by Kristie Cook
When she finally spoke, her voice was small and soft. “I don’t know what happened when I was triggered.”
I scratched at the stubble on my cheek. “Yeah, I know. Tase was at the bar and saw that douchebag propose to you, so he slipped some of his blood in your wine. He’d followed you there …”
She tilted her head to look at me. “You knew that?”
“He told me after you came back.”
“Oh.” She faced forward again, staring out the windshield and pulling the blanket tighter around her. “I meant, I don’t know when it happened. How long until it affected me … before I attacked …” She paused. “I don’t know what to expect. With Gabe.” She hiccupped on her brother’s name.
I laid my hand on her knee. “You were alone. You had no idea what happened. As if what Tase did to you wasn’t shitty enough, he left you to fend on your own. No newborn, no matter what kind of vamp, should be left to figure it out on their own.”
“Thank god I had Sindi. It could have been so much worse …”
“And Gabe has us. We’ll be here the moment he wakes, and we’ll help him.”
She flipped her hand toward the backseat. “So this is normal so far?”
I looked back at Gabe, out cold, blood all over his face. “Not really. None of us passed out during our turning ceremony. We drank Dad’s blood from the chalice, there was a celebration, and about an hour or so later, the thirst kicked in. We were given human blood, and after that, we passed out. For three days. That’s when the true transformation takes place, at the cellular level.”
“Oh. I thought Sindi knocked me out that long.”
“Whatever knocked Gabe out must have been whatever caused him to attack in the first place. Maybe something weird going on with his gene.”
Michaela nodded. “Maybe that’s what Addie sensed. Maybe he won’t wake a moroi?”
She held so much hope in her voice, I couldn’t bring myself to reject the idea. But it wasn’t likely. It took one swallow of a mature moroi’s blood to activate the gene. Unless his gene was completely dormant, which it obviously wasn’t, he was going to turn. I was more worried that whatever was different for him, whatever had caused this, would skip him past the moroi stage and straight into strigoi.
“If he wakes with a thirst, we’ll know,” I said.
“Okay, then we’ll wait for that, and go from there.”
At that moment, Addie and the tall redhead rushed out of the hospital, Aurelia, still in a hospital gown, braced between them. They hurried toward a small white Toyota and immediately took off as a couple of security personnel ran outside, scanning the parking lot.
“Looks like that didn’t go well,” Michaela mused aloud. Her phone buzzed, and she read the text. “They’re getting a hotel room here in Vail, until we figure out what we’re all going to do.”
“Find out where.”
“I’m not taking Gabe to them! We’re not taking him near any humans.”
“Aurelia needs clothes,” I pointed out.
“Oh. Shit.” She tapped into her phone at the same time Gabe began to stir behind us.
I turned in my seat to find him sitting up, his eyes wild and disoriented. He clawed at his throat, his mouth falling open in a silent scream. I grabbed a bag of blood, bit off the cap, and held it to his mouth. He gulped the crimson liquid, draining it all in seconds. I handed him the second bag.
“I guess that answers that,” Michaela said, sighing sadly. “Well, at least it doesn’t matter if he was bitten by a shifter.”
As soon as Gabe finished, he belched, smiled like a drunk, and then passed out again.
“So he’s out for three days now?” she asked.
“Sleeping like the dead. So now what? Where do you want to go? I’m all yours.”
I cranked the engine over as she rattled off a hotel’s name and address. “We’ll give them Aurelia’s suitcase, then I guess we head home. You probably need to get back.”
I plugged the address into the GPS. “Like I said, I’m all yours.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Kales.”
“What about Tase and Alina?”
“Tase can fuck off, and for that matter, so can Alina. She needs to get over herself. I’m all yours.”
Sighing, she shook her head. “You’re like the king of mixed signals.”
I laughed. “Me? I’ve only had one signal, Kales. But if that makes you my queen …”
“My signals are loud and clear in that note.”
