CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SEEING CEEJAY STAND ON THAT chair had nearly stopped his heart. Hearing her say she wanted to talk stopped it cold. Noah wasn’t proud of the way he’d boot-scooted out the back door, but he couldn’t bear hearing her say she didn’t want to see him anymore. Right now, he didn’t want to think about what she might say. He didn’t want to think about anything but wood and tools.
He started a fresh pot of coffee brewing and studied the pattern he’d designed for the cradle while he waited. Focus on the task. He grabbed his iPod, stuffed it into his back pocket, poured himself a mug of the fresh brew, and tucked the pattern under his arm before heading to his shop.
He stepped through the door and surveyed the newly updated shop space with satisfaction. Inhaling deeply, Noah took in the dry, woody scent of the old timber structure, and a fraction of his tension eased. The plans for the cradle lay flat on the workbench. He put his iPod on the dock and cranked some tunes. Running his hand over the pieces of walnut he’d chosen for the head- and footboards, he savored the feel of the wood against his palm. Memories of his uncle Gabe’s shop, of the hours spent learning the craft, sprang into his mind, and fondness for his stepmother’s brother warmed the corners of his and her eyes grew bright" aid="Noah nearlybattered heart. Maybe he’d give him a call tonight.
He’d gotten several stools and placed them strategically around his workshop so he wouldn’t have to stand on his prosthetic too long in any one spot. He pulled one close to the workbench and grabbed a pencil. Laying the pattern out on the wood, he started tracing. Once he was finished transferring the pattern, he put on the safety goggles and moved to the table saw. When the pieces were reduced to a more manageable size, he moved to the jigsaw for the tricky part—cutting the dovetails.
He leaned close and maneuvered the wood around the blade with painstaking precision. Tapping his foot to the beat of the music, he dove deep into the task, letting go of everything he’d screwed up, the dead who haunted him, and his lack of any discernible career path. Getting each notch perfect became the focal point of his universe.
Noah finished the first side and scrutinized his work for flaws. Excitement thrummed through his veins. He smiled, pleased with his efforts, and turned the headboard around to dovetail the other side. His fingers itched to carve the old English rose in the center. He’d chosen the pattern because the petals resembled hearts. Any child of his would know without a doubt he or she was loved.
He sat up and frowned. After what Ceejay had been through in the accident, what were the odds she’d still be pregnant? If she had been to begin with, that is. He didn’t know, but his heart broke a little thinking they might have lost something so precious. Giving himself a shake, he turned back to his work.
Wood, tools, and working with his hands. Focus.
What kind of finish did he want to use? Black walnut had a rich, mellow color and a distinctive grain. Maybe clear acrylic for protection would suffice. He laid the dovetailed headboard on the table and began chiseling around the edge of the English rose traced on the surface. Ted walked into his shop. Noah spared him a glance and a nod.
“Is that country music you’re listening to?”
“When in Rome...”
Ted laughed and moved to peer at his project. “What’re you working on?”
“Just tinkering.” No way did he want to explain his need to make a cradle. “Trying out a new pattern.”
“Cool. I took woodshop in high school, and I really enjoyed it. You’ll have to teach me how to do this.” Ted reached out and traced the emerging relief for the rose. “I’ve been sent to fetch you. Lunch is ready.”
Noah wasn’t ready for another confrontation. “Is Sheriff Maurer there?”
“Yep. He’s turned into some kind of permanent fixture at the old homestead since Jenny’s surgery.”
Lunch also meant seeing Ceejay again, and his heart couldn’t take another hit today. “I’ll pass. I have food here.”
Ted studied him. “You can’t hide out in here forever. Maybe—”
“It’s just lunch.” Noah sorted through his tools, picking out a smaller chisel. “You can see I’m in the middle of something.”
“It’s not just lunch.” Ted took a step closer, keeping his eyes fixed on the project under way. “You’ve been avoiding Ceejay since her accident. You should—”
“I should get back to work. Don’t need lunch and her eyes grew brightef c p b.”
