by Carl Weber
I was even more pissed when I tried to sign in and the captain informed me inmates were only allowed one set of visitors at a time. I wasn’t gonna let that stop me, though. I told him if I couldn’t see Derrick I wanted to see Richie Santiago, Sabrina’s husband. I’m sure the captain knew what I was up to, but he let me sign in anyway. He probably didn’t give a shit about the rules, but I didn’t wait around for him to decide he should stick to them. As soon as I signed the last letter in my name, I stormed into the visiting room in search of Derrick. -
My plan was to curse both Wendy’s and Derrick’s asses out. I know I had agreed to let her bring that crap up to him, but this was getting ridiculous. They were taking my kindness for weakness, and I sure as hell never expected what I saw when I walked into the visiting room. There they were, tonguing each other down. Derrick had his hands around Wendy’s waist, palming her ass like it was a basketball. I was so hurt to see them locked in an embrace like that, I didn’t stop to consider my actions. I just ran up behind Weedy and pulled half that cheap-ass weave right outta her head. I was about to rip out what was left of the other half when Derrick stepped in between us like Superman to the rescue. I tried to scratch his fucking eyes out, but now I realize that wasnt such a good idea. He slapped the shit outta me. When I finally came to my senses, Derrick was being dragged away by three corrections officers and I was being led to the infirmary.
The deputy warden tried his best to get me to press charges against Derrick, but I refused. There was no doubt I hated him. Hell, I wanted to kill his ass right about then. But I knew he’d end up doing more time if I pressed charges. I’m sorry, I just didn’t have the heart to do that to him, no matter how bad I felt. I guess I’m just weak. Once he finally realized he wasn’t gonna get his way, the deputy warden let me go home. But he warned that if I didn’t press charges the prison would no longer be responsible for my safety. Not that it mattered. I didn’t plan on coming back anyway.
The tears had been streaming down my face most of the day. I felt incredibly lonely. All my dreams were shattered. I had really thought Derrick and I had something special together, something that could withstand the pain of our separation. I’d been faithful to him the whole time he was locked up, except for that little incident with Dylan. As I wallowed in the pain of my failed relationship, Sabrina walked over from the sofa and rubbed my back.
“You all right, girl?”
“I hate him, Sabrina. I hate him more than anything in the world.” I sobbed uncontrollably.
“I know, baby. I hate him, too,” she commiserated.
The phone rang again, and I could feel Sabrina’s and Becky eyes bore through me. They both wanted me to answer the phone and curse Derrick’s ass out. I was starting to think that maybe they were right. Maybe getting some answers would make me feel better. I reached for the phone. Of course it was the operator with another collect call. I almost hung the phone up when I heard the operator’s voice, but I managed to get out a weak “uh-huh” and accepted the call.
“Jasmine, I’m sorry about what happened yesterday, baby—”
I cut him off. “Fuck you, Derrick!” My girls smiled at me and nodded in a show of support.
“How can you talk to me that way, baby? I love you.” He was using that sweet and innocent voice that usually made me melt, but now it was pissing me off. I wanted to reach my hand through that phone and wring his fucking neck.
“You don’t love me! You never loved me. If you loved me, you wouldn’ta put your hands on me. God, I hate you. I hate you so much!” I touched my eye and flinched at the pain. “Good-bye, Derrick. I don’t have anything else to say to you, ever.”
“Baby! Baby! Please. Don’t hang up, please!” He was begging so loud, Becky and Sabrina could hear it, and they started mocking him with pitiful looks on their faces.
“What do you want, Derrick?” I sighed, trying to ignore my friends.
“I want you to listen to me, Jasmine.” He sounded so desperate. At least that made me feel a little better. “You know I would never hurt you, but you were the one who tried to pluck my eyeballs out. I was just defending myself, baby.”
“Yeah, right. So now it’s all my fault?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So what the hell are you saying, Derrick? What did you expect me to do, stand by and watch you jam your tongue down Wendy’s throat?”
“I can explain that if you let me.”
