by T Cooper
Table of Contents
___________________
SUMMER
Drew: Change 1—Day 365
FALL
Oryon: Change 2—Day 1
Change 2—Day 2
Change 2—Day 3
Change 2—Day 4
Change 2—Day 6
Change 2—Day 10
Change 2—Day 15
Change 2—Day 17
Change 2—Day 19
Change 2—Day 20
Change 2—Day 21
Change 2—Day 22
Change 2—Day 24
Change 2—Day 25
Change 2—Day 31
Change 2—Day 33
Change 2—Day 36
Change 2—Day 39
Change 2—Day 40
Change 2—Day 41
Change 2—Day 41, Part Two
Change 2—Day 42
Change 2—Day 43
Change 2—Day 44
Change 2—Day 47
WINTER
Change 2—Day 125
Change 2—Day 130
Change 2—Day 138
Change 2—Day 140
Change 2—Day 143
Change 2—Day 146
SPRING
Change 2—Day 215
Change 2—Day 216
Change 2—Day 218
Change 2—Day 220
Change 2—Day 221
Change 2—Day 221, Part Two
Change 2—Day 222
Change 2—Day 223
Change 2—Day 223, Part Two
Change 2—Day 224
Change 2—Day 225 (I Think)
Change 2—Day 226(I Think)
Abridged Glossary of Terms
A Look Back: Changers Book One: Drew
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Copyright & Credits
About Black Sheep and Akashic Books
For Dixie and Matilda
And for anybody who has looked in the mirror
and not recognized the person s/he sees
Before she became the one she was meant to be, before she lived through those four years called high school, those four years where everything she ever knew evaporated into air, where the ground dropped away, and she fell in love, and she lived through hate and violence and cheerleading, and saved lives without even knowing how, and she was rescued by a girl and a boy and words and music, and she did everything wrong until she got a few important things right, before she questioned what it meant to be special, what it meant to be anything, and harnessed her power, the power she didn’t believe she had, the power others tried to take, before that and a hundred other awful, wondrous, ruinous, magical things happened, she was just a kid in Tennessee named Drew.
DREW
CHANGE 1–DAY 365
Won’t sleep.
Will. Not. Close. My. Eyes.
Don’t do it, Drew. Don’t do it. Don’t sleep, don’t sleep, don’t sleep.
Will. Not. Go. To. Sleep.
I’ve been chanting to myself for the last hour. What is it, two a.m.?
God, I’m so tired. I am so so so so so so . . . tired. All I want to do is sleep. But I can’t sleep. Okay, of course technically I could sleep, I am physically able to sleep. But I don’t want to. No. I am going to be fully conscious when I change. The millisecond I turn into somebody else. Again.
My lids droop against my will. I can actually feel the muscles in my eyelids twitching. Wet face, clammy skin. My bedroom is going fuzzy, and everything blurs—the glow-in-the-dark constellation poster; my dusty skateboard propped in the corner, untouched since Tracy gave it back to me on the last day of school; Snoop-Dogg down at the foot of my bed. He seems to have had no problem drifting off, curled into his customary ball, nose tucked under paw, snoring away. Probably because he’s not going to awaken as a totally different animal, like a fur seal or a hoot owl.
Dogs are so lucky not to feel dread. He has no clue what a momentous transformation is about to take place for me sometime in the next five hours. To him, even after 365 days as Drew, I’m probably still Ethan. Well, Ethan with longer hair and a nicer smell, that is.
KNOCK-KNOCK-OPEN. Mom’s trademark maneuver, plowing into my room.
“Hey, sweet pea,” she whispers softly. When I stir, she adds louder, “I can’t believe you’re not asleep yet.”
“Really?” I shoot back, my sarcasm hiding the fear I feel about having the snow globe of my universe shaken up, leaving me lost and shivering under some plastic dome with Rudolf the Social-Message Reindeer yet again. My heavy lids flicker, and I peer in Mom’s general direction, somewhere between the doorknob and the light switch. She slowly sharpens into focus: pink tank top, plaid pj bottoms, tortoiseshell reading glasses swinging on a beaded chain around her neck.
