He stepped back to survey the job. Satisfied, he crossed the room for the hooks and started putting them in rows and columns.
His father walked through the door and peered around. “Nice space. What do you plan to do here?”
“Not sure yet.” Not true, but he didn’t feel like explaining.
“Allison sent me out here to get you. Lucinda is up and asking for her mother.”
“Is she upset?”
“Not yet. The novelty of having grandparents here hasn’t worn off.”
Noah picked up the last remaining tools and put them in their places on the pegboard. “Let’s go.” Sweet Pea greeted them at the back door, and he let him outside before heading to Lucinda’s room. What kind of child-friendly explanation could he offer for her mom’s absence? Lucinda sat on the edge of her bed with Allison kneeling on the floor tying her shoes. She caught sight of him and slid off the bed.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
She hugged his knees and peered up at him. “Where’s Mommy?”
Noah picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, laid her head on his shoulder, and gave his father a wary look.
“You met your grandpa?”
She nodded and her hold tightened. He moved to sit with her in the rocking chair. “It’s all right, Luce. Did he tell you he’s my dad?”
She leaned back to give him a dubious look, and he couldn’t help smiling. “He is.”
With a sigh, she settled herself against him again. It always took her a while to make the transition from nap time to fully awake. He set the rocker in motion, and his parents seated themselves on her bed. “She’s not awake yet. Give her a minute.”
“Grandma says she’s gonna stay wif us for a while.”
“That’s right.” He rubbed her back.
“Where’s my mommy?”
Man, he wished he could turn back the clock and undo some of the mess he’d caused. “Your mom isem aid="G6PR4"
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TEARS LEAKED OUT OF THE corners of Ceejay’s eyes, traced down her cheeks, and fell onto the hospital pillow beneath her head in a steady drip, drip, drip. Her mother? Dead. Aunt Jenny? Cancer. Her dream job? Gone. Even if they did hold the job for her until she recovered, she couldn’t leave now. Not with Jenny sick. All her dreams, all the plans she’d made sifted out of her grasp like so much ash in a stiff breeze.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the conversation she’d had with her doctor right after her surgery kept bouncing around in her head.
“You were unconscious when you came in, so we didn’t get a chance to ask. When was the date of your last menstruation?”
“It’s been almost three weeks, and yes. There is a possibility I could be pregnant.”
“Hmm. Best not to take any chances. This early, a pregnancy test would still show a negative. We’ll give you a nonnarcotic painkiller.”
Thinking about being pregnant added another brick of anxiety to her growing pile, and the whole mess settled in her gut. She shifted her position away from the tear-dampened spot on the pillowcase and grimaced. Moving even that little bit set off a new wave of throbbing pain. Her head ached. Hell, all of her ached—especially her breaking heart.
Her bones would heal soon enough. She could always find another job and make new plans, but Jenny’s cancer? Shit, don’t go there. She stared at the blank, white ceiling above her hospital bed. Maybe if she stared hard enough, a lifeline would drop, and she could pull herself out of the deep, dark quagmire of grief and self-pity sucking her down.
To top it all off, every time the door to her hospital room opened, her heart gave a hopeful leap, only to crash-land on the cold linoleum floor. Noah hadn’t returned since she’d told him to go home, and she needed him. Desperately.
A fresh wave of misery swamped her, and a new surge of tears dampened the dry spot she’d moved to. Crap. If she kept this up, she’d dehydrate, and the nurses already looked at her like maybe it was time for a psych consult.
She heard voices in the hall and strained to hear who it might be. The door handle twisted, and her heart did its leapfrog thing. Lifting her head, she tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks. The heavy cast on her wrist smacked against the bridge of her nose, sending brand-new pain stinging through her. “Owww.”
The door opened, and a strangled groan broke free. The Langfords were the last people she wanted to see. Yet here and her eyes grew brightCDjo, they were, staring down at her from the foot of the bed, with Ed’s threats still ringing in her ears. She let her head drop back onto the soggy pillow—right back into despondency. It wasn’t Noah, and the disappointment sat heavy on her chest, making small talk impossible. Not that she had any to offer.
