by Jo McNally
It was horrifyingly familiar.
How many times had he gotten a call and driven like a wild man to the hospital when Dylan took a bad turn? When the meds didn’t work right. When the chemo only made him sicker. When the bone marrow transplant failed. When he died.
Asher had spent a lot of time in waiting rooms just like this one. People would mill around, trying to make each other feel better. Trying to cheer him up, as if he was supposed to be smiling while his son lay dying. The sad, knowing eyes of the hospital staff as they drifted in and out of Dylan’s room and the waiting room and up and down the hallways. Everyone knew it was hopeless. But everyone kept trying to get Asher to feel better about it all.
He pushed off the wall with a dark curse and started pacing, much the way Nora had earlier. But it didn’t work. The more he walked, the more the walls closed in on him. The more his hope evaporated. The more his doubts and fears clawed at the inside of his chest, screaming for release.
This. This was what happened when you loved someone. You gave them the power to fucking destroy you. Every breath they took could be their last, and where did that leave the people who loved them? It left them in ruin. That was where he was right now. In ruin.
He’d been a fool to think he had the strength to love again. He was no good at it. He’d used it all up on his son, and when Dylan died in his arms...when Dylan and God and everyone ignored Asher’s pleas and ripped apart his world, his family, his life, his heart... Damn it, he had nothing left.
Nora had needed him, and he’d given her nothing. In the middle of her own pain, she’d reached out to comfort him, and he’d pulled away. His breathing was fast and shallow now, and something burned at the backs of his eyes. He’d pulled away from the woman he loved. He’d rejected her. Because he was ruined, and he’d eventually ruin her, too.
Asher spun and punched the wall, his fist leaving an indentation with the outline of his knuckles plainly visible. He had to get out of this place.
He was halfway down the hall when he heard Nora behind him.
“Asher! Wait up. Are you going to the cafeteria? I’m famished.” He stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Ash? What’s wrong?” Her fingers on his arm felt like a branding iron, and he hissed as he yanked his arm free. She stepped in front of him and moved close enough that he couldn’t avoid looking down into her amber eyes. She was killing him. The smell of her perfume. The temptation of her soft lips. The light of hope on her face after having seen her daughter.
She thought they were safe now. But he knew better. You were never safe.
“I’m leaving.”
Her brows bunched in confusion. “Leaving? You mean, going home? Why not stay and we’ll eat here together? I just saw Becky, and she’s black-and-blue all over, but she...”
“I’m leaving, Nora.”
“But you don’t have to leave yet... Oh.” Her cheeks paled, then flamed bright red. “I see. You’re leaving me. Is that what you’re saying? You were just going to walk out and leave me without a word?”
His palms were sweating, and he rubbed them absently on his jeans. The fluorescent lights overhead lit the hallway in that cold hospital glow that made his skin crawl.
“I can’t be here, Nora. Don’t you get that? I can’t be here. I’m no good for you. I’m not...” He wasn’t whole. He’d only been kidding himself to think that he was. “I can’t give you what you need. I was useless today, and you know it.”
“Asher, you were here. I know it couldn’t have been easy, but you were here. Please don’t do this.”
He moved to go around her. The door was right there, and he needed to be on the other side of it. The panic monster was clawing again, and his defenses were gone. She reached her hand out, but he grabbed her wrist roughly to stop her.
“Don’t. I’m leaving. We both know it’s the right thing. I’m not cut out for this.” He gestured from her to the hospital humming around them. “I’ve done this once, and I failed then. I failed today. I’ve got to go.”
“And what do I tell your son?” There was a cool edge to her voice, and he was glad. She should be angry. She should be chasing him away rather than trying to stop him.
“Tell him I can’t do it.” He released her hand. Instead of reaching out again, she let it fall to her side. “I can’t do it, Nora. I can’t.”
He walked away, and she let him go. But not quietly.
“We’re not done, Asher. We’ll fix this.”