“I’m staying up all night,” I announce.
“Not advisable,” she says. “But best of luck with that.”
“You can’t stop me.”
Mom smiles, looks at me with a hint of pity. “You’re really embracing your oppositional streak tonight, huh?” she says, all shrink-like, which I get is her day job, but I kinda wish she’d leave work at the office for one freaking minute. “Does that make you feel more in control? Because I get it, I really do—”
“Do you swear you don’t know who’s next for me?” I interrupt.
“I swear,” she answers, wrinkling her forehead. “I would tell you if the Council told us. But they don’t.”
I give her my best, For shiz? look.
“Okay, I wouldn’t tell you if I knew and they told us not to tell you,” she corrects herself. “But I wouldn’t lie about not knowing.”
I stare her down, my eyeballs stinging like they’re floating in bleach.
Will. Not. Sleep.
After a few seconds more of twilight, Mom asks, “Baby, are you okay?”
And then, yay, a whoosh of waterworks. As if the last week hasn’t been filled with enough crying. Crying because my period is due, crying because summer is over and I know what’s coming next, or more accurately because I don’t know who is coming next. Crying really mostly because I’m going to miss Audrey—even though of course I’m going to be able to see her, but it’s not going to be remotely the same as it was freshman year. Because I’m going to be dead to her. As in, I might literally be dead to her. I don’t even know what feint I’m getting from the Council to explain to Aud (and everyone else) where Drew went. Where I went.
This sucks. No matter who I am, I’ll never be able to tell her that I’m the person she let into her life so completely last year. That I was her best friend. I mean, whomever I am when I wake up in the morning is not necessarily even somebody Audrey’s going to dig at this point in her life.
Even though I’m going to be the same person (I think), I’m still going to be me (whoever that is), but Audrey won’t know that. Or will she? I don’t freaking know, The Changers Bible says nothing useful to prepare us for this: Life changes everybody, Statics and Changers alike . . . The whole concept of control is ultimately an illusion . . . You are and will always be the same honest and true core, regardless of the aliases you don . . . My head is spinning, and I start hyperventilating, and now Mom has swept me up in a hug, which makes me wail even more, the snot starting to ooze out pitifully with each shoulder shrug, like my nose is a frozen yogurt dispenser.
“I’m so tired,” I manage between sobs.
“I know, love,” she purrs, brushing the sticky hair off my face, adding, “I completely understand.”
“No you don’t!” I shout. “You’ve never changed into somebody else!”
She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly and steadily. “I might argue that assertion, but that’s a conversation for another time.” She holds me tighter for a few be
ats.
“I’m sorry,” I snuffle.
“It’s okay. You’re right, I’ve never actually woken up as a new person like you and Dad have,” she concedes.
“I don’t want to be a loser,” I whine.
“You aren’t a loser, Drew. You’re just a confused kid like every other—”
“I mean, turn into a loser,” I blurt.
Mom suddenly pulls back and gives me her “severely disappointed” face. I know, I’m not supposed to feel that way; being a Changer means I should know better than to label, or at least know how superficial labels are. But I’ve seen how the freaks, geeks, and forgotten get treated at school.
Being a Changer is hard enough. I don’t want to do battle on every front. If I have to be someone else, I want that someone to be appealing and popular and confident and good at stuff and . . . OMG, I’m writing a personal ad for myself.
“Beauty is as beauty does,” Mom says evenly. “I know a lot of so-called winners who are toads underneath. And it always shows through. What matters is what is on the inside.”
“Have you been to high school, Mom?” I ask, dragging the back of my hand across my drippy nose.
She chuckles. “You have a point.”
