by Meghan Quinn
My brow furrows as I turn toward my friend. “What?”
“You know”—he makes a squeezing motion with his hand—“the old pass-and-grab trick.” I don’t say anything so he continues, “Come on, you’ve never walked through a crowd of people and had someone knock on your nuts?”
“What is wrong with you?”
He casually shrugs and pops another crab cake in his mouth. “Just me, then?”
“Yeah, just you.” I turn around and survey the room again. Kate is nowhere to be found.
“Are you nervous about your speech?”
“No.”
“You look nervous.”
I glance at Ryot. “Are you trying to make matters worse?”
“Not my intention, but it’s fun to see you squirm.”
“You’re an amazing friend,” I say sarcastically. Not being able to hold back any longer, I say, “I’m going to find Kate, make sure my speech is ready.”
“Ha, and you said you’re not nervous.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re all twitchy. It’s okay, big guy, you can be real with me.” He puts his hand on my shoulder.
I glance at his hand and then back at him. “Let go.”
His eyes widen for a second before he shakes his head and starts laughing. “Yeah, not nervous, my ass.”
Like a smart man, he releases me, and I take off toward the stage, looking for Kate. I convince myself it’s just because of the speech, that I want to go over things with her before I have to stand in front of all these people and talk about my dad, but even I know better than that.
I need to see her.
Despite everything Roark said, despite the warnings, I still want to talk to her. If only for a second, or only if it’s purely professional. Just to hear her sweet voice, look into her beautiful eyes.
I pass Vivian, who has a glassful of wine in hand and a huge smile on her face.
“Do you know where Kate is?” I ask her.
She turns to me with a knowing gleam in her eye. She better not say a damn thing about our “conversation” the other night.
Thankfully, she’s professional and points with her hand that’s holding the wine glass. “Backstage.” She takes a sip. “Unless I can help you with anything.”
“I’m good.”
The corners of her lips turn up before I get a chance to look away. I can only imagine what’s going through her head right now. Did Kate tell Vivian about our day together? Girls talk about personal shit way more than guys, but I don’t think Kate would be one to gossip like that.
Straightening my blue velvet suit jacket, I head toward the back of the stage and past the curtains. The noise from the main banquet space dies down drastically. Something in the back of my mind tells me I shouldn’t be back here, that I should probably be out at the tables, playing games with the patrons, and putting a good name for myself out there, especially with all the progress I’ve made. But I can’t stop my feet from moving farther into the backstage area. As I step into a hallway, I hear voices down the hall.
One voice coming in almost perfectly.
One voice that’s really clear.
“Katie Girl, meet with me after this event. Please.”
Penn.
And he’s with Kate.
And why the fuck is he calling her Katie Girl?
“Stop calling me that when we’re at work events.”
“No one is around, just like college. Katie Girl and Dan.”
Dan?
College?
Where . . . fuck, when Kate talked about a guy named Dan . . . was she talking about Penn?
My mind reels as I try to comprehend what I’m hearing. All the times Kate has talked about Penn, defended him, when she asked if we’d ever be friends. Is she good friends with Penn?
“Penn, I’m not kidding, let me go.”
My ears perk up and fire streams through me from the sound of distress in Kate’s voice. Before I can stop myself, I turn the corner to find Penn pinning Kate against the wall with his hand on her hip. Rage eclipses me and I storm up to him and shove him away.
“Walker,” Kate gasps.
I turn toward her. “Are you friends with this fucker?”
Her eyes widen and they flit back and forth between me and Penn.
“What does it matter to you?” Penn asks, straightening his suit jacket. He walks up to Kate and slips his arm around her shoulders, and it takes everything in me not to fucking lose it from that touch. That familiarity.
It shouldn’t matter that they’re friends. It shouldn’t even concern me, but here I am, ready to crack a molar from how tense my jaw is.
“Penn, let go of me,” Kate says, her voice terse. Tense.
When he doesn’t let go, I say, “She said let go, you fuck.”
A laugh pops out of Penn’s mouth—it’s dark, dangerous. “What are you? Her protector? Did you two grow close while trying to fix your image that . . .” And I can see it—the minute the lightbulb flicks on in his inebriated head. “Wait a goddamn second.”
Fuck.
My fists clench at my sides.
He smiles and turns to Kate. “Katie Girl, did you get yourself involved with a player?”
“What?” Her eyes widen and I can see the panic that slips into them. “Wh-why would you say that?”
Penn lets go of Kate and then stands back, hand to his chin, studying us. “Well, I just so happen to know that Walker has had his eyes on someone lately but couldn’t have her. I thought it was some poor, unsuspecting girl who was trying to flee from his delusional state of mind, but if he has eyes for you, that makes way more sense. You two have been spending a lot of time together. There’s some guy in your life you’re not telling me about, and of course, the obvious tension in this hallway that I know isn’t from me. Oh, and don’t forget the way he came rushing to your defense.” Penn folds his arms over his chest. “This is too fucking good.”
“You’re way off base,” I say, trying not to growl at the man.