I retrieved it from my back pocket. “Do you want me to read it now?”
Her eyes widened, and she snatched it out of my hand. “No. Not when I’m about to be cooped up in a car with you for several hours.”
“It’ll force us to talk.”
“And when we’re done? After we have no more to say?”
She had a point.
“So the hotel, then Havenwood Falls?” I asked while backing out of the parking spot.
“Gabe should probably wake up in familiar surroundings. Mammie should know what to do, too.” She sighed. “I can’t believe I’ve blown it already.”
“This wasn’t your fault.”
“It still happened on my watch. If I only knew why. First the attack in the car … oh! He’d been trying to bite me then, too.”
“You? But not Aurelia?”
She seemed to ponder this as we pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed toward the hotel, only a few blocks away.
“I can’t be sure,” she finally said. “It happened so fast.”
“Hopefully you’re right, and Mammie will be able to explain.” I pulled in front of the hotel’s entry. “I’ll wait out here with Gabe.”
Michaela hopped out and retrieved Aurelia’s suitcase from the back, then headed inside, returning fifteen minutes later.
“Sorry it took so long. Aurelia was a bit of a mess. She’d been driving Mom’s car before this trip, and I had to tell her it was totaled. And she was really looking forward to school shopping in the city, so I hated disappointing her, after everything.”
“So do you want to stay?”
“No, I don’t want to take any chances with Gabe. Addie and Sindi offered to take her shopping tomorrow, so she’s better now. Addie will be able to bring Sindi into town.”
I shifted the SUV into drive and headed out of the parking lot and toward the highway. “So, that’s Sindi, huh?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “That’s Sindi. She’s pretty awesome, especially taking care of all this.”
“She’s a good friend.”
“Yeah, she is. Not like Addie. Nobody can compare to Addie. Or you. But she is a good friend. It’ll be interesting to have her in Havenwood Falls. She’s a total city girl.”
“How long will she be staying? Did she say?” If my gut was right, that would tell me how long I had left with Michaela, then I could figure out what to do to change that.
She shrugged. “For now, she’s committed to go where—and when—I go. I don’t know how long that’ll hold, though. I guess we’ll see.”
That wasn’t helpful.
We rode for hours in silence. I was lost in my own head, making plans for what I was going to do about Michaela. She’d fallen asleep. Good. The day had taken a huge emotional toll on her, and when she was awake, she tensed up every time we passed a car, grabbing at the handholds and bracing herself for another crash. She needed to rest. As we crested the ridge on Burdorf Pass, about to descend into town, she jolted awake from a nightmare.
The sky above Mt. Sousa on the far side of town was just beginning to lighten.
“Home sweet home,” Michaela sighed as I pulled up in front of the cottage.
“I guess you weren’t planning on being back here, were you?”
“Not already.” She stared at the cottage. “I can’t believe we left just this afternoon. It feels like days.”
My hand covered hers. “I’m sorry your plans were ruined.”
I meant it wi
th full sincerity.
“Yeah, me, too. I can deal with missing a couple days in the city, but this …” She glanced over the seat at Gabe’s still form. “This is a total game-changer.”
“It doesn’t—wait. What do you mean, a couple days in the city?”
She hopped out of the car without answering.
“Kales?” I asked as soon as she opened the back door. I slid out and ran around the front of the car to help her. “Will you explain?”
She lifted Gabe and slung him over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry. She obviously didn’t need my help. “I’m taking him inside. Read the note, Xandru.”
She strode up the stairs of the cottage. When I glanced in the car window, I noticed she’d left her note in the front passenger seat. Damn it. Couldn’t she explain in person? It wasn’t like Gabe would have noticed if he spent another five minutes in the back seat. I opened the door, snatched the envelope off the seat, and slammed the door shut. I leaned against it and ripped the stupid paper open.
I read through the letter once, my heart pounding the entire time. Then just to be sure I understood, I read it again, slower now, taking in every word.
