by R. Twine
I raised the black rose to my nose and sniffed it. It had no scent at all.
‘I’ve been missing you all this time,’ Satanail kept whispering. ‘If you don’t want to stay with me, and leave instead for your heavenly abode, my existence will be devoid of all meaning. It may even happen that I will abandon everything and leave humans to their own devices. I’ll quit carrying out the mission of the Cleaner.’
‘Does the Archangel know about this?’ I asked.
‘Yes, he does. I met with him in the space between Earth and Heaven where we’d signed our pact, and I let him know about this,’ Satanail replied.
‘What was his reaction?’
‘He offered me a deal. The Archangel knows there will be chaos if I leave, and he himself will have to face the consequences.’
‘I guess, you asked him to do you a favor,’ I said inquisitively.
‘Yes, you’re right. But he hasn’t given me a final answer yet. I am waiting for him to do it.’
‘And, naturally, you’re not going to tell me what it was about, are you?’
‘No, I am not,’ Satanail said firmly. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you?’
I was sitting on a high black throne feeling my superiority over Satanail who was standing in front of me. And when I spoke again, my voice sounded loudly and authoritatively.
‘I’m offering you a deal, too. If you reject it, you’ll live a pitiable life. I’ll make you howl out of boredom. In time, boredom will gradually corrode you from the inside out, stripping you of all strength and motivation. And only the memories of the faraway past will add flavor to your pitiable existence.’
My voice echoed across the entire Kingdom of Darkness. The Black cat and the snake perked up, hanging on every word I said.
‘But if you do what I’m asking you to,’ I went on, ‘then you may have the opportunity to write a new history of mankind.’
Satanail was clearly perplexed by my firm tone. He asked, squinting at me.
‘Do you know that I’m always ready to do anything for you?’
‘Yes, I do, this is why I’m here. But you’re not the Archangel so I need the answer now!’
‘Please tell me,’ Satanail said. ‘What do you want me to do? What can I do for you? Just say the word, and I promise that if I find your offer tempting, I’ll certainly do as you wish.’
‘Hear me out and give me your answer, I’m running out of time.’
‘Speak!’
I explained what I wanted from him. Satanail went silent for quite a while, deep in thought.
Impatient, I got up from the throne and paced the stone floor.
‘I’ll do what you ask me to,’ Satanail finally said. ‘But on one condition: you’ll have to give me something I’ll require in exchange for my favor.’
‘I’m listening,’ I said.
The Prince of Darkness told me about his condition and added.
‘Mind, Miriam that something you’ve planned to do might lead you to…’ He suddenly interrupted himself, clearly fearing to say what wasn’t meant to be said. ‘I’m not responsible for these avaricious people and their actions,’ he warned me. ‘This is your war, Miriam, not mine!’
‘But they serve you. You yourself made them what they’ve become,’ I reminded him.
‘No, Miriam. They’ve become what they wanted to be,’ he replied. ‘I told you more than once that sometimes their actions have no connection whatsoever with me and don’t concern me in the slightest. You have to understand one truth: I can tempt man but it is up to man and man only to make his own choice. You yourself chose your fate. People act on their own behalf!’
‘They beg you, and you give them what they need.’
‘Yes, I do. But no deal goes unpaid for. When armed with my consent and support, man steps on a path narrow and dangerous as a razor’s edge, the path which he cannot leave unscathed any more. It’s they who set the rules of the game, not me. I’m not to blame for the blood that’s being spilt because man chooses his path totally on his own. This is where my power lies! I feel respect for those who constantly reject my help. Those people remind me of my past. They remind me of the time when I was the most powerful Angel, who nobody could ever bribe or corrupt!’ said the Fallen Angel.
‘I know this and that is why I’m here. Heaven entrusted you with this special mission by sending you to Earth and keeping your strength intact. The Creator loves all of his creatures. All of them! Hidden in this word is the sense of your predestination as well as the sense of everything that exists in our Universe.’
‘I used to love The Heavenly Father. And He loved me, too. But things somehow worked out in a strange way: the jealousy that had always been simmering in me passed on from me to you, humans,’ said Satanail with a smile on his face. ‘The Creator shielded the first-ever people from problems and wars that had always been tearing the galaxies apart. You were created with a small potential for evil. But even this small amount of evil essence proved strong enough to overwhelm your mind! In some, this evil potential was dormant without manifesting itself in any visible way while in others it grew bigger and stronger than was normally allowed: many such persons would become Evil Geniuses in the flesh. Life on Earth is similar to the one in Heaven. There has always been some form of hierarchy. These two opposites – Good and Evil – keep the balance; but for them, everything would be inert and immobile. This is why Evil is part and parcel of the macrocosm.’
