by Cathy Cole
“Sounds easy enough,” said Lila. “What have I got to lose?”
Polly watched with slightly worried eyes as Lila started paddling. She enjoyed the feeling of the water swishing around her arms and toes. She enjoyed the feeling of the boy’s eyes on her as well. Turning the board, she waited until there was a reasonable swell. Then, paddling hard, she managed to catch the top of the wave just as it curled over.
Hold the board firmly, jump up, turn sideways. She almost lost her balance, but righted herself at the last minute. “Whoo!” she shouted, shortly before the board hit the sand and she tumbled off, landing head over heels at the boy’s feet.
“Was that your first time?” he said disbelievingly.
Lila stood up, brushing at the sand. “Told you it was easy,” she said with a shrug.
He suddenly put his arms around her, scooping her off the sand.
“You need to wash that sand off before it gets in your bikini,” he informed her, striding out into the waves.
Lila squealed and laughed, pummelling at his arms. “Don’t dump me … no…”
“What the hell are you doing with my girlfriend?”
The surfer swung round, coming nose to nose with Josh striding through the waves towards them. Lila gaped at the expression on Josh’s face. He looked seriously mad.
“Giving her a bath, mate,” said the boy, laughing. “She’s a little bit sandy.”
Josh poked the surfer hard in the chest. “Put her down. Now.”
Lila was starting to feel a little bit stupid, dangling in the surfer’s arms like a child between the two boys.
Josh’s eyes sparked with anger. “Put. Her. Down,” he repeated.
“Are you going to make me?” the boy enquired.
Josh shoved the surfer hard in the chest, making him stagger backwards into an oncoming wave. Lila screamed as she was dumped unceremoniously into the sea so that she came up gasping with seawater in her nose and her eyes stinging with salt. She stared in disbelief at Josh, wrestling in the surf with the other boy.
Her mild-mannered boyfriend appeared to have got himself into a fight.
Over her.
FIFTEEN
“Josh!” Lila shouted, staggering to her feet. “Stop it!”
The surfer was spitting seawater everywhere as Josh barrelled him down in the water for a third time. “Are you crazy?” he was yelling, scrambling to get away. “Get off me, you nutcase!”
The water was heavy around Lila’s legs, hampering her progress as she waded towards the fight. “Stop it!” she shouted, grabbing Josh’s soaking wet T-shirt and attempting to haul him upright. “Josh, look at yourself! What are you doing?”
Josh shoved the surfer one last time. Shaking Lila’s hand off, he stalked out of the sea, his glasses blurred and splattered with seawater. Lila had the presence of mind to snatch up his hat as it threatened to float out to sea, and waded after him.
“Josh, what was that about?” she demanded, finally freeing herself from the water and breaking into a jog to keep up with him across the sand.
Josh spun around so quickly Lila cannoned into him. His green eyes spat fire. “What were you doing with that guy?” he said angrily.
Refusing to be cowed, Lila folded her arms and glared at him. “You stood me up!” she said angrily. “That gives you no right to question what I do.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose!”
Lila glared harder. “You could have messaged me or something! I was standing there like a lemon, wasting the day and boiling to death. Where were you?”
His eyes flickered. “Busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Something important.”
“What is it with you and mystery, Josh?” Lila demanded. “Do you think it’s endearing? Well, I’ve got news for you. It’s not. It’s just annoying! You don’t talk to me, you don’t explain things. I saw the packages in your room,” she flung at him, glad at the way he flinched. “Where did they come from? Where are your parents, Josh? Who are you, exactly?”
Josh was breathing hard. “I couldn’t get away any sooner, OK? I’m sorry I didn’t message you but I couldn’t help it. It would be nice if you could just trust me.”
It was almost laughable. “Why should I trust you?” Lila practically shouted. “You don’t trust me!”
Josh pointed at her. “You were flirting with that guy.”
“So what if I was?”
“Lila, you’re my girlfriend. How do you think it makes me feel, seeing you in some other guy’s arms?”
“Why should I care how you feel?” Lila said defiantly. “You don’t care about me.”
Hurt raced across Josh’s face like a storm cloud. Lila knew she was behaving badly. This was all too weird. The rules of normal Josh-Lila interaction seemed to be up in the air.
“I don’t care about you?” Josh repeated. “Is that what you think?”
Lila wanted to stamp her foot. “What am I supposed to do when you don’t show up? I was looking forward to being on the beach with you, and you were off – doing whatever you were doing! I hope it was worth it.”
“It wasn’t. But what do you care?”
Lila blinked. She had no idea what to say to that.
“I’m not a game player, Lila,” Josh said evenly. “I thought things were going well between us. Have I misunderstood something here?”
“Yes … no… I don’t know!” Lila spluttered.
“I don’t have time for riddles,” he said, rubbing his face. “But I know this. I don’t do drama, and I won’t be played. Go and have fun with your surfer boys. I’m giving you permission.” He gave an awkward bow. “You’re free to go.”
Lila gaped at him. OK, so she had been trying to make him jealous. She had been hoping he might show up and see her in the surf with another guy. But this … this had got out of hand. Never in a million years did she think he’d dump her.