I laughed out loud. “You can? Well then go right ahead, ‘cause I haven’t heard any good lies today. And you won’t be able to tell them to me tomorrow, ’cause I’m having my number blockod.”
Derrick was quiet. Probably trying to decide if my threat was serious so he could know how to make his next move. To a man in prison there was nothing worse than losing his connection to the outside world. I was the only one Derrick had left. Everyone else had already wised up and blocked their numbers a long time ago, including his precious Wendy. So I knew my threat was the perfect way to get even with him.
“Don’t do that, baby. Please.” Guess he’d decided to take me seriously. He was pleading. “This is all just one big misunderstanding. Wendy was passing me the drugs. She brought the shit in little balloons wrapped up in her hair and after she got searched she went in the bathroom and put them in her mouth. We were just exchanging them when you walked in. We weren’t kissing.”
“Yeah, right, whatever, Derrick” I wasn’t about to believe him, especially with my girls in the room, but he was determined to state his case. He spoke quietly into the phone. I don’t know who else was standing near the phone booth, but Derrick was definitely taking a risk telling me this story. Hell, the lines could have been tapped.
“Its true, baby. Everything was going cool till you showed up. When you grabbed Wendy, one of the balloons fell on the table. You could have cost me my parole.”
He got real quiet and started sniffling. I hated times like this. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he was less than a man. On top of that, you can call me stupid, but his story actually sounded believable. I heard girls on the bus talking all the time about how they carried in drugs in all kinds of places to get them past prison security. So it wasn’t impossible to think Wendy was carrying hers in her hair.
Deep down, I really wanted to believe Derrick. He’d hurt me, yeah. But you can’t just throw away five years with a man because of one stupid mistake. I mean, it wasn’t like he’d ever hit me before or anything. I needed this story to be true so I could forgive him and we could move on. Deep down, I didn’t wanna lose my boo. There was just one thing that was still bothering me. Actually, two if you count the looks my girls were giving me. They knew I was getting weaker by the minute.
“Jasmine, I love you, baby.”
“I don’t like this, Derrick. I don’t like this one bit. And I’m still not convinced you’re telling me the truth.”
“Hell no! He’s not telling the truth,” Sabrina yelled, and Becky laughed.
“Baby, I swear to God I’m not lying to you. And who’s that in the background?”
“It’s just the TV.” I covered the receiver and glared at my friends.
“Jazz, I need for you to believe me.”
“I don’t know, Derrick. This is all so confusing. You really hurt me, you know. I mean, damn! You didn’t have to hit me.”
“I know, baby, I know. And I am so sorry for that. I just got scared, that’s all. You know how bad I wanna get outta here to be with you.” He was laying it on thick, using that smooth, sexy voice he knew always made me weak. And the truth was, I wanted him out of there as much as he did. But I didn’t answer him right away. I wanted to hear him beg some more after yesterday.
“Come on, Jasmine. You know I would never lie to you, baby. Why would I want Wendy when I’m gonna marry you? You know I love you. Don’t you? You know I want you to marry me.”
“Many you, huh?” We had talked about it before, so it wasn’t a surprise. I just wanted to he
ar him repeat it, ’cause the thought made me so happy. Once he married me, I wouldn’t have to worry about none of this mess with his baby’s momma. He would be my husband and she could just step with her nasty ass.
“Do you love me, Jazz? Do you wanna be my wife?”
“Yes, Derrick,” I tried not to sound too enthused. He wasn’t completely out of trouble yet, plus, I didn’t want Becky and Sabrina to know I’d given in so easily.
“Come on, now. You can say it with a little more enthusiasm than that, can’t you?”
“I can’t do that until we get something straight, Derrick.”
“What?” He sounded worried.
“If you want me back, I don’t want Wendy coming to see you again,” I demanded. “If you need to see your son, I’ll bring him up there. You know Wendy won’t mind as long as I give her twenty dollars to get her nails done.”
“No problem, baby. Wendy’s history.” I closed my eyes and thanked God. That was easier than I expected.
