by R. Twine
‘Be careful, Miriam. I’m sure Michael will soon show up here. And here’s my advice: don’t stay at home alone. You’d better stay away from this man. I sense danger coming from him. You should avoid meeting with him. As for Samuel, you should distance yourself from him, too. Because all this seems very suspicious to me,’ Natalie warned me.
‘Michael doesn’t depend on money – as many people do, and he doesn’t boast of his wealth. He’s wealthy but he doesn’t behave the way the rich usually do. He’s so unlike others! And his enormous inner strength is worthy of envy! Why would he kill people if he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth?’
‘This means it’s not about money, it’s about something else!’ said Nat unshakable in her conviction. ‘But what is it? Can it have something to do with you in some way or another?’
‘I don’t think so… Nat, I fell in love with Michael the moment I saw him… I’ve been attracted to him by an awfully powerful force since the day we met. I’ve never experienced such an all-consuming feeling before: I understand it all, but I still can’t do anything about it. Just imagine my having gone to his bedroom because I was unable to quell the desire that suddenly overwhelmed me,’ I confessed.
‘I don’t even know what to say, Miriam. It’s so unlike you,’ said Nat, astonished. ‘By the way, what happened to his library?’
‘He kept the books – in memory of his father and his ancestors. If he wanted money he would surely sell some valuable manuscripts. He’s already rich – even without his wife’s assets and the insurance money he’s going to get. As for the life insurance, a lot of people have it, there’s nothing extraordinary about it. Why should he kill the mother of his child, after all? He maintained an excellent relationship with his first wife, and, to my mind, if he divorced his current wife, the situation would be the same. Besides, they signed a marriage contract: no one would lose anything after their divorce,’ I said, thinking aloud.
‘That’s the thing!’ Natalie gloated. ‘It was unprofitable for Michael to file for divorce because he wouldn’t get anything by doing so. But now that his wife is dead he will become wealthier still! And don’t forget that, as a result of his wife’s death he became a controlling stockholder. I don’t think he’s indifferent to money. Let’s hope it was just an incident, Miriam. But Michael will find out about Sam’s proposal sooner or later. Promise me you will be careful, Miriam,’ asked Nat.
‘All right, Nat, I promise I will,’ I said, trying to allay her fears somewhat.
Natalie had changed a lot over the past year: she had become jittery and impressionable. A mountainous pile of misfortunes had come crushing down upon her: a miscarriage, another breakup with another man, an unstable personal life and overwork – she was a high-ranking executive in a major company. I saw it was hard for her to carry on so I was reluctant to burden her with my problems: she had enough of her own.
This conversation made me anxious again. I couldn’t get the image of black roses on a snow-white pillow out of my mind…
‘Samuel, I’ll come to you when filming is on, you have my word,’ I assured him before his departure. ‘Some day soon I'll go to Paris to settle the issues concerning my last contract. I’ve made up my mind to abandon the modeling business.’
‘You’ve made a step in the right direction, Miriam. You’re a wonderful actress! A glittering career is waiting for you!’ Samuel said approvingly.
‘I’d like to try my hand at something else. I don’t think I want to go on being an actress. I’m fond of guiding the process, not being the guided one, you see? I’d like to become a film director, for instance,’ I said, watching Samuel’s jaw drop in astonishment. ‘Why are you so surprised? Do you think I wouldn’t be able to handle it?’
‘Of course you would. I have no doubt about it!’ Samuel replied, stunned. ‘You know what’s best, honey, follow your instincts. You are really something! You amaze me. I'll miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you, too, Sam,’ I whispered, throwing my arms around him.
Samuel left, and I remained at home alone despite Natalie’s advice. That evening the doorbell rang.
‘Come in,’ I said, letting Michael in.
There were dark circles under his eyes and week-long whiskers on his cheeks. He looked exhausted and worn out. He looked like his own shadow.
