Two Weddings and a Baby

by Scarlett Bailey

  ‘I’m afraid not,’ Jeff Dangerfield said. ‘I knew about Reverend Hayward’s problem, that he is doing his utmost to conquer, prior to recent events, and I should have declared them. However, I have to admit to not feeling that they were pertinent.’

  ‘Which is a serious oversight on your part,’ Tess said. ‘We don’t make up these rules for fun, you know; we are trying to protect the vulnerable.’

  ‘But he hasn’t done anything wrong,’ Tamsyn insisted. ‘He’s been a victim of circumstance, but that doesn’t mean he can’t look after a child.’

  ‘Tamsyn, it’s fine,’ Jed said. ‘Tess is only trying to do what’s best for Mo. She has to be sure about me, and she can’t be …’ He paused, and Tamsyn, unable to see him looking so vulnerable for a moment longer, went to him, taking his hand in hers. Their eyes met, his hand tugging slightly away before it relaxed and his fingers gripped hers. ‘PTSD and its effects can be unpredictable, as we realised last night. I’m sorry. I’ve let you and Mo down.’

  Jed let go of Tamsyn’s hand and walked out into the hall to face his parishioners, who had gathered outside the door. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told them. ‘I should have told you everything about me when I arrived in Poldore. I’ve failed you, I’ve kept things from you, I haven’t been honest. I’m not the person you think I am and, in this job, there is no excuse for that. I’ll officiate over the wedding tomorrow, and then I will ask the Diocese to find a replacement for me.’

  ‘Jed, wait …’ Tamsyn watched as the crowd parted and Jed walked away, leaving them all silent and shocked.

  ‘No, this isn’t right.’ She turned back to Tess. ‘He’s not dangerous. He’s suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Because he was working as a padre in Afghanistan and witnessed something terrible, and he’s going through stuff. But he’s getting help, he’s dealing with it, and it doesn’t mean he isn’t a suitable carer for Mo. She loves him, and he’s great with children, much more experienced than me. He taught me how to dress and change her. He’s a good man, a strong man.’ She looked at the concerned group of Poldore residents outside the door. ‘We don’t condemn a person for having lived a difficult life, do we? We don’t abandon them because they’ve been through things that change them, do we? He is still the person we all think of him as. He’s still at the heart of your community. He’s still one of the finest men I’ve ever met!’

  ‘ ’Course he is.’ Heads turned towards the sound of Eddie’s voice. ‘Jed Hayward cares about this town, and us, even the heathens. And the people, including the heathens, care about him.’ He looked at his fellow townsfolk. ‘We’re not going to let him leave thinking he’s let us down, are we?’

  He was answered with nods and murmurs of agreement.

  ‘In fact,’ Eddie continued, ‘we’re not going to let him leave at all. We need to show him that he has the support of each and every one of us. I’m going down to the church to tell him that right now. Who’s with me?’

  The murmurs became something of a cheer, and Eddie left, his people, or perhaps more accurately, his regulars, in his wake.

  Tamsyn turned back to Tess, who was still holding Mo in her arms.

  ‘You’re holding her all wrong,’ Tamsyn said. ‘She likes to be able to see, and it’s better on her tummy if you hold her more upright. Here, let me have her.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Tess moved a step away from Tamsyn’s open arms. ‘But there are some rules that I cannot bend. It’s the sort of issue that takes time to clarify. We’d need to assess Jed for suitability, and I had no choice but to step in.’

  ‘Fine, I get it, you’ve got a job to do, and I think the choice you’ve made is the wrong one, but perhaps you have to make it, because perhaps the next time in a similar situation it would be the right one. I understand that. But it’s done now. Let me take her. I’ve got a lot to do.’

  Tamsyn stretched out her arms, but still Tess did not budge.

  ‘You don’t understand. I can’t leave her with you if Reverend Hayward is also going to be in the building.’

  ‘But … of course he’s going to be in the building,’ Tamsyn looked at Jeff Dangerfield, who looked at his feet. ‘He’s officiating at my brother’s wedding tomorrow, not to mention that there’s a massive great big hole in the ceiling of his house.’

