“Yes, you will. You’re a slut just like your mama.” He took a step forward and pressed the end of the gun to the middle of Mom’s forehead.
The most heartbreaking moment of my life was watching my mother completely give up. She was at the end of her life and was content to close her eyes and wait for it all to be over. I hated her more in that moment than I ever had in my life.
Just as I turned away to shield myself from what was about to happen, Billy walked into the hallway and looked at Mom. Thankfully, he ran down the hall and Jesse didn’t even notice he was awake. I prayed that Billy would leave the house and find a neighbor but I didn’t think he would. He loved his dad almost as much as he loved Mom.
When the only sounds were those coming from Macy’s heaving body in my lap, I dared a peek toward Jesse. He had the gun up on his shoulder and was pacing in front of the window. Where was a sniper when you needed one?
“Babe, please let them go. The kids need to get ready for school and the baby is hungry.” She was calm now. Back to her usual ‘life is just fine’ attitude.
“Fuck school. They don’t ever have to go back as far as I’m concerned. It’s just a bunch of bullshit hypocrites feeding them lies.”
Okay, he was clearly off his meds. When Jesse got manic like this, there was only one person who could talk him down.
Mom used her soothing voice to get him to sit next to her on the bed. He didn’t put the gun down but I was able to change Macy’s diaper and give her a granola bar from Mom’s purse.
Just as I was thinking we’d be trapped in that room forever, Marilyn’s cheery voice filled the house. “Good morning, sugar. Give Granny a big hug.” I heard Billy mumbling but couldn’t make out any words.
Marilyn’s petite frame appeared in the doorway as if she was there for Thanksgiving dinner. “Good morning, baby.” She walked right up to Jesse and gave him a hug. She pulled the gun from his hand and handed it to Mom. “I just stopped by to take my handsome son to breakfast.”
This is what she did. She enabled his crazy by feeding it a healthy dose of her own. “Come on, Jes. Get dressed and we’ll go to Denny’s.”
She reached for Macy and gestured for me to walk out in front of her while leaving Mom and Jesse in the room. Alone.
“But, Mom—” I tried to turn back but Marilyn stopped me.
“Your mama is just fine. They just need a few minutes to talk.”
As much as I wanted to force my way in, I needed to let him settle down. Going back in there would have only started him up again.
Billy was sitting in front of a bowl of cereal with swollen eyes and a quivering lip. I fell to my knees at his side and gave him a hug. “You did good, buddy. Thanks for calling Granny.”
He nodded against my shoulder, trying to hold his sobs. “Is Mommy okay?”
“She will be. Your daddy is having a bad day.” I pulled back and brushed the dark hair away from his forehead. “I’m sure he’ll feel better by the time you get home from school.”
“Will you be home tonight?” His big brown eyes glittered with hope. God, he was killing me.
“I have to work late so I might stay with Kim.” I gave him a kiss on his forehead. “But, your daddy is better when I’m not here, right?”
Please let that be true...
“Sometimes,” he whispered.
Marilyn stepped to his other side. “How about you and your sister stay with Granny for the weekend?” She bounced Macy on her hip. “We can make milkshakes and go to the park.”
“Can Bethy come too?” The crack in his voice almost ate through my resolve.
“I have to work, kiddo. But you’re gonna have so much fun.”
“And your mama and daddy will have all weekend to kiss and make up.” Marilyn laughed like it was a cute thing to say. If she only knew...
“Marilyn, are you gonna keep Macy today and pick up Billy from school?” I was telling her more than asking but she played along.
“Sure, honey. Don’t you worry about us.” She cocked her head as she took a good look at me. “You might want to put a little concealer on that eye. You really need to get more sleep and take care of yourself.”
FUCK. YOU.
“Thanks, Marilyn. I’ll keep that in mind.” I kissed Billy’s head and went back to my room. From the sounds coming from the other bedroom, the ‘kissing and making up’ had commenced. Barf!