“Do you really mean it?”
“Of course I do. As long as you’re willing to bring me an ounce of weed next weekend I don’t have any use for Wendy.”
“Huh?” He couldn’t have said what I thought he said. Could he? “You didn’t just ask me to bring drugs up to you next weekend, did you?”
“Yeah, I did.” Gone was that sweet, sexy tone.
“I can’t believe you, Derrick! I’m not gonna do that!”
“Damn right, she ain’t,” Sabrina shouted loud enough for Derrick to hear. He ignored it.
“I’ll tell you what, Jazz, either you’re going to bring up the weed or Wendy’s gonna bring it up. I’d much prefer she did it because I don’t want you getting in no trouble. But business is business, and you told me a long time ago that you’d never get in the way of my business.”
Damn, he was right. Those words were sure coming back to haunt me now. He was being the best damn drug dealer he could be, just like I’d told him.
“So it’s up to you. If Wendy’s out, you gotta step up and take her place.”
He waited a few seconds, but I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say. I had given him my approval a long time ago, so I couldn’t exactly protest his drug dealing now, could I? But just the thought of bringing the shit to him myself made my heart pound. I didn’t want to say yes, but I didn’t know how else to make him get rid of Wendy.
“Look, I can see you need to think about this.” He sounded impatient. “I’ll call you later so you can tell me what you want to do. I love you, baby. But like I said, business is business.”
He hung up the phone and I was left with the receiver in my hand and my jaw on the floor. I didn’t know what to do. Derrick was my life. He was everything to me. I didn’t want to lose him to Wendy or any other woman, but I didn’t want to be a drug trafficker either. I couldn’t believe he was putting me in this position.
“What happened? What he say?” Both Sabrina and Becky walked over to where I was standing.
“He asked me to marry him.”
“And? What else?” Sabrina raised her eyebrows and twisted up her mouth.
“I really don’t wanna talk about that right now,” I answered weakly, hoping she would let me drop it, at least for the time being. I was still trying to figure it out myself. He should’ve just left it alone once I said no, but he was gonna press the issue. I damn sure had some thinking to do.
“So whatd you say?”
I felt like I was gonna throw up. I didn’t know if she was talking about the drugs or the marriage proposal. I really didn’t want to answer either.
“Nothin’. He wants me to think about it.” I walked toward the bathroom. “I’ll be right back. I gotta pee.” I got up and went into the bathroom.
Becky and Sabrina stuck around about an hour, asking me fifty million questions before I was able to get rid of them. They were good friends, but I just wanted to be alone. At least I thought I wanted to be alone until they were gone. What I really wanted was to be around someone who wouldn’t ask a whole bunch of questions. I needed someone to just listen to me. Kind of like Dylan did that night at the club and when we were at Joe’s. That was it! Dylan. I could talk to Dylan. Of course, he was probably a little upset because I changed my number and never called him back, but there was something about him. I thought it was worn a little attitude from him if it meant I could talk to him. I picked up my purse and searched for the card with his number. I came across my keys first and just headed for the car. A phone call just wouldn’t do. I had to see him.
I parked my car outside Colonial Comics and slipped down the visor to fix my hair and makeup in the mirror. When I finished I reached for a pair of Jackie Kennedy sunglasses I had hanging firom my rearview mirror. The makeup helped, but I needed to hide the black eye Derrick had given me. There was no way I was gonna go inside Dylan’s store looking like something the cat dragged home, even if that was how I felt.
Besides, I was excited about seeing Dylan again. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to look my best. It had been almost a month since I’d seen him, and I’d actually thought about him pretty often. Most of the time it was when I was lying in my bed horny as hell from reading a Mary Morrison or Zane novel. Between those books and my memories of Dylan’s magic tongue, I’d had quite a few frustrating nights in the past month. I even broke down and picked up the phone a few times to invite him over for a booty call. But that was as far as I ever got. I’d think of Derrick and chicken out before I even dialed. Still, I couldn’t help wondering what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Lots of times those thoughts led to wishes that he was doing it with me.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when a car door slammed. I watched a minivan pulling out of the parking lot. Well, it’s now or never, I thought as I stepped out of my car.