Ted stepped back and stuffed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “We still gonna move that scaffold this afternoon?”
“Sure. Come get me around one thirty.”
Ted continued to stare at him like he wanted to say more. Noah bent back to work and hoped he’d take the hint. He didn’t want to talk—didn’t want to reveal even a smidgen of the hurt robbing him of sleep. Lunch? Hell, he couldn’t eat.
“OK. Catch you later.”
Once Ted left, Noah let out the breath that seized every time he thought about Ceejay. He forced his attention back to the project he had laid out on the workbench. He couldn’t make a mistake, or he’d have to start all over. This piece had to be perfect. He soon settled into the tapping rhythm of the chisel and mallet against the wood.
A throat clearing near the door almost sent his chisel skidding across the walnut. Noah glared at the source of the interruption.
Sheriff Maurer stood in the doorway, out of uniform, with a plate of food in his hand. “The women sent me out here. I guess they’re worried you’ll waste away to nothing if you skip a meal.”
“Put it over there on one of the shelves.” Noah pointed with the chisel in his hand. “Thanks.”
The sheriff placed the plate where he’d indicated and crossed the room to stand next to him. Damn. “You need something, Sheriff?”
“I do.”
If this was to be a repeat of their last conversation, Noah would be facing assault charges. He kept working. Tap, tap, tap. “What now?”
“I owe you an apology. I know you didn’t cause Ceejay’s accident any more than you caused Jenny’s cancer. They’ve both made it clear I’d better make it right between us.” He crossed his arms in front of him. “I was upset.”
Not the why are you still here he expected. Noah’s brow rose, and he ducked his head to his work. “Apology accepted.”
“I care about Ceejay.”
“So do I.”
“I don’t want to see her hurt again.”
Noah squared his shoulders, widened his stance, and fixed the sheriff with his best commander stare. “And you’re certain I’m out to hurt her?” Hell, he was the hurting party here. Did no one get that?
“No. I may have been a little hard on you. I’m overprotective is all.”
“I get it, Sheriff. Now it’s time to back off. Like I said before, what goes on between me and Ceejay is none of your business. She’s a grown woman.”
“Right. I’m off the case.”
Noah nodded. “Good.”
“You might want to talk to her.”
Noah went back to navigating the difficult curves of the rose petals with the tools gripped in his hands. So much easier than navigating the mysteries of the human heart. “Didn’t you just say you’re off the case?”
Sheriff Maurer chuckled and started for the door. “Don’t let things go for as long as I did, son.” and her eyes grew bright Ceejays . His
Physical exhaustion was a good thing. Noah couldn’t hold on to a thought long enough to get worked up about anything. He leaned back in his recliner, glad to be on his ass, and channel-surfed for something mindless to watch on TV. He and Ted had wrestled the scaffolding around to the back of the Lovejoys’ house. Tomorrow afternoon they’d start on the gutters. That gave him the morning to work on the cradle.
“Noah?” A knock accompanied Ceejay’s muffled voice through the door.
His tired body rushed headlong into turmoil. His lungs froze while his heart made up for the lack of movement. Leapi
ng out of the chair, he reached the door at the speed of sound. God, he hoped she didn’t expect him to talk, because the inside of his mouth had turned to suede, and he didn’t think he could get his tongue to move.
Noah opened the door. The past week had left him feeling like a dry sponge, and Ceejay was fresh springwater. He soaked up the sight of her. She wore a ridiculous, ratty pair of pink cutoff sweatpants and an overlarge T-shirt with her one good arm through the sleeve. Her feet were bare. Beautiful.
“We need to talk.”
“OK.” His spirits hit the dirt. No good ever came from a conversation beginning with we need to talk. Especially not with a woman you were dating. Shit. He grabbed the remote control from the arm of his recliner and clicked the off button.
Ceejay lifted her chin and faced him down. “You didn’t cause my accident, Noah. I did. I was driving too fast when I took that bend in the road. You weren’t at the wheel. I was.”