  Sue put a calming arm on Tamsyn’s shoulder. ‘He’s not here now, is he?’ she said to Tess. ‘Look, it gives me no pleasure to say this about a man I admire, but if I have a word with Jed, I know he will willingly stay away from Castle House and from Mo, if that’s what is best for the baby. She will be safe here with us at Castle House. We have ramparts; we even have a cannon that still works, if things get really bad.’

  Tess looked at Mo, who had begun to squirm in her arms, her face twisting as she built up to a cry of protest about something, and this time Tamsyn did not wait for the baby to be passed to her, she simply took her, holding her so that Mo’s eyes peered over her shoulder, a vantage point that seemed to soothe her at once.

  ‘It was Jed who found out how she likes to be carried,’ she told Tess. ‘Don’t take her, I don’t agree with it, but Sue is right. What’s best for Mo now is the same as what was best for her yesterday, and that’s to be with people she knows until you find either her mother or a proper home for her.’

  Tess sighed and looked at Jeff Dangerfield.

  ‘She’s right,’ he said. ‘Sometimes, Tess, you’ve got to trust your gut.’

  ‘And Jeff’s got a lot of gut to trust,’ Sue pointed out.

  ‘Twenty-four more hours,’ Tess said. ‘I might be able to stretch out this highly irregular situation for that much longer, and I will be doing everything I can during that time to find a place for Mo where you can be reassured she will be happy. That’s the best I can do, Tamsyn, I’m sorry. I wanted to be able to bend the rules for you and for Mo, but I need to put that baby first, which is what I am doing, even if you don’t feel like that is the case.’

  Tamsyn nodded, resting her cheek against Mo’s. Exhaustion dragged at her, as if filling her limbs with lead, and in an instant the adrenaline that had kept her on such an artificial high for so long was gone.

  ‘Well, you know your way out,’ Sue said to Tess, her tone brisk. ‘Through the kitchen’s quicker, although I can’t promise you won’t get mauled by animals or children. Or both. You remember the raptors in Jurassic Park? Very similar scenario to that happened to the postman last week.’

  Sue waited until Tess had gone and the sound of dogs baying could be heard in the courtyard.

  ‘Go after Jed, Tamsyn,’ she said. ‘I know Eddie and the others have gone down to the church, but he won’t be there. Before Tess arrived he told me he was worried that Catriona still wasn’t improving like the others. He’ll probably be with her, trying to persuade her to go to A&E before he leaves here.’

  ‘But … me? Why me?’ Tamsyn said. ‘And the dresses …’

  ‘The dresses are wonderful,’ Sue said. ‘They are perfectly on schedule. I know, I’m overseeing them myself. And why you? Because he’s the finest man you have ever met, Tamsyn, and you are in danger of letting him walk out of your life.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say to him.’ Tamsyn held Mo a little closer. ‘I feel like he was having a perfectly nice, ordered life until I turned up and dragged him into a world of chaos.’

  ‘You’ll think of something better than that,’ Sue said, nodding at the doorway.

  How strange it was, Tamsyn thought, as she began what seemed like the longest walk of her life, with Mo resting against her shoulder, how easy and simple it had seemed to throw her life away in an instant, only recently. How she’d made a commitment to a new life before she was even certain of what that commitment might be. But now the simple act of walking down a corridor to say hello to a friend seemed terrifying. Which should not be surprising, she supposed. After all, falling in love was a rather terrifying thing to do.

  ‘There you are.’ Kirsten appeared in the corridor. ‘I
found hats, but you weren’t there, no one was, and no one knew where you were.’

  ‘Kirsten,’ Tamsyn stopped, suddenly realising exactly how to make everything better. ‘You are the answer to all of this. you know.’

  ‘Answer to all of what?’ Kirsten looked perplexed. ‘What are you talking about? I went to get hats for you.’

  ‘I know it’s scary, and so massive, and you are so young and you haven’t had a chance to think it through, and I’ve tried, I really have tried, not to force the issue, but don’t you see. It’s going to be too late soon. They want to take her away, and you are the only one who can stop it. So you have to come forward, face it, face what you did and speak up. I’ll help you, I promise I will.’

  ‘Wait, what?’ Kirsten’s face clouded. ‘What exactly is it you think I’ve done?’

  ‘You … you have to tell someone that you are Mo’s mother,’ Tamsyn said. ‘Now, before they take her away from you! Look at her, Kirsten, really look at her. She needs you so much; don’t pretend you don’t see her.’