He tossed his answer over his shoulder as he pushed the door open and left.
“Some things can’t be fixed.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
NORA WALKED BACK to Becky’s room in a cold rage. Not at Asher. Well, not completely. Her rage was primarily directed at the tragedy that left him thinking he had no choice but to leave. Dylan’s death had left Asher frozen in a forever-grieving zone that convinced him he didn’t deserve love or happiness.
She would have to do some thinking on this one and come up with a plan to help him find his way back into the light. She could do that. Despite his final words to her, she could fix this. Just like she could fix the Atlanta situation. Because a woman with a plan could fix anything, smiling or not.
She’d start with an email to Meredith on the Daphne Tomlin issue, with copies of a few of the receipts and records she’d kept that would prove Geoff’s involvement with Paul’s illegal gambling and, yes, even prostitutes. It should be enough to force Geoff to drop out of the governor’s race. If not, Nora would give the proof to Daphne Tomlin herself and let the chips fall where they may. At least she’d be in control of the situation, instead of waiting for the inevitable. Either way, Geoff was finished. But if he dropped out now, the proof stayed buried and the reputation of the precious Bradfords would remain relatively untarnished.
And then she’d deal with Asher and knock some sense into him. She’d let him walk away today, but she wasn’t letting him walk out of her life. This day wasn’t going to be that disastrous. She wouldn’t allow it.
Becky was finally moved to her own room around midnight. Michael and Nora both slept there on chairs, uncomfortable but unwilling to leave Becky alone. Her face was a bruised and swollen mess, her wrist had screws in it, there were monitors attached everywhere. But she was still her Becky. She was strong and beautiful, and she was a survivor.
Nora woke once during the night to find Michael standing near the bed, just staring at Becky with a strange expression. She whispered his name, and he started, then walked back to the chair by hers. He looked stricken.
“What’s wrong?”
“God, Nora, she could have died,” he whispered. “What would I have done? And the baby! What if something happens to the baby? What if Dad’s right and I’m not ready for any of this?” Nora felt a fresh flare of anger at Asher. He’d planted those seeds of doubt in Michael’s head based on his own fears.
“Michael, no one’s ready for parenthood. But you’ll figure it out.”
He looked doubtful, but he nodded quietly and settled back in the chair, eventually falling asleep.
The doctors let Becky go home the following day, with strict orders for bed rest and careful monitoring of symptoms. Asher hadn’t returned to the hospital, which was disappointing but not surprising.
But when Nora got back to Gallant Lake, she was surprised to see his shop closed and his truck nowhere in sight in the middle of the week. He didn’t come back that night, either, and didn’t respond to the handful of texts she sent him. She didn’t want to become a stalker and text him endlessly, so she decided to wait him out.
It was Dan who disclosed Asher’s whereabouts when he stopped at the shop for coffee the next morning.
“He said he was heading up to the cabin for a few days to ‘think.’” Dan raised his fingers to make air quotes. “The hospital f
reaked him out, didn’t it?”
Nora handed him his coffee. “Yes. I’m trying to give him space, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait. He can’t hide forever.”
Dan sobered. “I don’t know, Nora. Before you got here, he’d been hiding in a bottle and in his work for years. He’s pretty good at it.”
She hadn’t found time to come up with a plan for getting him back yet, having been too busy helping Becky and Michael. Things were tense in their little house. Michael was pulling an Asher act, all sullen and quiet. Which meant Nora’s spare moments were filled with trying to keep Becky’s spirits up.
In the meantime, her Atlanta plan had worked perfectly. Geoff had dropped out of the primary that morning, using some line about needing more family time. That conveniently left Tom Wilson without an opponent and guaranteed his primary win. Daphne could focus on destroying someone else’s life now.
Nora was pretty sure she and Becky wouldn’t be receiving any more invitations to holiday meals with the Bradfords, but that was fine with her. She’d just have to come up with some excuse to tell Becky.