‘Good evening, Miriam,’ he said. ‘I'm sorry to disturb you at such a late hour. I’m in trouble. I was unable to phone you…’
He spoke in a quiet tone of voice and seemed somewhat detached. I hugged him, pretending I wasn’t in the know. I wanted him to present his own version of what had happened. Natalie proved right: Michael did come to me.
‘Glad to see you, Michael. What misfortune are you talking about? You disappeared so unexpectedly that it seemed to me you’d made up your mind to put an end to our relationship. You could have phoned me, at least, so that I would stop worrying,’ I said reproachfully, scrutinizing his face.
He was grief-stricken and looked utterly desperate. I felt sorry for him. I completely forgot about Samuel.
‘Come in, Michael, make yourself at home. Have a drink?’ I asked.
‘Whisky on the rocks, if you please,’ Michael asked.
I poured some whisky into a glass; he took it with his trembling hand, took a big gulp; twisted his mouth and then drank up the rest. Ice rattled against the glass. Oh, dear, he had changed so much! It pained me to look at him.
‘Several days ago my wife killed herself or…’ he paused tellingly, ‘…or was killed. I don’t believe it was an accident. This is the second death of a loved one of mine in a short period of time. I feel completely devastated. My five-year old girl lost her mother. The poor little darling weeps all the time and keeps saying she wants to be with her… Such terrible grief! I cannot stand it any more! I’m completely exhausted! I don’t want to live any more!’ Michael covered his face with his hands and broke out crying. I watched tears trickling down through his fingers. ‘Why have I been punished so cruelly? What have I done to deserve it? And when is it going to stop?’ he kept asking.
‘That’s so horrible, Michael. My condolences to you…’ I said quietly, putting my arm tenderly around his head. ‘You say she was killed? How exactly did she die? And who wanted her dead?’
‘She fell from the balcony. Or someone threw her down.’
‘Why are you sure it wasn’t a suicide? Many people leave this world in this manner.’
‘She had no reasons whatsoever to commit suicide. I’m confident someone was in her office that evening and made sure it looked like an accident. It might be the same someone who wants to settle the score with me,’ said Michael, thus confirming my apprehensions.
‘I can’t believe that, Michael! You don’t have any enemies, do you? You’re in shock; this is why you’re saying such things,’ I said, trying to calm him down, though I was sure his words were not far from the truth. Someone had skillfully manipulated Michael. But who was it? And who needed him to be manipulated?
‘Everybody has his or her enemies. There are some of them that we know about, and there are some whose existence we are not even aware of,’ he replied. ‘Somebody wants me dead. Two deaths one after the other cannot be a coincidence. I’m worried about you, Miriam! I’m worried about my children. You are the only ones I have left. I cannot trust anybody. I cannot even trust my own shadow,’ said Michael bitterly.
‘Are you worried about me? I don’t know why,’ I said in astonishment.
‘Only a few people know about our affair but I’m positive not one of them will say anything harmful to you and me. The investigating officer asked me whether I had any mistresses in Paris, and I gave him a negative answer. I don’t want this story to become known to my father-in-law. We already haven’t been getting along well lately, and no father will be happy to find out his son-in-law betrayed his daughter, understand?’
‘Sure I do, Michael.’
‘I’m even beginning to think all this has something
to do with my father’s manuscripts. I’ve felt a heavy burden in my heart since he died, I’ve become jittery, I’ve lost sleep,’ Michael complained. ‘I can’t get rid of the feeling of being manipulated against my own will.’
‘I’m awfully sorry, Michael,’ I said. ‘I hope, in time, it will pass, and you’ll feel better. I’m feeling for your little daughter! The death of her mother dealt a heavy blow to her. I hope she’ll somehow manage to forget about it.'