And then I drop the bomb. “I don’t want my outside to be a boy,” I pop out, trying to gauge her reaction from the corner of my eye. Nothing. She doesn’t respond. The therapist reflex. Unshockable. Makes me want to tell her more. How for so long I hated being Drew and would’ve done anything to bring Ethan back, but now that I’ve been living as Drew for a year—well, now that I am her—I’m realizing it hasn’t been the worst, and I’ve grown accustomed to being in high school as a girl. Well, a girl like her.
“Who do you think you want to be?” Mom asks.
I consider the question for a few seconds. Then a few more. “I want to be myself,” I finally say, uncertain even as I’m saying it.
“Well, ain’t no getting around that,” she laughs, kissing my head and standing up. “Now go the eff to sleep.”
Mom hits the light and pulls the door shut behind her, and then I am alone again. Well, me and Snoopy, who groggily cuts an eye toward me.
Blink-blink. Blink-blink. Blink.
He lowers his head, seems to fall back asleep instantly. Show-off.
It’s so damn quiet in here. No choice but to return to focusing on me, myself, and I, I, I. At least the unbridled fit of hysteria has begun to wind down to a low, somewhat manageable hum. Breathe. Breathe. Inhale five, exhale eight. I can actually hear the oxygen whispering through my trachea with each breath. Weird. Does that mean I have something? Like asthma, or maybe emphysema from hanging out and talking to Aud last year on the school steps where all the burners sparked up.
Speaking of, I wonder what Audrey might or might not be doing right now on the eve of her sophomore year, whether she’s thinking of me, what she’s wearing. (I don’t mean that in a creeper way.) She sent three e-mails after getting back from Camp Killjoy (no Internet, no electronics, no music besides spiritual hymns permitted). Which I could only bear to respond to in the most cursory fashion and with, necessarily, more lying. Lying about being excited for the first day of school. And about being psyched to see her on the first day of school. Well, the latter being not technically a lie, because while I am not looking forward to the first day of school (emphasis on I, Drew, am not looking forward to the first day of school because I am going to be A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON on the first day of school), I am, however—whomever I’ll be—looking forward to seeing Audrey on the first day of school. That part is not a lie. Le sigh.
Okay, back to [not] sleep. I clap twice, and the overhead light magically comes back on. God, I love the Clapper I bought on eBay this summer. I wonder if a Changer invented it. Clap twice, you’re a ninth grade girl! Clap two more times, hey, you’re a boy again! Or something else entirely!
That’s stupid.
Speaking of, the last time I saw him at ReRunz, Chase told me he heard around RaChas central that there was actually some homeopathic way to influence who you change into. That the Changers Council doesn’t want us to know about it, but there’s something about a crystal and having somebody you love gently swing it from a string over your head in an oval pattern while you visualize your intended V just as the clock strikes midnight on the last full moon before your change. He made me swear not to tell anybody (like who am I going to tell?), but Chase said that he was going to try it, and did I want to come with? I guess that meant he still cares about me. Or maybe he only wanted company, like a reasonable, nonsuperstitious friend to shine a light on the three-ring circus of all those culty RaChas swinging rocks on fishing line around their heads in hopes of controlling the uncontrollable, the way we all grip armrests on airplanes during turbulance.
I told Chase he’d obviously been reading too many teen werewolf sagas, and to get a freaking clue. Those idiots’ll do anything that their leader Benedict tells them to do over there at the RaChas compound, but how ignorant can they be? Like the Council’s going to leave anything up to chance like that. Besides, those crystal deodorants don’t even work. If they won’t stop you from smelling funky, they sure as shite aren’t going to stop you from fulfilling your destiny.
I. Can’t. Deal. My head is hot, palms sweaty. I get up again to look at Drew in the mirror for probably the last time. I look pink. Puffy and pink. I think I have a fever. My body must be gearing up for the change. I remember feeling sort of sick last year about this time. Stupid me thought I was just coming down with a little cold. Instead, I came down with a raging case of the ladies.
