I barely noticed several police officers follow him in but when a female cop took Macy from my arms, I looked up. That was about the same time I remembered I was covered in blood and wearing only my bra and panties. With a room full of police, I instinctively pressed myself closer to Logan, letting his body shield mine from the strangers in the room.
“Miss, I’m gonna need you to step away from this gentleman and come sit with me over here.” A man was standing just a few feet away from us and gesturing to the sofa.
I looked up at Logan, not wanting to leave the shelter of his body. He pulled off the hoodie he was wearing and slipped it over my head in one quick motion. I pushed my arms through and slowly walked to the sofa, never taking my eyes off him. I was certain he would disappear as soon as I looked away. I couldn’t lose him again. Never again.
The officer asked me questions that I answered truthfully. Completely on auto-pilot, I told them everything that happened while I watched Logan from across the room. With each word I said, he became more visibly upset. Every muscle in his body strained as he listened to my story. His eyes were hard lines of black as he watched me relive those terrifying moments.
Part of me wanted him to leave the room so he didn’t have to hear the gory details, but I didn’t want to retell the story later, so I watched him as I spoke and waited for him leave.
I was sure he would realize I was too much trouble to deal with and walk out the door. I didn’t want to see the look of disgust on his face but I couldn’t look away. Even when my mom rushed in and was told what had happened, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Logan. I couldn’t risk missing one second with him. If my time with him was limited, I wouldn’t waste it by giving attention to anyone else.
Mom fell to her knees beside me. She knew it would come to this. This was what she was waiting for to finally be free of him. She just thought she would be the one to end the terror. In her mind, she believed she would always be there to take the hit for us.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” She cried against my thigh. “I’m so sorry I let this happen.”
“I know, Mom.” I put my hand on her head and held her against me, trying to reassure her that everything was okay. “It wasn’t your fault.”
We both knew it was her fault, but I didn’t need to say it. She knew it, and she knew I knew it. That was enough. I wasn’t going to let Jesse Suarez take another second of my life away from me. From that moment on, I would only look forward.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” The officers told her Jesse died before he was able to rape me but she could see I wasn’t 100%. I was near-naked and covered in blood. I was definitely not okay.
“I’m fine.” I saw Billy at the kitchen table with another officer. He was watching us while he moved a crayon around on some paper, not actually drawing but wanting us to think he was. “Go check on the kids.”
She gave me a long hug and kissed my temple. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear.
There were more questions and more statements. I heard words like investigation and custody but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying. They let me stay with Mom and assured us that I was not in trouble so that was good enough for me. I felt like a zombie, going through the motions but not actually alive. I imagined watching myself from outside my body. Looking at the bloody girl in the corner, sitting in shock over what she’d done. What I saw wasn’t pretty.
Once the officers were done with me, they tried to take me to the hospital for an exam, I refused. There wasn’t any physical damage for a hospital to fix. There was enough emotional damage to fill a few ambulances but I wasn’t ready to deal with any of that. That would take time and my time was precious.
As soon as everyone started to clear away from me, Logan was at my side. I wanted to explain to him about Riley but it seemed like a lifetime had passed instead of just a few hours. I leaned against his shoulder and let him hold me. When I felt a drop land on my nose that didn’t come from me, I looked up and saw tears running down his cheeks.
I reached up to brush away the streaks.
“I’m so sorry, love.” He choked back a sob and buried his face in my neck. “This is my fault.”
I squeezed him tightly. “This was absolutely not your fault. I’m just sorry you had to see me like this. And, I’m sorry about earlier—”
He shook his head against mine. “Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it. I shouldn’t have left. I should have let you explain...but when I heard the baby call you mama and saw that guy hugging you, I just let everything I’d heard from Mandy run through my mind. It all made perfect sense...for about five minutes.” He pulled back and looked me in the eye. “Then I realized I was being an ass so I came back.”
“You did?”
He nodded and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “I saw you walking in the house with that guy so I parked outside and tried to call you. It kept going to voicemail.” He looked hurt as he thought back on it.
“I left my phone at Kim’s.”
“Well, it pissed me off again but I waited and when the guy left a few minutes later, I wanted to go to the door. I should have just come in. But I didn’t. I just sat out there, trying to talk myself into letting you explain.” He shook his head and another tear escaped from his eye. “If I hadn’t waited so long in my damn car, this wouldn’t have happened. You would have been safe.”
I took a deep breath, trying to decide how to say what I needed to say. It wasn’t anything new to me but he deserved to understand now that the biggest threat was gone.
“I’ve never been safe here.” I spoke softly but the room went quiet around me. “I’ve always known it would be him or me at some point. As awful as this sounds, I’ve never felt more safe than I do right now. He’s finally gone. We can live. We’re finally free.”
14
Billy and I missed school the following week. Everything was still too fresh to face outsiders. We read books and played board games. And when we got bored of those, we cuddled up and watched movies. Logan brought Kim by the house to check on me after school on Wednesday, but I avoided most other people. I did feel a small amount of guilt over Jesse’s death but not for the right reasons.
