Baby Momma Drama

by Carl Weber

  “Well, if I’m going to jail, maybe I should slap the shit outta you before the cops get here. At least then I’ll be going to jail for a good reason.” He lifted his hand like he was about to slap me, and I wished I had really dialed 911 instead of information. Thank God he came to his senses and turned toward his car. “This ain’t over, Shorty. Trust me, this ain’t over at all. I’ll be back, and maybe it’ll be when that nigga of yours is home.”

  “You know what, Malek? You done fucked with the wrong woman. I’ma get somebody to fuck you up.” My words were tough, but I didn’t have a clue how to back them up. Or did I?

  I knocked on Jasmine’s door for the third time. Derrick finally answered a few seconds later with a shout

  “Come in!”

  I must’ve been the last person he expected, ’cause when I let myself in, he jumped up and quickly tightened his robe. I couldn’t help but smile, though, because he didn’t get his robe closed around his johnson quick enough, and what I glimpsed was a hell of a lot bigger than anything I would have ever expected. I mean, he was in Malek’s league, and I didn’t think anyone could compare to him. Well, good for Jasmine. Now that I saw what she was working with, I could understand why she stood by Derrick all those years. Shit, the man definitely had something worth waiting for. I was sure she was having a hell of a lot of fun now that he and his big old johnson were back in town.

  “Stephanie?” He sounded skittish, though I don’t know why. This was my sister’s place, after all. “Jasmine’s not here. She’s at work.”

  “I know. I didn’t come to see her. I came to see you.”

  “Come to see me? About what?” He kept tightening the belt of his robe nervously. Maybe he was afraid his johnson would pop out and I’d see it again. Okay, so maybe I was having trouble keeping my eyes away from his groin. But you can’t blame a sistah for wanting a little peep show once in a while, can you?

  “I got some things to talk to you about.” My eyes finally made their way back up to his face. “But first I gotta use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  You should have seen him. I thought Derrick was gonna break his damn neck trying to leap across the love seat to stop me.

  “There’s somebody in there. You gotta use the one upstairs.”

  “No, that’s okay. I can wait. It’d be just my luck Jasmine would come home as I was walking down the stairs. I got enough problems. I don’t need my sister thinking I’m trying to get with her man.” Besides, I wanted to know who the hell he was hiding in the downstairs bathroom.

  “No, really. You can use the one upstairs. Jazz won’t be home for hours.” He tried to guide me toward the stairs, but I shrugged him off.

  “Why you so eager to get me upstairs? You got a girl in there or something?” I took a step toward the bathroom, and he stepped in front of me, which confirmed my suspicions. “You do got a girl in there, don’t you? Does my sister know about this?”

  He didn’t have time to even make up a lie before the bathroom door opened and a brown-skinned woman about my height and complexion walked out. She looked familiar, but I just couldn’t place her, and she wasn’t about to give me time to figure it out.

  “Who the hell are you?” She eyed me from head to toe and sucked her teeth like she owned the place. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was tryin’ to intimidate me. I was about to put her in her place when Derrick cut in.

  “Look, Wendy, this is Jasmine’s sister, Stephanie, so will you be quiet?” She actually got the look off her face pretty fast. I guess Derrick was in charge when it came to this wench. He turned to me with a lame attempt at an explanation. “This is not what it looks like, Stephanie.”

  “Oh, no? Then what is it? ’Cause it looks like you got some bitch over here in my sister’s place about to get your groove on.” I sucked my teeth, showing a little sister-girl attitude of my own. Derrick was visibly nervous, and he hesitated before he spoke. He knew enough to choose his words wisely.

  “Nan, it ain’t nothing like that. You see, Wendy’s my son’s mom. And, well, we were discussing his schooling. Right, Wendy?”

  “Yeah, whatever.” She twisted her lips and shrugged. “Look, Derrick, I’m outta here. I need a hundred dollars to buy Tyler some tennis shoes.”

  He reached for his wallet on the coffee table and handed her some money. He looked like he was in a big hurry to get her out, ’cause he didn’t even bother to count what he handed her. I guess she’d be getting her nails done with the change.

