by Jordan Ford
I wish Max had the same. I wish I could somehow convince her parents to understand how important her dreams are and how much I want to help her achieve them.
45
What’s Right
MAX
We’re all sitting in the room, trying and failing to watch TV, when Dad’s car pulls into the drive. Mom jumps up, careening through the dining room so she can meet Dad at the kitchen door. The second he walks through, she falls into his arms and they stand there, locked in a silent embrace for what feels like an eternity.
I share a look with my sisters. Maddie grabs my hand and I give it a squeeze, silently thanking her yet again for letting me sneak out to see Cairo. She distracted Mom while I took “a nap” in our room. It was the perfect cover and she managed to drag it out for nearly an hour. When I walked into the living room, she gave me a relieved smile and quickly excused herself to go call Holden. I slumped onto the couch, a groggy mess. It wasn’t a hard sell. With the lack of sleep and serious crying I’d been doing, I looked like a train wreck.
Mom gave me a sad smile and patted my knee, but didn’t offer any words of encouragement or sympathy.
She’s so different to Cairo’s mom. The second that lovely lady opened the door and saw me standing there, she pulled me into a hug and told me how amazing I was…how grateful she was to see me.
I bet she hugged Cairo when I left.
Man, I wish I was back in their house right now.
My insides coil as Mom and Dad finally pull apart. They share a few soft words I can’t hear and then solemnly walk into the living room.
Maddie flicks off the TV and silence descends around us like an ominous mass.
A huge lump pops into my throat as Dad takes a seat in the armchair adjacent to us. Mom settles down beside him.
“Did everything go okay?” Maddie’s voice shakes, giving away how much we’re all feeling this.
Dad nods and links his fingers together. “The money’s been paid. Debt cleared. And Conrad is on a plane. It’s done. It’s over.”
His gaze skims past me and I shrink back into the cushions.
It’s so not over.
“You three girls need to stay away from that place. In fact, I don’t even want you heading into Brazenwood.” Maddie and I nod immediately.
“Chloe, did you hear me?” Dad frowns at her.
“Oh.” She sits up, her eyes rounding as she quickly shakes her head. “Yes, I heard you.”
“Good.” His stern eyes are back on me, narrowing in and making me feel like I have a red target on my forehead. “You have no idea how terrifying that was, Maxine. Your mother and I never want to go through that again.”
“I know,” I croak. “Neither do I. You can trust me. I won’t go anywhere near there.”
“Trust you,” Dad scoffs. “How long have you been lying to us?”
“I…” Deflating with a sigh, I finally mumble, “A while.”
“A while. As in a few months! How many opportunities did you have for a little honesty?”
“I told you, I was scared! I didn’t think you’d listen and when I finally did tell you, you didn’t believe me!”
“Don’t make excuses. You were in the wrong. You snuck around and you disrespected me by pretending.” His voice cracks, showing just how much it’s hurt him. “I thought you were off playing baseball but instead you were hanging out with some guy playing guitar and who knows what else!”
Guilt scrapes me raw, the weight of what I was trying to avoid sitting inside me like a pile of razor sharp rocks.
“I’m so disappointed in you, Max. I thought I could trust my girls. But you’re a liar! You’ve been lying for months!”
I can’t think of anything to say to redeem myself.
“You’re grounded for the rest of the school year,” Dad clips. “You will be dropped off and picked up every day. If I’m unavailable, I will make sure a squad car is waiting for you.”
“What?” I whisper.
“They will bring you home and you will spend your spare time here, in this house. There are no extracurricular activities, and you will finish out this season of baseball. Your phone is confiscated until further notice. I don’t want you setting up secret meetings with that Cairo kid. You are not to date him.”
“But…”
“Dad, that’s like way harsh.” Maddie tries to bat for me, but he shoots her down.
“You’re not the parent!”
“I just think it’s really unfair—”
“I don’t care what you think right now, Madelyn! You weren’t in that room when you’re sister’s life was at stake. I’m trying to keep her safe here.”
“That has nothing to do with music and baseball! Or Cairo! That was Uncle Conrad’s fault! Max should be able to pursue whatever she wants to. Are you seriously going to punish her to a life of baseball? Because that’s what it will be! You get that, right?”
Dad’s nostrils flare as he points at his eldest daughter. “Madelyn, one more word and you’re grounded too! You can serve the punishment with her!”
She bites her lips together and glares at Dad before huffing and turning to look out the window.
“I actually think it wise that all three girls be escorted to and from school.” Mom softly ruins my sisters’ worlds.
“What!” Maddie explodes.
“Madelyn.” Mom raises her hands. “We’re not saying you’re grounded the same way Max is, but from now on, you and Chloe are not allowed to leave this house before checking with us first. We just want to know where you’re going and who you’re going to be with.”
“That’s ridiculous! I never broke your trust,” my twin argues.
I wince, hating that I’m the cause of this. Glancing at Chloe, I don’t miss the sharp dip of her eyebrows as she wrestles with the new rules.