So, das Chronicles, Dear Diary in my head, here I am, Drew Bohner, in her final hours. What are my deep thoughts? What would I like all of Changer posterity to know about what’s going on in my addled brain space on this last night of Change One? Wait, you know how really devout Jewish men wake up every morning and in their first prayer they have to thank God for not making them into women overnight? And how Jewish women are supposed to thank the Almighty for making them as they are? Besides the fact that that whole noise is totally messed up, and makes my brain get logic cramps when I try and work it through, I still can’t help but wonder which little prayer I’ll be muttering soon as my eyes pop open come daybreak.
“Bye, then,” I say into the mirror, “later.” Then zombie-walk-collapse back into bed, and . . .
Clap-clap. Lights out.
Oryon
CHANGE 2–DAY 1
Where do I start?
Wowzers.
Uh, so hey, future self: This is, uh, Oryon Small, reporting in fresh off the Change boat. I’m probably about 5'8", a buck-fifty, brown eyes, black hair. A guy. African American. Cute. Cute enough. Slim. Promising. Maybe. I’ve been a dude again for about ten hours now, and so far . . . so good?
Not really. It’s actually rather discombobulating, blank you very much. I wonder if it ever won’t be.
Okay, I’ll start at the Quonset hut, where I met Tracy this morning before school. She was dressed in a rose-colored tweedy-looking suit straight from the Blush and Bashful collection, with coral lipstick to match.
“I know it feels like old news, but I want you to try to Chronicle every experience you can remember, especially these first days as this new V. You’re going to want to record every detail and nuance. The idea is to not forget the who you were while on the path to becoming the who you’re meant to be,” she rattled off from The Changers Bible, more rote than seemed possible, even for Tracy.
I hadn’t seen her in a week or so, which was a rarity; she’d periodically checked in on me all summer long. But today, of all days, she was completely distracted, consumed with brushing a tiny pink thread off her lapel.
“What’s up with you?” I ask, suspicious.
She looks up, cocks her head. “Who? Me?” Acting all confused.
“You’re being weird,” I say.
She smiles, mouth shut.
“If anyone should be acting weird, it�
��s me.”
“I’m not acting anything, Drew—” She stops herself. “Oryon.”
“See, not so easy, right?” I tease.
God my life is bizarre. I’m standing in front of Tracy, looking as different in pretty much every way possible from who I was when she last saw me, and her brain still slips and calls me by another name. She still sees the old me, who I was. It’s mind-blowing is what it is. Like when you really start thinking about life on this planet, pulling up, up, and away from the city you’re in, then the state, keep going up past the country and the earth and solar system, then universe, and you keep coming back to what an infinitesimal speck you really are when it comes down to ALL OF TIME. And yet, we cling to these ideas of who we are, what we are. We make decisions like they matter.
“Turn around,” Tracy barks at me while fumbling with something inside her purse.
“Uh-unh, not this crap again,” I say under my breath while taking a step back, fighting rapid-onset post-traumatic stress disorder as I flash on the last time my brand-new touchy Touchstone Tracy mercilessly jabbed me in the back of the neck with a needle the size of a pencil and injected me with my big-brother Chronicling chip. God only knows what the Council requires the second time around, a “painless” spinal fluid tap?
“It’s not invasive this V,” she says, manhandling me.
I resist. “No. You’re telling me what you’re doing before you do it.”
“Wow, control freak much?” she snaps.
“Pot meet kettle.”
Tracy sighs. Like she doesn’t have time for this.
“Just tell me,” I insist, holding my ground and standing up a little straighter.
Tracy stares me down. Another giant sigh, but she relents: “It’s just a little magnetic fob I’m required to wave over your chip to reboot and initiate Y-2, so you can start transmitting your Chronicles.”
“No needles?”
“No needles,” she promises, producing and pressing her thumb on what looks like a Barbie-sized camping flashlight. It beeps, glows red, then flashes blue. “Now turn around already.”
I finally comply. No hair to hold up this time (not the worst). I shift my weight back and forth and stare at a toppled stack of old tires in the corner of the hut, when I feel Tracy placing the metal fob against the back of my neck. It beeps again, and I sense a faint click at the base of my spine, a mini zap to the bone.