  “Get him a pair of those baby blue Jordans. Like the ones I got last week,” Derrick suggested. Wendy nodded and headed for the door. She didn’t have anything else to say, but she made sure to smirk at me on her way past. I just shook my head and walked into the bathroom. When I came out, Derrick was sitting in the recliner smoking a cigarette.

  “Yo, Stephanie.” He put the cigarette down and leaned forward. “I hope we can keep this between us. I mean, your sister and Wendy just don’t get along. Know what I mean?”

  No shit. And after seeing Wendy and her stank attitude, I could see why my sister might have a problem. I was about to jump in Derrick’s shit until I remembered why I was there. I needed his help.

  “Look, I came over here to ask you for a favor, not to blow you up. Just don’t be hurtin’ my sister.”

  “Man, why would I hurt your sister? I love her. Shit, she did a three-year bit with me, so you know I got love for her. It’s just that she don’t get along with Wendy, that’s all. So I gotta keep them apart and see Wendy on the low, if you know what I mean.”

  “Whatever, Derrick.”

  “For real, Steph,” he insisted. “Ain’t no funny shit going on. My baby takes good care of me.”

  “That ain’t none of my business as long as my sister don’t get hurt. Shit, I got my own problems.”

  “I heard that.” I know he was relieved to be changing the subject. “So what brings you over here? You said you needed a favor. I didn’t think anyone in your family would ever ask me for a favor.”

  “Look, I’m not Big Momma,” I told him. “I don’t care what you do for a living. That’s your business. Only thing I care about is that you take care of my sister.” I glanced at the new entertainment system that had appeared in Jasmine’s living room not long after Derrick got home.

  “You know, Steph, I knew there was a reason why I liked you.” He gestured for me to have a seat. I sat on the love seat next to him. “So what’s this favor you need?”

  “Well, I don’t know if Jasmine told you or not, but me and my fiancé broke up recently.”

  “Yeah, she mentioned it. I’m sorry to hear that.” He actually sounded sincere.

  “Thanks, but I’m gonna get him back eventually.”

  “That’s good. So what’s the problem?”

  “Do you remember Malek, my daughter’s father? He used to rap with KRN.”

  “Yeah, I remember that nigga. He’s the one who stole that bag of weed from my boy, Butter. Man, Butter beat the shit out that nigga.” Derrick laughed at the memory. “And that soft-ass nigga is your baby’s father?”

  “Yeah, and he’s also my problem.” I was actually glad to hear that Derrick didn’t like Malek. It would make it easier to get his help. “Malek keeps harassing me. And now he’s trying to blackmail me into sleeping with him.”

  “Damn, that’s fucked up.” Derrick leaned back in the recliner and smirked. “But from what I hear, you were sleeping with him anyway. Weren’t you?”

  Hadn’t he said Jasmine had just “mentioned” that Travis and I broke up? Sounds like she did more than mention it. Shoot, she might as well have taken an ad out in the local paper, as much of my business as she was giving up. I didn’t give a damn if it was only to her boyfriend. But I’d have to deal with my sister and issues of loyalty later. Right now I needed help from Derrick.

  “Uh-huh,” I sighed. “I was sleeping with him, but I stopped. I love Travis, Derrick, and he left me because of Malek. I can’t ge
t him back if Malek won’t back off. That’s why I need your help.”

  “What you want me to do about it?”

  “I want you to go talk to Malek. Tell him to leave me alone. Send him a message.”

  “Whoa! Hold on a minute.” He stood. “This ain’t no damn gangster movie or nothin’. And I ain’t the Godfather. I’m on parole. How I look sending that nigga a message? You tryin’ to get me sent back upstate?”

  “Look, I’m just asking for a favor, Derrick. Same way you asked me to do you a favor and keep my mouth shut about your baby momma’s little visit. I mean, what would Jasmine think if I told her you were hanging out with Wendy with your johnson hanging out your robe?”

  “Aw, shit. Why you gotta go there? Now you trying to blackmail me.” He sat back down, looking a little defeated.