“The nurses are worried about you.” Allison grasped the strap of her purse with both hands. “They say you’ve been in tears since you woke up after your surgery yesterday. Is it...could it be a reaction to the anesthesia?” Her expression was the picture of caring concern.
“Could be.” Let them believe whatever they wanted. Maybe they’d leave sooner. An awkward silence took up the space between them. Allison gave her husband a nudge with an elbow to the ribs.
“I owe you an apology.” Mr. Langford shifted his stance as if challenging her to dispute his sincerity. “You have my word. There will be no legal action taken, but—”
“If you don’t mind, I’m trying to get some rest.” She went back to staring at the ceiling.
Mr. Langford stepped closer to his wife and put his arm around her waist. The protective gesture sent jealousy spiraling through Ceejay. She wanted that kind of concern, that kind of masculine protection. She wanted Noah. Could her life suck any more than it did right this minute? Man, this self-pity pool just keeps getting deeper and deeper, with no flotation device in sight.
“Ed, why don’t you go search for some decent coffee. I think I saw a little shop across the street from the parking lot.”
A look passed between them. Allison’s pleading. Ed’s skeptical. Their silent conversation fascinated Ceejay. She knew the moment he caved to his wife’s wishes. Interesting. Clearly Allison had the tough son of a bitch wrapped up tight and tied with a ribbon. She sighed. Too bad she didn’t have a clue how to do that.
“All right, Allie. I’ll be back shortly.” He leaned in and kissed his wife before turning to her. “Do you take anything in your coffee?”
Hell, why not let him fetch for me? “Yes, lots of cream and three packets of sugar. So much cream the color is more a light tan than brown, and don’t use the fake stuff. Make that four packets of sugar. Thanks.”
He let out a huffing sound and walked out of the room. Once he’d gone, Allison snatched a dry pillow from the top shelf of the narrow closet. She returned, replaced the soggy pillow with the dry one, and plumped it up before moving on to the twisted blankets.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know. I want to.”
The soft, sweet scent of her perfume wafted over Ceejay as Allison tugged the blankets into some semblance of order. Ceejay relaxed into the comfort of having someone else take care of her.
“I’m sorry, Ceejay. I know what a shock it must have been to find us in your house. Noah told us about Jenny’s surgery, and we came right away.” Allison stepped back and sent a worried look her way. “We truly want to help. I hope you’ll let us.”
She was far too deep in her own misery to muster the kind of strength it took to hold on to her anger any longer. It wasn’t Allison’s fault her husband was a jerk, and none of what happened with Matt had anything to do$me to ever with her either. “Yeah, it was a shock.” She let out a shaky breath. “I was already upset, and...” More tears slid down her cheeks. “Crap.” She sniffed. “I can’t seem to...to s-stop.”
Allison grabbed a few tissues from the box on the bedside table and wiped Ceejay’s eyes and nose. “You’re in quite a state.”
“I know, huh.” Ceejay laughed through the tears. “It’s like everything I’ve
corked up for twenty-four years is coming out in a big weepy, snotty mess.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I...I wouldn’t know where to start.” She laugh-cried again, too far gone to be embarrassed.
Allison reached over and smoothed Ceejay’s hair back from her eyes. “How about we start with my son? Let’s talk about Matt.”
Ceejay’s tensed at the mention of his name, and she turned away to hide the churning bitterness.
“You’ll never know how sorry we all are for what he did. I’m still having trouble believing he could be so callous and irresponsible.”
Another strangled laugh escaped. “Yeah, me too.”
“You may be surprised to hear this, but I went through a similar situation with his father. He went out to buy diapers one night and never came back. Matt was only three weeks old when my husband walked out on us. I didn’t have a job. I was estranged from my family. I didn’t have two nickels to rub together, and only a few weeks of rent left on the apartment where we lived.” She lifted an elegant eyebrow. “Which was a tiny, dilapidated dump in a very bad neighborhood, by the way.”
