Yeah. I hated Miller so I talked them into letting me transfer this year.
Do you drive or get a ride?
Shame train. Can’t drive til summer.
You ride the bus that far...alone? Is that safe?
Yup. It’s fine. I like the quiet time, actually.
We spent the whole class texting about random things. He was much more interested in me than was warranted. I’m pretty boring in most respects. I barely got to ask him anything. But, that changed after class. We walked out together and he followed me to my locker. I didn’t want to assume he wanted to hang out with me during our break but he stayed by my side so I just went with it. After dropping off my gym clothes and humanities book, we walked toward the flag pole where he was with his friends the day before. Kim was already there, smiling broadly when she saw us walking up together.
I tried to play it off as no big deal but the stupid grin on my face probably gave away how happy I was.
“There you are,” Kim said to me but was looking at Logan. I couldn’t help but notice her eyes lingering on his face a little longer than necessary for a polite hello. As terrible as it is to admit, I felt the tiniest bit of pride that he chose me over her. Although, walking me out of class wasn’t exactly choosing me for anything. In the back of my mind, I still had to believe that he wasn’t interested in me beyond my resemblance to Randy’s ex. Maybe Logan had a thing for her.
“Hey, lady.” I scooted closer to Kim to give Logan some space. If he actually did like me, he had a helluva challenge ahead of him to prove it. My fat girl insecurities ran deep and a few smiles weren’t gonna break past them very easily. I seriously needed to start saving my money for therapy.
“So the guys said Chili’s for dinner was good. What time will you be off work?” she asked me.
As Kim was talking, Logan walked up behind me. I could feel his presence but didn’t look back at him.
“What guys are you meeting? You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?” His hands landed on my shoulders and he gave me a little shake to indicate who he was talking to.
My face flushed as I peeked back at him. He had a tight smile that looked anything but happy. “Uh, I don’t know. I just got here too, remember?” I probably sounded irritated but I was mostly just focusing on not leaning against his chest and curling into him. I looked to Kim and took a deep breath while waiting for her to explain.
Kim looked at Logan and smiled. “You, silly! Randy said you get off at seven thirty so you can meet us there.”
“Oh, okay then.” He squeezed my shoulders gently before dropping his hands. The disappointment of losing his contact was quickly alleviated when he stepped up to my back. His chest was against my right arm and his left hand played with the ends of my hair.
“Sounds good. I should be off work before six tonight,” I said. Logan’s cologne surrounded me. I wanted to turn into his chest and take a whiff but that would have been pathetic. More pathetic than I was already acting.
“Perfect!” Kim spun on her heel to face Austin. She wrapped both hands around his bicep and waited anxiously for him to stop talking to his friends and acknowledge her.
“You never answered my question.” Logan’s warm breath smelled like peppermint as he leaned into my neck.
“Hmm?” I couldn’t focus on anything but the heat from his body so close to mine. Did he ask me a question? Whatever it was, the answer was yes, yes, yes!
“Do you have a boyfriend?” His words were serious and he tugged my hair a bit to make me look at him.
Oh, that question.
“No,” I whispered. I wasn’t trying to be coy but between my nerves and my giddiness, I’m sure he thought I was flirting. Maybe I was. I didn’t do it often enough to really know.
“You mean not yet.” My eyes had drifted to his full lips but when he caught me checking him out, his smirk reminded me of where I was.
What do you say to that? I just shrugged and looked away.
Kim’s closet had mysteriously been stocked with mediums instead of her usual extra smalls. I don’t know if she asked her mom to shop for me or if Susan took it upon herself to get me some school clothes. Either way, I appreciated it. As embarrassing as it was that she knew even some of the secrets of my own family, I was truly grateful for the Curtners. They treated me like their own daughter. Not the pretty daughter but the one that needed extra attention to make up for her shortcomings. I made a mental note to get her something special for Mother’s Day when it came around.
After almost an hour of negotiations, I finally talked Kim out of a strapless tank dress and into letting me wear black jeans and a sparkly top. It was still too dressy for Chili’s but at least it wasn’t an actual dress. I didn’t want anyone to think I thought it was a date. It wasn’t even a group date. Logan didn’t know anything about it before hand so I had no reason to think he considered it as anything more than just dinner with a few friends. And he was arriving late so it really was just a casual thing.
“So what’s going on with you and Austin?” I had been completely neglecting my best friend and needed to be less self-absorbed.
Kim was wearing short shorts and a halter top. She borrowed a pair of her mom’s nude Louboutins and she looked amazing. Even at my best, I felt like the frumpy sidekick for the night.
“Nothing. I mean, I like him but he gives off an uninterested vibe. I think he’s gay.”
Kim has always been egotistical but I was still shocked. I stared at her through the mirror until she let go of her facade and had the decency to look ashamed.
“Okay, fine. He’s probably not gay but I don’t know if he’s interested. But, that doesn’t matter. This is all about you. If I left your love life up to you, you’d stay single until after college.”