I popped in my ear buds and got dressed as fast as I could. It was almost seven and I’d already missed the early bus but I didn’t care about being late. I just needed to get the hell out of that house.
I walked out the door with a promise from Marilyn that she’d keep the kids all weekend. I ran all the way to the bus stop and managed to step on just as the driver was getting ready to pull away. I didn’t see Budd very often but he was a cool old guy that liked to chat.
“Hey, girl. Running late today?” He laughed as I dug through my purse for my pass and tried to catch my breath.
“Yeah, thanks for waiting.” It was standing room only so I leaned against the front pole and braced myself for the ride.
“When I see a pretty girl running after me, I stop every time.” He was such a flirt.
“And I thought I was special,” I said, smiling up at him through his rearview mirror.
“You are, darling.” He winked.
I didn’t feel very special. I felt like the threads of life were unraveling around me. No matter which strand I grabbed, more pulled loose. Very soon, I’d be left with nothing.
I was thirty minutes late for first period so I hung out in the locker room until Kim was done with P.E. When she saw me, tears pooled in her eyes, making me well up too.
“What did he do?” she hissed.
“It was an accident,” I said. “Sorta.”
“Sorta my ass. Did he punch you or something?” She was examining my face from all angles.
“Or something. I tried to grab my phone and he pulled it away, accidentally smacking me with it.” I barked out a laugh. “I guess it would be funny if it didn’t happen to me.”
“There is nothing funny about this.” She went to her locker and started changing out of her gym clothes. “You can’t stay there anymore. I’ll talk to my mom about getting guardianship. She said she’d do it.”
“I can’t. Jesse is already freaking out about Logan. He’ll kill someone.” I gave her a look. “Seriously. I can’t.”
The pain I felt was reflected in her eyes. She knew it was an impossible situation. I hated that yet another person was pulled into my shitty life drama. I was a virus that infected everyone I got close to.
“You talked to Logan last night, right?” I asked.
“You mean your psycho boyfriend who was about to call the Feds to track you down when I refused to give him your address?” She flipped her hair upside down and started brushing through it. “Yeah, I talked to him.”
I buried my face in my hands and groaned. “Tell me.”
“Are you sure you guys didn’t elope? He acts like it’s his job to protect you. He’s gonna be out for blood when he sees your face.” She offered me her compact of mineral powder. “You better have a good story for him or he’ll never let you go home again.”
I tried to come up with a reasonable lie but there wasn’t one. In the end, I decided on the truth. If he was smart, he’d run as far away from me as he could. It would kill me to say goodbye, but it was the best solution for all of us.
Kim exited the locker room ahead of me and I saw her nodding to someone on her left. I kept my chin down and let my hair cover most of my face as I walked out. Logan immediately pulled me into his chest and held me. “Thank god you’re okay.” He pushed me back a few inches to get me to look up. I kept my eyes on my feet, trying to control my breathing. I would have done anything to not face him but he didn’t let up. “Hey, look at me.”
Shaking my head so my hair almost completely covered the right side of my face, I finally looked into his hunter green ey
es. I saw the affection he felt as he smiled down at me. Then I saw the rage that took over when his finger tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and he got a look at me. He went from sweet to furious in seconds. “Who did that?”
I shook my head, trying to channel some of Kim’s confidence so I could sell my story. “It was an accident. I’m fine.” I took a deep breath and smiled up at him.
“Tell me what happened.” He pulled my sleeves up and carefully checked my arms. I didn’t expect that and didn’t think to stop him. I rarely have marks so when he gasped and fingered my bicep, I had to look at what he was touching. “Baby, what happened? Please tell me.”
His voice was choked as he begged for answers. I couldn’t do this to him anymore. I stared at the finger marks from when Jesse pulled me into the room and took a deep breath.
“It really was an accident. When my stepdad sent you that text, I tried to grab my phone but he pulled away and it hit me in the face.” I smiled up at him. “I’m fine. And I’m sorry about what he said. He’s the asshole.”
