by R. Twine
‘That’s great, Miriam! I can tell by the way you look that you’re a smart woman. You’re different from the others – I’ll never get tired of saying it. And I’m happy to have such a partner. I hope I don’t fall in love with you!’ Sam said, laughing. ‘And I want you to know that I really like women!’
‘I know you do, Sam. It’s not a secret, is it?’
‘Yes… You’re right.’
A waiter came to our table, and carefully set out the dishes we’d ordered.
‘Enjoy your meal!’ he said in a polite tone of voice, lifting the cloche lids.
‘M-m-m-m, it smells delicious,’ Sam said, rolling his eyes, and we began indulging ourselves in the tender lobster meat. Dessert was excellent too, as was the whole evening.
‘I know a place where we can just sit and have a good time. There’s good jazz there – if you don’t mind,’ said Sam invitingly.
‘Next time, not now.’
‘As you wish, Miriam… But if you ever feel lonely you can always call me and come over. I’ll be happy to see you,’ he said softly.
‘Thank you for dinner. I really had a good time. Till tomorrow, then,’ I said, getting out of the car.
I felt like a clumsy, ridiculous and foolish novice.
“Never mind, the film will surely teach me something”, I thought. “Do I have to be passionate by nature in order to portray passion, I wonder?”
I undressed and went to bed. I wanted to fall asleep as soon as possible, but sleep wouldn’t come: I kept on thinking about Samuel, turning over yesterday’s events in my head, and trying in various ways to drive away the thought that he appealed to me. I switched on a night light and read a script for a little while, but I still couldn’t concentrate. Then I switched the lamp off and made another attempt to fall asleep.
My sixth sense caught a light rustle and vibration of air beside me; somebody took a seat at the edge of my bed. My body grew heavy, but I wasn’t afraid – such a state was already familiar to me. I realized how I longed for the supernatural: it had become part of my life long ago. More often than not I turned to the Archangel for help, and Satanail, too, looked just as indispensable to me in my material world. I had stopped asking myself why these two angels always stood by me; I had come to take it for granted. Even without seeing them, I always felt their presence behind my back. I had a lingering sensation that something new was about to burst onto my life. And I was proved right.
‘Miriam,’ a pleasant cushioned voice called me.
It wasn’t without effort that I opened my eyes, slightly. Then I saw a woman sitting by my side. She smiled and went on,
‘It’s hard for me to stir up the past that caused me so much pain and suffering…,’ said Liz and sighed (it was she, I recognized her right away). ‘To look back at the love that had such a tragic ending… But I can help you, and you can help me. You’re doing a great job portraying me, so I’m going to help you master my every move and my every feeling… I’ll do my best to make this role your hour of triumph, to make you famous worldwide. But, in return, I’d like to ask you to make some changes to the script. I need them, I really do…’ She went silent, looking blankly at her fingers. ‘For me, this is the only chance to tell the truth… It’s not going to be easy for you to persuade the director to change some fragments of the script, but I beg you to try to get them through… This movie must tell the truth,’ insisted Liz.
‘All right, Liz, I’ll do as you say,’ I said.
‘I’d like to tell you everything about my relationship with Bryan, without keeping anything back. We met at a formal reception and instantly felt a strong attraction to each other. I knew all about his life, both the private and the public one. I knew he was married and had children, but I couldn’t control myself. I went crazy about him! This all-consuming passion made me lose my mind completely… We’d been meeting in secret for quite a while; it seemed that a love like ours could overcome all barriers and would go on forever. But then I felt like he was drifting away from me; he fell out of love with me. Our dates became rare. I would get upset every time we met because I couldn’t do anything else; all this tormented me, and I flew into hysterics over nothing. Finally, Bryan got fed up with it, and told me one day he was going to put an end to our relationship.
