“I accepted the fact I am a bastard a long time ago, James,” Val protested. “I had little choice about that.”
“Until you make peace with your father, Val, you will not be at peace.” Val opened his mouth to protest, but James just continued, “I have lost one dear friend, Valentine. I do not want to lose another, so let us leave the subject, shall we?”
They walked on a few moments in uncomfortable silence, which James finally broke by saying humorously, “You see, even though you are a hard-hearted bastard, I do care about you, Val.” Val looked over and they both laughed.
“Thank you, James. I need you to act as a scold every now and then. And I have always been grateful you call me friend.”
“Now that you are in London, you must come and meet my sister. Will you join us for dinner tomorrow night? We are going to the Duke of Farron’s musicale afterward. I’ll try to get you an invitation too, if you wish.”
“Actually, I, er, we already have an invitation,” Val stammered.
“We?”
“Yes, Captain Grant saw to it.”
“Do you mean Colquhoun is in London? I would not have thought Wellington could have spared him.”
“Not Captain Grant; Elspeth Gordon. No, Elspeth Aston. We are married, you see,” Val finished awkwardly, his face getting red.
“I knew Elspeth would be coming to London to take part in Maddie’s Season,” said James, trying to make some sense of what Val had said. “But how on earth have you had time to marry her?”
“Major Gordon asked me to escort her and we were wed in Lisbon.”
“It is not every young woman who marries her military escort, Val,” replied James quizzically.
“It was what you might call a necessary marriage, James. In my need for comfort over Charlie’s death, I, er, compromised Elspeth.”
“I see.”
“I had to marry her, James, after betraying her parents’ trust.”
“I had always suspected there was some feeling between you and Elspeth,” James said blandly.
“We have always been good friends.”
“Something more than that, I think?”
“I do not know that she loves me, James, if that is what you are asking.”
“But do you love her?”
“Very much,” Val confessed in a low voice. “And that is all the more reason I should never have put her in such a position.”
“Elspeth is an uncommon woman, Val. I wish you both happy.”
“Thank you, James.”
“Come, let me show you how well these grays of mine move.” They both mounted the carriage.
As they bowled down the path, James turned to Val and said, “You know, you are not the only one whose appearance in London surprised me, Val. Lucas Stanton arrived a few days ago. I thought I’d warn you, since he will likely be at the musicale.”
“What is Stanton doing in London?” Val demanded so vehemently that James looked at him with surprise.
“Evidently his great-aunt is near death. I never took him for one with much family feeling, but then she is supposed to have mentioned him in her will,” James added cynically.
Val was very quiet the rest of their ride, for the mention of Stanton’s name had reminded him of why he was in London himself. Tonight he would watch Stanton and young Devereaux very carefully. Stanton’s presence in London may very well mean that his faith in James was justified.
Chapter 31
Elspeth lingered over breakfast that morning feeling delightfully lethargic after the night’s lovemaking. The feeling of oneness with her husband that she had experienced only made her hungrier for more. More lovemaking, she thought with a blush, but also a closer acquaintance with his heart and mind. It surprised her, this hunger, for she had so long believed herself resigned to solitude and successful in banishing the desire for intimacy with a man. She may have “married in haste,” but she most definitely was not “repenting at leisure,” she reflected with a smile.
She wondered how Val’s visit to his father had gone. Elspeth had met the earl years ago when she and her parents had been in London to get her settled in school. They had been invited to dinner at her grandfather’s house and both Charles and Charlie had been present. Elspeth wondered if the earl remembered her.
She wanted to offer her condolences to him personally and as she went through the pile of invitations next to her, she realized that she was unlikely to see him at any of these gatherings, for he was in mourning. This morning she had intended to pay a brief call on Maddie and let her know she was in town. Of course, once Maddie found out that Elspeth was now Mrs. Valentine Aston, it was unlikely to be a brief call! Perhaps on her way she might stop at Faringdon House.