“You’re breaking up with me?” she said in disbelief.
There was something unreachable about Josh’s expression as he plucked his sopping wet hat from between her fingers. His face was closing down, even as she watched. She was thrown back to her first week in Heartside High, her first stilted conversations with a boy she wondered if she’d ever get to know.
“Fine,” she managed. “If that’s what you want. I never did live up to your expectations, did I? Well, I hope it doesn’t get lonely up there on your moral high ground, Josh!”
“I won’t be made a fool of,” he snarled. Scooping up his bag where he’d dropped it on the sand and cramming his wet hat on his head, he walked away from her.
Lila stayed where she was for a full two minutes, in case he returned and swept her into his arms and told her she hadn’t heard him right. Of course he hadn’t dumped her. This was all some weird misunderstanding.
Come back, she prayed.
He didn’t.
“Fine,” Lila said out loud, to no one. “I wanted my freedom anyway.”
She had wanted it, hadn’t she? So why did it taste so sour in her mouth?
She walked back a little unsteadily to where Eve, Rhi and Polly had all gathered wide-eyed by the rocks.
“Did Josh actually fight that surfer?” Rhi asked in awe.
“He looked like he wanted to drown him,” Eve remarked.
Polly gazed at Lila with troubled eyes. “Is … everything OK with you guys?”
“No,” said Lila. Her voice sounded weird, as if she’d never heard herself talking before. Like she was hovering above the beach, watching herself. “We just broke up.”
Polly gasped. Rhi’s mouth dropped open. Even Eve, who was normally so hard to surprise, seemed shocked. “Over that little surfer?” she said incredulously.
“You were messing around for a grand total of five minutes!” Rhi said in horror.
I won’t cry, Lila thought. “Five minutes too long, clearly,” she said.
“Josh didn’t mean it, whatever he said to you,” said Polly. She looked close to tears. “He’s crazy about you, Lila. He wouldn’t dump you over something like this.”
Lila spread her hands. “What do you want me to say? This is all a dream?” If only. “Josh and I split up, OK? End of subject.”
Her friends exchanged troubled glances. Trying to ignore them, Lila jammed her sunglasses on her nose and lay down stiffly on her towel. Even the sun felt colder than it had five minutes ago.
“Lila, are you OK?” Rhi said after a moment.
“Of course she’s not,” Eve said with an irritated sigh. “You only have to look at her lying there like a motionless corpse to know that. Her boyfriend dumped her over a bit of flirting with a surfer. The world has gone mad.”
“Lila?” said Polly tentatively. “We’ll listen if you need to talk about this.”
The sand is too hard right here, Lila thought distractedly. She should have chosen somewhere further up the beach, away from the tideline. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. I won’t cry, I won’t cry, I won’t cry.
“I don’t need to talk about anything,” she said. “I just want to enjoy the sunshine. Why is everyone being so serious about this? People break up all the time. I’m over it already.”
This was turning into the worst summer ever.
SIXTEEN
Lila wished her friends would stop treating her like she was made of bone china. Polly in particular wouldn’t stop asking if she was all right. “Fine,” she’d said, more times than she cared to count that morning. “I’m fine.”
The high street was particularly busy as it was a Saturday. The combination of the weekend and the sunshine had brought people out in droves, bags at the ready, all trying to fit in a bit of shopping before popping down to the beach to carry on where they’d left off the day before, surfing and swimming, building sandcastles and eating ice cream. Lila found she’d gone off the idea of surfing. Even the boys making their way down to the beach with their boards made her turn away and stare at the pavement.
“Are you sure you’re OK?” Polly said anxiously, squeezing Lila’s arm.
“Give it a rest, Polly,” said Eve, rolling her eyes. “Can’t you see Lila doesn’t want to talk about it?”
“She needs cake,” Rhi put in. “Let’s go to the Ciao Café and sit on the pavement and watch the scenery.”
Lila trailed after her friends, letting them order drinks and food and fuss around her. Polly was doing her best to bite her tongue, she could see. She felt grateful to Eve.
She didn’t want to think about Josh. But ever since yesterday, she’d been unable to think about anything else. She’d been so stupid, behaving the way she had with the surfer. She’d acted like that in London so often, but she wasn’t that person any more. Josh had helped her to become someone nicer. Someone calmer, more focused and less inclined to make stupid decisions. She thought she’d worked that out, the night of the disastrous cove party. Now she’d gone and done it again, and Josh had dumped her.
He’s so great, she thought, tears blurring her eyes as she sipped at the frappé Eve had bought her. It’s not his fault I’m such a mess. What was I trying to prove by flirting with that guy?
She was jealous, she realized numbly. Josh knew what to do with his life, and was already so good at it. She wanted that certainty. But because she couldn’t see her future, she was going out of her way to ruin everything that was good about her present. I may not be able to draw or design things, or play football or the guitar or organize parties, but I can flirt like a champion. She grimaced over her frappé. Great career choice, Lila. Really terrific.
It was only now that she’d lost Josh that she fully realized what she’d had. Polly’s words echoed mockingly in her head. Some people don’t know what they have until it’s gone.
