The rug held his undivided attention and it appeared as if he had forgotten she was there. ‘I like this room,’ he said after some time, finally looking up at her. ‘It smells like you...like lilacs.’
Sitting this close to him in the firelight, she saw the shadows under his eyes.
‘I like this room, too,’ she said, chewing on her lip.
‘I imagined more shoes.’ He surveyed the room before his gaze landed back on her rug. ‘Are any of these furnishings yours?’
‘The house was leased to my family fully furnished. However, the smaller bits about the room are mine.’ She needed to pull him away from his solemn thoughts. ‘You live at Albany, don’t you? Was your set of rooms already furnished?’
‘No, I bought my set empty. I brought all my furniture with me when I took up residence.’
‘That must have made it feel like home rather quickly. I’m sure that was comforting.’
There was sadness in his eyes. ‘I’m not sure any place I’ve ever lived has felt like home in the comforting sense.’ He gave a shrug. ‘They’re just buildings I reside in.’
What a terribly sad way to live. ‘You’ve felt that way about all of them?’
He nodded. ‘I take it your experiences have been different?’
‘I take comfort in being at home. I am especially fond of the home I lived in as a child.’
‘What was it like?’
‘My family still owns it. It’s in New York, not too far from the Newmarket Racetrack in Salisbury.’
‘Racetrack?’
‘I thought you might find that of interest,’ she said, smiling at how well she knew him. ‘The home is small by your standards but comfortable. When I was a child my father raised Narragansett Pacers there. It is surrounded by green pastures that rise and fall with gentle hills. Stone walls run along our borders and the sun shines there more than it does here.’
‘Narragansett Pacers?’
‘They are saddle horses that are quite prevalent back home.’
‘Do you have brothers who are managing the business for your father?’
Now it was her turn to play with the rug. ‘No. My father has hired a gentleman to manage the estate and the horses. My only brother, Alexander, was in the Navy and died during the war.’
‘You have my condolences.’
She met his careful eyes and wished she could have said something noble about Alexander.
‘Were you and your brother close?’
‘At one time. It was just the two of us. He was six years older. When I was little I would follow him around our land and we would devise games to pass the time. He taught me how to climb trees, hop fences and ride horses.’
‘He sounds like an ideal brother.’
He was at one time.
‘I think I would have liked to have had a brother.’
‘I wish I could have given you mine.’
‘A kind gesture.’
Not as kind as he thought.
‘I know what it is to lose those you love,’ he said in a faint whisper. ‘My mother died when I was seven, my grandmother when I was ten. It taught me love is a useless emotion. The people who mean the most to you only leave you in the end.’
What a sad way to see the world. ‘Do you truly believe you can stop yourself from feeling certain emotions?’
‘I can.’
‘But you are close to Lyonsdale.’
‘I have known him all my life. Julian is the one exception. You seem at peace with your loss.’
She’d thought she was, until that letter had arrived. ‘It was difficult, getting word of Alexander’s death after he had been at sea for two years. There were times I would have to remind myself he was gone forever and would not be coming through our doors after a long journey. When you don’t have the opportunity to say a final goodbye to someone...when the last time you saw them they were in good health and lifting you up to hug you goodbye, it’s hard to reconcile that their light doesn’t shine somewhere in this world.’ She shook her head. ‘And when you have no body to bury...’ Her voice was cracking now. It was bringing back all the pain she’d felt when she read the letter from his commanding officer, speaking of how Alexander had died a noble death that night at sea, defending the people of Baltimore. After reading the first two sentences, her mother had broken down in violent sobs and tossed the letter aside. Sarah had picked it up to read the rest.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, brushing a tear from her cheek.
She dabbed under her eyes. ‘The grief was much worse for my parents. My mother retreated to her room for months. I thought she would never come out. My father was a senator at the time. He threw himself into his work. Barely slept or ate. His heart suffered for it and we almost lost him.’ He held her hand, comforting her when she should have been tending to him.
‘But they seem to have adjusted.’
‘They have. While my mother was finding her way to cope with Alexander’s death, I tended to my father and his health returned. I don’t think his heart will ever completely recover, but he is much better now. It took time and tears and talk, but I was able to find the one thing that helped both of them accept his passing. My parents firmly believe his death served a greater purpose. They find comfort believing his noble sacrifice helped to save the lives of the people of Baltimore. That his death was a necessity.’
‘And you? Do you believe that?’
‘I have accepted his death.’
He stared down at their hands, locked together. ‘My mother’s death served no noble purpose. She went for a walk, slipped off a cliff and left her child in the care of a monster.’
She combed her fingers through the hair by his temple, her heart breaking for the little boy he once was. ‘Reverend Thomas says, “Through pain we discover how strong we really are.”’