  ‘What?’ Whatever traces of a smile had been left on the young woman’s face vanished in an instant. ‘Oh my God,’ she said quietly. ‘I thought you were actually interested in me, I thought you liked me. But all this, this has just been about the baby. You think I’m the one who left her out there in that storm?’

  ‘But … well, yes,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You said you’d been having a secret thing with that boy from the hostel, and you looked so upset, so …’

  ‘Sad,’ Kirsten said. ‘I’m very, very fucking sad, because my life is very, very fucking sad, and lonely and loveless and hard, much harder than life should be for someone my age. But you … I was starting to like you. Shit, I told you about my mum leaving me. I would never, ever do that to a child of mine, not ever. She’s not my baby, and you …’ Tears filled Kirsten’s eyes. ‘You are just the same as the rest of them. I thought you were my friend.’

  ‘Kirsten, wait!’ Tamsyn watched dismayed as the girl ran out of the front door. How could she have got that so wrong, so very wrong on all levels, pushing away a fragile friendship in the blink of an eye? And if Kirsten wasn’t Mo’s mother, then who was?

  Hurrying after Kirsten, she walked out into the courtyard and found the girl sitting on the stone steps, sobbing angrily into her hands.

  ‘You didn’t run away very far,’ Tamsyn said, sitting down next to her.

  ‘That’s the most depressing thing about my life,’ Kirsten told her bitterly. ‘I’ve run out of places to run away to.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Tamsyn said, holding Mo against her. ‘I really am. I put two and two together and made a hundred. But it’s not because I think you are a bad person, it’s the opposite. It’s because I was hoping for the best, for Mo. I honestly thought that if you were her mum, then you would be the best for her. Don’t you see? I wanted it to be true because I actually do have faith in you.’

  Kirsten sniffed, wiping her sleeve under her nose, looking sideways at Tamsyn. ‘Really?’

  ‘Really,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You know about life; you’ll be a great mum one day.’

  ‘Well, she is a cute baby, but I’m not going to get pregnant, not before I’m ready. Not until I’ve got something to offer another person.’

  ‘Well, that’s sensible,’ Tamsyn said. ‘You’re smart, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough credit for that. But for what it’s worth, I do like you. And as it looks like I’ve just moved back into town, I could do with a friend, so how about it?’

  ‘You’re a bit too old to be my friend, to be honest,’ Kirsten said.

  ‘Well, beggars can’t be choosers,’ Tamsyn retorted gently. ‘You’ve got a year left at school, right?’ Kirsten nodded. ‘Well, it’s too soon for me to make any promises, way too soon. But if I get premises, if I get a business off the ground, well, how about I mentor you? Help you get through your exams, teach you a little bit about starting up a business. Fashion might not be your thing, but perhaps together we can find out what is.’

  ‘You mean that?’ Kirsten looked suspicious. ‘Even though I’m not Mo’s mum?’

  ‘I’m sad for Mo that you are not her mum,’ Tamsyn said. ‘But not for you. And the next time someone who thinks they are much smarter than they are says “There are a lot of people that care about you”, I want you to be able to think to yourself that actually, yes, there is one. Me. Deal?’

  Tamsyn offered her hand, feeling the formal approach was the best, and Kirsten took it in hers and shook it once.

  ‘Deal.’ They sat in silence for a few moments.

  ‘Shall we go and look at hats then?’ Kirsten asked her.

  ‘Not quite yet. I’ve got one more thing to do first,’ Tamsyn said. ‘I’ve got to go and tell the vicar I love him.’

  Stopping in her tracks outside Catriona’s room, Tamsyn held Mo against her thundering heart as the revelation hit her again and again, a repeating wave of something like joy and something like dread.

  What was she was planning to tell Jed when he came through the door? Was she planning to tell him that she loved him?

  ‘Dear God, Mo, I’m not sure I can,’ she whispered into the baby’s ear, just as the door opened.

  ‘I just wish you’d let me take you to get checked out, Catriona,’ Jed was saying, his back to her. ‘I think you should be past the worst now, really. If anything, you look worse.’

  Tamsyn couldn’t quite hear what Catriona replied, but if there was such a thing as shrift, then this was it and it was very short. She braced herself to face him.