“I know, but you wouldn’t have been driving so fast if my father hadn’t upset you.” His hand went to the back of his skull. “Which makes it my fault.”
“Don’t do that.” Ceejay moved close and tugged the front of his shirt with her thumb and forefinger.
He stared at her in confusion. “Don’t do what?”
“You always rub the back of your head when you’re upset.”
“I do?”
She nodded. “You’re going to give yourself a bald spot.” She looked up at him and her eyes grew bright with tears. “You never came back to the hospital for me. Why didn’t you come back?”
“You told me to go away.”
“I didn’t mean forever.” She sniffed. “I’ve missed you so much, and...and...”
“You have?” His insides took a slider, melting into a warm pool of relief. “I’ve missed you too. I thought you were pissed at me because my parents were here. I didn’t invite them. Allison is impulsive that way. She always has been. I should’ve known she’d hop the first flight down here once I told her about Jenny.”
His hand automatically headed for the predicted bald spot at the back of his skull. He forced it down and shoved it into his front pocket. “How could I have known my dad would come with her? I’m sorry he threatened you, honey. I won’t let it happen again. I—”
“Noah?”
“Yeah?” and her eyes grew bright tk. His
“Stop blaming yourself. I was upset before I got home. Jenny’s cancer, learning about my mom, and yes, seeing your parents when I wasn’t expecting them was a shock, but they aren’t responsible for my accident either. They came to help, and I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have been driving so fast if—”
“Why didn’t you come back to the hospital?” Her chin quivered. “When I told you to leave, I was drugged up and in pain. I couldn’t carry on a conversation.”
“I thought you were telling me you didn’t want me in your life. Sheriff Maurer said—”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “I know what he said. He was way out of line, and wrong besides.”
“I can’t take any more of your pushing me away, Ceejay.” He took her face between his palms and lost himself in her baby blues. “We need to come to some kind of understanding.”
“I know.” She moved closer. “I wasn’t pushing you away. I’d just reached my limit for the day. Sometimes that happens. Can we come up with some kind of code word or something? Like, I need a little alone time, and it’s not about pushing you away; it’s about me trying to process things?”
“Sure.” He swallowed hard and let his eyes roam all over her face, memorizing each freckle, the tiny scar above her left eyebrow, the fullness of her lips. “We can do that.” His heart soared. She wanted to work things out, and he could hardly take it in.
“Are you going to kiss me soon?” Tears got caught up on her eyelashes as she blinked.
“Yeah.” He drew her close, casts, bindings, and all, and dove deep into the welcome she offered. All the fear, hurt, and tension he’d suffered since the day of her accident dissipated. A rush of longing set his blood on fire—and certainty. They belonged together and always would. He loved her.
The axis in his life tilted, righting itself. His heart and lungs settled into a normal rhythm for the first time in days. Normal for his aroused state, anyway. This kind of normal he could live with. He broke the kiss and threaded his fingers through her silken curls. “I know you can’t be with me until you’re healed up a little better, but could I just hold you for a while?”
“I’d like that.” She studied him back. Her gaze traveled over his face, and her pupils had dilated.
The force of wanting her nearly brought him to his knees. Noah ushered her into his bedroom. “You might be more comfortable if I helped you out of those clothes.”
She made that deep-in-the-throat chuckle that set his blood on fire. “Only if you take yours off too.”
“I can do that.” Noah slipped out of his jeans, boxers, and T-shirt almost before the words left his mouth. “Come here.”
He tugged her shorts and panties off, then eased her arm through the one sleeve of the shirt she wore. Lifting it over her head, he groaned. No bra. Sweet. He reached out to cup one lovely breast, gratified to hear the quick intake of her breath. He pulled the blankets back and helped her lie down. Scooting in beside her, Noah drew her scent deep into his lungs.
Need pulsed through him at the feel of her soft skin against his and her eyes grew bright Ceejays . His . He wanted her, but for tonight, having her beside him was enough. “This is good. Spend the night with me.”