After their frappés, Eve wanted to try on some clothes in a boutique that had opened recently by the harbour. Lila sat and watched as her friends flitted between changing rooms, laughing and offering opinions, gasping and shaking their heads.
“Not trying anything on?” said Rhi.
Lila shook her head. “I don’t need anything, really.”
“None of us need this stuff,” Eve said, stroking a gorgeous dress in dark green with tiny white dots along the bottom hem. “But it doesn’t stop us wanting it.”
When the others were all in the changing rooms, Lila slipped outside. Standing in a puddle of sunlight on the edge of the road, she took out her phone, willing there to be a message from Josh. The screen was stubbornly blank.
It took her a while to compose exactly what she wanted to say
I’m really sorry for behaving like an idiot yesterday.
You were right to dump me, although I wish you hadn’t.
Forgive me?
Lila xx
She bit her lip, rereading what she’d written. Did she sound too needy? Should she reword the bit about him dumping her?
Send it, she ordered herself.
There was a squeal of brakes as her thumb came down towards the send button. Lila glanced up to see Josh in the passenger seat of a red sports car as it shot past, a blonde girl in sunglasses at the wheel.
No sooner had she blinked than the car had disappeared around a bend in the road and she was left to question her own eyesight. It had been Josh, she was sure of it. She’d only glimpsed the back of the girl’s head, but she’d definitely been blonde, and she’d definitely been driving.
She was tall and blonde, is all I know. Nice car too. Red. That girl at the beach had seen a boy in a car on the night of the party that matched Josh’s description. Lila had dismissed it, but all of a sudden the ground felt a whole lot less certain under her feet.
Who was the blonde?
Josh hadn’t turned round as they had driven past. He had either failed to spot Lila on the kerb with her head bent over her phone, or he had ignored her on purpose.
Who was she?
Snakes writhed in Lila’s belly. Was Josh trying to make her jealous? Give her a taste of her own medicine? If so, it was working.
She stared back at the text she’d been about to send. After a moment’s hesitation, she deleted it and stuffed her phone in her bag. No way was she sending it now.
“What happened?” said Polly at once as Lila walked slowly back into the shop. “Where did you go? Is everything OK?”
“I just saw Josh,” Lila said.
Eve put her head out of the changing room. “And?”
“He was in a car with some blonde.”
Rhi frowned. “Are you sure it was him?”
Lila wasn’t sure of much just then, but she was sure about that. She nodded.
“Could he have a new girlfriend?” Eve asked. “What?” she protested, raising her hands as Rhi and Polly glared at her. “I’m just voicing the possibility, OK?”
“We only just broke up!” Lila said, horrified. If Josh had found someone else, what did that make her? The most forgettable girlfriend ever?
“Have you seen him with this girl before?” Rhi put in.
“Someone saw him with her the night of the party,” Lila whispered. “He was getting into her car.”
“O. M. G,” said Polly faintly.
Lila felt as if her entire world was crumbling. Josh had met someone on his illustration course, just as she’d feared. Someone beautiful. Older and rich, too, judging from the car. He must have been seeing her behind Lila’s back. Promise not to come before one…
“What am I going to do?” Lila wailed. She could feel her eyes filling with tears.
“You’re going to do nothing,” said Eve at once. “Play it cool. Boys hate it when you chase after them. He loves you, Lila. He’ll come back in his own time.”
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br /> “No,” Rhi said hotly. “Lila, you have to fight for him. Go after him, ask him outright about this blonde girl. Otherwise you’ll lose him for good!”
Lila threw up her hands in frustration. “Do nothing, or do everything. Doesn’t anyone have a suggestion in the middle?”
“Give him some space,” Polly said. “Maybe he needs to stretch his wings a bit.”
Lila had never known anyone happier in their own skin than Josh. He didn’t need to run with any crowd, or challenge himself to prove a point, or date other girls apart from her. “Josh is not a wing-stretching kind of guy,” she said.
“How do you know?” Eve enquired.
“I just do,” Lila said stubbornly.
But the old doubts were resurfacing. She thought about the unexplained packages in his room again, and his refusal to talk about his life. She thought she’d known him, but now…
“I need to talk to his grandfather,” she said suddenly. “See you guys later.”
Josh’s grandfather will have the answers, she thought, hurrying along the street towards the Old Town. I’ll go round and ask if he knows about this blonde girl. It would be an embarrassing conversation, but Lila was beyond embarrassment. All she knew what that if she didn’t find out what was going on with Josh, she would explode with frustration.
She raced through the narrow twists and turns of the Old Town, finding the route she’d taken on Thursday by pure instinct. She flew into Orlop Square, breathless and determined. She would just knock on the door and ask. Outright. How hard could it—
Lila felt her legs turn to water beneath her. Parked outside the partially open sea-green door of 5 Orlop Square was the red sports car she’d seen half an hour earlier.
In that moment, Lila realized Josh was worth fighting for. It was time. Win or lose. She had to at least try.
SEVENTEEN
The front door stood slightly ajar. Before she could talk herself out of what she was doing, Lila burst through into the brightly lit living room with its pale grey sofas and driftwood table, sending the door banging backwards, hard against the wall.