She headed to Becky and Michael’s house after the lunch crowd died down, with a basket full of sandwiches and sweets. Michael’s Jeep was there when she pulled into the drive. She’d made sure to pack some of his favorite coconut macaroons, hoping they’d put a smile on his face, at last.
She heard Becky crying as soon as she walked through the door. She was curled up under a blanket on the sofa, with a mound of used tissues on the floor next to her.
“What’s happened? Is the baby okay? Where’s Michael?”
Nora fired off the questions as she rushed to Becky, checking her from head to toe.
“He left me, Mom.”
“Who left?” She rested her hand on Becky’s stomach. Much to her relief, she felt a strong kick against her hand.
“Michael. He’s gone.”
“No, honey. His Jeep is right outside.”
Becky gave a harsh laugh. “Yeah, I know. He left it for me. He’s on his way to his mom’s house.”
Nora wondered if Becky’s medication might be causing delusions.
“But his mother lives in LA.”
Becky nodded, blowing her nose loudly. California. Where Asher had wanted Michael to go in the first place.
“Tell me what happened, honey.” Nora handed her fresh tissues from a box on the side table.
“He’s been acting weird since the accident, pacing around and snapping at me whenever I asked what was wrong. Then, this morning, I saw him out back talking on his phone, and he came in and told me he was leaving. He said his father was right, that he wasn’t ready to be a father. The accident freaked him out, and he said he couldn’t deal with the thought of losing me or the baby. He said we’d all be better off without him pretending to be a father and a husband.”
Becky’s face crumpled. “That’s what he said, Mom. That he was pretending. That he didn’t want a family.”
Nora sat on the edge of the sofa and pulled Becky into her arms, letting her cry her heart out.
“I called him a coward and told him his dad was a coward, too, and that they were both a couple of losers.” She raised her head and looked up at Nora, eyes full of pain. “I kicked him out! Oh, my God, it’s my fault he’s gone.”
“No, no, honey. It’s not your fault at all. And I’m sure he’ll be back...”
“He won’t. He showed me his ticket. His flight leaves today. He’s gone.” Her eyes, even swollen and bruised, flashed with a healthy blaze of anger. “But you’re right, this isn’t my fault. It’s your boyfriend’s.”
“No.” But Nora knew it was true. After Asher’s meltdown at the hospital, he’d probably renewed his efforts to convince his son to leave. And with the fear Michael was feeling, he’d finally listened.
A dark maternal rage started to burn under every inch of Nora’s skin. Her daughter was now pregnant and alone, just as Asher had wanted. They’d had a chance at building a family, but he’d betrayed her trust and ruined everything. She’d been a fool to give her heart to a man cold enough to do such a thing.
She eventually got Becky calmed down and fed, which helped her daughter’s outlook somewhat. Amanda came over with little Maddie, providing a noisy, happy distraction. Once she saw a ghost of a smile on Becky’s face and had Amanda’s assurance that she’d stay as long as needed, Nora got in her car and drove up Gallant Mountain.
Her rage was all consuming. Michael had hurt her daughter. Because of Asher. Asher had left her in the hospital when she needed him most. Becky was going to be a single mother. Because of Asher. She almost missed the driveway to the mountain home and had to back up to make the turn. Her little car lurched and bumped up the road, and she didn’t care. She was about to go apocalyptic on Asher Peyton.
* * *
HE WASN’T ALL that surprised to see Nora’s silver car roaring up the drive. She wasn’t the type to give up easily. He’d been adamant in the hospital, and at the time he was sure he’d been right to leave her. But his resolve had softened over the past couple of days, just enough that he was looking forward to seeing her. He’d still send her away, of course. He had to.
She was driving pretty fast considering she’d never driven up here by herself. The little car bounced around, and he wondered why Nora wasn’t hitting the brakes. But she managed to reach the top of the hill in one piece, bringing the car sliding to a halt that sent small stones flying.
