by Sandifer, L
CHAPTER 10
Meeting Jessica & dating Justin
Jessica and I first met when I moved to New York. We work for the same manufacturer in different areas and departments. She is a director in the production department. We often talked about marrying and having families, it was almost always our main topic after discussing work, which is what we were doing when a very handsome, very manly looking, in every way, over 6’2” tall, dressed in black slacks with a black silk tee that showed his firm biceps and broad upper body, with thick dark brown wavy hair, and from there, my eyes drifted to his lower half, and I could see clearly that he would not get jock itch, because he wasn’t a jockey man; it was boxers all the way for this one, seeing his private package sway back and forth as he walked in our direction. I closed my eyes tight for a moment and began to dream of the possibilities, and then he came up close in my personal space said, “hello, my name is Justin and I thought I heard you calling my name”, I opened my eyes, blushing, and said, “I didn’t think you could hear me, what took you so long”? All three of us began to laugh, showing his beautiful and perfect teeth. Then this perfectly, slightly tanned body, that had light hazel eyes, asked if he could pull up a chair and join us after apologizing to Jessica for what might have seemed like an intrusion of our privacy. She smiled and said, “No problem”, and we enjoyed ourselves for the remainder of the evening without having to refresh my blush, because my cheeks were embarrassingly red throughout the night, as I constantly pinched myself.
However, before saying good night, Justin asked if he could give me a call sometime in the near future, I said yes before he finished, and had the number written down, just hoping that he would ask, but attempted to give me his number also, and I said it wasn’t necessary, “I’ll just wait patiently for your call”, we laughed again and said good night. I dropped Jessica at her place and sat outside for a minute, to dream, then drove home. This is initially how our relationship began and it was a very good beginning that I did not want to end.
My life wasn’t routine anymore. I began leaving work and freshening up for a date with Justin. I think my face had a new glow. He knew how to wine and dine, making me feel like the person I knew I always was, so deserving of the wonderful treatment. We had picnics in the park, attended concerts, plays, movies, bike riding, canoeing , visiting from my place to his and lying in each other’s arms, just watching movies and sometimes enjoying quiet evenings; he joined me in church on several occasions, and no one had ever done this before. I never asked anyone and no one ever asked me. We could never keep our hands off each other. I suddenly found myself taking baths with a man I felt so comfortable with, lying in bed laughing and playing, even running around in his apartment in the nude, playing hide and seek me. We even played strip poker and he won each time. I was finally enjoying my life the way I envisioned and felt almost full circle, with on minor detail missing that would happen, hopefully in the near future.
Since I had not allowed myself to unwind in the past, only having a few dates here and there and not devoting myself to a real relationship, I felt that I had been delivered and finally made it to where I wanted and needed to be (if only it could have remained in that special place). It was like a fairy tale, but I was so full of stars in my eyes and the feeling of glitter surrounding me, that I was blinded, in another world and didn’t realize that, maybe fairy tales don’t last, or even exist. I am a highly intelligent person, but I’m constantly saying to myself, “Let this be true; I’m having the time of my life and have just let my hair down. I feel like dancing each and every day and not missing my workaholic lifestyle.
When we made love for the very first time, it wasn’t just plain old sex, to me; he made me feel like we had made a connection and that we were both in sync (if that makes sense) and in tune with each other, like, moving to the rhythm of our favorite song. It wasn’t as if we were making love for the first time, it was different, but it actually was the very first time. “So, is this what real, true love feels like?” He pressed his body so close to mine and his chest seemed to be glued to my breasts every time we made love. Over and over, I always repeated after Justin left, I’ve just been plucked! I hit the mother lode! I couldn’t wait, I had to call Jessica and tell her that I had really, really found the perfect man. I never thought a man could be capable of making such love to a woman, as he did to me, or was I just sexually in need that I didn’t know the difference.
Anyway, I told her I had never felt like this before. We just laughed and laughed, until my stomach was full of cramps with tears streaming down my face, lying on the floor and Jessica was literally screaming and gasping for air over the phone. Oh, what a happy time in my life! We finally got off the phone, because neither of us could speak, just whining and laughing. She and I saw each other the next morning and did the same thing, because Jessica said that she could not wait to meet someone like Justin, to give her the same feeling that I described, but said for right now, she would have to be satisfied using the shampoo that the girl in the TV commercial used, to get anywhere close to the same feeling, and quickly ran to our offices and closed the doors before someone heard us and the gossip began, starting with, “I thought they were professionals, where did it go?” My very calm response would immediately be, “Hello, but we were just individuals before becoming professionals.
Justin called regularly, but sometimes to ask if he could meet at my place and cook a small dinner for us. I thought I had met the best man on the planet, absolutely on the face of the earth, who could also cook very well (not knowing that this was all part of a plan). I wasn’t a push-over, but he knew he had me in the right place pushing all of the right buttons for what his ultimate plan was. (Maybe he didn’t like independent women who could actually take care of themselves, but I didn’t know he had a plan, but eventually learned that he had a confidant who was involved also) I had no idea that someone like me (a very caring and loving person) could be so disliked and ultimately be treated so cold and humiliated, for the sake of winning a bet.
