by Amanda Tru
“It doesn’t matter how the case was presented or how good the closing argument was,” Elise responded. “What matters is the verdict.”
Ryan nodded his head but didn’t speak.
Come on! Elise thought, anticipating another lengthy silence. Tell me what you’re thinking!
“How do you see me, Elise?” Ryan asked abruptly. At her look of confusion, he explained. “You’re so good at observing others. You seem to have a gift for being able to see who people really are, their motivations, their character. You know what they’re thinking and feeling. Where others only see what’s on the surface, you look deep to find out who someone is, and then you do whatever you can to meet his or her desires and needs. So, I’m curious. What have you observed about me? How do you see me?”
Elise’s brain fumbled to catch up with the unexpected subject change. “You confuse me,” she replied honestly, saying the first thing that popped into her head. “You’re right in that I’m usually very good at reading people, but I have a really difficult time reading you. I can never tell what you’re thinking. One minute you seem to despise me; the next you’re looking like you respect and possibly even admire me.”
“But how do you see me?” he repeated. “What kind of man am I? What do you observe in me?”
Elise wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted from her. So, blowing out an exasperated breath, she let him have it all. “You’re arrogant, judgmental, and harsh. You’re stubborn and quick to jump to conclusions. Once you form an opinion, it’s practically impossible for it to be changed or revised. In your world, there is no gray; everything is black or white, good or evil. But at other moments . . .” Elise’s voice softened and grew more thoughtful. “I also see glimpses of a different man. You’re kind, teasing, light-hearted. You’re thoughtful, loyal, intelligent. You have high values and a strong love and faith in God. You’re a man of integrity who’s willing to fight for justice and unwilling to turn his head to ignore evil. You’re a man to be admired.”
Ryan stared out at the Seattle skyline, seeming to avoid eye contact with Elise. Had she gone too far? Maybe she shouldn’t have mentioned all that bad stuff.
He responded, “It’s funny to me that you can be so good at observing other people and their relationships and so bad about knowing how others view you. I am arrogant, judgmental, and all the rest of what you just mentioned. You’re right about me in all areas except one.” He turned and looked her directly in the eyes. “You apparently have no idea how I see you.”
“What do you mean? How do you see me?”
“You think I confuse you, but like you, I’m also a very good judge of character. I have to be as a lawyer. But I’ve never been more confused about someone in my life. You are a mystery to me that I can’t figure out. You’re right that I see everything in black and white. When I look at your matchmaking on the surface, it seems that you manipulate events and people to achieve your own ends. The tactics you use are borderline at best. There’s no difference if you knowingly lead someone to believe something you know to be false or if you verbally tell the lie yourself. You have no right to meddle in people’s lives like that, especially in their love lives. They haven’t asked you to, and it almost seems like you’re messing around with God’s job of bringing two people together on His terms.
“But on the other hand, you’ve forced me to follow you around and take a deeper look at who you are and what you do. I’ve seen a completely different picture. I see how God uses you to bless others and show His love and purpose in their lives. I’ve seen a woman with high morals and values who has gone out of her way to help everyone from a prison inmate to a lonely elderly couple, from high school and college students to a youth minister, a widow, and a dentist. You can be aggravating, stubborn, and manipulative. And yet, you are endearing, shy, and kindhearted. You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met, and I’m completely . . . fascinated.”
“You make a pretty decent closing argument as well,” Elise said with a smile. “But what does that mean? You can understand my motives but still can’t appreciate all my methods. You’re complicated. I’m complicated. We probably won’t ever agree on everything. So is that a ‘Not Guilty’ verdict?”
Ryan frowned. “After seeing everything over the past day, I can honestly say that I’m okay with everything you’ve done. I may not have done it myself, but I can view it as a gray area and understand that not everyone may agree with me. However, there’s one action I still cannot excuse. The first one. You sent flowers to Britney and signed my name. There’s no way that’s a gray area. That was just an outright lie.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan, I have no excuse for that one, and I won’t even attempt to justify it. All I can do is apologize profusely and promise you that I will never again put you or anyone else in that position. I will never sign someone else’s name like that,” she shivered involuntarily as the cold seemed to seep into her coat. “Trust me, that’s a lesson I’ve well-learned.”
Ryan was quiet, once again looking out over the city, obviously in thought. Elise’s stomach was in turmoil. Would he be able to forgive her? Would his black and white world view prevent him from tolerating any gray?
He turned to her, his eyes open and honest. “Elise Hutchins, I can’t fault your heart, your motives, or your character. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Thank you, Ryan. That means a lot to me. I appreciate you being willing to revise your initial opinion of me, and I know it probably hasn’t been the most fun day ever to follow me around.”
Ryan shrugged. “I’ve enjoyed being your shadow. Although I do wish you hadn’t needed to remain inconspicuous at the dance class. It would have been fun to do that with you.”
Elise was surprised, and her mind was immediately set to spinning. Maybe Ryan would want to come to the class next week. Maybe she should also invite Britney and . . . no. She needed to give up on that angle. Besides, Ryan would be adamantly opposed to being involved in one of her matches, especially if it involved Britney.