“It’s not that I don’t want a boyfriend. It’s just too complicated right now. If Jesse found out, he’d freak. I can just imagine him showing up at school or something.” The thought made my stomach turn. Jesse would totally do that. He seemed to think his claim over me was just as strong as it was over my mom. I didn’t know exactly what he would do if I brought a guy home and I didn’t intend to find out.
“Complicated or not, you’re gonna have one. Logan totally wants you.” She was putting on red lipstick that made her porcelain skin look like a china doll.
“I don’t think so. He’s probably just being nice. Or maybe he’s trying to get close to you—”
She actually snorted. “You’ve got to be kidding. He doesn’t even know I exist. The only reason he gives me the time of day is to get to you.” She turned to me and gave me air kisses on both cheeks. “This one is all you, girl.”
Austin and Randy were seated across from each other in a booth when we arrived. Kim insisted we arrive at seven ten so we didn’t seem anxious and so we didn’t have to wait as long for Logan to show up. I felt a little guilty about being late but the guys didn’t seem bothered. They were watching a baseball game and barely looked up when we got to the table.
Kim waited for no man so she slid right in next to Austin and grabbed a chip from the basket in front of him. I scooted into the seat next to Randy. It was a wide bench but I hugged the outer edge, not wanting to get too close to him. Just because I kinda looked like his ex, didn’t mean he wanted me cuddled up to him.
“Did you guys order yet?” Kim asked over the cheers that filled the restaurant. Austin finally looked down at her and smiled.
“Hey.” His eyes wandered down to her prominent cleavage. “You look nice.” He let his arm drop from the back of the seat to her shoulder. It was the first time he showed any interest in her. I couldn’t help being happy for her. Austin looked up to me and did a double take. I guess letting Kim do my makeup wasn’t such a waste of time. I didn’t usually put on more than gloss and mascara but she went a little overboard with smoky eyes and defined cheeks. Maybe I should have given in on the dress and not let her near my face. I’d probably look less obnoxious.
“Wow, Liz. You
look....amazing.” I could see Kim deflate just a bit and I felt bad but it was her fault if I looked like a hooker. I would have been just as happy with some bubblegum gloss and moisturizer.
“Thanks,” I muttered, ducking behind my menu. I wasn’t used to compliments and it was more awkward than flattering. I felt eyes on me and glanced to my left. Randy was leaned back against the wall and openly staring at me. My insecurities were triggered again as he remained silent. After trying unsuccessfully to ignore him and study my menu, I looked back to him. “What?”
“You really do look amazing. Logan is gonna lose his shit when he sees you.” Randy was six feet two with a baby face and big blue eyes that were in stark contrast to his big and tough appearance. His broad shoulders made him look like a linebacker but his easy smile and white-blond hair softened his appearance. He was like a big teddy bear.
“Is that a good thing?” I said it with a smile but wondered if maybe I really did look slutty.
“It’s good for him. Not so much for the rest of us.” He laughed and I glanced up at Kim. She still had a smile on her face but it seemed a little more forced than usual. I didn’t dwell on it. She was willing to put her ego aside to give me the spotlight. Although, I didn’t expect to get the same kind of makeover anytime soon.
We ordered drinks and flipped non-committally through the menu for a while. The guys were focused on the game and Kim was telling me about some earrings she wanted to look for before we left when I saw Logan enter the restaurant. His eyes found mine immediately and he took long steps to our table. I couldn’t look away as a sweet smile covered his face. When he got to the table, he slid right in and put his hand around my shoulder.
“Hi, gorgeous.” He pulled me in for a hug and held me tight for a moment. I was a little embarrassed by the PDA, especially since we weren’t together or anything, but I didn’t resist. I just met him the day before but it felt so nice to be wrapped in his arms. His cologne was just faint enough to make me want to burrow into the crook of his neck to get more of it. I could have stayed there forever. When he pulled away, he moved his hand to the seat behind me but let his fingers play with my hair. I loved it. I’m sure my eyes were rolling back in my head when he finally said hi to the other people at the table.
"So, you never did tell me why the change in your identity," Logan said as heat radiated from his body.
"The feds are after me. It was that or move to Mexico."
"Don't be a smartass," he said with a chuckle. "Even though I like it."
"I was just ready for a change. Beth was a childhood nickname that I was tired of."
"So you want to be a different person?"
"I never said that."
Logan ran his hand down my arm. "I could understand it if you did. I've wanted to change my past—who I am."
"Really?” Logan didn't seem like he had any problems.
"Eh.” He grabbed a chip and popped it into his mouth. “Enough about me. I want to know everything about you." His smoldering stare was focused on me again.
"I guess you'll have to wait and see." I grabbed a chip of my own.
He smiled. "You’re different than you seem. Once you break the surface, you’re funny. I like it."
I placed my finger over my lips. "Don't tell anyone," I whispered.
He grabbed my finger and kissed it. "Your secret is safe with me. All your secrets."
Kim and I shared a chicken salad and the guys all got burgers. We laughed and chatted for over an hour while Logan twirled my hair. He seemed fascinated with curling it around his finger. Drawing lazy circles on my back, he made tremors run up and down my spine. Even when the food arrived, I expected him to pull away to eat with two hands but he didn’t. He didn’t even hesitate to pick up his burger with his right hand and dig in, wrapping his long fingers around foil that held it together.