‘I’m sure everything is just the other way around. And the balance you’re talking about has been disrupted long ago,’ I said. ‘Engaged in fighting evil is not only mankind but the entire Universe. I hope some day there will come a turning point when the evil that has reached the apogee of its power will be uprooted once and for all. Apparently, if your essence hadn’t manifested itself so forcefully, mankind wouldn’t have suffered so much from its own cruelty. It is you who’s to blame for human sins.’
‘But then, Miriam, people wouldn’t have been able to know Good from Evil,’ Satanail said, looking at me reproachfully.
‘This knowledge and probable victory of Evil may become the cause of the destruction of our civilization.’
This phrase of mine was followed by a prolonged silence; we were staring at each other. After a long pause Satanail spoke again.
‘At first I blamed humans for my expulsion but then I came to understand that humans have paid for their disobedience, too. All Creations have something in common which brings us all together. Your disobedience awakened your dormant negative essence even before you left Eden. Humans are designed in such a way that they are always ready to blame all their woes on others. They like to put the blame on somebody else’s shoulders. And I do the same thing: I put the blame on the Father, who’s not to blame for anything! I’m aware of this but still I keep on blaming him because this makes living easier and simpler. This simplified worldview is actively exploited by almost all inhabitants of the Universe.’
‘Maybe you’re right,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘It’s far more convenient to blame somebody else for your faults. People parcel out the blame from themselves to their likes or even to the Creator while you, in your turn, blame them for your faults, then they blame others again…And this process goes on endlessly.’
Satanail smiled and vaguely shook his head. Was he agreeing to what I said, or rejecting it?
‘I’ll never be able to return to Heaven. Never,’ he said.
‘What will happen to all of us?’ I asked. ‘It’s a great pity that nothing can ever be changed. The past cannot be altered,’ I said sadly by way of goodbye and turned to leave this abode of the fallen angels.
Satanail’s terrific bellowing shook the space. I looked back – the hairy beast raged, cutting compressed air with his tail. Big tears were streaming down from his eyes; his abominable mouth was spitting out tongues of fire. He was hollering wildly and heartrending squeals of demons sounding more like sobs were coming, like an echo, from all sides. Everything stirred and
rustled: reacting to Satanail’s animal yell, dark forces were flying in from all quarters.
Why so much pain in his cry? Can it possibly be because of me? I thought, horrified. What would be the outcome of our agreement? I had no way of knowing this. Despite a dark foreboding, I was firm in my conviction that I’d made the right choice.
I cast another glance at Satanail. Blood was streaming down from his eyes like tears from the eyes of human beings. He was clawing his skin with his nails and spat out fire at those who happened to get in his way. His pet snake wriggled under his feet; its crown turned black… The cat sat still, piercing me with a stare filled with hatred. I shriveled and rushed to leave this horrible place. Satanail bewailed somebody and the thought alone of who he could bewail made me shudder.
The first stage was over. I had yet to carry out the second one: to obtain the Archangel’s consent. It was he who had to be directly involved in bringing about future changes.
On a crisp starry night I raised my hands to the sky reaching out to Heaven with my prayer. My body grew light, and I took off. After I penetrated the clouds, giant angels joined me. With trepidation in my heart, I was drifting towards my destiny, holding its thread firmly in my hands. In order to implement my plan, I needed the Archangel’s support. I was almost sure he wouldn’t refuse to help me.
We reached a transparent sphere, and I entered into it. There, standing with his back towards me, was the Archangel, deep in thought, with his head lowered. As usual, planets were moving along their paths leaving dim shimmering trails in their wake.
‘How do you do, Archangel? I’ve come to ask you to do me a favor. I need your help,’ I said.
The Archangel turned towards me. His eyes were shining, and their shimmer joined with his inner golden and red light. He heard out very attentively what I had to say and then said.
‘You’re entitled to choose and act freely. You don’t need my approval. There’s only one thing left: to think twice whether you’ve made the right choice. Can it be that something you’ve planned to do will eventually bring in its wake the second unforgiven sin which could be even worse than the first one?’ He paused meaningfully and then went on. ‘I’ll do what you ask me to.’
‘All my life has consisted of pain, controversies, unexpected turns and dark forebodings,’ I said. ‘Bad things overwhelmed the good things fate would send me. Unforgiven sin weighed heavily upon my shoulders. I was never able to atone for it. Having recollected my previous incarnations, I came to understand that I’ll never be able to alter my past. Who’s to blame for this? I alone? Even if it is so, all were punished: human beings, light and dark angels and the entire Universe for that matter. And nobody has a plan to avoid the impending disaster. Suffering befalls both man and everything that surrounds him.’
I saw grave concern in his eyes. He clearly knew something that I didn’t.