“And your arm?”
Shit. That was harder to explain. I had to rely on vaguery and hope he didn’t question me too much.
“Well, he gets kinda crazy when he doesn’t get his way so he grabbed my arm. I didn’t even realize it was bruising.”
I turned to walk toward humanities.
“So that’s it? You show up with bruises and a black eye and it’s no big deal.”
As hot as dominant alpha males were in books and movies, the reality was getting annoying. I pulled away from him and stopped.
“Look, Logan. It’s really sweet that you’re all protective but I’m not a fragile doll that needs to be handled with kid gloves.” I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “I like you...a lot. But, I take care of myself and I need the space to deal with my shit at home.”
“But—” He tried to interrupt but I didn’t let him.
“But nothing. I’ll understand if this isn’t gonna work for you. I get that you want a girl that’s always waiting for you to save her but that’s not me. I know what my lot in life is and I’m dealing with it. Alone.”
“Stop.” He growled and slid his large palm across the back of my neck, tilting my head up. “You’re not alone so stop saying that. I love that you’re independent and tough but I care about you.” He rested his forehead against mine and took a deep breath. “I’ll try to give you space but I’m not gonna let you get hurt again. You have to promise to tell me when you need help or else I’m gonna think you always need it.”
I didn’t even know what that meant. “Huh?” I laughed at his logic, shoving him back so we could keep walking.
“If you promise to let me be there when you really need me, I’ll back off and wait for you to ask. But, if I think you’re in danger and not telling me, I’m gonna lose my shit, Liz.” His grip around my shoulder tightened to the point of almost hurting. When I looked up at him, he loosened up. “Will you promise me that?”
I hesitated a second but the pain in his eyes was too much. I nodded. I couldn’t actually promise that in words but I nodded my agreement to try. He just didn’t know that’s what it meant.
10
Two weeks later, Logan and I were parked in front of Washington Elementary. He insisted on driving me the few blocks to their school on the days I had to pick up Riya and Simon. “My dad would like you to come over for dinner tonight.”
“Tonight?” I didn’t have any reason not to but I was worried about meeting Logan’s dad. He was a business man with connections in some of the most prominent circles of Silicon Valley. I’d heard he was an early investor in Facebook and they were loaded. Logan never talked about money and downplayed his dad’s wealth so I wasn’t sure. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Cool. Want me to pick you up from work or from Kim’s?” Logan was close to his dad and I knew it was important for me to meet him. I just didn’t know what would happen if his dad didn’t like me. If he was that smart, he would know immediately that I wasn’t good enough for his son.
“Um, Kim’s, I guess. I should probably change.” I was wearing jeans and a sweater. The fall days were starting to get cool. Sixty-five wasn’t cold by most standards but it was definitely layering weather for me.
“You look amazing. You don’t have to do anything to get ready.” He wrapped my left hand around his right and placed a soft kiss on it. “You’re always perfect.”
“Thanks.” I’d learned to not argue with his compliments. It just made him give me more and I hated people that fished for praise. Just accepting it and moving on was the best way to get the attention off me. “So, will it just be the three of us?”
“Probably.” He held my hand against his chest as he leaned over the center console to talk to me. “Amanda is supposed to be there later this week but I don’t think she’ll be over tonight. I haven’t talked to her much this week.”
“So, what’s the deal with her anyway? Why doesn’t she just stay home with a housekeeper like Kim does?” I’d been dying to get more info about her for weeks but I didn’t want him to think I was insecure so I was waiting for the right time. Since he brought her up, it was the perfect opportunity.
“Her dad and my dad were best friends growing up. Still are, actually. So when she was little, it was natural for her to stay with us.” He let my hand go and shifted back in his seat, facing forward with both hands on the steering wheel. “After my mom left, Dad couldn’t handle both of us so she did stay with sitters a lot. There was an incident when Mandy was fourteen and after that, she’s been back with us.”
