by Kate Lloyd
Huffing and puffing, Beatrice bustled into the greenhouse. “Caro Dio. Bad news, Eva.” She held up my drooping kapp. “I turned the iron on too warm and scorched your kapp.” She inhaled another breath. “But worse than that, Jake called to say Amos fell.”
“How bad a fall?” Harvey asked.
“Did he lose consciousness?” I said, not knowing what her answer would mean.
“I didn’t think to ask questions like that, silly me,” Beatrice said. “But Ruth is frantic.”
“Did you actually speak to her or to Jake?” I had to wonder if this was a ruse to keep me from going to Harvey’s.
“Jake called me, but he passed his phone to Ruth, who said Amos had been determined to walk to the kitchen, where he lost his balance and fell against the counter.”
“Where are they now?” Harvey asked.
“In the Lancaster County Hospital emergency room. He’s getting x-rayed as soon as possible.” Beatrice held my ruined kapp as if it were a wounded bird.
“I’d better go and see for myself,” Harvey said. “Since I’ve been to see them once, I’m sure they expect to see me there. I’ve heard their own bishop is still housebound.”
“By buggy?” Beatrice asked. “It’s too far from here.”
“No, I’ll hire a driver. May I use a phone, Beatrice?”
“Sure, come with me to the house. I’d like to join you if you don’t mind. Ruth and I go way back.”
“Yah, I know you do.”
“I’ll come too.” In my inner ear I could hear Amos calling my name.
“No need.” Harvey’s expression grew complex, his eyes narrowing. “Beatrice and I can handle this.”
I set the African violet back down amongst the other potted plants. “But if Amos is dying, I want to say goodbye to him.”
“Eva has been the only one he wants to see,” Beatrice said. “I can testify to that.” She channeled her words to me. “But I have to wonder if you’re only going to see Jake.”
“I’m going there for me. I won’t be dissuaded by what others think. Just like you said, Beatrice.”
She readjusted her bun and reset a hairpin. “Stephen would probably drive us, but there’s only room for two passengers.”
“We can’t rely on him for everything.” I recalled the many times he’d helped me out. “If you don’t want me to go, I’ll find my own ride. There’s a Mennonite driver’s card in the café. I’ll call him.”
“I have his card in the house too, and I need to let the dogs out while we wait.”
“We could all use him,” Harvey said. “I’ll pay the fare. I’ll put my horse in the barn.”
I got the feeling he wanted to be in charge, so I agreed.
FORTY-SEVEN
An hour later, our van neared the hospital’s handsome facade and slowed to a halt. Harvey insisted on paying the driver, including a tip for his speedy arrival to the nursery.
I was surprised to see so many cars coming and going. Plain and Englisch people milled in the foyer as we entered. Groups clustered, and individuals waited at the reception desks.
I strode in as a couple was leaving a receptionist behind the counter and asked the woman if we could see Amos and Ruth Miller.
“Are you a relative?” She surveyed my kapp.
“No, but we were asked to come by relatives.”
Harvey stepped forward, and she immediately deferred to him. “Good to see you, Bishop Harvey.”
“How are you, Gladys?”
“It’s been a busy day. Whom are you here to see?”
“Amos Miller.”
She glanced at her computer screen. “He’s in the ER. The waiting room’s right through there.”
“Thanks. I know where it is.” Harvey led Beatrice and me down a corridor and then into a large waiting room. My guess was he’d been here often. Only a few chairs were empty. I saw several Amish people I didn’t recognize huddled like zombies—vacuous eyes and melancholy conversations.
“There’s Jake,” Beatrice said, pointing across the room. “Sitting in the chair near the fish tank.”
His back was stooped, and his face was propped in his hands. Harvey proceeded over to him. “Jake.”
Jake jerked at the sound of Harvey’s voice, as if he’d been deep in thought or prayer.
“We’re here to support you and Ruth. How is your dat?”
