She looked through the boxes, in theory unpacking her meager belongings into what had turned out to be the smallest and dingiest apartment she’d ever lived in. But she had done very little unpacking and instead was salvaging as many valuables from the wreckage of her life as possible. Aside from that afternoon when she’d burst into tears on top of Damien, Sasha had not cried. She had too much pride. She refused to give her brother the satisfaction of her tears.
But tears weren’t the only sign of a life broken down into nothing. She knew that now. Nearly all her joy had been robbed from her. She couldn’t afford to have a single meal outside her own kitchen which severely narrowed her opportunities for socializing. When her co-workers asked her out for drinks or for lunch, she had no choice but to decline. The more she put them off, the more they stepped away from her until even her work relationship with them was strained. Sasha had never felt so alone and bereft in her life. So at the mercy of someone else. Her savings were at zero and her checking account often ran in the red. She lived from paycheck to paycheck to survive to be miserable another day.
From the couch, she sighed. The rain sounded against the roof, tapped on the window panes. Echoed the misery in her heart. She looked at the small pile of jewelry in the paper bag on the coffee table, at the little television she had no choice but to sell. It was time to go to the pawn shop and see what she could get for these things. There was no use in putting it off any longer.
She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder, wrapped the TV and its cords in a plastic bag, picked up the pile of bills, most of them overdue, from the counter and folded them, put them in her purse. With the bills in her purse, the little bag felt almost unbearably heavy, its emotional weight dragging her toward the floor. She’d never been late on a bill before her brother came back into her life. Had never been evicted. Had never had to live so meagerly. At least not since leaving her parents’ home that had been a horror of cold baloney sandwiches and threadbare clothes since all their money went toward buying alcohol.
Sasha grabbed the plastic covered television, the bag of jewelry, and then left the apartment. She stepped out into the rain and trudged through the grass and mud toward her car. She had things to take care of. There was no one else in the world to help her. She had to do everything herself.
Chapter Twelve
The keys made an empty, lonely sound as Sasha threw them on the bookshelf by the front door. She closed the door behind her, sat down on the couch with a sigh to pull off her riding boots.
She wriggled her toes in the threadbare socks, noticing for the first time the hole in her favorite pair of SpongeBob SquarePants socks. Her big toe poked out of the hole, another depressing development in a long litany of depressing developments. Even my misery had become boring, she thought with a wry smile.
A knock rattled her front door. Sasha looked toward it, not expecting anyone at all. No one knew she lived here, no one knew she had moved, although she wouldn’t put it past her brother to have hunted for her and followed her to the last place she wanted anyone to see her.
She stiffened, still sitting on the couch and staring at the door. Whoever it was knocked again, louder this time.
“Sasha, open the door. I know you’re in there.”
Damien?
Sasha shot to her feet in surprise and darted to the door. She opened it to see her lover standing on the welcome mat, his hair tousled, a worried look on his face. She’d seen him earlier at the stables where they’d talked about Heavy Impact and the other proven winners at the stables. She thought they’d agreed to see each other the next morning. Humiliation at her impoverished surroundings colored her cheeks. She gripped the doorknob, refusing to allow him in.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, cursing the tremor in her voice. “How did you know where to find me?”
“Find you? I didn’t realize you were trying not to be found.” He brushed her hand aside and pushed his way into the apartment, looking around in shock.
She flushed, embarrassed at the shabby apartment, the mess of boxes and clothes that she hadn’t bothered to put away since moving in a few days before. Her shame made her lash out in anger.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded again. “Did you follow me?”
“Of course I followed you.” He shrugged as if that was the most normal thing in the world to do. “I went to your old apartment to invite you out for drinks but the woman at the rental office told me you had been evicted. She’s worried for you, by the way. She thinks you might be into something you can’t get out of on your own.” His gaze swept around the apartment again. She could almost see his lips curling up in distaste. Damien’s eyes met hers again. “When you didn’t mention having to move into a new place the last time we were together, when you acted like nothing had changed in your life, I figured the best way to find out what was going on with you was to follow you after work. So here I am.”
“How dare you!” she shouted. “This is my life. You have no right to interfere with it.”
He didn’t rise to the bait of her anger. Instead he put his hands in the pockets of his gray slacks, looked down at her with concern in his bright eyes.
“What’s going on here, Sasha? Obviously, something has changed in the last few months. Do you need some help?”
Her cheeks burned even more with the humiliation of it. Another reminder of just how far she’d fallen since James came back into her life.
“What I have going on is done of your damn business. Just go back to the stables and leave me alone.” She crossed her arms over her chest, stared at him mulishly.
Damien didn’t move. “Sasha. If it’s money troubles you’re having, let me help you. Please. All you have to do is ask. Anything I can do for you, I will.”