“Maybe we could take the class together some other time,” Elise said. “Have you done any dancing before? I’ve been taking the class for months now, and I like to think I’m progressing past the beginner stage.”
“Oh, really?” Ryan asked, the city lights reflecting in a teasing glint in his eyes. “Prove it.”
“What do you mean?” Elise asked, a little suspicious of his light-hearted tone.
Slowly, deliberately, Ryan leaned forward. Then he whispered, “Dance with me.”
Not waiting for a response, Ryan took her hand and spun her around gently. “We didn’t get to dance earlier, so let’s make sure we do it now.”
Elise laughed as Ryan began twirling her in the steps of a swing dance. Since yesterday, there had been so much tension between them and so much pressure to prove herself; it was so nice to have all that gone now and be free to enjoy a little silliness. Their laughter was the only music as Ryan swung Elise around in an elaborate pattern. She was soon breathless, but she didn’t know if it was from the movement, the laughing, or the fact that she was dancing with a handsome man.
“Yes, I would say you’re progressing very nicely,” he said, twirling her to a sudden halt.
“I had no idea you could dance!” Elise said.
“There’s a lot about me you apparently don’t know. So you know how to swing, but how about the waltz?”
Before she had time to respond, he swung her into a waltz across the length of the overlook, with the Seattle skyline their backdrop. Instead of the fairy godmother, Elise now felt as if she was Cinderella, wearing a beautiful ball gown and dancing with a handsome prince. But then their laughter faded and she gradually became aware of the feel of Ryan’s arms holding her close in the dance. The night was still, yet there was no need for accompaniment. They moved together as if hearing the same music.
Elise felt Ryan’s breath on her ear as they swayed slowly across the grass. “You said earlier that I dislike you. You’ve also s
aid that I doubt your character and think the worst of you. You couldn’t be more wrong. The truth is: I like you far too much. And everything I find out about you only makes me care all the more.”
What was happening? Elise looked up into Ryan’s eyes, finding an expression that seemed almost brooding, mysterious, and full of . . . desire? At the eye contact, Ryan’s movements leading her though the dance slowed to a stop. Elise was close enough to smell the masculine, outdoorsy scent that surrounded him. She was cold everywhere except where his one hand touched her back and his other hand clasped hers.
Ryan pulled her to him, cradling her close in his arms. Like a magnet, Elise felt herself drawn to him. His warm hand reached up, caressing her cheek. “You’re so beautiful Elise,” he whispered. “Beautiful in every way.”
Her heart rate accelerated. Her breath became shallow. Her lips tingled in anticipation. He was going to kiss her.
Chapter 15
Elise stood on her tiptoes. It felt as if tiny shivers were coursing through her entire body. She felt his warm breath as he paused right before their lips met.
Britney.
In that instant before contact, the name whispered through her mind as if on a gentle breeze. Elise gently yet firmly pushed on Ryan’s chest and stepped back, their lips never having touched.
Ryan let her go.
Elise’s delicious shivers of anticipation now turned to great tremors of shock and disappointment. She felt as if something of infinite value had been stolen from her, leaving her bereft.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly. “I can’t.” She turned and walked away.
She wanted to explain. She needed to explain. But at that moment, she wasn’t sure if the choking sobs would win or the desire to return to the refuge of Ryan’s forbidden arms and try to reclaim what she had just refused. She needed distance.
She didn’t go far, simply walking the few yards back to the edge of the overlook. She took great breaths of the cool air trying to slow her racing heart and soothe her wayward emotions.
Seconds ticked by. Then she felt Ryan come up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. Gently, he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel his solid frame behind her, and despite her best intentions, she found herself leaning back into his embrace, letting him support and comfort her with his strength.
“Talk to me, Elise,” his lips whispered against her hair. “What’s wrong?”
“Britney,” she answered hoarsely. “I can’t have you for myself when my best friend is crazy about you! It would be like stealing you away from her.”
“It wouldn’t be stealing. I never belonged to her. I’ve probably not ever had longer than a five minute conversation with her.”
“I know you’d like her if you just got to know her better. Britney is a very nice person. I know she can come across as shallow, but there really isn’t a more loyal person in the world. And she’s a lot more outgoing and adventurous than I am. She’s always been the one to push me out of the box I like to hide in.” Elise’s voice lowered, her tone filled with anguish. “I can’t stand the thought of hurting her. I’m not the type to steal another girl’s guy.”
“I am not her guy!” Ryan said with vehemence. “I never have been. I never will be. It doesn’t matter how nice she is.”
“But she likes you so much!”
“But I don’t like her. Not it that way.” Ryan released Elise and firmly turned her around to face him. His hands remained at her shoulders as he determinedly captured her eyes with his, making sure he had her full attention.
“It’s you I like,” he said resolutely. I’ve liked you from even before yesterday. I’ve watched you both at church and at the library. My impression of you was always that you were sweet, conscientious, and Godly. I’d been wanting to get to know you better. When that book I ordered never showed up, I was secretly glad. That gave me an excuse to talk to you.”