I wanted to feel bad for killing him. I tried to reason that if he was in prison, at least the kids could still visit him and have a father. But as I watched them laughing and playing with an electric keyboard, something Jesse would never let them do because it was too loud, I realized it had to be this way. The only way any of us could truly escape him was to know that he was never coming back.
A social worker had been by to check on us and she tried to get me to talk about what happened. I know she was looking for sadness or remorse but I just didn’t have any. I only had relief. And hope. That was something I hadn’t dared give in to since we moved in with Jesse but now it seemed so natural.
I had hopes for Billy to grow up healthy and strong. Hopes for Macy to keep her sweet smile and precocious attitude. And hopes for Mom to see she was worth something. That she could make a life for herself and her family without a man beating the shit out of her every day. And, of course, hopes for Logan and me. I didn’t know what would come next for us, but he didn’t run after that night and he promised he never would. Only time would tell on that front.
The memorial service was on December seventh and we were all back to our normal lives on December ninth. All of us except Mom. Apparently the near rape of her daughter and shooting death of her husband was a wakeup call for her. Go figure.
The first customer that showed up at our door after the police cleared out was handed Jesse’s “work” bag with everything in it. She officially closed shop and gave notice to the landlord.
She didn’t have much of a plan but I was so proud of her for making a positive change that I didn’t care. If we ended up in a women’s shelter for a few months, I would have been okay with that.
Marilyn offered to let us stay in the RV she kept parked on her property but Mom declined. Thank
fully.
The unofficial plan was to move in with my aunt until Mom could save up some of the social security payments she’d receive for herself and the kids. It wasn’t a lot of money but it would be enough for a small apartment. We would have gone to live with my grandparents, but Mom was trying not to run home to them this time. That was a huge step for her. She even signed up for accounting classes that she’d always talked about taking.
Other than to respond to Billy when he asked a question about his dad, Mom never spoke of Jesse after he was gone. It was like she’d moved on years before he died and didn’t even need to mourn. Some probably thought it was callous of her to be cheery after her husband’s death but I understood it. She was a brand new woman with a new lease on life. A life she had previously given up on.
When I finally went back to school, I expected to be surrounded by kids that wanted all the gory details. I was pleasantly surprised to find most people either didn’t know or didn’t care about what happened. With the exception of my closest friends, no one even noticed I’d missed a week of school.
Kim was the first to see me as I approached my locker. “You’re here! I’m so glad you came back.”
“Of course, I came back.” I gave her a hug. “What did I miss?”
“Nothing important.” She dragged me to my locker and waited while I sifted through my books. “Does Logan know you’re here today?”
I shook my head and looked around the quad. “I didn’t tell him because I wasn’t sure if Mom would be okay this morning. Have you seen him yet?”
“I saw him pull in with Randy a few minutes ago.”
Just as she said that, Logan appeared at the other end of the corridor. Surprise then relief was apparent on his face as he strode to me. I went straight into his arms. His strong embrace cradling me like a cozy blanket in front of a fire.
Logan buried his head in my neck and nuzzled. “God, I’ve missed you.”
I smiled at the sincerity of his words. “I missed you too.”
Kim gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve got to run but I’ll see you at break.”
Logan nodded to her as she walked away then looked back to me. “Are you sure you’re ready to be back?”
“Yeah.” I slammed my locker shut and started walking toward geometry. “I was so ready to get out of there. My mom is driving me crazy with the packing and cleaning. She’s never been a clean freak but she’s been scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. It’s a little creepy.”
Logan chuckled. “I’m just happy you’re okay. And, you’ve got perfect timing.” He gave me a light kiss before continuing. “It’s my dad’s birthday and we’re going to dinner tonight. He asked me to invite your family. I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it, but if you are, I hope you’ll all come.”
“All of us? Like my mom and the kids?” I gave him a skeptical look. “Does he realize my sister is two?”
“Yes, he knows.” Logan trailed his index finger across my forehead and pulled my hair away from my eyes. “He wants to meet your family and get to know you better.”
“Maybe his birthday isn’t the right time for this. We could wait until, I dunno,” I looked around, trying to find an excuse, “maybe St. Patrick’s Day or Easter?”
“Nope. Too far away.” Logan leaned into the spot under my ear that made me forget about everything except his lips on me. I was putty in his hands and he knew it. His hot breath tickled as he took advantage of my weakness. He whispered, “Tonight is perfect. We can pick them up or she can meet us there. What do you think?”
“Meet there,” I mumbled, still lost in Logan’s trance.
He laughed and kissed my forehead. “Excellent. Is seven too late for the kids?”
“Wait, what?” I realized what I’d just agreed to and immediately regretted it. “I just don’t know how Mom will be. Maybe you should spend some time with them first before you subject your dad to that drama.”
“Don’t be silly. Everything will be fine. We were thinking of a steakhouse but would they prefer something more casual? Maybe Red Robin or Olive Garden.”
Oh god. I felt my stomach drop. I was having a mini panic attack just thinking about my mom and Logan’s dad at the same table. And the kids weren’t exactly used to eating in restaurants. It could go bad in so many ways.
