“Never again. That’s for sure.”
“Oh, I believe that. For sure. See you later.” Sam shut the door behind him with a click.
I twisted open the bottle of water, using it to chase a pill. I sat in silence, lost in my own dark thoughts, as the room became steadily darker.
Chapter Three
Four days had gone by without a word from Lily. At least, I thought it had been four days; I could have miscounted. The warm rays of cheerful sunlight streaming through the windows were my only clue. I’d waited, unmoving, for the darkness to consume the cruel intensity of day. Life was like that. We all reached for our dreams, soared as high as we could, only to be forced to give in to the emptiness that followed. Night always extinguished the day.
Looked like the booze made me retrospective.
My phone battery had long since given out, and I hadn’t gone to the effort of finding my charger. I knew I had an extra in my gym, but I really didn’t want to go in there. I wasn’t ready.
What if she’d tried to call me? She had the house line, but maybe she would have only tried the cell.
Shit. Why didn’t I think of that before?
I should charge my phone. As well as the one in the gym, I had a charger in my bedroom. I gingerly hauled myself to my feet and approached the stairs.
I didn’t like the look of those, either. With a sigh, I threw open the doors to my gym.
It was the scent that hit me first. The familiar, comforting aroma of foam rubber and plywood. The leather smell of the pommel horse. The lingering odor of sweat, tempered with broken dreams.
It staggered me.
Forcing my feet forward, I turned on the light, illuminating all the various equipment. I gazed around the room with fresh eyes. The eyes of a man returning to a home he’d once loved, but knew he would never belong there again.
I needed another drink. Snatching the charger out of the plug near my treadmill, I left the room as quickly as my back allowed and shut the doors behind me.
A search of my cabinets proved that I had finally run out of booze. Empty bottles had been scattered all over my kitchen. I picked up each, one by one, searching for anything I may have missed. Nothing.
How could this have happened? I hit the button on the side of my phone and waited with anxious, bloodshot eyes for it to power on. Dozens of notifications filled the screen, but no texts from Lily.
There were also no messages on my voicemail.
Why not? Maybe I’d missed her call but she hadn’t left a message. That had to be it. I swallowed my pride and decided to call Lily. Was it pathetic? Yep. Did I care? Not really. My hand shook as the phone rang.
“Hello?” The woman’s voice on the other end was unfamiliar.
“Uh, yes. May I please speak to Lily?”
“I’m sorry. You have a wrong number,” she answered cheerfully.
“Oh, I’m sorry to bother you. Have a good day.” I disconnected the call and frowned at my phone. How could it be a wrong number? I didn’t dial a number, I just hit “Lily” on my cell phone. She had to be covering for her. I hit dial again.
“Still the same number, I’m afraid,” the woman answered with a chuckle.
“But it just worked a couple days ago. Quit stalling and put Lily on the phone.”
“She must have changed it. I just got this phone number a few hours ago, sir. I’m sorry.”
I disconnected the call again and flung my phone onto the kitchen counter. She’d changed her number. She really was cutting me off.
Screw that. I was Xander fucking Phoenix. I could find her. I would find her. There was no way she could hide from me.
I shook my head. I sounded like a crazy person, even to myself. I needed to move on, needed to get her out of my system. Needed to forget. Later, though. Right now, I needed to go to the store to restock.
An angry growl reminded me that my stomach was empty, so I rifled through my fridge to scrounge some food. I grabbed the first thing I saw—a hunk of cheddar—and wolfed it down. Lifting my hands to my face, however, made me realize that they smelled awful. I lifted my arm and sniffed, wrinkling my nose. When the hell was the last time I’d showered? Had to have been before my ill-fated competition. I even still had on the same clothing I’d worn when I’d been discharged from the hospital.
I left the kitchen to eyeball the stairs. Shit. All my clothes were up there. This would be fun.