Despite herself, Allison’s revelation drew Ceejay’s interest. “What did you do?”
“I thought he might come back once he cooled down. After two futile weeks of waiting, I went crawling back to my family and begged for help.”
“Did they help?
Allison’s expression seemed to turn inward, as if she relived those difficult times. “They gave me a job in the family business so I could help myself. My mom watched Matt until I was caught up enough financially to pay for day care, then my parents made it clear Matthew was my responsibility. Those were the toughest years of my life.”
“S-seeing you the first time you came to Perfect set off all kinds of emotional s-stuff. You have no idea how awful Matt’s leaving was for me. I was pregnant and unmarried. Everybody in town knew he didn’t want me or our baby. Do you k-know what it’s l-like to face that kind of pity every freaking day of your life?”
“I can imagine.”
“I always believed my m-mom didn’t want me either. Nobody even knows who my father is, least of all me, and then Matt d-did what he did.” She didn’t even have the words to express what his leaving had done to her, how it still tainted every aspect of her life.
What is it about me that makes leaving so easy?
She hiccupped. “B-being a single parent is terrifying. Everything is on my shoulders—all the responsibility, all the worries. What if I mess up?”
“I know. I had the same fears and insecurities when I was on my own with Matt$me to ever . You won’t mess up, Ceejay.” Allison got up, sat on the edge of the bed, and put her arms around Ceejay, casts and all, to give her an awkward hug. “You’re an amazing mother to Lucinda.”
“Ow.”
“Oh, sorry.” She leaned back and patted Ceejay’s leg. “I thought maybe you could use a hug.”
“I could. It just hurts. Everything hurts. Thanks anyway. That was nice of you, especially considering...” In spite of the rudeness she’d shown her, Allison came back with nothing but kindness. Ceejay didn’t deserve her warmth and concern, but she took it all in anyway.
The dam holding her emotions back crumbled, and words started spilling out. “My mom...she didn’t abandon me. She died. My mom died, and it was an accident.” She sobbed. “I...I’m so afraid for Jenny, and I feel so h-helpless. I don’t know what I’ll do if...”
She gulped air and squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sure that’s way more than you wanted to hear. I j-just can’t seem to stop. It’s all circling around inside my head, and I c-can’t make it stop.”
Allison patted her leg again. The gesture was so maternal, Ceejay almost lost it again.
“I think you’re way overdue and entitled.”
Ceejay searched the room for something to count. Folds in the curtain hanging beside her bed. One, two, three. No use. Not even numbers could fix this mess. “I’ve ruined everything.”
Allison’s brow furrowed. “What have you ruined?”
“Look at me. I can’t move my left side.” She lifted her right arm in its heavy cast with her swollen fingers sticking out like sausage. “I can’t even wipe my own nose. How can I take care of Jenny and Lucinda when I can’t even take of myself? Besides, Jenny’s been a mother to me all these years, and...and she asked her brothers to look after her instead of me. It f-feels like Matt and my mom leaving me all over.”
“Oh, Ceejay. Your aunt didn’t mean to hurt you. She knows how important it is for you to follow your dreams. Jenny didn’t want to see everything fall apart for you because of her illness. She was trying to do what she thought was best.”
“I can’t leave. I couldn’t leave her! How could she even think I would?” She sniffed and continued to stare at the ceiling. Plus, I’ve screwed everything up with Noah. I told him to go away, and he hasn’t come back. She couldn’t say that to his stepmom.
“You haven’t ruined anything. You’ll be there for Jenny in other ways, and though you might have to delay your plans, it’s not forever.” Allison shifted back to the chair. “Look, I’m sorry about the shock my first visit caused, but can you imagine what having a granddaughter means to me, especially after losing my son? I came here today to get some things settled between us.” Allison’s voice held an edge of determination. “We’re Noah’s family. He lives in the carriage house on your property, and our paths are going to cross. Can you make peace with that?”