Penn’s head tilts back and he laughs. “Please, I’m pretty sure I just nailed it on the head. I’m right, aren’t I, Katie Girl?” Kate doesn’t say anything. She looks as if she just saw a ghost, pure panic etched all over her expression.
“Penn . . . I . . .” Kate looks terrified.
“You can call me Dan. I’m sure Walker wouldn’t mind. He has known me longer, after all, but I’m pretty sure his nickname for me isn’t as sweet. What do you like to call me again?”
“Cutler,” I say sternly. “Get to the goddamn point.”
“Oh, did you think there was a point to all of this?” he asks and then shakes his head while leaning against the wall. “No, I just enjoy watching you squirm. And Katie Girl, if you were going to risk the job I helped you get, I think you could’ve leveled up more than Walker, you know . . . with someone like me.” He tacks on a smile, and that does me in.
I charge after him, fists drawn, ready to pounce, but Kate steps between us, her arms extended. Cutler laughs manically as Kate says, “Walker, don’t.”
I gesture to Cutler. “Do you not hear the way he’s talking about you?”
“He’s drunk.”
“That’s not a goddamn excuse. Is this how he always talks to you?”
“Aww, look at him protecting you, Katie. That’s cute.”
“Walker, leave him alone,” Kate says, hand to Penn’s chest. She turns to him and continues, “Penn, go get some coffee.”
Stunned, I ask, “Are you really taking his side right now?”
Cutler laughs. “Did you really think she was going to take yours? It’s funny how delusional you are.” He slips his arm around her shoulder and says, “She’s my girl, not yours.” He leans down, places a kiss on her cheek, and says, “I’ll go get some coffee, but only because you asked. Catch you later, Katie. Think about tonight. I would love to have you over.” He winks and then walks past me, bumping me in the shoulder on his way.
My shoulders are
so goddamn tense that I can practically feel them up against my ears. I don’t turn to watch the asshole walk away. I keep my eyes locked on Kate the entire time, and she meets my gaze head-on.
“You call that a friend?” I finally ask.
She shifts on her feet. “He doesn’t normally act like that.”
“Really? Because that’s how he acts all the time, and I’ve known him longer than you have.” I shake my head. “Are you going to go to his place tonight?”
“Why does it matter?” she asks.
I take a step forward and say under my breath, “You said nothing happened between the two of you.”
“Nothing has happened.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I say, my mind swarming with insecurity and jealousy, emotions only he can pull from me simultaneously.
“Are you serious right now?” Kate’s brow pulls together. “Don’t you even start with that shit. Whatever is going on between you and Penn is between you and him. Don’t drag me into the middle.”
“Yeah, because I know what side you’ll take,” I say while turning away.
“You have no right to be angry at me right now. If anyone should be angry, it should be me.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, turning to face her again.
She folds her arms over her chest and cocks her hip out. “Got a call from Roark.”
Fuck.
Why the hell would he call her?
“From the blanched look on your face, I’m going to assume you know why he called.”
“I don’t know why he called.” And I fucking told him not to say anything.
“He told me you told him about . . . us,” she whispers, taking a step forward. “How could you do that?”
“He pulled it out of me,” I say in defense. “He called minutes after you left me, and I couldn’t . . . He said he wouldn’t say anything. Fuck, why did he talk to you?”
“To make sure I’m okay, probably to make sure I wasn’t going to say anything—because, you know, wouldn’t want to hurt Walker’s career.”
“Fuck my career. I’m more worried about you.”
“Are you?” she asks. “Is that why you just got all territorial on me, practically shining a neon sign over our heads right in front of Penn, the biggest loudmouth on the team? It’s not me spilling the beans that you have to worry about.”
“I’m not worried about you, I’m . . . fuck . . . I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
“I’ll tell you what’s going on.” She takes another step forward. “You just showed Penn that something is going on between us, and now we very well might be fucked. I’m going to have to go to his place and talk to him.”
“Is that all you’re going to do?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“You have got to be kidding me, Walker.”
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to think?” I say. “Why didn’t you just tell me he was your friend, that he was the Dan guy you were talking about?”
“Because I didn’t want people to know he was the reason I got the job,” she shout-whispers. “I didn’t want anyone to know that he was the one who pulled me out of a terrible situation and hooked me up. I didn’t want to be looked at differently, and I especially didn’t want anyone thinking there’s anything beyond a friendship between us. Because there’s nothing going on there, not that I owe you an explanation.” She takes a deep breath, smooths her hands over her dress, and says, “And this is exactly why we should never have gotten involved. We’re at a work event and you can’t seem to hold it together.”
“Me?” I point to my chest. “I was fine until I heard you asking Penn to let go of you and he wouldn’t. I was fucking helping you.”
“I don’t need your help, Walker,” she hisses. “I need you to put on a smile, stop worrying about Penn, and go do a speech.”
So, she’s taking his side. Just like that. Like every-fucking-one else, she cannot see that there is much more to Penn Cutler than a charming chameleon. He’s lazy, undedicated, careless, and sly. And no one fucking sees that. Not even Kate. She’s not going to admit that he’s a huge fucking problem in this organization. But because he helped her get the job, that’s where her loyalty is going to rest?