“No! You will not manage my life. Don’t think just because I’m your little submissive fuck-toy at work and pretty much anywhere else you want that I can’t deal with my own shit. I’m a grown ass woman and I can take care of myself!” She clenched her fists at her sides. “I may be just another conquest to you but don’t treat me like a fucking helpless twit. I knew you couldn’t handle a woman who was independent. I knew it. You expect a woman to submit to you in life just like she does in your bed!”
She swung away from him but he grabbed her arm. “Just wait a fucking minute,” he growled. “Why the hell would you say something like that? You’re the most self-sufficient woman I know and I damn sure enjoy your company. I enjoy everything about you, even your cursed stubbornness.”
She tried to shake off his hand but he didn’t let her go.
“I can see that you’re up to your pretty little ass in something. Something bad. You’re worried and you’re scared, but you’re too damn proud to ask for help when it’s obvious to everyone around that you need it.” He drew a harsh breath. “Why won’t you trust me and tell me what’s going on with you?”
Sasha stared at him, incredulous. “Why should I trust you when you haven’t given me a reason to? After all, we’re just fuck-buddies, right?”
Damien’s eyes widened. For a brief moment, they reflected surprise. And pain. “After all we’ve done together, do you really think that’s true?” he asked quietly. “You still don’t trust me?”
The shock in his voice stopped the flow of angry words from her mouth. Forcing her to think about what she’d just said to him. If it was really true. Sasha bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.
She remembered the last time they were together, in his study, how she’d allowed him to bind her hands and put his hands around her throat, trusting him not to hurt her. She caught her breath in surprise.
She’d never before thought their relationship was one based on trust. From the very beginning, she had allowed him things she had never trusted with another man. He’d held her life and her pleasure in his hands and had taken care of her each and every time. With a low sound of distress, she collapsed onto a box of books. She looked up at him.
“I’ve never trusted anyone the way that I trust you.” The words coming from her mouth shocked her with their undeniable truth.
Unmindful of his slacks, Damien sat down next to her on the floor. He put his arm around her, pulled her close to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in his clean scent.
“Sasha...” His voice drifted into silence. For a moment, they sat together with the sound of their soft breaths, the nearby sound of a car stereo’s booming bass. His eyes roamed over her face. “I didn’t think I would ever trust anyone again. Especially after...” Damien paused again, lashes sweeping down to hide the expression in his eyes. “Especially after someone betrayed me.” His jaw tightened. “But she’s in the past, and I want you to be my present.”
Sasha drew back and stared at him in amazement, allowing the warmth in her heart for him to surface for the first time.
Damien touched her face, caressed her jaw line with the back of his knuckles. “Sasha, I want there to be trust between us. And I want us to be more than just fuck-buddies.” A faint smile drifted across his mouth. “Are you willing give us a chance at a real relationship? One out in the open?”
Her head spun with his words. It seemed like she’d been waiting for him to say those things forever, even though she hadn’t even acknowledged that desire to herself. She did want him. She wanted him more than just sexually. She wanted him in every way that a woman wanted a man.
“Yes,” she answered softly. “I do want that.”
A dazzling smile took over his face. “I’m glad to hear you say it.” He lifted her off the box and down into his lap. Kissed her mouth while she sighed with happiness, threading her fingers through his hair.
He kissed her tenderly, a melting joining of mouths and breaths that made her sink even more deeply into him. His body was warm and hard under hers, a comfort of masculine planes and uncompromising strength. With her on his lap, Damien took off his shirt. She took advantage of her position to touch his body, relearning the impressive musculature, the flat masculine nipples that seemed as sensitive as hers. He hissed as she pinched them, his hips bucking up into her lap.
“If you keep that up, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to last for you,” Damien said. He rolled over and pressed her down onto her back on the hardwood floor. His feet kicked a box aside. He shoved another one away from near his face.
Despite his earlier words, he was slow and tender. He touched her gently, telling her without saying another word that she was desired, treasured, that they had come to a new place in whatever this thing was between them. Sasha slid her hand up his neck, into his hair, kissing him, adoring him with her mouth as he adored her with his touch. He murmured her name against her mouth, telling her between kisses how beautiful she was, how precious to him.
Sasha melted like snow in the sun. He tenderly drew the clothes from her body, revealing her naked flesh by slow inches. Her stomach. Breasts. The dip between her collarbones that he kissed and worshiped with his tongue. Under him, she squirmed and sighed, her senses drowning in the sensual onslaught. The kisses. His hands on her breasts, thumbs brushing across her nipples while he stared into her eyes, watching her face for every sign of her pleasure.
“Damien....” She moaned his name as he caressed her breasts.