Dear Xandru,
I’m sorry I have to say this in a note, but it’s been impossible to talk to you. I have too much to say for a text, but I can’t carry this around any longer. I can’t even wait three more days until I (hopefully) will see you again.
I’m taking Aurelia and Gabe to Denver for a couple of days to go school shopping. They’re all enrolled and ready to start next week, but they need clothes. We also wanted a few days just to get away.
My friend Sindi from Atlanta is meeting us in Denver so I can bring her back to Havenwood Falls. I’ve already cleared it with the Court. She’ll be able to help me run the inn, since she can actually touch and do things, and Mammie can’t.
I’ve also claimed my seat on the Court. I still have to do the swearing in or whatever it is they do to make it official, but that’s one of the reasons why I met with them last month. They’ve also helped me put other matters in order so we can actually get on with living life.
This is all to say that I’ve made my choice—and it’s my choice. Not anybody else’s. I’m choosing to live this life we have in Havenwood Falls. This is my home. This is where my family and friends are. It may not look exactly like we’d always envisioned it, but this is the life you and I always wanted. And that’s how life is—we can plan and dream all we want, we can even make our own choices and decisions, but life has a way of taking things in a whole different direction. That would happen whether we stayed here in Havenwood Falls or not. So I’m choosing to take whatever life hands me right here, where I belong.
All that’s left is you, Xandru. I’m choosing you, too, but only if you’ll have me. I know things are different. I know I’m different. I don’t know if you can accept me and love me the same way you did before—sometimes, it doesn’t seem that way. I don’t want to force myself on you, if I’m no longer what you want. But I need you to at least know that I love you. That I choose you.
I’m all in, Xandru. This life we have—I’m all in.
Michaela’s soft voice floated down to me from the porch, saying the final words as I read them. “I’m all in.”
Chapter 9
Michaela
Xandru leaned against the black SUV, his long legs kicked out in front of him, one crossed over the other. He gripped the letter, his free hand rubbing his scruffy jaw, something he’d done while reading since we were kids. So I knew the exact moment when he reached the end.
“I’m all in, Xandru,” I said, barely able to manage more than a whisper over the lump in my throat. “Are you?”
Slowly … so painfully slowly, he lifted only his gaze, looking at me through his lashes as his thumb skimmed back and forth over his bottom lip. He didn’t say anything, didn’t move in any other way. Just stood there, stroking his lip and staring.
It was pure torture.
I’d wanted to tell him this for what felt like forever now, but in truth, had only been weeks. Weeks of agonizing over his response. Weeks of wondering, and, admittedly, vacillating, if this was the right decision. The right move. But I had to at least try. I had to tell him how I felt once and for all. I’d already moved forward with everything else in this life I’d chosen, except for Xandru. I couldn’t let this hang between us any longer. Thus the letter.
Heart pounding loud enough to be heard on the other side of town, I shifted from foot to foot as he continued to scrutinize me. As always, his gaze was electric, lightning traveling across my skin, through my veins.
Torture. Pure torture.
After what felt like hours, I couldn’t bear another moment.
“I guess if it takes you that long to think about it—” I started, but was cut off by Xandru’s hot mouth crashing on mine.
I hadn’t even seen him move. One moment he was leaning against the rental car, and a nanosecond later, he had his hands on my cheeks and his body pressing me against the door, his mouth devouring mine. His lips were firm, demanding, urgent. Delicious. His tongue swept over my bottom lip, and my mouth parted, letting him in. Delectable. My entire body lit up with such an aching need, I truly thought I might die if it wasn’t met.
Xandru’s hands left my face, landing on the wall on either side of my head. He pushed himself away, breaking contact, but only enough to rest his forehead against mine. We breathed each other’s air as we stared into each other’s eyes.
He cocked his head to the side. “What ever made you think I wouldn’t be all in?”
I scoffed. “Are you serious? Maybe because I feel like you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I thought you were going to break up with me. Yes, I was admittedly avoiding that.”