‘At this moment, crucial for both of us, I told him I was pregnant… He whisked me out of the country so that the information about my pregnancy and the birth of a baby wouldn’t leak to the press. I was left alone with my pain. During that year he didn’t come to see me at all, and insisted that the baby should remain in Europe. At first I resisted, not wanting to go along with the absurd decision he’d made, but he started pressuring me with all the means he had at his disposal – and he had a lot of them. A new wave of depression engulfed me; I came to the brink of a nervous breakdown… and I gave in to his pressure…’ Liz went silent.
Listening to this confession, I understood that Liz’s soul was still burdened with grief, that even after her death she didn’t find eternal peace…
‘I came back to America on my own,’ she went on, ‘while our baby was adopted by a childless family. My pain was eating me away from the inside, leaving only emptiness, and there was nothing to fill it with. I was desperate.
One day, during one of our regular quarrels I became so furious that I told him I’d tell the press everything about our relationship. He gave me a strange look, and left without saying a word. I still couldn’t live without him: I called him constantly, begging him not to leave me, sobbing into the receiver, and asking him to come to me… He took pity on me. But that meeting ended with me in hysterics, as usual. Tears blurred my vision; I was shuddering with sobs… but Brian was calm and unmoved. He extended his hand, giving me a glass of water and said,
“Here you are… Drink it. And calm down.”
I took the glass and drank it in one gulp, and in several minutes felt heavy sleepiness.
‘What’s happening to me, Bryan?’ I asked him, hardly able to move my lips.
‘Everything’s over, Liz,’ he replied coldly. ‘Soon you will sleep for good.’
‘But why…?’ I asked him in a whisper. ‘Why, Bryan? I do love you, and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. Am I to blame for my love? Why?’
‘Liz, I’ve had it with the scenes you make. You’ve gone completely crazy and turned my life into hell on earth! It can’t go on like this anymore. You’ve become dangerous. There’s no other way out. Forgive me – if you can.’
‘Did you ever love me?’ I asked him, feeling as if my eyelids were being filled with lead.
‘I did, Liz. I loved you very much. I still do,’ Bryan broke out crying, and cupped my face in his hands. ‘I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you, Liz, but you left me no choice… Please, forgive me…’
‘I love you, Brian. I forgive you. I’m cold. Put a blanket over me…’
I was sinking into non-existence. Bryan, my Bryan had killed me…
Liz went silent, cold moonlight reflecting in her unblinking eyes.
‘Liz, it’s a great pity you left this world in such a way. I’m so sorry, Liz,’ I kept whispering.
‘Everything in my fate had been predestined; this death couldn’t be avoided. In effect, my tragic passing turned into my immortal triumph. I just want people to know the truth.’
‘I’ll do my very best,’ I promised her.
She disappeared, and only a white mist remained where she had been just a moment before.
In the morning I was full of determination to help Liz. Upon entering the studio, I made straight for the director. He was sitting alone, reading a magazine.
‘How are you, Jack?’ I asked.
‘Ah, that’s you, Miriam,’ he said languidly. ‘I’m fine. And how are you?’
‘Perfectly well, Jack. I’d like to ask you to make some changes to the script. They are sure to make the movie more interesting. I’m begging you to do this.’
‘What changes?’ he as
ked warily.
‘Liz was poisoned by her lover. You should change the scene of her suicide because it was a premeditated murder.’
‘But why are you so sure she was murdered?’ enquired Jack.
‘I know it happened just so. Besides, this theory was discussed in the press more than once; the suspicion always lingered on,’ I insisted.
‘I can’t make you any promises, Miriam,’ said Jack, shaking his head. ‘I’ll give it a thought, though. But now – let’s get down to work!’
Everyone present on the set took up their places. We were going to rehearse an intimate scene where the lovers kissed each other and, overwhelmed by their passion, undressed each other, tearing away the clothes that got in their way.
‘You need to do your best to fill the episode with sexual energy,’ Jack explained.
Samuel cast a meaningful glance at me, and smiled.
‘No problem, I’m ready to repeat such scenes a hundred times a day.’
‘We are ready,’ I called back.