“We’re not saying you can’t go out,” Dad snaps. “We just want to get the details first. No more checking in with each other and passing messages along. From now on, you leave in the morning, come home after practice and you always ask for permission before going out with your friends. Got it?”
Maddie’s jaw works to the side.
“Madelyn.” Dad’s voice is low with warning. “It’s for your own protection.”
“Got it,” she grits out before pasting on a sickly sweet smile.
Dad grunts at her, then points at his youngest. “Chloe?”
“Got it, Dad.” Her lips curl into a fleeting grin before she looks at me.
“Sorry,” I mouth and cringe.
She shakes her head, her kind gaze forgiving me in a heartbeat.
Typical Chloe. She can never hold a grudge.
Stealing a glance at my twin, I can’t necessarily say the same thing. She gives me a begrudging smile, but I can tell she’s still pissed. She wants to be treated like an adult and I’ve just clipped her wings.
Because I lied.
Because I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to go and got caught up in a situation I never should have been in.
My heart starts pounding like crazy.
It’s time.
It’s time to stop lying.
It’s time to face this head on.
Scrambling for the right words, the silence grows heavier by the second.
I don’t know how to do this.
Just speak from your heart, Max. Just be honest.
I clear my throat and finally find the courage to say, “I’ll take the grounding. I won’t complain. You’re right. I lied to you and that was wrong. I should have told you after my first week at school that baseball was wearing me down. I should have admitted that trying to live up to your dreams and expectations has been too much. I want so badly to make you happy…and proud…” My voice begins to wobble, tears popping onto my lashes. “But music brings me to life in a way that baseball never has. I need that more than I need your approval, and that feels weird, because I’ve spent most of my life craving your praise and attention. But I can’t live up t
o your expectations anymore. I can’t do baseball at college, and if that means I forfeit a college education, then so be it.”
Mom’s face blanches, her mouth dropping open in horror. One of her daughters not getting a higher education. That’s like a nightmare for her.
I ignore her look and keep talking. “Look, whether you guys want me to or not, I’m pursuing guitar. I’ve found my home in music, and you can’t make me leave it.” My voice hitches, stealing my steam and making me sound way less self-assured than I want to. I push through, hoping my voice will gain just a little more traction as I have my final say. “And as for Cairo, you can try to stop me seeing him while I live under this roof. I’ll respect your rules, but I won’t be living here forever, and when I’m free, I’ll be dating that guy because we make each other happy, and you can’t make me break up with him.”
Dad’s bottom lip pulls up into a very small pout, his head jerking before he suddenly stands from the couch and stalks out of the room.
I gaze at Mom, who’s watching him with an agonized frown.
He’s hurting. And Dad’s not great with any emotion other than pride or anger. I’ve just broken his heart. The apple of his eye, his greatest pride, is pulling away and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
For a second, I wonder if I should follow him, but I don’t think it will do any good.
It won’t change the fact that I’m not his little girl anymore. I’m becoming my own woman now and as wretched as I feel, a small part of me knows this is right.
46
Never Stop Fighting
CAIRO
Yesterday was torture.
After Max left, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Velocity came over to hang out and we tried to play but it was a waste of time. Even though we’ve made it through to round two, we just couldn’t get into it.
In the end, we piled into the house, miserable and unsettled.
Mom looked between us and clapped her hands. “Alistair, get the popcorn going. It’s time for a movie.”
My parents took over, doing everything they could to boost our spirits. In the end we watched two movies back to back before Mom sent everyone home to try and get a good night’s sleep.
So much for that.
At nine o’clock, I got a call from Maddie’s phone. It was Max, telling me that she was grounded for the rest of the year. Her father will be taking her to and from school every day. If he can’t do it, one of his officers will be waiting outside the school every afternoon.
She’s not allowed any extracurricular activities, except to finish out the baseball season. Meaning no guitar.
She cried when she told me, lamented the fact that she finally told him everything she was feeling and all her father did was walk out of the room. She’s basically on lockdown until graduation.
I’ve never felt so enraged and helpless.
Mom and Dad talked me through it and we went to bed really late yet again. I’m feeling as energized as a sloth this morning and it totally shows.
My guitar twangs as I hit the strings and ask for yet another time out.
“Sorry, guys.” I slump back in my chair. “I just can’t get into it.”
“Maybe we all just need a few days off,” Austin mumbles.
Everyone seems to sag in unison before finding seats around the music suite.
“I know she only played with us once, but it’ll feel weird performing without her next time,” Roman mumbles, banging his sticks on his knee before flopping back in his chair. “This sucks.”
We all nod, but no one can find their voice. We’re supposed to be jamming. It’s Monday morning and Dad informed me when I woke up that we’ve been invited to play at prom. I think he pulled some strings in an effort to cheer us up.
It’s a good gig. I’m grateful for his effort. We should all be super stoked, but we’re just sitting here…lamenting.
We all sit there brooding until Austin mutters, “The bell’s going to ring soon.”