The corner of my mouth turned up in a half-smile. “I wasn’t sure we had anything to break up. You’re always so busy, and I know there’s real reason for that, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like maybe you were looking for excuses … that you didn’t like this new version of me but couldn’t bring yourself to tell—”
He cut me off again with another kiss. Softer this time. Almost careful. Caring.
He slowly pulled back. “Michaela Petran, I fucking love you. I have since I was nine years old. Nothing will ever change that. I am yours for as long as you want me. But I was trying to give you space. I could never force you into something you don’t really want. You’ve had enough of that.”
His piercing gaze held mine, as if to make sure his point was driven home, all the way through my heart and into my soul. Finally, I nodded.
“I love you, too,” I murmured. “I have never wanted anything—anyone—more than I want you. This. Us. I choose us.”
I slid my hands into his hair and pushed myself up against him, while pulling him to me. Our mouths crashed together with renewed desperation and urgency. Our tongues met and tasted, stroked and taunted. His hand cupped one side of my head as his other slid slowly down my back and to my ass. He squeezed and lifted at the same time, pulling me up his body until I wrapped my legs around his waist. My center rubbed against his arousal, and I moaned into his mouth. Moving to do it again, I pulled my lips from his.
“No more waiting,” I said. “I just can’t anymore.”
“You’re sure?”
I grabbed his bottom lip between mine and sucked, slowly releasing it. “I’m positive. There’s no such thing as the perfect time. I don’t want to waste another minute without you.” I gave him another teasing kiss. “Inside me.”
He sucked in a breath, and I felt him grow harder between my legs. “Here?”
“Gabe’s dead to the world for three days, right?”
“Kind of literally.”
“No more waiting, Xandru.” To prove my point, I sucked on his lip again, harder this time as I moved my hips up and down, feeling his swollen head straining against his jeans. The friction of our clothing was already about to send me spiraling.
We crashed through the front door and across the living room as he carried me to my bedroom. He kicked the door shut, and we landed on the bed, me on my back, his entire body pressed into mine. My hips bucked up against him, eliciting a moan from both of us. His lips moved from my mouth along my jaw and down my neck. My back arched, and I turned my head, exposing my throat. He paused at my carotid and sucked. Just the thought of his fangs sinking into me as his erection rubbed against me had me escalating toward an orgasm. He pulled back just in time.
“Not yet, love,” he murmured as he stood and kicked off his shoes.
I kicked off my own, then sat up and grabbed the hem of his shirt. I stood as I lifted it up and over his head. Then I froze, taking a moment to admire. Holy. Hard. Chest. My fingers trailed over his smooth skin, my palms skating over his nipples. Holy. Ripped. Abs. His muscles twitched under my touch as my hands slid lower. I’d seen him shirtless a couple of times over the summer, but I’d had to look away so I wasn’t tempted to jump his bones. Now I could stop and truly appreciate, because I sure as hell was going to jump his bones. I pushed my hands up again, over his broad shoulders, around his large biceps and triceps, and down his thick forearms, worshipping every inch.
As my hands came to his, our fingers danced together, twisting against each other, but never quite intertwining and holding. Xandru leaned in, his hot breath fluttering over my ear and down my neck, as I watched our hands teasing each other, fingers brushing softly, tips stroking over palms. Barely touching. Yet so very erotic.
A shiver ran through me.
Breaking the contact, his hands moved to my waist, under my T-shirt, and slid upwards, taking my shirt with them. His thumbs paused beneath my breasts, slipping under my bra, softly stroking back and forth. Then they continued upward, slowly sliding over my bra, pausing again to tease my hard nipples, before finally pulling my shirt over my head. Reaching behind me, I undid the clasp, letting the lacy material fall down my arms and to the floor. Now it was Xandru’s turn to stop and admire, and his gaze was tangible as it slowly swept over me, causing my breasts to tighten and ache.