After Lily had told me she was pregnant, I’d kissed her and told her everything would work out. Then I left… for two days. I walked to my buddy John’s place and asked to crash on his couch. It was the night before a huge qualifier. I’d wanted to drink away my troubles, but I hadn’t dared with an important competition the next day. During rings, which was my signature event, I had lost focus at the worst possible moment. I’d fallen hard on my tailbone. I’d ended up with two compression fractures in my back and a dislocated shoulder. Walking would be painful for a while–maybe forever. I supposed I deserved her leaving me; I wasn’t very proud of my actions. I never should have left her alone. Maybe if I’d stayed and talked it out none of this would have happened.
Slowly and carefully I ascended the stairs. I would need to move into the guest bedroom on the first floor, assuming all of Lily’s things actually were out of there. I hadn’t checked. If they weren’t, I’d just continue to stay on my couch. Only problem was, I wasn’t sure how to go about getting all my shit down there. I’d told Sam I would pitch everything over the railing, and maybe that would really work. Lifting them up that high didn’t sound fun, either. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss Sam’s offer. Whatever. I’d worry about it another time.
I wandered into the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. The man that looked back at me didn’t look familiar. His short brown hair was greasy and unkempt. Four days’ worth of beard marred his tanned complexion. His eyes were bloodshot, tired, and he looked like he’d aged a decade. Whoever this man was, he wasn’t me.
I showered, then dressed quickly in sweats and a tank. Screw shaving. I didn’t really give a shit, anyway. Eyeballing my closet, I decided to put off moving my stuff down. Booze first, everything else later.
The sun’s final beams dropped out of sight as I made my way outside. The sky glowed vibrant shades of purple, red, and gold.
Climbing in my car, I took a moment to allow my back to settle. The brace I had put on pinched, and, besides, I wasn’t feeling well. I had barely eaten anything for four days, subsisting instead on various bottles of hooch. At least the liquor store wasn’t far. Less than five miles. I hit the red ignition button and the car roared to life.
Circling around the driveway, I decided to find a satellite station. One with gut-wrenching mood music. Or, perhaps, something angrier. Death Metal? I scrolled through one by one.
Bang! Crack!
“The hell was that?” Though no one was around to hear me, I asked out loud just the same.
Oh shit … the mailbox. I threw open the car door and tried to jump out, only to be impeded by the searing agony. I circled around the car and surveyed the damage.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! The mailbox had fallen forward. The front end of my beautiful electric blue Mustang Shelby GT350R had a hideous dent.
God fucking damn it! How could I be so stupid?
I knew the answer to that. I was out of control. Fucking Lily had taken that from me, too. What the hell had I been thinking, getting behind the wheel of my car after having been drunk for days? I knew I wasn’t completely sober, even now.
I was lucky it was just the mailbox.
I was really lucky Sam wasn’t here to see this. He’d never let me live it down.
Climbing back behind the wheel of the car, I reversed and carefully backed away from the mailbox and street. Killing the engine, I googled the phone number for a local body shop.
It was time to get my shit together.
Chapter Four
Over five hundred horses rumbled over the night air as I revv
ed the engine. The body shop had outdone themselves, finishing in only four days after quoting a week.
I had spent the time cleaning the house and moving my stuff downstairs. Everything took longer because of my injury, but I was determined to remain self-sufficient. Now that I had my car back, it was time to get out of my self-imposed exile and rejoin the world.
I hadn’t been to this club in over a month. Not since… No. I wasn’t going to think about her. I was here to forget. I climbed out of the car and tossed the keys to the valet, slipping the bouncer a fifty as I passed. A familiar action, even if it had been longer than normal since my last appearance. I needed familiar right now.
I skirted around the edge of the dance floor and made my way to the bar. Chrissy tended bar, her short spiky hair as pink as ever. Looked like she had gotten a few new piercings since the last time I had seen her.
I climbed carefully onto a barstool and leaned forward to catch her eye.
“Where have you been?” she asked in surprise.
“Long story. Jameson, neat. Double.”
“Some things never change.”