He could’ve gotten her in trouble a few moments ago—yes, so could have I—but I’m not the one drunk at a fundraiser where there’s enough press for the entire state of Illinois to ensure we’re all on our best behavior.
And I’m the one with a problem?
Of course.
Isn’t that how it always is? Why would Kate see it any differently?
“Got it,” I say, straightening my jacket and tacking on a professional expression. “Where do you need me?” I pull my speech from my pocket and hold it up. She studies it for a second and then looks at me, her brow pinched together.
“You can’t go up there angry.”
“Despite what you might think of me, Kate, I can be a professional when I need to be. Let’s get this over with.”
Just then, Vivian finds us in the hallway and says, “There you are. I was looking for you. Thought you might be occupied, so I got AV queued up and ready to go.”
I turn to Vivian and say, “I’m ready.”
Startled from my abruptness, Vivian turns and says, “Well, we have Torres going first.”
“Switch the order, then,” I say with a clenched jaw. “I need to get the hell out of here.” I glance back at Kate. “As soon as I fucking can.”
Vivian cringes and looks between the two of us. “Is everything okay . . . you know . . . with—”
“Everything’s fine,” I say. “Just get me out of here, now.”
She nods. “Okay, yup, sure. Let me just get Audrey. I’ll let her know something came up and you need to get your speech done now.”
“Thank you,” I answer in a clipped tone. She glances at Kate one last time and then disappears to the main stage.
Keeping my gaze fixed toward where Vivian disappeared, I try to calm my racing heart and ignore the silence that’s fallen between me and Kate. An apology is on my tongue. An apology for my emotions getting the best of me. They’re heightened because, fuck, look at her. She’s so goddamn gorgeous it actually hurts not being able to tell her that. Not being able to take her hand in mine and twirl her into my chest, where I would claim her with my mouth, and tell her just how beautiful she is. It’s painful seeing her with Penn . . . her friend. Where the fuck did that even come from? How could she be friends with him? With someone so volatile, so toxic?
“Walker,” Kate says quietly from behind me. “He’s really not as horrible as you think he is.”
I clench my fists together and slowly turn to face her. Looking her in the eyes, I say, “He was one of the reasons why I lost Dawn.”
“You can’t—”
“Don’t, Kate. For the sake of salvaging any sort of communication between us, don’t fucking defend him where my sister is concerned. That’s a line you don’t want to cross.”
But then it hits me. She’s known who Penn was to me all this time. The man, whom she considers just her friend, someone she must have known hates my guts . . . she listened to my story about him and said nothing. She gave herself to me, knowing it would totally piss off her best friend. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
And I thought I knew her. There’s no way we could’ve ever been more, because I’m not someone who would ask her to choose between anyone or anything. But Penn Cutler would. And she’s shown me that their history will always usurp anything to do with us.
Fuck. Me. Get it together, man. Grieve later.
She nods solemnly just as Audrey comes backstage. “I got everything set up with the switch. I’m sorry that you have to leave early. I hope everything is okay,” Audrey adds.
“Yes, don’t worry, I’ll stick around and shake some hands. I won’t leave you guys hanging. Just need to get this speech over, take a deep breath outside, and I’ll be back.”
“Sure. Of course, whatever you need. We
just appreciate you doing this for us.” Audrey turns to Kate and asks, “Can you keep Walker company until he’s called out? Should only be a few minutes.”
“I’m good,” I say. “Kate doesn’t have to babysit me. She can get on with her work.”
“If you’re comfortable with that, Kate, I could use your help finding Penn. He seems to have slipped away.”
“Sure,” Kate says.
I stand back, cross my arms over my chest, and look out toward the crowd.
“Let me just make sure Walker is set and then I’ll go out there.”
“Great.” Audrey gives her a thumbs up and then takes off.
Kate turns to me. “Walker, I’m sorry. Okay? I think this is too much for both of us to handle.”
“Which means it’s a good thing we called it off, right?” I say tersely. I’ve shut down—I can feel it and she must sense it because her shoulders have deflated and she’s struggling to even look me in the eyes.
“Can we please not be mad at each other?”
“I’m not mad.”
“Walker. You’re mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Yes, you are,” she insists.
“Say it again, and see what I say after that,” I growl out before retreating to the side of the stage, where I wait to be called up.
I can’t get out of here quickly enough.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
KATE
Hold it together, Kate.
I take a deep breath, but it’s shaky. I’m on the verge of losing it, of breaking down right here in the middle of an event. And this is exactly why you should never get involved with anyone at work, because I’m off my game. I’m supposed to be performing my job duties, but instead I’m juggling two men important to my life: one who I felt like saved me when I needed saving the most, and the other who made me feel whole again, like he’s been the missing puzzle piece in my life and finally completed me.
And the man who I feel the most attached to, the one who I need more in my life, is the one I can’t have. Sure, Penn and I can be friends, and my willingness not to share that with others is basically so I can showcase my talent, be accepted for me and not pre-judged. But Walker . . .