CHAPTER 11
Justin’s life
Justin said that his life as a child was nothing special or out of the ordinary. His mom was an elementary school teacher, which made it easy for her to carry him to and from school. He wasn’t in his mother’s classroom, but in another, because, she felt if Justin was in her class, most or all of the entire school would know it, and the students in her class might think she showed favoritism toward him. At the time, he said he thought he understood what she meant, because he might feel the same if another teacher taught her child in class.
His father was a laborer, who always told him to do better and always want and accomplish more. Justin said he kept this in mind after finishing college and decided to attend law school.
I was surprised that he confided in me very early during our dating period, I guess he felt the warmth and ease as I did, however, I didn’t confide in him so early, but it all worked out, so it seemed.
CHAPTER 12
At home, but something’s in the air
We are still unpacking and sorting out wedding gifts and what should go where. I’m taking my time, trying to find a place for every piece. Justin is helping with the thank you cards that were custom printed before we left, to make it less stressful, a beautiful generic card with the exception of a blank line for handwriting in the type of gift received, to make it seem more personal.
I’ve observed, and noticed that within the past several days of getting home, (which is my place, because his was more of a bachelor pad and too small) he doesn’t have the same look that he had after we got married, during the honeymoon and when we first got home, or should I say when he carried me over the threshold (through the front door!). I don’t know what happened during the week we got here. I’ve just noticed that he’s coming home later than the usual time, which is about 6:00 pm, saying that he’s been working on a divorce client’s paperwork, or a corporate client’s contract. I hope that my mind isn’t r
unning away from me. I’ll just give it the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while. After all, we’ve just gotten married, and I knew he was a very busy man before I said I do, the only difference was he actually made time for me, and seemed to put me first and foremost, and confided in me more about his business. It seemed to have all changed in an instant and I’m really trying to make sense of it and the best of a seemingly not so good situation, hoping that it hasn’t taken a quick turn to the left, wondering, “Where is the man I married?” “Where is the man who couldn’t keep his hands off me?”
I know that when I get home, I’m a little exhausted too, but my exhaustion is different from Justin’s, and I do understand that he has a very different type clientele from mine, who are quite demanding, that causes him to listen very intently and sort out so many details related to each case. I am constantly having to remind myself of this, and still try to communicate to keep the marriage in a good place and show him that I am very interested and concerned about his work and do love him very much, but he’s making me feel that I have fallen short on something and wondering what it could be. I never thought the honeymoon would last forever, but I also didn’t think that the marriage would go cold so quickly or the possibility of it ending.
I have ventured into a very different part of the life that I had as a single woman, and its name is “marriage.” I am not familiar with it, because I’ve never done it before, but I’m trying to learn along the way and had hopes that Justin would do the same, because it is new for him also. I want it to be a learning experience that is happy and healthy for both of us and don’t want to do it alone. I don’t quite understand what’s happening, or if it will stop and just fade away. I’ve carefully thought about it and clearly see that I did not cause this; I have done my complete best in every way. I just need Justin to realize the same and work on our marriage with me.
Is the going to be over so soon, before it barely began? We just got married for goodness sake and something has to give! If he continues to act differently for the next couple or three days, I’m going to confront him calmly and ask a few questions.
Two days have passed and his attitude is totally different, getting worse by the day. I’ve rushed home and cooked a great meal, served with wine. Okay, let me compose myself, he’s coming through the door. “Justin, honey, how are you, how was your day?” “You’re late again, what’s going on now?” “Are you still bogged down with paperwork?” “Hmm, have you changed colognes, because this one smells a little different?” I haven’t bought him a new one lately and he doesn’t buy his own and he usually calls me by my special name that only he uses, which is Liz, now he calls me Elizabeth and says that he’s tired and will just eat, shower and go to bed. What did I do? I only asked him about work. He never mentioned anything about the meal, whether he enjoyed it or not, just no comment at all, not even a thank you.
He was so caring and loving and very attentive while we were dating and on our honeymoon. What has happened? Actually, I’m afraid to focus on it, for fear that I might read too much into it, but I really need to know what’s going on in order to know how to approach the problem and if it can be helped.
I just won’t go to the business tomorrow, which is Tuesday and since it’s the beginning of the week, it’s also a little slower, so after Justin leaves for work, I’ll call him at 9 or 9:30. Tuesday couldn’t get here quick enough. I can’t seem to take my eyes off the clock, so I will make the call now, since it’s almost 9:30.
“Hi honey! I thought I’d give you a call to see if you’d like to have lunch with me today and just enjoy ourselves like we used to,” (up until a few weeks ago). Now, he’s a little too busy for lunch and says he’ll just see me at home after work, and hung up the phone, never saying once that he loved me, which should be understood, but it also helps to hear it. “Well, I love you to!” He always had time for me, on any day, and it didn’t matter what his work load was, something is wrong! I decided to leave home and do some surveillance work that I was not accustomed to, not knowing how it really works, but I’ll do my best, because I’ve got to find out what’s going on in Justin’s life, other than work. I found a discreet parking area and will find something to do until Justin leaves his office. I will just look around in a few shops near his office and afterwards, go across the street from his building to the deli, and have lunch at a table that gives a good view of the building.