“He’s still alive.” Jake looked to be in agony—drained of all energy. I felt like rushing over to embrace him, but I restrained myself. Comforting and counsel were Harvey’s domains. Nothing I’d done in the past had made a whit of difference.
Beatrice and I found seats and waited for maybe an hour. Time moved in slow motion. It appeared as if Harvey and Jake were praying.
I started to get up, but Beatrice patted my knee. “We shouldn’t interrupt them.” She sent me a dubious smile. “It looks as though all your worries about tonight’s supper were for naught.”
“Ach, do you think his daughters are waiting for us?”
“No, he called their phone shanty. One of them was close by and answered. I’m sure this family is used to his comings and goings, always serving others.”
“Being married to a man of God would have its challenges.” I thought about Harvey’s deceased wife. Did it take a terminal disease to garner his full attention?
“Some women enjoy the stature of being married to a bishop or minister, but I’ve heard few desire that privilege. When a man gets baptized, he promises to serve if chosen by lot—God, that is.”
“Meaning that if Jake got baptized, he’d have to make that commitment to be available too?”
“Yes, but only married men in excellent standing with the church can be nominated by a secret ballot. No offense to Jake, but I can’t see that happening with him. Although age will temper a man the way heat does metal.”
“Could a man nominate himself?”
“Possibly, but I doubt many do. I’m the wrong person to ask. Harvey’s the expert, not me.”
She glanced across the room as Ruth came out of a door and shuffled toward Jake and Harvey. Beatrice and I stood and joined them.
“It’s all my fault.” Ruth’s voice quavered. “I never should have brought him home from the trauma unit so early to begin with. The doctors warned me not to.” She looked at Jake. “And Jake told me to call if I needed him.”
“I should’ve been checking on him more often,” he said, his voice flat. “I knew you might need me.” Moisture glazed his eyes.
“I couldn’t ask for your help while you were busy working in the field.”
“The past is behind us,” Harvey said. “No use punishing yourself about it. You did what you thought was best.”
Beatrice touched Ruth’s arm. “How is Amos? What’s going on?”
“He’s having X-rays. I wanted to be in the room with him, but the technician told me to wait out here. Someone will come and get me.”
“Is he awake?” I asked.
Ruth slipped an arm around my shoulders. “Yah, praise the Lord. I was afraid he was slipping away from us again, but he came around as soon as he was in Jake’s car. He was in terrible pain. I should’ve called for an ambulance. I didn’t know what to do. Anyway, Jake drove us here.”
“It looks as though you and Jake have handled the situation well,” Beatrice said. “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
“For the moment.” Jake’s posture sagged, his neck bent. “Now we wait. Not my best personality trait, as you know.”
“Each of us is flawed,” Harvey said. “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.”
I wondered if Harvey was referring to me. Waiting for others was all I seemed to do.
While speaking in hushed tones, Harvey steered Jake back to the two empty chairs, and the men sat down. Their heads tipped together as they conversed and prayed.
Beatrice stepped out of the waiting room to use her phone. When she returned, she told me Stephen was coming to
get her. “I called to explain the situation so he could take care of the dogs, and he offered to drop by the hospital to fetch me. You, too, if you need a ride.”
I tallied up my other options. “Absolutely, yes.”
“Stephen has become the son I never had,” Beatrice said. “Not that I’d wish to take the place of his adoptive parents, who love him dearly.”
A nurse carrying a clipboard appeared and glided over to Ruth. “Are you Mrs. Miller?”
“Ruth, the nurse is talking to you,” Beatrice said.
“Oh?”
“The doctor wants to speak to you now,” the nurse said.
Ruth looked over to Jake, who rose to his feet and joined her.
“The nurse’s serious expression gives me the impression she’s about to report bad news,” I said to Harvey. “What if Amos dies?”
“Amos has always been a strong man,” he said. “Perhaps too strong for his own gut. But now he must rely on Gott and others to care for him.”
Twenty minutes later, Jake plodded back into the waiting room. “You can come in and visit him now if you wish. I should warn you he’s not doing well. He has a fractured rib, which causes outrageous pain. They’ve given him enough medication to practically knock him out.”