I was nervous as hell. I hadn’t had this many butterflies since my crush on Maurice Hood in high school. My butterflies started doing flips when I walked in and saw Dylan sitting behind the counter, engrossed in a comic book. He was so handsome with his strong African features and smooth dark-chocolate skin. Until that night with Dylan, I’d never found myself attracted to dark-skinned men. Now I caught myself taking second and third looks whenever an ebony brother walked by. I hated to admit to myself that Dylan had done that to me with just one night.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you carry Brotherman comics?” I smiled when I saw his eyes light up.
“Jasmine!” He smiled with excitement, but his smile disappeared within seconds and his voice became testy, almost cold. “It’s been a long time. I take it you’ve come for those Brotherman comics?” He reached under the counter and pulled out a plastic bag. “I got ’em right here.”
“I didn’t come for any comic books, Dylan. I came to see you.” I used my most sincere tone.
“Oh, so I guess you finally changed your mind about us being friends, huh?”
“I never said I didn’t wanna be your friend I protested.
“Come on, Jasmine. You didn’t have to. Rebecca told me everything I needed to know. I know you don’t like me.”
“I never told Becky anything like that, Dylan.”
He sucked his teeth. “Whatever.”
“I swear to God I didn’t tell Becky I didn’t like you. . . . I just mentioned that I didn’t think we should see each other again.”
“That’s an understatement. The day after I called you, your number became unlisted. It didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that you didn’t wanna talk to me.”
I tried to look innocent, but he wasn’t goin’ for it. It hurt to see him shake his head with another frown. I know I should’ve expected it, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with his accusation or his sarcasm.
“Look, Dylan, you’re actin’ like I purposely dissed you.”
“Didn’t you?” he said rather frankly.
I inhaled deeply. “Okay, okay. Maybe I did, but can’t we let bygones be bygones? I didn’t come here to fight.
I came to see a friend.”
“A friend? I tried to be your friend before.”
“I know. And I really did want us to be friends. I was just scared. That’s all.” I stepped closer to him, though the counter still separated our bodies. I was grateful for that, ’cause I really felt like throwing my arms around him.
“Scared of what?”
“You. I’m scared of you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. I’m scared to death what happened at Joe’s is gonna happen again.” It actually felt good to be honest to him and myself about that.
“Haven’t we already been through this?” He looked frustrated. “I told you, I got caught up in the moment.”
“So did I. That’s the problem.”
“Look, Jasmine, I’m dating someone, okay? I’m just looking for a friend. Someone I can talk to. So if you can’t handle that, just tell me, ah’ight. . . .” Talk about the shoe on the other foot! I barely heard a word he said after ‘I’m dating someone,’ because a wave of jealousy hit. As unreasonable as I was being, I wanted to scream at him. How could he be seeing someone? It had only been a few weeks since we’d seen each other. This had been a bad idea. I’d just gotten there, but now I was ready to leave. I should have stayed home and cried myself to sleep.
“Jazz?”
“What?” I snapped. He didn’t deserve it, but I was still pissed.
“What’s up with your boyfriend? You two still together?”
I felt like a fool. The whole purpose of me coming to Dylan’s store was so that I could talk to him about Derrick. Now here I was getting jealous of some other woman. What was wrong with me? I had to get my shit together. Besides, it was probably for the best that he was seeing someone. It would help keep both of us in check. If I could get my jealousy under control, maybe I did still have a friend.
“Derrick? He’s the reason I stopped by to talk to you. Do you think we could get outta here and talk? I really need a good listener.”
“Sure. Why don’t we get something to eat?”
I gratefully agreed, and he headed into the office to get his jacket. He came back out with a smile, followed by a nerdy-lookin’ white guy who took Dylan’s place behind the counter. I was relieved as Dylan put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the door. I sure felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride whenever I was around this guy, but at the moment I was so happy to have him by my side.