When things had gone south early on when they tried to set up a company with the two other guys, Alex had never imagined that this would be the outcome of their disagreement. One of the guys had gone on to lead a normal life, by all accounts. A police officer with a family living in California. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the other man. There had been enough sketchy behavior from him to help Alex and Marcus come to their conclusion. The question now was, where was he?
The man at the front called them back to their seats and the prayer time started again. This time, Alex silently prayed for those involved in the kidnapping of Alana. That their hearts would be softened towards her and that they would do her no harm. He prayed for protection for the employees at BlackThorpe and their loved ones. He prayed that the man would no longer be able to reach anyone to cause them harm. But if he did, Alex prayed that he would make a mistake. Something that would allow them to find him and bring him to justice. There would be no peace until he was caught, even if Alana was safely returned home.
Alex ended up staying the additional hour with Melanie and Tyler. When their time was up, they quietly stood and left the sanctuary. Outside in the cold night air, Alex looked up at the sky, drinking in the beauty of the stars. He waited as Melanie said good night to Tyler and then the two of them climbed into Alex’s truck and headed for home.
~*~*~
“I’m ready, Mom, so I’m going to head over to the house,” Jordan called from the living room.
Rebecca pulled on a pair of thick socks. “Be sure you have your hat, your mitts, and a scarf. It’s windy today so it’s going to be cold.”
“I’ve got them all. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Rebecca heard the door shut, and silence filled the apartment as she finished getting dressed in the warmest clothes she had with her. She hadn’t planned on participating in something like this when she packed frantically in Chicago, so the jacket she’d brought wasn’t warm enough for the activities of the day. Thankfully, Melanie had offered her a jacket the night before. Rebecca pulled it on now and did up the zipper. It was a little snug since Melanie was a size or so smaller than Rebecca, but it would keep her warm and that was all that mattered.
When she got to the house, everyone was there including Tyler and Ryan. Though Rebecca understood Tyler’s presence since he was Melanie’s boyfriend, she hadn’t expected Ryan to show up as well. It seemed he was Tyler’s best friend and had been welcomed by the Thorpe family as readily as Tyler had been.
She spotted Jordan talking with his grandparents. Rebecca was glad to see how well they interacted together. Any fears she’d had that the relationship would be like the one he had with her parents were put to rest as she watched them together. It was a relief, and she was glad for Jordan. At least this set of grandparents would be closer than his other ones. A couple hours flight from Chicago to Minneapolis was much more doable than the longer flight to Germany. Not that Jordan had ever expressed any interest in traveling over there to see his grandma and grandpa.
Alex’s parents came to greet her as soon as they saw her, welcoming smiles on their faces.
“It’s good to see you again, Rebecca. I’m so glad you and Jordan have decided to join us today for this little expedition,” Alex’s mom said, her blue eyes—so like her son’s—sparkled with excitement.
Rebecca couldn’t help but return her smile. As she looked at Alex’s father, standing beside his wife, his arm around her waist, Rebecca could see so much of Alex. This would be what he would look like in another thirty or so years. The man had Alex’s height and build, though his hair had thinned and grayed with age. But like his wife, his eyes shone with excitement.
“I think we can leave now that we’re all here,” Melanie announced from where she stood near the front door, Tyler at her side.
It took a while to figure out where everyone was going to ride, but soon they were on their way to the Christmas tree farm. Somehow Rebecca had ended up in Alex’s truck with Ryan and Adrianne. Jordan had joined his grandparents in their truck, which they had brought along since they were also getting a tree. Melanie and Tyler were in Melanie’s truck because apparently Tyler was also getting one for his place.
It felt odd to be sitting in the front seat with Alex, but when they’d approached the truck, Ryan and Adrianne had climbed into the back. Not wanting to make a scene, Rebecca had climbed into the front and buckled herself in. Ryan and Alex kept up the conversation for most of the half hour drive out of the city to the tree farm. Occasionally Adrianne would add a comment, but for the most part, Alex’s twin remained silent.
One day we’ll have a home of our own, and we’ll go to a place to cut down a tree that will fit just perfectly,” Alex said, his arms around her as she sat in front of him on the bed.
The memory flashed into Rebecca’s mind completely out of the blue. She immediately jerked her head to the side, staring out the window and trying her best to focus on something else in order to keep the rest of it at bay. But she knew it was a lost cause and pressed her fingers to her lips as more of that day played on in her mind.
They were curled up on a bed in the motel where they had gone after their wedding at the courthouse. This was their first Christmas together, and it was spent in a room devoid of all decorations. The holiday was just a few days away and then Alex would be gone again. His family didn’t even know that he’d gotten leave to come home for just over a week. Thankfully, her parents had made the last minute decision to go on a cruise with their best friends, and they’d taken her sister with them since the other couple was taking their daughter of the same age. Connor was already deployed, so there had been no questions when she’d said she would be fine to stay behind because she had to work.