* * * *
As Elspeth walked up the steps of Faringdon House a few hours later, she almost turned around and left. She wasn’t really sneaking around behind her husband’s back, she told herself. After all, the earl was now her father-in-law. Nevertheless, she felt irrationally guilty as she lifted her hand to the knocker.
The butler repeated what he said to everyone: that the earl was unavailable.
“I think he may see me,” she told Baynes. “Would you tell him that Mrs. Valentine Aston is here to offer her condolences?”
Baynes’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, but he merely said, “Come in, madame, and I will take the news to His Lordship.”
He was back quickly. “The earl will see you in the morning room, Mrs. Aston.”
* * * *
She was only seated for a moment when the earl walked in, his face expressionless, looking her over as though he were a blue-eyed hawk. If she hadn’t already known they were father and son, she would have guessed, for the resemblance was strong.
“Baynes told me Mrs. Valentine Aston called to offer her condolences. But if I am not mistaken, you are Ian and Peggy Gordon’s daughter?” he said, a puzzled look in his eyes.
“You remember me?”
“I knew your mother’s family well, so I paid attention to Peggy’s daughter when I met her,” he told her with a smile. “But what are you doing in London, my dear?”
“I was Elspeth Gordon, my lord. I am now Mrs. Valentine Aston,” she said simply. “We have been married only a short time.” Elspeth hesitated. “We had come to know each other well in Portugal and Val escorted me to London. When he asked me to marry him, I was happy to say yes.”
“Valentine was here this morning and said not a word about it. Not that I am surprised,” the earl added ironically.
“I wasn’t sure whether I should come,” explained Elspeth. “But my parents and I knew and loved Charlie and I wanted to tell you how sorry we are for your loss. I realized I might not see you at all if I didn’t call. I wasn’t sure Val would bring me….” Elspeth’s voice trailed off in embarrassment.
“I suspect that you are right, my dear. He only came here to bring me this,” said the earl, his eyes growing bright with tears when he drew out Charlie’s ring from his waistcoat pocket. “I told Valentine it was his, and that I intended to recognize him as my son. That will give you both a place in Society.”
“I am not at all the type, my lord,” Elspeth said with a smile. “I have been following the drum for years. To tell the truth, I am dreading even these few weeks. I am only here for Lady Madeline Lambert’s sake,” she added with a confiding smile.
“It seems to me that you are just the sort of wife a soldier needs, Mrs. Aston.”
“Oh, please call me Elspeth.” She was thoughtful for a minute. “Was Val pleased that you would acknowledge him, my lord?”
“Charles.”
“Was he pleased, Charles?”
“What do you think, my dear?”
Elspeth’s face grew pink. “Despite the fact that the circumstances of his birth have had a great effect on him, I am afraid his pride would not allow him to easily accept this.”
“You know him very well, indeed, my dear. Better than I…. I had hoped…but indeed it was fo
olish, given our history…” the earl said sadly. “I would legitimize him, if I could.”
“Then I would have been a viscountess? I am glad to be just plain Mrs. Aston,” said Elspeth with a smile. “I only wish….”
“Yes, my dear?” the earl asked quietly.
“I only wish for Val’s happiness, Charles. And yet I am not sure he will ever be happy,” she added sadly.
“Surely he is happy to be married to you, Elspeth?”
“Oh, yes, of course, there is that,” she said brightly. “But I think he still feels a great deal of shame over his birth. And anger over…. This is difficult, Charles.”
“Go on.”
“Anger over your treatment of his mother. He believes you only brought him to Faringdon for Charlie’s sake.”
“He is right, Elspeth,” the earl said quietly.
“I see,” she said, feeling all the hope she had for a reconciliation dying.
“I promised Sarah, Val’s mother, not to recognize him. She did not want Charlie or his mother to suffer from any scandal. Had Charlie’s mother lived, he would never have known of Valentine’s existence.” The earl turned his back on Elspeth and went to stand by one of the windows, but she had seen the pain in his eyes.