  ‘Fine,’ Jed said. ‘I’ll call you later.’

  ‘Oh, Tamsyn.’ The sound of activity somewhere deep in the house punctuated the silence. ‘I’m not sure you should be here with Mo.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Tamsyn rushed the words out, because it seemed like the most appropriate thing to say. ‘I’m so sorry about your house, and the church, and you getting dragged into looking after Mo. And I’m sorry that you were put in a position where someone found out something that is only your business and used it to stop you doing something kind and wonderful. And I’m sorry that while we were talking before, my ex-boss and ex-boyfriend turned up and … I’m really sorry, Jed, that I didn’t tell you about him before. I’m sorry I kissed you when I wasn’t free to kiss you, and I’m sorry … I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, that’s all. Before I arrived in Poldore, your life was much better.’

  Jed shook his head, the afternoon sunlight that found its way in through the stained-glass panels in the great door dappling the side of his face with jewel-like colours.

  ‘You are a force of nature, Tamsyn,’ he said, ‘but I am fairly certain you aren’t responsible for the storm, or for the reasons that Mo’s mum felt unable to take care of her.’ He lowered his gaze. ‘I wonder, if I had been more willing to show my weaknesses to my community, then perhaps Mo’s mother would have been more willing to share her predicament with me.’

  ‘You’re not weak,’ Tamsyn resisted the urge to step closer to him. ‘I think you’re one of the strongest people I have ever met. You certainly make me want to lean on you, and I have always thought that I didn’t need anybody.’

  ‘You don’t need anybody.’ Jed looked up, his silver eyes pinning her to the spot. ‘You many want them, but that is another thing entirely.’

  ‘Well, I do,’ Tamsyn said. ‘I do want you in my life, Jed. Which is, at least for the time being, going to be in Poldore, due to a series of unforeseen events that led to me chucking my job in earlier today and dumping my boss.’

  Jed’s silvery eyes widened.

  ‘Yes, I know what you are thinking. It does perhaps indicate a borderline personality disorder, but it was a choice that was made, if not exactly out of logic, then out of integrity. It’s a choice I made for myself, and not just because I want you in my life. I’d been pursuing a dream I’ve had all of my life, so relentlessly that I forgot what it was, and the more I tried to make it come true, the further away I got from it.
And it’s been in here, in Castle House, that I’ve remembered that dream again, and how much it thrilled me. I want to design and make dresses for all women, dresses that make them feel wonderful about themselves, whatever their shape or size, and I want to make things that are beautiful, not modern, or avant-garde. I want to make people feel pretty. Which probably sounds a bit shallow, given that you want to save people’s souls. But anyway, I can’t help thinking it would be an awful shame if you moved away just now … I mean, I know you are a vicar and I am a heathen, but does that really mean we couldn’t just … see how we get on with some kissing and hand holding? Because the way I feel about you, the way that the feelings I am having around you make me feel, as if … well, maybe we could, you know, fall in love … sort of thing.’

  After the first several seconds of silence, Tamsyn turned her face away from him, looking towards the sunlight transformed on its journey through the coloured glass.

  ‘So anyway,’ she forced the words out, determined to exit the situation with as much of her dignity intact as was possible, ‘I’d better get going – lots to do.’

  A crash sounded on the other side of Catriona’s door, followed by a cry.

  ‘Let me,’ Tamsyn said, putting Mo in Jed’s arms before he could refuse her. ‘It might be that she doesn’t want a man in there.’

  Catriona lay on the floor, a pool of blood forming beneath her hips, her eyes closed, her skin almost grey.

  ‘Call an ambulance!’ Tamsyn called to Jed, ‘Now!’

  The thin, mewling cry of the baby answered her. Jed, who stood in the doorway, didn’t hesitate.

  ‘Catriona, what’s happened?’ Tamsyn took her hand; it was freezing. ‘Can you hear me? I need you to stay with me, OK? Tell me what happened.’

  ‘Where is she?’ Catriona opened her eyes, focusing them briefly on Tamsyn. ‘Where is the baby, is she safe? I heard her crying. Is she safe?’

  It was then that all the pieces finally fell into place, and Tamsyn understood. Catriona was Mo’s mother.

  ‘Ambulance will be here soon,’ Jed told her, stopping at the threshold of the door.