“What happened?”
“They didn’t tell me the whole story and I’ve never asked her about it because she was really messed up for a while, but I know it was bad.”
Damn. I really didn’t want to feel sorry for her but how could I not? I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself for my own fucked up life that I forgot other people had it much worse. I only lived with the fear of something happening to me. I hadn’t actually lived through anything like that.
“Wow. I’m sorry.” I placed a hand on his shoulder so Logan would look at me. “I guess I should try to be nicer to her.”
“She hasn’t made it easy for you so don’t worry about it.” He turned toward me and grabbed both of my hands. “When she’s not being a bitch, she’s actually pretty cool. Maybe we should all try to do something sometime. I could set her up with someone...maybe Adam?”
He was still very aware of the times when Adam and I walked out of Film together or met up in the hall to talk. I think he wanted Adam to find someone else so he wouldn’t be so chatty with me.
“No, I don’t think they’re right for each other. But, I wouldn’t mind trying to get to know her.” Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? I hoped she wasn’t an enemy but I wanted to know more about her either way.
“Should I invite her over tonight?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I mean, tonight will be stressful enough with just your dad. We’ll do something with her another time.” I smiled to let him know I was sincere.
“There’s nothing for you to be stressed about. My dad is gonna love you. He knows everything about you and is dying to meet you.”
“Does he know about my wall?” I asked playfully.
“Actually, he does. He saw it and I had to fess up.” Logan laughed. “He was actually pretty impressed. That’s why he wants to meet you.”
“Was he mad?” I didn’t want him to think I was a bad influence on his son.
“No, it’s fine. It’s not like I tagged a liquor store or something.” Logan squeezed my hand. “He knows I wouldn’t do something like that for just anyone.”
“If you say so.”
Logan fidgeted with the gear shifter between us. "I have to ask you something.” He looked into my eyes. “Are you a virgin?”
I felt my cheeks blush and my eyes bug out. I tried to laugh but it was more of a cackle. “What gave me awa
y?”
“Nothing. You just seem shy about your body.”
“Yeah, I am...about both.” I couldn’t look at him. I watched the leaves fall onto the windshield and wondered what he was thinking. “Is that okay?”
“Of course, it’s okay.” He squeezed my hand. It was all the reassurance I needed. Until his next question.
“Do you want to keep it that way?"
I didn’t know how to respond. In my head, I wanted to wait, but my body definitely wanted relief. Logan caught my hesitation.
“Not that I'm pressuring you. I just don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for. You know, in the heat of the moment.”
“I'm not sure.” I answered as honestly as I could.
“That's totally fine. I'm ready whenever you are.” He grabbed my face and kissed me. “You’re worth the wait.”
I glanced at my phone and realized it was almost three. “Oh, I’ve got to get the kids.” I always lost track of time when I was with Logan. “What time should I expect you tonight?”
“Does six work?” He reached over and placed both palms against my cheeks. “It’s gonna be a long three hours.”
My eyes drifted shut as Logan’s mouth brushed across mine. His warm tongue quickly moved between my parted lips as he slowly explored. I sighed as I lost myself in his embrace. His hands slid to my hips. One moved back to cradle the bottom of my ass as the other crept under the hem of my sweater. A shiver ran down my spine as his fingers slowly climbed up my bare skin to the edge of my bra. He just fingered the fabric, tickling the sensitive skin there. It felt amazing but it was definitely a distraction that I didn’t have time for right then so I reluctantly pulled away.
I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. “Six is good. I’ll see you then.”
I hopped out the door before he could pull me back again. As I crossed the street in front of his car, he rolled down his window. “See you then, love.”
“Dad, we’re here,” Logan called out as we walked through his front door. His house was bigger than any I’d been in before. It was up in the foothills and you couldn’t see much from the long driveway but once you cleared the trees, it was breathtaking. It was a sprawling ranch set on a cliff. The view from the driveway was amazing.
The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 9