“Um, well, it’s his birthday...”
“Olive Garden it is.” I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face but it was too sexy. “And just to make sure they get there, I’ll pick them up at six thirty. You better get inside before you’re tardy.” Logan gave me one last kiss then smacked my butt, gently shoving me through the classroom door.
I had to work until five thirty so Logan picked me up from the Jamesons’ and we drove in near silence to my house. He had been there a few times but it still felt weird to allow him to make the trek. But after everything else that he’d witnessed, I was beyond worrying about my neighborhood.
Logan knew every ugly aspect of my home life and hadn’t run yet so I had to let my insecurities go. Either he loved me or he didn’t and my house wouldn’t change that. So, at six thirty on the dot, we pulled into my driveway and I prepared for one of the most stressful meals of my life.
As soon as we walked through the front door, Billy ran up to greet me. “Bethy, we’re going to Olive Garden, like on TV.”
I mussed his silky hair. “I know, bud. Did Mommy tell you to be on your best behavior and use your manners tonight?”
“Yes, I always do.” His indignant look was adorable. “You need to tell Macy that.”
“You’re right. You always do.” I looked around. “Where’s Mom?”
Macy came running down the hall and straight into my arms. “Mama, Mama.”
I picked her up and gave her a loud kiss on her cheek. “Hi, sweetie. Do you remember Logan?”
Macy peeked at Logan from under her long lashes and barely nodded.
“Hi, Macy.” Logan tugged on the hem of her ruffled dress. It was a little much for Olive Garden but I guess Mom figured any occasion to dress up was worth ruffles. “That’s a very pretty dress.”
She turned her face into my shoulder and hid from him. “Don’t be shy,” I said. “Logan wants to be your friend.”
She peeked up at him again and gave another nod. Mom walked out at that moment. I almost didn’t recognize her. She was wearing a simple black sweater with dark jeans and a pair of my boots that made her look like the thirty-four-year-old woman she was.
Her wavy hair was usually pulled back in a ponytail but she’d straightened it for dinner. It was shiny and flowed halfway down her back. She even put on makeup for the first time in years. Not too much but just enough to make her blue eyes sparkle and her skin glow. She looked beautiful. I’d forgotten how youthful she was when she got dressed up.
Logan seemed just as surprised by her appearance. “You look very nice, Mrs. Suarez.”
“Thanks, Logan, and please call me Angie.” She gave him a quick hug. “And thank you for the invitation. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone out.”
“I’m glad you’re able to make it. My dad is looking forward to meeting you.”
“Mom, you really do look great.” I couldn’t hide my relief that she was excited about dinner. I was worried she wouldn’t want to go but it seemed like a step in the right direction toward getting my old mom back.
Will was waiting in the lobby when we walked into the restaurant. He patted Logan on the shoulder and gave me a half hug then got a look at Mom. He did a double take when he saw her walk in holding Billy’s hand and carrying Macy in her arms.
“Dad,” Logan said. “This is Angie Suarez, Liz’s mom. And this is her sister, Macy, and her brother, Billy. Angie, this is my dad, Will Cooper.”
“Angie, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He took her hand and kissed it like they do in movies. Mom actually blushed. “Your daughter is a wonderful young lady, and I can see where she gets her beauty.”
My jaw dropped as I watched Wi
ll semi-flirt with my mother. She giggled and turned to me. “She is something special.”
“Happy birthday, Will,” I said. “We would have brought something if I’d known in advance.” I gave Logan a nudge in his ribs.
Logan ignored the jab.
“No worries at all, sweetheart.” Will reached for my hand and held it in both of his. “You guys agreeing to come on short notice is all I hoped for.” As he rubbed the top of my hand, he noticed the ring. Holding it up to his face, he took a closer look. After reading the declaration across the top, he lifted an eyebrow to Logan. “Nice ring, son.”
The smartass smiled. “I think so too.”
I wanted to sink into the floor but Will’s warm smile at me was reassuring. Awkward, but reassuring.
We were quickly seated at a round table. Logan was at my left and Billy on my right. Mom strategically placed herself on the other side of Macy so she and I could help them eat. That also meant she was right next to Will.
The conversation was light for the first half of dinner. It wasn’t until Will asked how she was holding up that she panicked. Her carefree facade broke down and she started to pale. She looked from me to Logan for direction on how to respond.
Logan came to her rescue. “I told him how you just lost your husband, Angie. I hope you don’t mind.”
She visibly relaxed once she realized Will didn’t know the whole story. “Oh. No, of course not, Logan. I’m doing well.” She wiped her mouth and turned toward Will. “It was a bad marriage that should have ended a long time ago. I’m feeling really good about our future.”
“That’s wonderful,” Will said, genuinely happy to see she wasn’t still mourning. “May I ask what you do?”
Shit. This was another landmine that made me want to puke just thinking about. Logan tugged a lock of hair to get my attention. “Breathe, love. It’s okay.”
The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3 Page 14