As we followed Jake, the smell of disinfectant grew.
A doctor and Ruth met us at Amos’s door before allowing us entrance. “Falling after a head injury is not that uncommon.” The bald man glanced to Ruth. “I explained this to Mrs. Miller when she insisted on taking her husband home so soon. Today, my advice is to keep him here for several days until he stabilizes.”
Ruth let out a sigh of relief. “Yah, that sounds like a good idea.”
“You might want to consider a convalescent center.” The doctor ran his hand over his head.
“Run by Englischers? No, he wouldn’t like that. No offense meant, Doctor. We certainly appreciate your care.”
He bobbed his head as if he’d heard that sentiment before and was not offended. “There’s a Mennonite nursing home not too far away,” he said as we moved inside.
“We can’t afford the cost. And he might think we’ve given up on him and don’t love him anymore.” Ruth stroked Amos’s feet through his blanket. The doctor left, but a nurse stayed behind.
“How will Ruth and you get along if you take him home?” I asked Jake.
“No idea.”
“Maybe you can hire a young woman to live in and help,” said Beatrice. “How about Mark’s little sister, Susie?”
“Or Olivia,” I said. “If she’s willing and her parents will consent. Maybe for a couple of weeks, anyway. If a bishop supported the idea, her parents would be more apt to agree.”
Harvey’s beard moved up and down as he spoke. “That’s a wonderful idea. Olivia must stop thinking only of herself, and she should volunteer to help others in times of hardship. Not that Jake won’t assist, am I correct?”
“Yah, of course I will,” Jake said.
An unnerving thought slithered through my mind. Did Harvey hope Jake and Olivia would fall in love and leave me in the lurch? Well, not in the lurch with Harvey there to mend my broken heart. Would a man of God do such a devious thing? I liked to think not, and yet he seemed to be pursuing me.
“The doctor said I should go home,” Ruth said, “but I can’t leave Amos. If he comes around and I’m not here, he’ll be frightened.”
“We’ll take good care of your husband,” the nurse said. “You should go home and rest.”
“Mamm, I’ll drive you,” Jake said. “I need to take care of the livestock.”
“Nee, I’m staying here. There’s nothing anyone can do to dissuade me.”
“All right. Eva? Beatrice? I’ll take you home.”
“No need,” Beatrice told him. “Stephen is on his way.”
Jake frowned and turned to Harvey. “I can drive you home if you’d like.”
“My horse and buggy are at the nursery. I would appreciate a ride there,” Harvey said. “You and I have much to speak about.”
“That’s the truth.”
“When will you talk to Olivia about helping Mamm?” Jake asked.
Harvey examined the wall clock. “Too late tonight, but I’ll go to their church service or their home tomorrow morning to confer with them. I’ll leave a message on the phone in their shanty.” He glanced to me. “You mentioned you might attend your parents’ service. If so, I might see you there.”
“I’ll have to wait and see how I’m feeling in the morning.”
After my wishy-washy answer, Harvey gave me a sour expression.
FORTY-EIGHT
I awoke the next morning when my arm dangled over the edge of my bed and knocked the clock off the nightstand. Some sort of nightmare, I guessed as I reached down to retrieve the clock. Stephen was in my dream. That much I recalled.
My eyes focused on the clock’s hands. Already eight? I’d overslept. I needed to put on my soup of the day but couldn’t remember what I was preparing.
Then it struck me. Today was Sunday, the Lord’s day of rest.
I envisioned my go-to-church attire—my white organza apron and my periwinkle blue dress—still at my parents’ home, which seemed in another county at this moment of blurriness.
I wondered if Harvey would indeed attend my parents’ church service. I couldn’t imagine what he and Jake had spoken about on the way home last night. Had Harvey talked Jake into attending the service with him? That question alone should have made me spring to my feet, but the cabin’s air was cold and clammy, and my nose felt clogged. Had I picked up a virus in the waiting room of the hospital? I could tell I was trying to talk myself into being sick so I wouldn’t have to get up.