Ceejay bit her lip, and a wave of shame shook her by the shoulders. “I’m sorry I’ve been so—”
“Don’t apologize. I would have reacted the same way. I think it’s b and her eyes grew brightcarriage houseA4est if we let the past go and start over.” Allison smoothed her slacks down with her palms. “Lucinda is our granddaughter, and—”
“I know. I know. I haven’t been fair.” Her tears stopped, and she felt blessedly empty inside. “It’s not your fault Matt did what he did, and I’m not going to keep Lucinda from you anymore because of him.”
“I’m glad.” Alison’s voice quavered, and her eyes grew bright. “She’s an amazing little girl.” The tension in Allison’s posture eased. “They’re letting you out in about an hour. Would it be all right if we wait for your discharge papers and take you home?”
“Is Jenny there?”
“She is. Your uncle Jim picked her up.”
“How is she? Did Sheriff Maurer—”
“He’s been by her side since she left the hospital.”
The empty place inside her filled with relief. “How is Lucinda? She must be worried.”
“We’ve had a few challenging moments.” Allison chuckled. “That child has a mind of her own, and she wants her mommy.”
“I miss her too.” What about Noah? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? She kept that question to herself. Now that her tears had finally stopped, a tentative peace settled over her. She had to admit she liked Allison. The poor woman had listened to her blurt out all of her deepest, darkest insecurities and hadn’t run screaming from the room.
“Coffee anyone?” Ed came through the door with a cardboard tray holding three cups with lids. A bag dangled from his hand. “I brought scones. I thought maybe after nothing but hospital food, you might appreciate the change.” He looked from her to Allison as if assessing how things had gone in his absence.
Whatever he saw must have pleased him, because he relaxed, and his eyes filled with warmth. Still, she had difficulty looking at him. “Thanks. A scone would be great.”
He handed the bag to his wife and took a coffee from the tray. “Lots of cream and sugar.” Placing the cup on the movable tray, he smiled at her, and Ceejay’s breath snagged on an exhale. His smile replicated Noah’s, and seeing it sent a pang of longing through her that almost started a fresh flow of tears. Had she blown it? Had Noah had enough of her pushing him away and called it quits?
“I’m going to need a straw an
d some help with this.” Her voice broke. She couldn’t even enjoy a good cup of coffee without help. At least her legs still worked.
By the time they got all the discharge papers signed, her prescription for pain pills filled, and she’d been loaded into Noah’s truck, Ceejay wanted to curl up and sleep. Exhaustion battled with excitement at the prospect of seeing her daughter, Noah, and Jenny. She was too keyed up to rest.
She strained forward on the ride up the gravel driveway. Sweet Pea’s frantic barking greeted her. Noah stood on the veranda next to Lucinda. Her midsection started a flutter riot that spread to her heart. Ed helped her out of the truck, and she glanced at Noah. His eyes were riveted on her, and he took a step.
“Mommy!” Lucinda tugged free of his hand and ran for her.
Noah caught her and lifted her off her feet. “Whoa, slow down there, sweetheart. Your mom needs you to be gentle and her eyes grew bright Allison c p b.”
“It’s all right. Let her go.” Ceejay’s eyes stung. “I’ve missed you so much.” Would he know the words were meant for him as well? She held her right arm out, and the minute Lucinda hit her legs, she wrapped her up as much as she could.
“Grandma said you broke your bones.”
“That’s right.” Her eyes met Noah’s, and she sucked in a breath at the despair she glimpsed there. What was going through his mind?
“Are you going to let me draw on your cast?” Lucinda touched the plaster and gauze encasing her right wrist.
“Absolutely, but right now I’m really tired.” She turned her attention back to her daughter. “Do you want to help me to my room?”
Far from Perfect (Perfect, Indiana: Book One) Page 22