  “Hey, I’m not trying to blackmail you. But I am desperate, Derrick. He’s scared of you and your crew. Especially Butter. If you pay him a little visit and tell him to leave me alone, I can fix things between me and Travis.”

  “And if I do this, you’re gonna completely forget about Wendy stopping by here?”

  “Derrick, if I never came by here, how can I tell Jasmine about Wendy?” I gave him a knowing smile.

  “Ah’ight,” he sighed. “Where can I find this nigga?”

  I wrote down Malek’s address and handed it to him.

  “You do realize this might not work. This guy might not scare off so easy.”

  “It’ll work. It’s gotta work. ’Cause as long as Malek’s around, I’m never gonna get Travis back. So do what you gotta do.”

  Derrick nodded and I smiled at him, taking one last glance at his lap before I left. It was too bad he was my sister’s man, ’cause I could work with that.

  31

  Jasmine

  “Damn it!” I stepped off the bus and picked up my broken heel from the ground. This was not my day, not my day at all. I’d just spent the better part of two hours on public transportation, and I still had to walk two blocks before I got home. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when I stepped off the stupid bus, I landed in a hole and broke the heel on my favorite pair of shoes. All that because Derrick never showed up to pick me up from work at five o’clock.

  To say I was pissed off was an understatement. I was furious. By the time I reached my apartment, I was ready to explode. Only I was gonna have to postpone my explosion, ’cause my car wasn’t in the parking lot, which meant Derrick wasn’t even home.

  I couldn’t wait to get inside and take a nice, long, hot shower. Traveling that damn bus route makes me so tense, and those buses are so grimy. Besides, it was best if I relaxed a little before Derrick came home. If I saw him right away, I might just try to take his head off.

  When I put the key in the door, my mood just turned from bad to worse. I could hear the TV blaring. I had told Derrick a million times to turn that shit off before he went out. This was just one more thing to add to the list of shit that was really starting to get to me about him. Yeah, I missed him while he was away, but I guess I’d gotten used to the way Dylan had done things. He may not have bought me things like the entertainment center or the new rims on my car, but he always remembered the little things, and that made me feel special.

  Just as I opened the door, I heard Tyler shout, “Watch out for that one behind you, Dad!”

  My car wasn’t outside, but Derrick was home after all. Sitting on his ass, playing video games with his son. Damn, I hoped he hadn’t smashed up my car.

  “Don’t worry, son. I got ’im!” Derrick shouted back, sounding like a kid himself.

  “No, you don’t! He’s still alive! Oh, no! Look out, Dad!”

  “Damn.” The game made some sort of “game over” noises.

  “Oh, well. My turn. You’re dead, dad,” Tyler laughed.

  “Yeah, Derrick. You’re dead.” I must’ve scared them both pretty good, because they each jumped about a foot in the air.

  “Goddamn it! Don’t do that shit, baby! You scared the shit outta me.”

  “Me, too,” Tyler added smugly. Well, at least he didn’t curse at me like his father.

  “Hey, what are you doing home, anyway? I thought I was supposed to pick you up from work at ... Uh-oh.” He glanced at his watch, then at the clock on the wall. “Baby, I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”

  “For two and a half hours?” I fumed. Derrick gave me one of his cute little smiles to try to disarm me, but it wasn’t working this time. So he tried harder.

  “I know, baby, I know. I fucked up. I’m sorry. Come on, let’s talk about this in the bedroom, away from Tyler, okay?”

  He approached me with his arms open, but I put out my hand to block him.

  “Don’t, Derrick. Don’t even come over here with that mess, okay?” He kept walking anyway.

  “Baby, calm down. Don’t act like this. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to spend some quality time with Tyler and we lost track of time. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

  His voice was actually soothing. And even though I’d crossed my arms in front of me, he managed to wrap his around my waist. I got a whiff of his cologne when he leaned in to kiss my neck. After two long hours on the bus, I had to admit it felt pretty good to be held, even if I was still upset with him.

  “Look, why don’t you go upstairs and take you a nice bubble bath?” he murmured. “Read a little bit of that Mary Morrison novel while I fix dinner. I bought us a couple of steaks and some lobster tails this morning. How about some surf and turf with a nice salad? What do you say?” He gave me a peck on the lips, and my frown disappeared.