But then I sneezed, and sneezed again several times. I reached for a tissue and dabbed my nose. Probably an allergy, I told myself. Dust had always made me sneeze, and I hadn’t scrubbed my living quarters since I moved in.
I sneezed twice more and then coughed. I had a perfectly good excuse to skip church today, but I felt guilt invading me as if I were a sponge in a puddle. I scurried over to the sink, filled up the kettle, and turned on the gas burner. I was thankful I’d brought Mamm’s homemade herbal remedy tea, which seemed to fix everything, especially colds. I’d hunker out in my little cabin all morning. No one would notice. Beatrice had probably already left for church, but I wouldn’t even peek out the window lest she be there waiting for a ride from a friend.
I turned on my small space heater and climbed back into bed. I opened the Bible and decided to have my own church service with just myself and God. I sighed, as I knew I was disobeying the Ordnung this very moment. Or maybe not. Maybe God wanted me to spend this morning at home contemplating his Word and praying for Amos.
Then it occurred to me that I hadn’t heard the dogs today. Usually by now they were out and at least one of them had barked a few times and loped up on my porch. Odd. I hadn’t heard the main house’s back door open and close or a car’s engine idling. Maybe Beatrice was doing the same thing I was. Although she was consistent when it came to attending church.
Ach, last evening had been exhausting. I thought of Amos in the hospital bed, barely breathing. When he did, he must experience excruciating pain with a fractured rib. Hadn’t the poor man suffered enough? Or was he being taught a lesson like Job was? He was completely dependent upon Ruth and Jake. And God. Although I couldn’t remember ever seeing him at a church service when I was growing up. He would’ve been my parents’ age and would’ve sat near my father and brother on the men’s side.
I allowed my thoughts to meander into a fairy-tale world. I imagined Jake’s and my wedding day. We would exchange vows and promise to love and obey. No worries about kissing him in front of the congregation as it was verboten during a church service.
The water kettle screeched. I made myself tea and returned to bed. As I watched the steam rising off the surface of the liquid, I tried to imagine myself married to Jake.
Earlie
r this morning Jake and Harvey might have returned to the hospital to check on Amos and Ruth, who must be exhausted. No way around it, I was uncomfortable with Jake and Harvey spending time together. I wondered if visiting a sick man was considered work on this day of rest. No, Jesus had healed a lame man on the Sabbath.
I left the warmth of my bed, washed my face, and dressed. I had the oddest inclination to wear Englisch clothes so I’d blend in with the customers here at the nursery. Just for once, I didn’t want to stand out. But I didn’t own any and knew better than to attempt such an ill-conceived stunt.
I asked myself what I’d like to do more than anything. My inner response was to stroll around the nursery and pretend I worked with the plants. The business didn’t open until noon on Sunday. And certainly no Amish would be working today. I’d have the whole place to myself.
Dressed and my head covered with a scarf, I laced on my Nikes and scuttled out the door. I rounded the big house and almost walked right into Beatrice, whose arms sprang up in surprise.
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she squawked.
“Me? How about you?”
“Looks as though both of us had the same idea.” She fingered the cross at her neck. “We’re playing hooky.” The dogs gamboled over to us. “Although I needed to let the dogs out.”
“I didn’t mean to sleep in. But since I did, I spent time in bed reading the Bible.” Ach, I sounded self-righteous.
“Well, I spent my time in prayer.”
We both fell into laughter like schoolgirls. Then we turned serious when I asked if she’d heard word about Amos.
“Over the phone. I felt as though I were swimming upstream trying to track him down in that hospital,” she said. “I finally reached the nurses’ station outside his room. I told the nurse I was his sister-in-law, although I think she caught my lie. Nevertheless, she said he was in stable condition and that Ruth was on a cot, deep in slumber. The nurse said, ‘Best not to wake her.’ ”