Christmas had never been a holiday her family really got into, but it was one that Rebecca loved. It pained her each year that the most her family did was decorate a small tree and maybe hang a wreath. And presents? They each got one—usually something practical—and that was it. Her parents claimed it was just a commercialized holiday designed to make people spend money. They felt the same way about Valentine’s Day and Easter. The only holidays they really went out of their way to celebrate were the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving. Maybe it was because those holidays didn’t involve giving gifts.
“I promise, baby, we’ll get a home where you can decorate to your heart’s content,” Alex said as he nuzzled her neck. “We’ll buy the biggest tree there is. One you’ll have to climb a ladder to decorate the top of. And you can hang stockings and wreaths and play Christmas music starting as early as you want. It will be a huge deal in our family. We’ll make our own traditions. Okay?”
She looked over her shoulder at him. His warm gaze did funny things to her stomach as she nodded and smiled when he leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips. It was so nice to be able to be this way with each other now that they were officially married. They belonged to each other now. And this week together would just be the beginning. The next time he came home, they’d announce their marriage to their families and finally begin to live the life they wanted. Together.
Only that wasn’t what had happened at all. She’d been trying to keep her mind from focusing on the day that loomed large in the not-so-distant future. It had taken several years for her to not focus on it each December. Their anniversary date. In recent years, she didn’t even think about it until at some point during the day she’d write the date or look at the calendar and realize what it was. This year that wasn’t possible. The date had been in the back of her mind since she’d stepped off that airplane and seen Alex again.
And now they were off to get the biggest tree they could find. Was the memory in Alex’s mind the way it was in hers? Or had he succeeded in cutting out all memories of their brief time together? The Christmas thing had been more important to her than it had been to him. His family had celebrated like everyone else. But Alex’s promise that day had meant so much to her. The promise of a futu
re where he would give her the opportunity to have something she wanted so much.
Later that night as she’d laid there listening to Alex’s breathing, her head on his chest, she’d pictured that future he’d promised her. Only it was never to be. Rebecca recalled that first Christmas after everything had fallen apart when she’d decorated a tiny tree in the bedroom she shared with Jordan. Her heart ached as it hadn’t in years as she remembered sitting on the floor with all the lights off but the ones on the small tree in front of her. She’d cradled three-month-old Jordan in her arms and rocked him, tears streaming down her face as she sang one Christmas carol after another to him.
Rebecca swallowed hard and blinked back the tears that had suddenly flooded her eyes. Along with the pain came a rush of frustration. Those memories shouldn’t have this sort of impact on her any longer. She’d worked past all of that years ago. Okay, so maybe shoving them down deep and never thinking about them wasn't really working past them all, but still…
The vehicle came to a stop, drawing Rebecca’s attention from her thoughts. Not now. Not now. Rebecca kept repeating it to herself as she slid from the truck, snow crunching beneath her boots. A gust of wind lifted strands of her hair making her tighten the scarf she wore more snuggly around her neck.
“Well, trust us to choose the coldest day so far this winter to do an outdoor activity,” Adrianne said as she came to stand next to Rebecca.
She looked over at Alex’s sister who stood with her shoulders hunched up and hands in the pockets of her jacket. Rebecca noticed that she wasn’t wearing her glasses and wondered if they were for effect or just not something she needed when she wasn’t working.
“Yeah, that wind is something fierce.”
As the group huddled together, Alex’s mom said, “I think they sell hot chocolate and coffee around here somewhere. Why don’t we go get some before searching out the perfect trees?”
No one objected to the idea of having a warm drink while they walked around and quickly moved to find where they were served. Once they all had hot beverages in hand, Alex and his dad led the way to where the trees were.
Melanie and Jordan seemed to be of the same mind, dismissing any tree that didn’t meet whatever height requirement they had apparently decided on at some point. Alex’s parents found their tree rather quickly, and a helpful young man wearing a Santa hat offered to take it to the entrance and get it ready for them. Tyler and Ryan also found a tree quickly which just left the one for Alex’s house.
With her hot chocolate gone and the wind biting through her jeans, Rebecca was almost to the point of telling Jordan that he was allowed one more objection and that was it. Thankfully, excited conversation between aunt and nephew indicated that perhaps the trip was near its conclusion.
“Are you two kidding me?” Alex asked.
Rebecca glanced over to where he stood, hands on his hips as he surveyed the tree Melanie and Jordan had chosen. It was a big one, but the house could handle it since it had high ceilings.
“It’s perfect, Alex,” Melanie said, a wide smile on her face. “The best tree we’ve ever had.”
Rebecca moved to stand next to Jordan just as Tyler stepped up to wrap his arms around Melanie.
“It is a beautiful tree,” Tyler said. “But you’re gonna need a ladder to decorate the top half of it.”
Before she could stop herself, Rebecca looked at Alex and when her gaze collided with his, she knew…she just knew…that he remembered too. It seemed like an eternity passed—but in all likelihood, it had been just seconds since no one was clamoring for their attention—before Rebecca had the strength to look away.
“You’re right,” Alex said, his voice gruff. “It’s perfect. We’ll take it.”