‘My mother died when I was only several weeks old,’ Michael said unexpectedly. ‘I can’t remember her. But her presence was something I had always missed; I remember very well how bitterly I cried at nights thinking about her when I grew a little older. I used to make believe she was still alive, I had fantasies about her reading me fairy tales before bed and kissing me in the morning. I hid this wound deep in my heart, trying to forget the woman who’d given birth to me and then left me for good. But my daughter stayed with her mother almost all the time. How can I possibly explain to her that she’ll never see her again? I cannot bring myself to do it…’
‘I see, Michael. I went through a similar experience. My parents died in a car crash, but I survived. The filming crew was blown to pieces along with the yacht they were traveling on, but I by chance remained in Corsica and stayed alive. Samuel was once in jeopardy, too…’ I cut myself short, realizing I blurted out something I shouldn’t have.
‘Samuel?’ asked Michael, clearly interested. ‘How so?’
‘It’s is personal, Michael. I’d rather not talk about it. Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all,’ I replied.
‘There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have asked such a foolish question at all,’ Michael said, confused. ‘Indeed, our fates are strangely alike. There’s a long tail of deaths trailing behind each of us. How can it be explained? Maybe, all this is the devil’s dirty tricks? My father went utterly and completely crazy over this stuff, he sat day and night poring over his books, coming up with one theory of Satanail’s existence after another. Can it be that I am simply atoning for his sins?’
‘I don’t know, Michael. There’s something in what you say. Has anybody threatened you lately? If these two murders are connected with each other then the masterminds behind them clearly want something from you,’ I said, coming up with a suggestion.
‘I’ve already thought about it. But I have no idea what it is they might want from me. Money? The devil’s manuscripts? I’ve received no threats, no one has blackmailed me,’ Michael replied.
‘Did your wife have life insurance?’ I enquired cautiously.
‘It was my wife who insisted that we take out life insurance policies, so we were both covered. If I had died first, my wife would have received the sum we had stipulated. An investigating officer came yesterday and asked me many questions about it. Perhaps, I’m the first on his list of suspects. But believe me, Miriam, this is not the case at all! I myself told the investigator that this wasn’t an accident, it was murder, but he – for the lack of evidence – tends to stick to the suicide version. But I’m not the only one who may have had a motive to commit this crime. Her father may have, too. He’s a very influential man, and my wife was his only child. My father-in-law is a nasty personality, and I think he made a lot of enemies over the years.’
‘Your wife’s father is likely to be checked by the police,’ I said. ‘And so are his connections. But it’s been looking like a suicide so far, and such things happen almost every day. Michael, have you come to me because you knew I was alone?’ I asked him unexpectedly.
‘Yes. It’s awfully difficult to be alone with such a horrible grief,’ he answered. ‘How are you getting along with Samuel? Is it serious?’
‘I don’t know, Michael,’ I replied reluctantly. ‘I feel so guilty about him. I don’t know what’s happened to me since we met. Something attracts me to you. After we met I’ve grown somewhat cold towards Samuel, but…’ Michael cut me short, apparently reluctant to hear about my feelings for Sam.
‘No man likes to be betrayed,’ he said harshly. ‘As for me, I’ve told no one about our relationship and I will deny everything in any case. You can be absolutely sure about it.’
‘Thank you, Michael,’ I said, running my fingers through his hair. ‘I missed you so much! I’m in love with you, and this love makes me suffer!’
‘I’m in love with you, too, Miriam, and it’ll be very hard for me if you make up your mind to leave me. Another loss of the woman I love will be too much for me.’
I saw in his eyes that he was telling me the truth. The feelings we had for each other were deep and mutual. But suddenly I realized that nothing good would come of our love affair. It wasn’t even about Samuel and Michael’s wife – we were now unmarried people in actual fact, but there was something else that mattered. I knew for sure my premonitions always proved right. Pain stirred up in my heart…
‘I cannot endure leaving you,’ I whispered. ‘But I cannot leave Samuel either.’
‘I see. I’m not going to press you for a concrete decision. I think, time will tell. May I stay for the night with you? I’m going to leave early in the morning,’ Michael asked.
‘Of course, you may,’ I replied.
Michael entered my bedroom, sat onto the edge of my bed and glanced quickly around the room. The “Angel” hanging on the wall caught his eye. Michael stood up, came to the painting and stared at it for some seconds, spellbound. Then he asked through clenched teeth, his face gradually changing its expression.