“All right, but wake me early. I don’t want Lucinda to get up in the morning and find me gone. She’s been more upset by everything than she lets on.”
“I will.” He snuggled closer, sliding one arm under her head and the other around her waist, at ease for the first time in a solid week.
“Noah,” Ceejay whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“I think if we’re real careful, we could...”
His eyes flew open, and he smiled against the bare skin of her neck. “Could what?” he asked, nuzzling the tender spot behind her ear.
“You know.”
“Say it.”
“I want you to make love to me.”
“I want that too.” Noah propped himself up on one elbow. “I’ll do all the work. All you have to do is relax and enjoy. Tonight is for you.” He kissed her, careful not to put pressure anywhere near her injuries. She moved restlessly beside him. He ran his thumb over one sensitive nipple and felt a shiver run through her body.
Leaning in, he took the other into his mouth, and his blood rushed to his groin at the sound of the throaty groan she made. He knew exactly what he wanted to do to her, something he’d fantasized about since the day he had seen her sweet backside bobbing away in the garden. He’d never wanted to taste a woman the way he wanted to taste Ceejay—never wanted that level of intimacy with anyone but her.
“Don’t ever do that again,” she said on a sigh.
She didn’t like having her breasts fondled and sucked? He lifted himself to peer down at her, lust clouding his brain. “Never do what again?”
“Don’t shut me out the way you did. You’re not the only one with issues. Don’t you get what that did to me?”
Her eyes were filled with the same hurt and insecurity he’d suffered. His chest tightened with regret. “I won’t. If something is bothering me, I promise to let you know. The same goes for you. If something is bothering you, tell me. If you’re feeling insecure, all you have to do is let me know, and I’ll do my best to—”
“Good enough.” She put her arm around his neck and drew him to her. “No more talking.”
She kissed him, her sweet tongue delving into his mouth in search of his, and he surrendered to the joy only Ceejay could bring to his life. Noah kissed and caressed his way down her delectable curves, edging closer toward learning her taste. He wanted to watch her in the throes of
an orgasm. Anticipation sent his heart racing. Spreading her wide beneath his hungry gaze, he was filled with awe. His woman. He traced the shape of her with a finger and watched her reaction.
Lowering himself between her thighs, Noah indulged in his fantasy, reveling in the sounds of passion he elicited from her, almost coming himself when she shuddered against him with her release. He raised himself and reached for a condom in the bedside table. Slipping it on, he stared down at her, overwhelmed by her beauty.
“Noah.” His name came out a breathy sigh. “That was...mmm...that was amazing.” She stretched, enticing him with her body and her eyes grew bright tk. His and her look.
He sank back down, careful to support his own weight. “We’re not done yet, sweetheart.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” She moaned and drew him to her for another mind-blowing kiss.
Mindless with desire, he entered her. Her name echoed through the room as he lost himself in the feel of her slick heat surrounding him. Ecstasy. Peace and an irrevocable bond wound around his heart as he collapsed beside her in a satisfied heap. She sighed beside him and scooted close to his side.
He wrapped her in his arms as gently as he could. “I hope that’s a sigh of satisfaction.”
“It is,” she purred. “Most definitely satisfied here.”
“Go to sleep, honey. Everything is going to be all right.”
“Is it?”
Nodding, he let contentment wash over him and closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept well for days, and having Ceejay in his arms changed everything. He drifted off with images of cradles filled with redheaded babies floating around inside his mind. So much better than the hollow-eyed accusations of the dead.
Noah hurried up the veranda steps. It had been hard to let Ceejay leave his bed so early in the morning, and he wanted to be with her again. Opening the door, he gravitated toward the sound of feminine voices in the kitchen. Allison, Jenny, and Ceejay were all seated at the kitchen table, with a black-and-white hatbox sitting on the table in front of Ceejay. Warmth spread through his chest at the sight of his stepmother and the woman he loved sitting peacefully together. “Where’s Lucinda?”
Far from Perfect (Perfect, Indiana: Book One) Page 24