‘The angels that turned fallen came to hate man, but why?’ I went on. ‘Could they have seen through his real nature? And become aware of his evil potential that could manifest itself in the future? Might the Father have known that man would be cruel? Will you, the almighty Archangel, ever be able to answer this question? Only because of my curiosity the Father decided to doom the human race to perpetual war with the Kingdom of Darkness which over time strengthened itself due to this very man the Creator decided to punish. It was too harsh a punishment, wasn’t it? The divine essence still lingering within us helps us fight the demon hidden deep inside our souls. I’ve finally come to understand that man seeks superiority over Satanail himself!’
‘If I could protect humanity against its sins I would have done it long ago, but, unfortunately, it’s impossible!’ the Archangel said. ‘Our purpose was to make you capable of making your own decisions. You have to become free and get rid of your vices without our constant help and without our intervention.’
‘Our vices are your legacy,’ I said reproachfully.
‘I’ve been an observer for many centuries appearing in your life only when it was necessary, Miriam. And this time I’m not going to interfere in what you’ve planned to do either. But not interfering doesn’t mean leaving you to your own devices. I’m ready to give you my help when you need it most.’ Michael paused for a while and then said. ‘I respect your decision, Miriam. It was you – as Eve – who committed that one and only unforgiven sin. But you are right: it wasn’t only your fault. From the very beginning you bore all the responsibility, this is why you have been entitled to come to this Earth and live a life which is different from the life the rest of humanity is living. You’re always entitled to the last choice…’ The Archangel spoke and I listened to him, fearing to stir a finger. His eyes were full of sorrow. ‘Miriam, even we, the angels, don’t always find the right solutions to our problems.’ With that, he disappeared, leaving me alone in the endless space. On the spot where the Archangel had been standing just moments before the Book of Lives suddenly appeared, lighting up my face with a bright glow. The all-seeing eyes stared at me sternly. I stood still, unable to bring myself to open the Book. Doubts were tearing my heart apart and I realized that I didn’t want to see something that could prevent me from implementing my plans.
I left Heaven without ever opening the Book.
Chapter 47
A telephone call made me jump.
‘Hello, my dear Miriam! I hope I didn’t wake you up.’
‘Certainly not, Elian,’ I replied. ‘I’m very glad you’ve phoned me.’
‘You haven’t called me for ages! You must be very busy,’ she said.
‘Yes, I’m very short on time.’
‘As usual.’
‘Where are you calling from?’ I asked.
‘From Paris. Can we go out for dinner tonight?’
‘I’d love to! I know a good small restaurant.’
We met in the evening. Elian saw me sitting by the table and waved her hand.
‘What’s happened to you, my dear?’ I asked when she came over. ‘You don’t look so good. Is something wrong?’
‘Yes, Miriam. I’ve been plagued with problems lately. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I lost my job several weeks ago. I’m depressed… I just can’t believe things could have taken such a quick and drastic turn! I don’t even have a place to live in.’
‘I’m so sorry, Elian… Is there something I can help you with?’
‘I live on unemployment benefits,’ she went on. ‘As you can understand, I can’t afford to rent a flat. I don’t get along well with my parents so I don’t want to ask them for help. I’ve come to Paris for an interview, and I intend to stay here. Could you help me with finding a flat? I want to rent a small studio, but to do this I have to have a loan sponsor. Can you play the role of such a sponsor, Miriam?’ she asked.
‘Why, of course, Elian! No problem whatsoever!’
I couldn’t believe my ears. Elian was facing such a terrible situation totally alone. Elian, who abandoned her studies for the sake of being free and living in harmony with her boyfriend, with whom she had finally broken up! And to top it all off, she lost her job. It wasn’t long ago that she’d been working in a powerful financial company. Elian was my only friend left. I was worried about her and couldn’t leave her to her own devices. I hoped she would avoid sharing Natalie’s fate.
‘Thank you,’ Elian said and started to cry, covering her face with her hands. ‘Your wedding’s just around the corner and here I am dumping all my problems on you… I’m very sorry…’
‘My dear Elian, there’s nothing you should be sorry about because we’re friends, after all. If a flat’s your main problem, this problem can be solved very quickly. No need for you to be so frustrated about it, really,’ I said quietly. ‘You may live at my place for the time being. Getting a job is something I can help you with, too. Don’t worry; I’m not going to leave you alone in such a difficult situation. You can rely on me completely.’
‘There’s one more problem, Miriam,’ she said wiping her eyes, red
from crying.
‘What problem?’ I asked. My heart sank.
‘I’m pregnant,’ said Elian, her voice barely audible.
‘You should be rejoicing instead!’ I exclaimed. ‘This is very good news, indeed!’
‘I’m alone, the father of the child left me; my parents are going to be horrified. I feel bad; I don’t know what to do…’
‘Don’t be so pessimistic, Elian. You’re not alone, I’ll stand by you, always ready to help you,’ I promised her. ‘Calm down, let’s have dinner and we’ll go to my place afterwards. I’ll find some way out.’
‘We’d better leave here,’ Elian suggested.