‘Where did you get it?’
‘This is the picture my Mom painted,’ I replied.
‘H-m-m.’ Michael looked perplexed. ‘I have a feeling that I’ve seen this picture before…This little angel reminds me of something. His eyes look so alive! Doesn’t it scare you? If I were you I would take this painting off the wall and put it someplace else. It shouldn’t be hanging in your bedroom, Miriam. Oh, yeah! I remember now!’ Michael said loudly. ‘The same angel is on my wife’s grave, depicted on the tombstone! You have to get rid of this spooky masterpiece as soon as possible! It may well be that this very angel brings death to all those around you. He gives off some kind of a weird coldness; I don’t like it at all. How can you possibly sleep with such a queer painting nearby? Take it down immediately! If you don’t, let’s go to another bedroom: I won’t be able to fall asleep thinking about this creature’s presence in the same room with me.’
Michael had changed in a moment. His eyes were glistening, and I saw that he was barely able to keep his emotions at bay. There was a predatory expression on his face; he talked loudly, gesticulating energetically; I was hardly able to recognize the former Michael in this man.
‘All right, we can go to another bedroom, if you wish,’ I said calmly, trying not to aggravate his already grave state.
It was the first time that I had seen such a reaction to this picture. We left the room, and I made tea. Michael calmed down and asked no more questions. I led him to the guest’s bedroom and we began making love. The emotional stress he was under had no impact whatsoever on his sexual appetite. Some time later he fell asleep, pressing his body against mine. But I spent a sleepless night, thinking: “Why has Michael changed so abruptly?”
‘I’ll keep in touch with you,’ Michael said in the morning. ‘I’m sorry for being rude yesterday; I don’t really know what came over me. It must have been a kind of a nervous breakdown.’
‘Take care, Michael,’ I said, kissing him on the lips. ‘I’m worried about you. You should consult a psychiatrist, because you may not be able to cope with it on your own. I know a woman in Paris who helped me after my parents died. I can give you her telephone number, if you want. Here it is.’ I fished a business card out of my handbag and extended it to him.
‘Thank you,’ Michael said, kissing me goodbye. He left without even looking at the card.
It was for the first time in the past month that I stayed at home alone. Now was the right ti
me to finish reading Phil’s diary. I felt ill at ease keeping this notebook from Michael, but I wasn’t sure yet if he should know about its existence. Meanwhile I was discovering for myself ever new facets of Phil’s life. In his diary, notes about his personal life intermingled with observations, predictions and philosophical deliberations, written down in different time periods.
“The appetence and feelings I have for this woman cannot be compared with anything else. She’s all in my power, and I’m all in hers. When I’m with her, all my fantasies come true…” he wrote about his wife. The lines devoted to Marianne were all imbued with his love. Apparently, Phil was very happy with her by his side.
“I’ve come to understand that the full materialization of material wealth depends on the Prince of Darkness. He keeps the keys to all wealth on Earth and distributes goods among people. The moment a man comes into this world he’s given a gift from God that will necessarily come in a package with a dark genius nudging man towards various sins. Any manifestation of a talent gives man power and makes him strong and independent, helping him become rich. But these manifestations can also become hurdles and obstacles that lead man astray later in his life. At this stage it is of utter importance that man should maintain self-control and constant contact with the Higher Mind. This is the only way of avoiding being mired in one’s own dirt. Establishing contact with the Father is extremely difficult once you become mired, because no one but the Forces of Darkness is going to hear you…”
“The Kingdom of Darkness lives a life which is parallel to the life of mankind, and I can surely tell that the Almighty’s Kingdom and Satanail’s Kingdom are tightly connected to each other and to us, the people. This connection has never been broken, each of them carrying out its own functions…”
“I’m positive that Michael belongs to the Forces of Darkness. He’s not yet aware of the fact that there’s the Spirit of Darkness living in him. Sooner or later, he’ll have to take his first step towards that Kingdom. He’ll either take this step on his own or someone will help him descend there.”