“Some things never do,” I answered softly. I wasn’t even sure if she could hear me over the blare of the music.
Chrissy poured the drink and regarded me in silence for a moment. “Last time I saw you, you were all over that girl and warning me off some guy that was spiking drinks. Haven’t seen him since the last time I saw you.” Her tone was guarded, reproachful.
“Forget about him. Forget about her. I’m certainly trying to.” I lifted my drink to my lips, letting the cool liquid slide across my tongue. I winced and spit the whiskey back into the glass.
“Something wrong with it?”
I shook my head, gazing at the tumbler. “No. I just changed my mind. Make it a tonic and lime.” I’d ordered the Jameson out of habit, but it was a stupid move. I’d been sober for a few days now, and should probably keep it that way.
What was I doing here, anyway? I didn’t feel up to dancing; my back throbbed with every move. I didn’t much want to drink, either. Doubt consumed me. Coming here had been a mistake.
I sat back on my stool and regarded the crowd. To be honest, I was here because this was where it all started. I allowed the memories to surface, embracing them.
“Hey, baby, I’m back. Did you miss me? Who’s your new friend?”
God, she’d looked so beautiful even under the multi-colored club lighting. Some creep had been hounding her, sitting too close. Getting him away from her had been all too easy.
“I know his type.”
“What type is that?”
“The boring nine-to-five type. They think the way to get to a woman is through their bank account. They may be stable, but rarely have the kind of money needed to really impress anyone. Simple, uninteresting, predictable. I’m sure he seemed like a nice guy, but he probably doesn’t know how to please a woman in bed.”
There it was. Her eyes darkened, and she licked her lips again. “And I suppose you do, then?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re overly cocky if you think I’m nothing but a cheap blonde bimbo who will just fall into bed with you at the snap of your fingers.”
She’d had spirit. Too bad I hadn’t recognized her for the soul-sucking bitch she was. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache.
This was torture. I shouldn’t have come here. I should have gone anywhere else. Orlando wasn’t exactly short on night clubs.
On the edge of my vision I caught the woman next to me eye-fucking me. Pretty enough, I supposed. Curly brown hair and too much makeup. I tried to muster up my patented-Xander-Phoenix confidence.
“Come here often?” I asked, failing to meet her gaze. What the hell was that? All the choices I could have gone with and I go with the lamest pickup line ever.
“No. First time.”
“And you’re here all alone? I find that hard to believe, a beautiful woman like you.”
She hesitated. “I came here with a friend, but she left with some guy, so now I’m drinking alone.” She laughed, a warm and throaty laugh. My eyes darted to hers. They were a deep shade of blue, and for a moment I found myself transfixed. “You?”
“I used to.”
“You look familiar.” Her warm southern accent made me think of the beaches in South Carolina.
“Just one of those faces.” I repeated the words I’d said so often to women, said to Lily only six weeks ago, and felt a now-familiar twinge of regret. Stifling it, I gave her a charming smile.
The name Xander Phoenix had once been a household name… and by “once” I meant just the other day. They’d all forget me soon enough if I didn’t recover from my back injury. The odds weren’t in my favor, and I knew it. I had been with countless women, never more than once, and I didn’t like to play on my celebrity to win them. I preferred a good challenge.
She had been the one exception. The only one I had ever considered a future with. I may have been sort of pushed into it, but I had embraced my decision. Focus, Xander. Stop acting like a pussy.
“Maybe,” she said. “But I’m not so sure. You really do look familiar. I’m sure we’ve met before.”
My smile became a little forced. “Can I get you a refill on your drink?”
“Oh, I really shouldn’t. I’m such a lightweight. Put a little alcohol in me and I lose all my inhibitions.” She fluttered her eyelashes.
She was too easy, but maybe I needed easy. Did I really have the energy for a challenge right now? I gestured to Chrissy, who mixed another of whatever it was my new friend had been drinking.