‘Rolling…! Action…!’
‘Bryan!’ exclaimed Liz stepping over the threshold and throwing herself into his arms.
‘Hello, darling! How I longed for this meeting!’ Bryan whispered.
Their lips merged in a passionate kiss; he scooped Liz up and carried her into the room.
‘I missed you so much, darling… You make me weak… I was so lonely without you… ’ she kept on whispering, and stroking his body with her hot hands.
‘Liz, honey, not a day goes by that I don’t think about you…,’ said Bryan, taking off her silk blouse, and kissing her bare skin.
Liz slowly unbuttoned Bryan’s shirt, and pressed her lips against his neck.
‘You’re my love, you’re my life; my love for you grows stronger with each passing day…’
‘Liz, you’re wonderful, I can’t get enough of you. I’m breathing you in with every cell of my body; the smell of your perfume makes me dizzy, your body calls to me…’
Bryan went wild, covering her body with kisses. Liz moaned and fell into the abyss of passion which engulfed her completely. Bryan’s caresses drove Liz to sweet exhaustion; then he tore the remaining clothes off her, took her by the arms, laid her on the sofa, and entered her – sharply. They became one; Liz’s cries and moans filled the entire space. The lovers got so absorbed in their passion that they became completely detached from the outside world; nobody and nothing could stop them.
Bryan’s open and kindhearted smile disarmed his adversaries, and drove women of all ages crazy. Women adored him. They considered him an ideal man: courteous, attentive, considerate and very attractive. His wife had long ceased to be jealous because she came to understand that his courting of the public was more of a well-thought-of step on the path of winning over the hearts of potential voters. True, Kelly suspected her famous husband did have love affairs, but she preferred to put on an air of total ignorance. Maintaining their marriage was much more important than some casual flings on the side.
Bryan had a distinct sexuality. His inner strength, tactfulness and courtesy were supplemented by intellect; all this was enhanced by the aura of authority he had which imbued all his actions with the confident determination characteristic of an alpha-male. He was capable of perfect self-control, and could easily subdue a crowd of people, never mind an individual woman. Bryan loved women and knew how to satisfy them.
Liz and Bryan spent the few hours they had at their disposal mostly in bed. Bryan was a tireless love-maker, giving Liz orgasm upon orgasm.
Totally oblivious of filming, I relished Samuel’s kisses. His caresses drove me almost to the brink of losing self-control. The feeling Liz had many years ago was resurrected in my body. Samuel-Bryan’s hot flesh pressed demandingly into my groin. I wanted sex.
‘Cut…!’
It was with great difficulty that Samuel tore his body away from mine. I sat up and looked around with blurry eyes. There was silence everywhere. I smiled blithely and asked,
‘Well, was it all right?’
‘It was perfect!’ Jack praised me. ‘Miriam, you were terrific! Your Liz was sexually appealing, affectionate, audacious and tender. Your Liz was the incarnation of love, passion and sex!’
I gave him a grateful smile, stood up and, putting on a dressing gown, hastily left the set. I craved a cup of coffee.
‘You were above my expectations. Your passion is equal to that of an experienced society lioness; I enjoyed you very much!’ said Sam, taking a seat beside me. ‘I wish it weren’t just play-acting. I wouldn’t mind getting it on in real life. Maybe, some day…,’ he cut himself short, and smiled. ‘Miriam, if you ever feel like making use of my body – just let me know and I’ll always be at your service.’
‘Okay, I’ll keep it in mind,’ I smiled in reply. ‘Do you think we can really make it?’
‘I’ll do all my best so that we can enjoy each other just for once,’ Sam said laughing. ‘You’re one in a million, Miriam, no woman can compare to you! This was a very difficult episode, but you handled it wonderfully. Congratulations.’
‘Thanks, Sam. I’ve never dreamt of becoming an actress; acting seemed so difficult to me: in real life you’re one kind of person, while on the stage you’re quite another kind of person; there’s a constant shift going on,’ I said.