Then he dipped his head, pressing open mouthed kisses to her flesh, sucking her nipples into his mouth, pinching the tender flesh until it was red and tender and she was awash in arousal. She squeezed her thighs together, rhythmically squeezing her muscles to preserve the sensation, to heighten it, to stroke it.
He unbuttoned her pants, unzipped them, pulled them along with her underwear down her legs and off to some unknown corner of the room.
“You are perfection,” he murmured, caressing the newly bared length of her legs, his touch sending shock-waves of delight through her body.
It was so strange to have him touch her this way. So new. It gave her the feeling of having a tiger on a leash. One she knew who could eat her in one greedy bite but instead chose to merely tease her face with its sweet breath. She sighed as Damien kissed a line down her stomach, biting her skin but licking it immediately after. Pain and pleasure. A more tender version of what they had shared in the past. At her bush, he stopped his descent, took a deep breath, smelling her. Sasha’s legs fell open at the first brush of his breath against her.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he murmured.
Then set out to proving the truth of his words. He parted the lush black hairs on her mound, exposing her clitoris to his breath and the first lick of his tongue. Sasha trembled. He lashed her with his tongue again, laving her needy clit, diving down between her swollen lips to explore as deeply as he could. Licking and humming against her, his tongue swirling around her clit, worshipping it, then sucking it deep into his mouth. Sasha whimpered, fisting her hands in his hair.
Desire danced through her, leaving golden footprints in its wake. She called out Damien’s name. Gasped it as he sucked her clit harder, pulled more sweetness from her. She was melting. Molten. She gasped in rhythm with his ardent sucking, her body going into pleasure shock. She cried out his name again. She couldn’t take any more. She just couldn’t.
He slid three fingers inside her, curled them in the slippery cavern of her pussy, stroked her deeply until she was bucking under him, a tight need coiling low in her belly, his fingers fucking her with a hot liquid sound that invited more of her moans, her sighs. She gripped his hair tighter as the need became more, became a bursting cataclysm that shoved a wailing scream from her throat and gushed hot fluid from between her thighs and all over his face.
She panted, her eyes blinking in shock. Never in her life. Never....
He moved up her body, his chest sliding over her breasts, his breath smelling of her pussy, face wet. He kissed her deeply, thoroughly. She was covered in his scent and hers, raking her fingers through his hair as he kissed her, her body lolling in its post-orgasmic haze, minute tremors still moving through her. His hand moved between them, fingers unzipping, fist grasping, cock sinking deeply into her liquid pussy.
Sasha gasped at the incredible sensation. Damien rolled his hips between hers, fucking her slowly, deeply while his eyes captured hers. The vivid blue eyes had darkened with desire, lashes fluttering as his cock moved as slowly as a dream inside her, bringing heat and more slickness and her breath coming quickly again. She braced her feet flat against the ground as she moved her hips, rolling in counterpoint to his movements until they found a rhythm that made them both breathless.
“Damien.” She clutched at his back, her hips winding in tight circles under him.
She gasped his name, her head whipping back and forth on the floor as the sensation built and built and built. Sasha called his name again. He gasped soundlessly above her as he held himself up from crushing her, his tightly muscled arms trembling and covered his sweat.
“You feel so good around my cock, Sasha,” he choked out as his hips moved between hers. “I could fuck you forever.”
But good things didn’t last forever. Sasha knew that from experience, but that didn’t matter now. All that mattered was his thick cock stirring the pleasure inside her, stirring her back to the edge of orgasm. She felt the burn of her satisfaction so close. She gasped and moved under him, frantically now, clawing toward her orgasm.
“Fuck!” Damien grabbed her hips and jerked her hard onto him.
His body bucked and shook as his orgasm took him, the hot spill of his seed pouring inside Sasha, triggering her own implosion.
“Yes!” Sasha cried out. “Yes!”
They shuddered together, their bodies finally coming to rest long moments later in a sweaty heap on the floor. Damien groaned.
“I think you’ve cast a spell over me, woman.”
She stroked his damp chest. “I think you have it the other way around,” she murmured.
He chuckled then rolled over onto his back so she could lie on top of him. He sm
oothed a hand down her back, her ass. Sasha sighed in contentment, her body boneless and filled with the warmth of loving him. He was worthy of her trust. And he’d proven that to her time and time again. Soon, she would tell him about James and his demands. And she would tell him about her family and what she from. It wouldn’t be today. What they had now was too good to spoil with such dirty revelations. But she would tell him. Soon.
“I know this is a little backwards.” Damien twirled a lock of her hair around his index finger, his breath tickling her ear. “After all, we have been sleeping together for months now, but I’d like for us to go to dinner, like a real couple.”
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