With a sharp huff, Latifa shoots out of her seat.
“I don’t care if her dad’s being a dick right now. Max has to play prom with us.” Snatching her bag, she flings it over her shoulder and points down at me. “Make it happen, Cai.”
“How?” I give her an incredulous look.
She hitches her shoulder. “I don’t know. Put on your armor and start acting like the knight she needs. Stop sitting there feeling sorry for yourself and go fight for your girl.”
“Her dad won’t let him anywhere near her,” Austin points out.
“Since when have parents ever stopped us from doing anything?” Latifa’s full lips rise into a smirk. “You love something hard enough, you make it happen. Max broke all the rules to be with you. Now get off your ass, find your nut sack, and go get her back!”
Latifa kicks me with the toe of her boot before holding out her hand for Roman. He takes it with a grin, kissing the side of her neck and murmuring, “You’ve changed your tune.”
“Yeah, well, she’s cooler than I thought she was. And Cairo’s never looked so cut up over a girl before.”
Her last words are kind of lost as she and Roman walk out of the room. Austin gives me a sympathetic smile, bumping my knee with his fist before standing up and pointing at the door. “Go on. I’ll pack up in here and lock the door.”
My lips twitch with a smile as I hand over the key. I can’t believe Latifa just gave me a pep talk. Of all the people…
With a soft snicker, I rise from my seat and head out to find the one thing my heart’s been craving.
As soon as I spot her, I race forward, taking her hand and pulling her into an empty classroom before she can protest.
The lights are still off, but the glow from the cracks in the blinds highlights the edges of her face. I cup her cheek, rubbing my thumb from her nose to her ear.
She sniffs and dips her head.
“It’s going to be okay,” I murmur.
“No, it’s not. I’m not even supposed to be in here with you.”
“He can’t stop us from talking at school.”
She snorts and shakes her head. “He’s probably called every teacher in this place. They’ll be watching.”
“I don’t care.” I take her other cheek and gently force her head back up. “Nothing’s going to stop me from hanging out with the girl I love.”
She goes still, her eyes searching mine in the dim light. “You don’t love me,” she whispers.
“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure I do.”
“You haven’t known me long enough to love me. You don’t… I mean, we… You…”
I shut her up with my lips, kissing her until she starts to relax.
Slowly pulling back, I rest my forehead against hers. “When I’m with you, I feel happier than I ever have before. When I’m not with you, I think about you, I relive our conversations and the way we played together. When I sleep, I dream about you. When you smile, my heart is warm, and when you cry, my heart hurts. Max, if that’s not love, then tell me what is.”
Laughter trembles out between her quivering lips. “I dream about you too. And we do make each other happy. I told my dad that.”
I smile, pulling back so I can get a better look at her face.
She blinks at her tears and looks to the ceiling. “I don’t know how we’re going to be together, but I’m miserable without you.”
“Face it, baby…we’re in love.” I wink, setting her smile free.
My chest starts to bubble, the warmth spreading through me like a comforting flame.
She curls her fingers into my shirt and sniffs. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I just want to be with you now. I don’t want to be forced apart.”
“We won’t be,” I promise her. “Don’t go giving up just because it’s hard.”
She shakes her head. I’m still holding her face, making the movement minimal. “But it’s going to be so hard. He won’t let me do anything. He’s hurt, and angry.”
“
He’ll come around.”
“You don’t know what he’s like.”
“Hey, I know he loves his daughter…even if he doesn’t understand where she’s coming from.”
She sniffs, her lips pulling down at the corners.
“Promise me something, Max-a-million.”
Her eyelids flutter and she looks at me with a tentative smile.
“Don’t give up, especially on us.”
“Okay.” She bobs her head.
“I’m not going to stop fighting for you.”
Her eyes glisten with a tender smile as she slides her arms around my neck and tells me she loves me with the kind of kiss that can set a guy on fire.
If it wasn’t for the bell, I’d probably still be making out with Max in that dark classroom. After what we admitted to each other, having to leave her was this weird kind of torture. But school isn’t over and I won’t go poking a hornet’s nest by making her late for class.
I spend my day thinking about her, watching her face go from that beautiful smile to a worried frown. If I found this weekend hard, it must have been a million times worse for her.
Her father’s basically taken everything away from her…everything she loves, and I can’t just keep sitting back and letting him do it.
Checking my watch, I calculate how much time it will take me to make it to the station, then run to Dad’s office and get a permission note to sign out of school for lunch.
“Where are you going?” Dad scribbles his signature on the paper before handing it to me.
“I’m going to see if I can talk to Chief Barlow.”
Dad’s eyebrows rise as he lets out a whistle.
“Yeah, I know, okay? But I’ve got to try. Even if he won’t let me date Max, he can’t deny her the guitar. I’ve got to convince him of that.”
“Her happiness means a lot to you.”
“Yeah.” I slip the note into my pocket. “It means everything.”
Dad’s lips twitch with a smile. “I hate to break it to you, but you sound like you’re falling pretty hard for this one.”