“So, you know we have an oral tomorrow in French, right?” Austin said to me between bites.
“Already? It’s only been two days. What does she expect us to know?” I loved the romanticism of the French language but hated speaking it out loud. I was always so self-conscious of my accent, or lack thereof.
“It’s her thing. She always does an oral during the first week to assess her students. And, I think she likes to assert her dominance early on.”
“Hot,” Randy said from my left. I almost forgot he was there. He didn’t talk much so he tended to blend into the background.
Austin and Logan both laughed.
“Well, you know what they say about French women?” Austin said.
When no one seemed to know what he meant, he explained, “They like to be dominated.”
“Dude, that doesn’t make any fucking sense.” Randy was on a roll.
“Oh, wait. Never mind.” Austin was still trying to figure out where his logic went wrong when the server dropped off the bill.
We all reached for our wallets but Logan put his hand over mine and held it. “I’ve got yours.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ve got it.” He wasn’t my boyfriend or my dad so he had no obligation to pay for my dinner.
“I want to.” He spoke quietly and looked me right in the eye. I wanted to insist but it was only fifteen bucks and not worth the fight.
“Thank you,” I said, looking at the napkin still on my lap.
“You are gonna let me drive you home this time, right?” His hopeful expression reminded me that I had already declined his offer the day before. I felt bad doing it again.
“Thanks but I came with Kim. We’ve got a ride coming.” I expected Kim to say that it was okay for me to go with Logan but before she could offer an out, Austin spoke up.
“I can give you a ride home, Kim.” He was facing forward but I could see that he was tense as he waited for her response.
She looked at me and her usual smile was back. “Sounds good to me. You good with that, Liz?”
I peeked at Logan and melted when I saw those dimples. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”
It was only a ten minute drive back to Kim’s but I sat stiff as a board with my purse in my lap the whole time. Logan glanced at my hands like he wanted to reach out to me but they were tucked out of his reach and the nervous bounce in my leg kept him out of my personal space.
I glanced around the car just for something to do and noticed a sketch pad on the back seat.
“Oh, you draw? Can I see?” I reached back to grab it but Logan’s hand grabbed my wrist and held it still.
“Actually,” he pulled my wrist forward and wrapped his fingers around mine to soften the tense moment, “I don’t really show people my work. It’s not very good and my precious ego couldn’t handle the criticism.” He laughed to let me know he was joking about that last part.
“Seriously?” I quickly glanced down at our joined hands then focused on his eyes. “I won’t laugh. I promise.”
“Sorry, babe.” He was still teasing but there was no mistaking the truth in his words. “No one sees it.”
When he pulled up in front of Kim’s, I jumped out of the car door before he even turned off the ignition.
“Thank you for dinner and the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Logan seemed a little disappointed that I was in such a rush but I didn’t know how I felt about the way things were going. What if he wanted to kiss me? Or come in. I wouldn’t start something that I couldn’t finish. I wasn’t allowed to date and I didn’t want to drag him into my drama or lead him on. It wasn’t fair to him.
“Oh, yeah, you’re welcome. Do you want me to wait with you until Kim comes home?”
“Thanks but I’m fine. I’ve got to do some reading tonight. See ya.”
I shut the door and waved before jogging up the driveway. I let myself in using the keypad on Kim’s front door. After closing the door behind me, I looked out the peep hole and saw Logan was still there. Part of me wanted him to get out and follow me to the door. But most of me was terrified that he would. After another minute, he drove
away.
I missed him immediately.
6
Friday is always one of the best days of the week because they generally mean the start of a weekend with Kim. We didn’t have plans but that never mattered. Just being in her quiet house was like having a vacation every week.
Unfortunately, that fantasy was crushed when I got a text from Mom at seven am.
Jesse will be gone for a few days. Please come home this weekend.
That usually meant he was in jail for a few days. Having him away for any period of time was good news but the reason he ended up in jail could have been very bad.
Are you and the kids okay?
We’re fine. Marilyn says he’ll be home by Monday night.
Of course he would be. Jesse’s mom had friends that always managed to get his charges reduced to misdemeanors, if there were any charges pressed at all. I didn’t know what kind of pictures she had of those people but they had to be good because Jesse should have had about thirty strikes by now...
I’ll come home tomorrow.
Tonight would be better. I need to run some errands that I can’t take the kids on.
Dammit. She was determined to get herself killed or thrown in prison. While Marilyn would go to the ends of the earth to protect her baby boy, she would let my mom rot in prison for running his ‘business’ while he was locked up.
Fine. See you tonight.
By spending Friday and Saturday with her, I would be off the hook for the first few days when he was home. Those were usually quiet days so maybe she and the kids would get some peace.
Kim walked into the room right as I was putting my phone down.
“What’s wrong?” She knows me too well. She went into her closet and tossed her wet towel towards me while she selected her clothes for the day.
“Jesse’s gone for a few days so I’m going home after work today.” I sat in front of her vanity and started brushing my hair. The soothing rhythm helped to release some of the tension I felt.
The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 4