  “Oh, all right,” I sighed. Derrick always knew how to handle me. He could push me to the edge with his childish ways sometimes, but then he knew just how to pull me back with his attention and his touch. How could I say no to a nice bath and a great dinner prepared by my man? And if we could get rid of his son later, maybe he could make it up to me in other ways. Things hadn’t been great in the bedroom, but they had improved. Who knows? Maybe if I was lucky, he’d slow down a bit and let me enjoy myself.

  “Daddy, when is Mommy coming back?” Tyler’s mention of his mother put the tension right back in my body. “I thought she said she was just going to the store. She’s been gone a long time.”

  I swear I felt Derrick’s entire body tighten up with each word Tyler spoke. He probably wanted to choke that little boy for blowing him up like that.

  “Wendy was here?” I tried to pull myself free, but Derrick pulled me back.

  “She wasn’t here long, boo. She just stopped by to see if I’d watch Tyler while she went to the supermarket.” He started to kiss my neck again, but this time it wasn’t working.

  “Derrick.”

  “Yes, bebe?” He was still kissing my neck.

  “Where’s my car?” He didn’t reply, and I was afraid I already knew the answer. I pushed him away so I could look in his eyes. “Derrick, I asked you a question. Where my car?” He still didn’t answer, and I exploded. “Where the fuck is my car?”

  “Now, take it easy, baby. Your car’s all right. I just let a friend borrow it for a while.”

  “A friend, or your baby’s momma?”

  “Okay, okay. I let Wendy borrow it to go to the store. She should have been back by now.”

  “What? You lent my car to that bitch instead of picking me up?” That was it. After everything I’d been through the past few hours, I couldn’t take any more stress. Now he was letting that bitch drive my car? I’d had enough disrespect. I started beating his chest with my fists, screaming about how much I hated him and Wendy.

  “Leave my daddy alone! Leave him alone!” Tyler was shouting as he kicked my ankles. I turned around and raised my hand. By this point, I was so far gone I was about to slap the shit outta that little boy. Derrick grabbed my arm firmly, and I was about to slap his face with my free hand when there was a knock at the door. I pulled myself free and ran to the door. To no surprise, Wendy was
standing there like she didn’t have a care in the world. She backed up about five steps when she saw me.

  “Gimme my keys, bitch.” I stuck out my hand.

  “Oops. He was supposed to pick you up fiom work, wasn’t he?” She had the nerve to smirk at me like she’d done the shit on purpose.

  “You know what, bitch? I done had about enough of your shit!”

  I ran at her like I was a locomotive, swinging my arms like I’d lost my mind. She didn’t have a chance. I slapped her face so hard she went flying about three feet back. And I didn’t stop there. I grabbed a handful of her weave and tried my best to rip out every last track. She was lucky Derrick pulled my ass off her.

  “Jasmine, calm down, baby.”

  “You calm down! Don’t tell me to calm down! Get the fuck off of me!” I huffed, barely able to breathe from the fight. I watched Derrick walk over and help Wendy up from the ground. Her nose was bleeding and she had tears in her eyes.

  “I’m going over to Momma’s. When I get back I want your bitch, your kid, and your shit out my house. You hear me?” I stormed off to my car, praying that triflin’ bitch had left me enough gas to get to my momma’s.

  I returned home around ten-thirty, just as pissed off as when I left. Derrick met me at the door holding a dozen roses. I just rolled my eyes at him and ignored the flowers he tried to hand me. He must’ve thought I was playing when I said I wanted him and his shit outta my house. Well, he was wrong. Dead wrong.

  “I thought I told you to get out.” I glared at him.

  “You did,” he said humbly. “But I wanted to talk. I wanna work this out.”

  “I don’t wanna talk anymore, Derrick. I just want you to get the hell out my house. I can’t take this shit anymore.” I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes. The last thing I wanted was to start getting emotional. I did not want him to see any weakness.

  “Look, Jasmine. I’m sorry, ah’ight? I fucked up. I don’t know what I was thinking about. You have every right to be mad.”