“I had no idea you even knew I existed!”
“I think we’ve already established that you are awful at observing situations concerning yourself,” he said with a wry grin. “How could I not know you existed? You walk into a room and light it up. You’re very reserved, yet you are always the one helping and working at church. As I mentioned before, I pride myself on being a good judge of character. Part of the reason I got so upset about the whole Britney / flower situation is because I felt like I’d been wrong about you—wrong about the kind of woman you were and wrong about my impressions of you. Now I know I wasn’t wrong. I know that you’re everything I hoped for and more. And I’m not willing to lose this chance. I’m not interested in Britney or anyone else. Only you.”
Elise shut her eyes, battling between the desire to savor his words and the need to focus and keep a clear head. He was saying all the words she’d been waiting her whole life to hear, and yet she could not allow herself to claim them. She understood that Ryan would probably never be interested in Britney, but she also understood that it didn’t matter. She still couldn’t hurt Britney by starting a relationship with the man her friend longed for. In Elise’s mind, Britney’s affections for Ryan Jenkins, unrequited though they were, made the man forever off-limits to Elise.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered through the tears coursing down her face. “I wish I could . . . but I can’t.”
Ryan was quiet. Elise felt him studying her for a long moment, but she could return his gaze. She felt a physical, searing pain in her chest, as if her heart was breaking in two.
“Okay,” Ryan said finally.
Surprised at his acceptance, Elise’s gaze shot to his face, expecting to find sarcasm or anger. Instead, she found only gentleness, compassion, and maybe even respect, but there was also sadness.
“Elise, I can’t fault you for character traits that I find so attractive. If your loyalty, integrity, and your determination make it impossible for you to even give us a chance, then I can’t and won’t ask you to violate those. Those are some of the very reasons I like you so much.” As he spoke, he gently wiped each of her tears with his own fingers. Then he bent, pressed his forehead to hers, and closed his eyes. She knew he longed to kiss her. She still felt the invisible bands of attraction binding them together.
After a long moment, he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead, and released her. “Let’s get you home before I lose the little restraint I have left,” he said, hurrying with her back across the grass to her car.
After Ryan helped her into the car, Elise watched as he crossed the street, turned back, and waved goodbye. Elise pulled the car into the street. She fought back the tears that burned the back of her throat. If she could just make it home, her pillow would be waiting to muffle her sobs and catch her tears in Ryan’s absence.
Chapter 16
Elise looked at the clock for the tenth time in the past five minutes. She didn’t like confrontation, but this couldn’t be avoided. If she waited any longer, Britney would be gone. Though she’d wanted to talk to her friend immediately when Elise had arrived at work, she had patiently waited until she knew Britney’s shift ended. Now Elise officially went on break and headed to the staff area where she knew Britney would be.
Knowing she needed to talk to her friend in person, Elise had purposely not called Britney on the phone. She also hadn’t trusted herself to handle it well before now. Elise didn’t normally anger easily, but even after all this time, she was still having difficulty controlling her feelings toward her friend.
Elise stopped before turning the corner to the hallway leading to the staff room, silently praying that God would help her be calm and give her the words to say what was needed.
Elise took a deep breath, turned the corner, and stopped. Her mouth dropped open. Standing in the hallway in front of her was Britney. She was in her coat, obviously ready to leave, and giving Oliver Purdue one award-winning goodbye kiss.
Britney giggled as the kiss ended. “I guess I’ll see you later,” she said.
“With more of that to loo
k forward to, you’ll definitely see me later,” Oliver answered.
Turning, Britney saw Elise standing at the entrance to the hallway and stopped. “Oh . . . hi, Elise. I was just coming to find you.”
Yeah, right! Elise thought. It was much more likely Britney had been intending on sneaking out without a word
“Britney, we need to talk,” Elise said, finding her voice.
“I have to get back to work,” Oliver interrupted, having the decency to blush crimson at Elise’s presence. “I’ll see you two later.”
Without waiting for Britney to respond, Elise marched forward, grabbed her friend by the arm, and pulled her into the staff break room. Thankfully, the room was empty. Elise turned to face Britney. She wasn’t planning on leaving until Britney had done a whole lot of explaining.
“What is going on?” Elise demanded fiercely.
“You mean with Oliver? I guess we’re kind of together now. Why are you looking at me like that? You’ve been trying to convince me to date Oliver for a long time. Now I am, and you’re looking at me like I’m a villain!”
“I know you, Britney. I’m not fully convinced you aren’t a villain!” It would be just like Britney to be dating Oliver due to some ulterior motive. Maybe she found out he’d just come in possession of some large inheritance. Maybe she needed him to do something for her. Maybe someone had dared her to go out with him. The list of possibilities was endless, and not one of the scenarios whipping through Elise’s head was painting Britney in a favorable light. “What made you change your mind?”
“A couple nights ago, when you went to see your play, I got called to come back into work because someone was sick. Oliver was working too. After the library closed and we got off, he insisted on walking me to my car. You know he doesn’t like me to walk alone that late at night.”
“Yeah, he’s walked me to my car a few times too,” Elise acknowledged.