“I would have married Sarah, if she had let me,” the earl said, turning back with an ironic smile.
“You wished to marry Val’s mother, Charles? I’m sure he does not know this.”
“He never gave me a chance to tell him. He found out about his birth very suddenly when his mother died. I must have appeared a villain to a young boy and I did nothing to change his view over the years.”
“You must tell him, Charles!” Elspeth exclaimed.
“Perhaps someday. In the meantime, I beg you to keep this in confidence.”
Elspeth hesitated and then agreed.
“He is as proud as his mother, you know,” the earl told her with a tender smile.
“I suspect he also shares that quality with you, Charles,” Elspeth told him tartly. “It is not only your nose that creates a resemblance!”
The earl laughed. “I suspect you have come to know your husband well, Elspeth.”
“Would you come and dine with us one night, Charles?” Elspeth asked impulsively.
“Not yet, my dear. I do not want to force myself on Valentine.”
“Then may I visit you again?”
“I would be delighted to see you at any time, my dear.”
* * * *
The earl watched Elspeth go down the stairs. Valentine had chosen well, he told himself. He had had a hard life, this oldest son of his. Elspeth Gordon, with her army background and common sense, was perfect for him.
She was no beauty, it was true, for she was too tall to meet Society’s standards and her features, one by one, were nothing out of the ordinary. But she had a spirit, intelligence, and grace that brought everything together and made her an attractive woman, one of those women, he realized, who becomes more attractive with age.
And she loved Val. She could not hide that. Yet he could not help worrying about their marriage. Valentine had never mentioned her at all. He hoped his son loved Elspeth, not only for her sake but for his own. It was painful to love. The earl knew that well. He had never thought to recover from the loss of Sarah Aston. But he had kept his heart open to Helen. And Charlie had been the apple of his eye. He took a deep, shuddering breath as he realized yet again that he would never again see Charlie’s smiling face, never hear his voice.
And yet despite the agony of losing Charlie, he would never regret loving him. He would go on loving him until he died, just the way he still loved Sarah and Helen. But it was a hard thing, to only give your love to the dead and not the living. He would give anything to get to know his oldest son. He loved Val because he was Sarah’s, of course. But he wanted to love him for himself and it did not seem that Val would ever give him the chance.
* * * *
Elspeth made a visit to the Lambert town house, but Maddie was out shopping, so she could only leave word that she had called and hoped to see her friend at the Farrons’ musicale. By the time she returned to the hotel, Val had been home for an hour.
“Did you have a pleasant visit with Lady Madeline?” he asked when she joined him in the sitting room.
“Unfortunately, I missed her. She was out shopping. I did some myself,” announced Elspeth, for she had visited Hatchards on the way home. “It is such a luxury to be able to buy a book and not make do with whatever has survived the latest march!”
She sat down in the chair opposite her husband and, with her usual directness, asked how his visit with his father had gone. “I’m sure it must have been difficult to tell him the details of Charlie’s death.”
“That is one of the things I appreciate about you, Elspeth,” Val told her. “You are never afraid to come right to the point.”
“I was not brought up in a household where we tiptoed around things, Val.”
He smiled, thinking of the Gordons. “No, you certainly were not. It was a hard visit,” he admitted. “It brought it all back to me,” he added, gazing into the fire so she would not see the tears spring to his eyes.
“Yes, I imagine it would,” she said gently.
Val sighed. “I must tell you what the earl intends to do, Elspeth, for it affects both of us. He is going to officially recognize me as his son, which means you will have a more secure place in Society.” When Elspeth said nothing, Val said, “Aren’t you surprised? Perhaps happy that being Mrs. Aston will not be as much of a disgrace?”