I sat down and said “Oh, waitress, will you bring the house special, it looks very good, with ice tea, three lemon wedges, and a straw please.” Before I could finish, I glanced up for a second and out comes Justin, but he’s not alone and who is the woman with him? I don’t recognize her; I thought he was too busy for lunch. My mind tells me to stay calm and don’t approach him, just leave and follow them, trying not be seen. I parked a few blocks away and had to run, thinking that I might lose them before getting to my car, but Justin drove slow, and I finally got them in sight.
After thirty minutes or so of driving, Justin turns into a hotel drive-way, the Hilton, we never came here! I guess, because it is a little off the beaten path. Justin leans over and kisses her; I feel sick and at the same time wanting to get out of the car and attack him, wondering who the woman is, but I have to follow them into the lobby. Justin goes to the front desk and gets a card key. Somebody made reservations. I want to sit down, because I feel so sick, but I can’t, I’ve got to follow through with this. I wonder what name he used to check in, I guess it doesn’t matter now, because it’s after the fact. I can’t take it, and it looks like they’ve gone to the 5th floor, I’ve got to get out of here. I’ll wait in the car, no matter how long it takes. It’s 1:00 pm now, and I know what’s going on without thinking about it and certainly not the lunch that I had in mind. It’s 3:30 pm and they finally emerge, with him all over her, he took his tie and jacket off, and unbuttoned his shirt. He’s suddenly sexy again. After two and a half hours, I’m screaming inside, trying to hold myself together! When is he going to stop kissing her and start the d…… car?
I started to get out, but he started to drive off. I’ll call him on his cell. Let me compose myself. “Hi honey, I hope I didn’t call at a bad time, I just miss you and really wanted to have lunch together earlier.” “No, it’s okay, you didn’t call me at a bad time; I’m just finishing up the paperwork on this case that we’ve been working on for a while, and haven’t had time to fit lunch in. I’m so exhausted from the whole case. I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.”
He hangs up the phone again, and didn’t say he loves me, but I can only assume that he didn’t want his woman to hear him, and might not know that he’s married. He’s such a fool, not knowing that I’m parked behind them, actually two cars behind, and she’s almost pushing him out of the door. You lying bastard, I’m looking right at you and you won’t like it when you get home! I need to compose myself. No, I’m not going to do anything today. I’m too upset and might do something that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I’ll deal with it on another day, some other way.
I need to talk to someone before I burst at the seams! Jessica has always been very supportive as a friend and we’ve known each other for over ten years. I phoned her, and she listened to every word, all of the nasty details and couldn’t believe that after a short time being married, Justin would do this to me, disrespecting our marriage vows, and she suggested that we meet for lunch to give some insight on how to handle it, which isn’t very clear right now. At this point, I’m devastated! She and I met for lunch, but I came very close to canceling it because of not feeling rational enough to talk about it again, but after meeting, we both decided that the best way to handle it was to observe for another week to see if this has developed into a routine for him with the same person at the same time and place.
Two weeks passed and I hired a real investigator to follow Justin, because it was too much for me. The investigator phoned and I went to his office and was given the report, which showed that he met several
different women at different hotels and have driven some to motels, with addresses and photos, that weren’t worth spending my time or looking at. The investigator said that there’s no reason to continue to follow him any longer, because, it seems as though he will never run out of being with different women and I will only be wasting my money, which is a lot. I paid the investigator $15,000 and thanked him as he tilted his head and said good luck.
CHAPTER 13
A strange awakening
Since Jessica and I met, I’ve been feeling a little strange in the mornings and sometimes in the early afternoon, with a feeling of exhaustion. I phoned Jessica and she suggested that I buy one of those over the counter pregnancy kits. If I’m pregnant, it will put a different light on everything, and I’ll never get him out of my life if this marriage isn’t going to survive, and right now, survival looks very far off and dim. I called my mother Tennie, and asked if she could come to New York. I didn’t want Justin to know, so I made reservations at a hotel downtown for three days in her name. She was very happy to see me, since we’ve only talked on the phone since the wedding.
Well, I bought the test kit, but was so nervous, that I misread it and didn’t know whether I was pregnant or not, so I made an appointment with my doctor, taking my mother with me. After a few tests, I was warmly surprised to hear that I was not pregnant, just stressed in a big way. I knew I was stressed, but didn’t know that pregnancy was similar. He prescribed rest for a few days and suggested that I drink warm milk nightly before going to bed. Instead of going to my business, I left each morning to visit my mother at the hotel and spent the day with her, giving her the details on what was happening between Justin and me. She understood how I felt and offered any support that she could give, short of going to Justin’s office or calling my dad, because if he handled it, it would be done the old fashioned way, then I would be forced to hire the best attorney in the state, to save him from prison or a death penalty, so it was best that he never knew, or if anything, nothing more than getting a divorce, and no more. I felt stronger just being near her. She came on a Tuesday and left on Friday evening. She was a blessing to me.