He’d never realized she had such a lead foot. It was kind of hot. He shook that thought off and went out to meet her. Knowing Nora, she’d have a plan in place to win him back, and it would probably start with a kiss. He would stand strong, but he might let her get one kiss in. Just to have the memory.
She slammed the car door shut with surprising force. He bit back his smile, knowing she wouldn’t like being laughed at. She walked toward him with purpose, her slender legs clad in tight jeans. A Gallant Brew T-shirt was pulled into a knot at her waist, hugging her curves just right. He was so busy admiring her swagger that he never saw the strike coming.
She slammed the heels of her hands hard into his chest, sending him staggering back and almost onto his ass. He caught himself with flailing arms, and she did it again, setting him back another step. By the time she moved in for hit number three, he was ready and grabbed her by the wrists, but she kicked out at him and connected with his shin.
“Ow! Damn it, Nora! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You bastard! You finally got what you wanted, didn’t you?” He didn’t know what to do with her anger. He didn’t know where it was coming from. Was she acting out because he’d left her? Had something else happened?
“Is Becky okay?”
Nora yanked away from him, her Southern accent deepening. “Don’t you dare let her name come out of your mouth. Of course she’s not okay! You’ve ruined everything, just as you planned all along.”
His voice rose in frustration. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”
“Oh, my God, how could I ever have fallen in love with you?” He stepped toward her, but she held up her hands and shook her head, holding him back.
Nora’s face paled, apparently realizing what she’d said.
“I’ll get over it. Loving you. I’ll get over it.”
“No, don’t say that. Tell me what happened.”
“Are you seriously going to tell me you don’t know Michael left?”
“Left? Left for where?”
“He’s on his way to California, just like you wanted.”
He turned to look out over the lake, unable to meet her accusing glare. What had Michael done? What had he done? He turned back to her, holding out his hands in supplication.
“Come inside and tell me what happened. I swear I didn’t know he was
going to do this.”
She walked sullenly into the house. When he closed the door and turned to face her, she was in the center of the great room, looking around at the unfinished space.
“You say you didn’t know he’d do this, but isn’t it exactly what you schemed? Didn’t you bribe him to do it? And now he’s finally listened to you. You must be so proud.”
“I made that offer months ago, and he turned me down! He loved Becky so much, just like I...” He caught himself. This wasn’t the time to be professing his love for her. Not when she was ready to throttle him. “Nora, that’s what I was going to tell you the day of the accident. That I was going to make sure Michael knew I was withdrawing the offer. That I wanted him to stay with Becky and the baby.” He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make sense of everything. “Did he say he was leaving because of Stanford?” Guilt washed over him.
For the first time since she’d arrived, Nora hesitated. “No, not because of the offer specifically. But because of you. He told Becky you’d convinced him he wasn’t ready to be a father or a husband. The accident scared him, and all he could think about was your shining example, Asher. The man afraid of love. And he ran. Like father, like son.”
He stepped forward, but she shook her head. He wanted to hold her, but everything about her screamed “untouchable” right now.
“Becky said she called him a coward, and she was right. You’re a coward, too.” He flinched. The truth hurt. “Look around, Asher. This house. Your apartment. There’s no family here. There’s no love here. No warmth. Nothing soft. Nothing kind. No memories. No pictures on the walls. Do you even have any pictures of Michael and Dylan as children? If Dylan loved this place so much, why isn’t there anything of him here? You’ve wiped away every shred of evidence that your family ever existed. How is Michael supposed to move on if you can’t? You’re so afraid of being hurt that you won’t let yourself love.”
“You’re wrong.”
Her head snapped back. “Really? When you left me, you said you ‘couldn’t do it.’ You ran. Just like Michael is running. You convinced him he couldn’t be a father, because you couldn’t be a father. You convinced him he shouldn’t be a husband, because you couldn’t be one. And now I have a daughter who has to raise a child alone.”