Elspeth was quiet for a moment. “I am not that surprised. The earl has just lost a son. He may not be able to make you his heir, but obviously he wishes to do what he can.” She hesitated. “What I wish is for you to be happy, Val. Whether that is as a soldier or someone who moves in the highest circles…well, that is up to you,” she added with an edge to her voice. “I find myself happy to be married to you, despite the fact that you are sometimes the greatest fool in Christendom. But perhaps that makes me the greater fool,” she added ironically. “I am going upstairs to change. I will see you at supper.”
* * * *
Why the hell couldn’t she be like other women? thought Val, leaning over and angrily stirring the fire and only managing to put it out by his motions. Any other woman would have been happy to have her marriage turn out not to be such a disaster. He was happy with it for her sake. He didn’t need it for his own.
Or did he? Did something in him want his father’s recognition? Want the acceptance other men could take for granted? Want even a little of what Charlie had taken for granted all his life? It was difficult to face that thought. Had he been envious of his brother all these years and never even known it?
He had never wanted the title; he was sure of that. But Charlie had had more than a title; he had had his father’s love.
Oh, his mother had told him his father loved him very much. But that was the make-believe father, the tin soldier who had never really existed. Had she ever been thinking of the earl when she spoke of his father?
His mother had lied to him his whole childhood, he realized. He had never admitted that before. If she hadn’t died, it would never have mattered. But she had died and left him fatherless and at the mercy of George Burton and all the others who had despised him over the years.
What if his mother had lived and Charlie had found him there? What would she had said or done, with her deception revealed? Oh, God, why was he even questioning his mother’s decisions? What choice had she had?
She could have told me the truth.
No, he would not think that. She wanted to protect me. She did what she thought best. He closed his eyes tight and summoned his beautiful mother, working in the rose garden, tucking him in at night, telling him a story…about his hero father.
He rubbed his hand over his face. What would Elspeth have done in a similar situation? He was surprised that the question occurred to him, but once it was there, it wo
uldn’t go away. Elspeth would have told her son the truth. He knew that in his bones. She would have told it gently and lovingly, but she would have told it. His mother’s image faded and in its place was Elspeth’s. Had he been the one to abandon Elspeth, had she had a child, he believed she would have prepared their son better for the world, for surely the truth was a better foundation for one’s life than a lie? His mother had been his security and when she had died, he had been left with none, not even the comfort of a make-believe father.
But to admit his mother had been wrong felt like losing her all over again, and he didn’t think he could bear so much loss. Without his mother, he would have nothing: no mother, no father, no brother. Only his wife. And she thought him the greatest fool in Christendom!
Chapter 32
By an unspoken agreement they avoided the topic at supper, and therefore had a very quiet meal. Elspeth’s anger was the sort that flared up and then went away soon after she had expressed it. It was becoming clear to her that her husband was different. She supposed he must be angry at her outspokenness, but because he was so reserved, it was hard to tell.
Had she asked him, Val could have told her, and truthfully, that he was not angry at her. At his mother for lying to him and then leaving him, at his father who was offering to recognize him years too late, and at Charlie for dying, yes. But there was no way he could have said this to Elspeth. He could barely articulate it to himself. And so when they finished their supper, he excused himself and told her that he was going out, would likely be back late, and he hoped she would not feel obliged to wait up for him.
Elspeth stayed in the sitting room for a little while after he’d left, hoping that the new novel would succeed in absorbing her into a world where all would come right in the end. But she couldn’t concentrate for long and finally gave up and went to bed.
By the time Val returned, she was fast asleep. She was lying on her side, head pillowed in her hand, and Val slipped in next to her and put his arm around her waist. He lay there for a while, feeling the soft rise and fall of her breath, wondering if it was her habit to sleep on her side. He smiled in the dark as his own breathing relaxed in the same rhythm as hers. What a paradox it was that he didn’t know Elspeth well enough to know how she preferred to sleep and at the same time knew her more intimately than anyone else on earth.
Red, Red Rose Page 29