promise.”
“Being fine isn’t what I’m worried about,” she said, in a soft voice that had him thinking bad thoughts all over again.
“I know.”
His hands tightened on the wheel because, yeah, being fine wasn’t the issue. Being close together for the whole night alone definitely was.
“Help me keep an eye out for the road. It’s off to the right, and there’s a sign marking it, but it’s going to be hard to see until we’re practically on it.”
They drove in silence, but he could have sworn the car hummed with something. There was an electricity between them, a new awareness now, with their plight of being in close quarters together. Thoughts of making love with her had his heart beating harder and his body stirring. But he wasn’t going to go there. No way. Neither one of them needed the tangled-up emotions that would follow a night of ill-thought-out intimacy.
Unbidden, memories of all the great sex between them shortened his breath. With her, it had always been more special than with anyone—both physical and emotional. A deep, multi-layered connection that he’d never experienced before or since. But what would being with her in that way again accomplish? All it would do would be to stir up the feelings clearly still between them, and his heart was sure to feel bruised and battered all over again—maybe hers, too.
No, they’d get set up in the cabin, have something to eat, then sleep. Somehow, though, he had a bad feeling that knowing her body was close and warm might make sleeping more than difficult. Even worse, he couldn’t deny that some masochistic part of him was excited about it. Anticipating being alone with her for the first time in a long, long time even as he told himself to cool it. He hadn’t wanted to admit to himself that he still missed her being part of his life, but the way he felt at that moment proved he did.