‘Sometimes it’s difficult to abandon the image you’ve been living in for quite a while. I’ve always tried to borrow from my characters – playing up their traits I liked most, chipping off a small bit from every one of them. I’m perfectly sure we can be influenced by the people we play, but the main thing is not to forget who you really are.’
‘Thank you so much, Sam. Your opinion is very important to me.’
I put an empty cup on the table and made for the exit, feeling Samuel’s lustful look upon my back.
Chapter 25
Two months had passed; the production was in full swing. We worked very hard. I hadn’t had the slightest idea that movie-making was such a long and costly business. A lot of people were involved in it – the set was like a busy beehive. Besides, every day there was a crowd of onlookers eager to gaze at the celebrities. The film was much talked of in the press; small wonder with regard to the starry cast of the project. Sometimes Jack and Samuel gave their consent to be interviewed, while making me keep a low profile, thus enshrouding me in mystery. I was a joker in their deck of cards: if the movie turned out successful, I could fuel interest among movie-goers, and if it proved a failure, I could hide behind the backs of the top trumps.
Jack kept on saying that we needed a skillful PR campaign.
‘We should keep a special distance between ourselves and journalists. I mean we have to appear in the news from time to time so as not to be forgotten by the public, but at the same time, we shouldn’t let the reporters come too close to us. The information must be given by small portions: the public should be fed, but not overfed.’
Within time Jack I and became good friends, and it couldn’t have been otherwise; all the people in the film-making group worked in close cooperation with each other, and became, in a way, close relatives.
I became so natural in the image of Liz that I no longer needed to act – I just lived in front of a camera with the constant memory of what I had promised Liz I would do.
I waited for some time to pass after my first conversation with Jack, and then approached him once more over what Liz had asked me to do.
‘I know this is none of my business, Jack, but it’s crucial. We have to change the scene of Liz’s death, we just do,’ I insisted.
In trying to bring Jack around I told him everything: how Liz came to me, how she said it had all happened, and how she implored me to tell the truth in the film. Jack listened to me with great attention, and then said, without trying to hide his bewilderment,
‘Miriam, I promise I will give it a thought. But you have to understand that it would be quite difficult to change anything because the process is already unde
rway and in full swing. Still, this theory is much more interesting than the officially accepted version. A politician decides to kill for the sake of his career! Throngs of movie-goers will come pouring in to watch such a sensational movie!’ Jack’s eyes sparkled with anticipation.
‘Thank you, Jack,’ I said.
That was all I needed for the moment.
Samuel walked around the set; I could see he was not himself. I tried not to come across him too often, but it proved to be impossible.
‘You’ve been turning me down for almost a month. Tell me the truth: you don’t really want to have anything to do with me outside the movie?’ he asked, having come round for the first time into my dressing room during the break. ‘I’ve been consoling myself with the thought that you do love me, if only slightly. I will never forget how passionately you kissed me. I’m tormented by the thought that when the shooting will someday come to its end, we’ll finally go our separate ways. I’ve gotten used to you, Miriam. And it seems I’ve fallen in love with you.’
‘Sam,’ I said after a confused pause, ‘I can’t think about that right now. I’m not going to start an affair on the set. I’m not rejecting you, I just… You see, you have lots of women, and I don’t want to be the umpteenth one in your long list.’ I went silent; my eyes welled up with tears.
‘Don’t cry, Miriam. Please forgive me if I said something wrong,’ Samuel embraced me and held me in his arms.
I plucked up my courage, looked him straight in the eye and whispered,
‘I’m still a virgin, Sam. I’ve never been with a man, you see?’
His eyes became wide as saucers.
‘Oh, My God, it can’t be true! I can’t believe my ears! I never would have thought – not for the world – that such a thing was possible nowadays! You know as well as I do that everybody in the whole world has sunk pretty low as far as sex goes, let alone people in show-biz , ’ He cupped my face in his hands and said seriously, and at the same time tenderly,