Rebecca spent the rest of the time at the tree place trying to avoid Alex. It had been bad enough to have that memory herself, but it was even harder now that she knew that Alex remembered as well. What she needed to keep remembering was what came after that time in the motel. But mostly she needed to remember that the memories were their past. They weren’t anything they could use now.
The people they’d been back then weren’t who they were now. The girl she’d been was not the woman she was now. She was stronger. She was more confident. She no longer needed anyone. She was more than capable of taking care of herself and Jordan. Memories had no place in her world now.
Though she didn’t want to be near Alex, Rebecca also didn’t want him to think the memories could affect her in any way. So when they loaded up to head for home, she climbed back in the front seat of Alex’s truck.
Once they were back at the house, they were talking about setting the tree up and bringing the decorations out of storage. That likely meant they wouldn’t be decorating for a little while, so Rebecca decided to take advantage of that and take a little break.
“Jordan, I’m going to go to the apartment for a bit. I have a few things I want to check on,” Rebecca said as they stood in the snow watching the men finagle the tree off the back of the truck. “Come get me when it’s time to decorate.”
Jordan nodded his agreement then went to help the others as they carried the tree from the truck into the house. When Rebecca entered the apartment, she closed the door and leaned back against it, letting out a long sigh. The warmth of the room felt good as she straightened and began to pull off her scarf and hat. She worked her boots off and hung her coat on a hook.
Moving slowly, she went to the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee then headed into the bedroom to her laptop. She settled into her chair and took a sip of coffee as she brought her laptop to life. Over the next few minutes, she spent time checking the ranking of her new release then moved on to her social media. She sent out a few tweets before replying to a couple of comments on her Facebook page.
The actions helped her feel more centered. More in the present, less of the past. This was her life now. Jordan. Her writing. His homeschool work. Those were the things that were important to her right now. She didn’t want or need Alex to be part of her life in any way except for whatever role Jordan allowed him to have.
Alex had given no indication that he wanted to revisit the past with her. But he also hadn’t made any mention of the fact that they were still married or what they should do about it. Her lawyer had emailed back with information on filing for divorce when they lived in two separate states. It should be a relatively straightforward process. He would keep what was his. She would keep what was hers. There would be no alimony or child support. The most complex part of the whole thing would likely be the situation with Jordan. They’d have to come to some agreement on how custody would work.
Of course, she would want to maintain full physical custody of Jordan while granting Alex visitation rights. If that was what Jordan wanted. The upside to all of this seemed to be that Alex wasn’t pressing Jordan for a relationship. For Jordan’s sake, however, she was glad that Alex had decided to put in an appearance when they were all together. His absence had been noticeable since they told Jordan about what had happened in the past. She didn’t know what had changed to bring him around, but she hoped for Jordan’s sake that he would continue to be there, willing to have a relationship with Jordan if he should ever decide that was what he wanted.
After she had hit all her usual sites, Rebecca pushed back from the desk and went to stand at one of the windows that framed the bed. She brushed aside the curtain and stood with her coffee cup in hand. The snow that had fallen over the past few days hadn’t been heavy, but there was enough to have blanketed the ground and changed what had been a fall landscape into winter. Rebecca enjoyed the view, looking out over the barren trees.
Would this have been how their life would’ve turned out if they’d stayed together?
Rebecca tightened her grip on the mug as she lifted it to take another sip. She didn’t want to think about the ‘what if’s’, but they wouldn’t leave her thoughts. What if Alex had been happy to hear that she was pregnant? Excited to welcome
a new life into theirs? What if they’d raised Jordan together? Would they have had other children?
But what good were ‘what if’s’? They would change absolutely nothing in the present. Early on, after she’d fled to Chicago with her family, Rebecca had constantly thought about how things would be different if Alex had taken the news in a better way. There were times when it had consumed her and she’d spent way too much time crying over the situation she found herself in instead of the one she dreamed of. It had taken Jordan’s birth to pull her from that mindset.
The ‘what if’s’ didn’t matter.
The reality.
The present.
They were what mattered. And Jordan was both of those to her. When she’d held him in her arms for the first time, Rebecca had realized that she could no longer focus on what might have been. Jordan was her future, and she’d known then that regrets had no place in her life. Her future would be different than what she dreamed, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be as good, if not better, than what she’d hoped for.
Now fifteen years later, she could truly say that her life was fulfilling. Her career. Her family. Her friends. Her church. They fulfilled her in a way that she could never have foreseen at the tender age of nineteen.
And Alex wasn’t going to change any of that. He had his own life now. A company that he founded and seemed to be totally committed to. His family. In just the little time they’d spent together, Rebecca had seen how much he cared for his sisters and his parents. There was no reason that working together for Jordan’s sake all these years later should disrupt the lives they built for themselves. The memories needed to stay in the past. Rebecca was determined to move forward as she’d always done.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ALEX GRIPPED the trunk of the tree and held it in place while Tyler and Ryan tightened the base that Melanie had provided. This was the biggest one they’d ever had, and Tyler had been right. They were going to need a ladder to hang any decorations on the upper part of this tree. Even with three of them there who were six feet or taller, there was no way they’d be able to reach the top branches.
Proof of Life: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 4) Page 12