She turned toward me, adjusting her shirt and “accidentally” exposing her cleavage. She tossed her curly hair over her shoulder, then picked up her glass and slowly licked at the sugar rimming her glass. Taking a long pull of bright blue liquid, she tipped her head back to expose her throat.
“Mmm…” She licked her lips. “Delicious.”
What was the matter with her? I tried to mask my contempt. I could be anyone. She didn’t even know my name. For all she knew, I was some creep who would rape her or God only knew what.
On second thought, what did I care? I came here for a distraction, and here was one offering herself to me on a silver platter. Only problem was, despite her little show, I wasn’t really interested.
No. This wasn’t going to work.
“It’s really warm in here. I think I’m going to step outside for some air. Enjoy your drink. It was a pleasure meeting you.” I placed some cash on the bar. With a final nod, I rose to my feet and headed for the rear exit. It would be quieter this way. This whole evening had been a mistake, and I should have just stayed home.
I reached the door and kept going, making a left to circle around the building. I stared down the alleyway, pain filling my soul as well as my body. Just an alleyway. An alleyway where I had fucked Lily.
“Well, you got me out here, sugar. Now what do you plan to do with me?”
I gasped and whirled around, my back protesting at the sudden movement. It was her. My mind quickly catalogued everything we had said, trying to figure out what had led her to believe I wanted to be followed. There had been nothing. We had spoken for maybe a few minutes, at most. “I… I… but–”
“Shh… I knew from the minute you sat down next to me that you were the one I wanted to be with tonight.” She closed the distance between us, a graceful tigress in stiletto heels.
I resisted the urge to back up. This was something like out of a bad horror movie. Or a porno. Or a porno-horror movie. I half expected her to grow fangs and bite me at any moment. “Is that so?”
“Yes. I always get what I want.” She placed her hands on my chest, kneading my skin. “You want me, too. That’s why you talked to me, why you bought me that drink. I saw you checking me out.”
There were so many things wrong with this scene I didn’t even know where to begin. This wasn’t the way it worked with me and women. I liked the ch
ase, the challenge. This woman was pretty enough, but not at all my type. It turned me off.
Still… I had come here with the intent of hooking up with someone. Maybe this could work. I just needed to take her on my terms. “I’d hate to disappoint, then. Come.” I grabbed her wrist and led her down the alley to the other side of some piled up crates. I shoved her into the wall, wondering what my end game was. I couldn’t pick her up. I was pretty sure she weighed more than the twenty-five pounds I was allowed to lift. Maybe I’d just get her to suck my dick. Forcing her chin up, I kissed her, pressing my tongue into her mouth. She opened to me without argument, a moan my reward.
I released her chin and dropped my hand down to her breast, roughly massaging, squeezing her hard nipple between my thumb and index finger.
Her hand came up and squeezed my hardening cock through my pants. I inhaled sharply, thrusting my hips toward her hand.
“You like that, don’t you?” She grinned as she continued to rub my dick. “Touch me, sugar. Feel how wet you make me. I can’t wait to have this inside me.”
“You’d like that, would you? I’ll touch you when I’m good and ready,” I said through gritted teeth, pressing my body flush against hers, making her feel me.
“Oh, you’re a tease. I’m not sure I like that, sir.”
“You’ll like it fine when you’re screaming my name.”
“Well, that would be a challenge since I don’t know it.”
“Xander.”
“Xander,” she purred. “I like that. You’ll be screaming the name Rose.”
Rose.
An image of a bouquet of roses and lilies lying scattered on the floor flooded my vision. No! Lily! A frisson of alarm jolted down my spine, and I hesitated. Stay in the moment. I was floored. I hadn’t really been into this before, but my body had cooperated just from the stimulation. Now, though, all of that was undone as I fought off the impending panic attack.
To cover my reaction, I let my hand trail down her belly and under her skirt, seeking her warmth. My fingers skimmed up her thighs and reached the apex. I slipped past her panties…
Deeper In You (The Phoenix Series Book 2) Page 2