‘Pretty words said by a man who did not grow up with my...with Blackwood. Is it really true Americans do not judge a man by his family?’ From his expression, it was apparent this was why he had come to see her.
‘I don’t look at you and think of your family. I see you for who you are and the experiences I have had with you.’
‘Do you miss being in America?’
‘I do miss the open land. Town can feel confining at times.’
‘Have you not visited the countryside much since you’ve been here?’
‘Only a few times.’
‘You should see more of it. There is nothing like the English countryside. I think you would like it. You should ask Katrina to open one of their houses. Then you could visit with her there.’
‘Are you trying to rid yourself of me? Are you trying to have me remove myself further and further from the diamond?’ she teased.
‘It feels as if I haven’t thought of that diamond in ages.’ He rubbed a loose tendril of her unbound hair that was resting along her neck between his fingers and let out a sigh. ‘No, Sarah, I find I have no wish to be rid of you...none at all. I’m not sure why that is.’
His words tugged at her heart. There was sincerity in them—and in his eyes—in those eyes that didn’t lie. You could tell a lot about a person if you looked in their eyes. And while women would swoon discussing the colour of his, she always found what they revealed about him at any given moment to be what she liked best about them.
‘Why do you want the diamond?’ This question had plagued her since he had discovered her at the church. He was a man of wealth. Why would he need the Sancy? Was he being blackmailed as well, or was he looking for one more thing to add to his list of accomplishments?
‘Let us put aside the diamond for tonight. I find I have no wish to consider things that separate us.’
She had no idea why he had chosen to be with her tonight. She just knew she was glad he had. ‘Is there anyt
hing I can say to help you through this?’
He shook his head. ‘Just being here has settled my mind somewhat. Although I don’t believe I will ever feel quite like myself again. It’s difficult to put into words.’
‘This is all very new to you. In time you’ll come to realise you’re the same man today that you were yesterday and the same man you were when we met for the first time. I’m sorry to say you are just as annoying now as you were then. It appears your lineage has no bearing on the man you truly are.’
A small smile crossed his lips as he looked up at her. Slowly he lifted their joined hands and kissed her wrist. The velvety warmth of his lips scorched her skin like a branding iron.
‘And here I thought you were starting to like me.’
‘Whatever gave you that notion?’
He leaned closer. ‘Because you like to kiss me.’ His hands gently cupped the back of her neck to draw her towards him and then he took her lips. It was a slow kiss—a leisurely kiss—a kiss that made her feel as if there was nothing else in the world he would rather be doing at that moment than kissing her.
With each breath they moved closer and closer until Sarah found herself on her back with Hartwick above her, propping himself up on his elbows. Her dressing gown had opened and she could feel the buttons and seams of his clothes through the linen of her night-rail. When he began rubbing his lower body against hers, he created such delicious friction that she matched his movements to make certain he wouldn’t stop. It was making her insides tingle.
Suddenly he broke the kiss and threw himself on his back beside her with his forearm over his eyes. His ragged breathing matched hers. ‘Forgive me. You know what I want to do to you.’
She did now and was having fluttering feelings between her legs just thinking about it. ‘I have an idea.’
He raised his arm and looked at her. The warm glow of the firelight gave her a perfect view of his firm smooth lips. ‘I am not a man who believes in marriage. It’s not for me. But know this, if we continue, it will torture me to stop. I won’t be able to taste you without needing to take all of you. Not tonight. Tonight I want to lose myself in you so neither of us knows where one ends and the other begins.’
He was being honest with her. He wasn’t trying to bed her and then leave her to believe this would lead to more than he was willing to give. At least he was honourable enough to believe there was no sense in marrying a woman if he could not be faithful. She couldn’t fault him for that.
He wanted her and she wanted him, too. Would she ever find an American man who stirred her the way he did? It wasn’t just the way he could set her aflame with the mere sweep of his gaze. There was something else. He touched something deep inside her. What if this was her only chance to be this close to someone she felt so strongly about?
She leaned over him and lowered her mouth so it was a fraction of an inch away from his. ‘I don’t expect you to marry me, but I don’t want you to stop.’
Their breaths mingled. He opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him with another kiss. A soft purring noise came from deep in his throat. She straddled his hips and slipped off her dressing gown.
He brushed his fingers up her calves, taking the linen along with him. ‘I’ve dreamt about you like this.’
‘I want to know what you feel like.’ The knot of his cravat was easily undone. She unwrapped the linen and slid it out from under his neck and tossed it aside. She never imagined a neck would be tempting but his was. Leaning down, she traced her finger and then her tongue over his skin, which was slightly salty and warm.
‘Let me get out of these.’ His deep voice reverberated against her lips as she kissed his neck.
There was no hesitation or sense of shyness about him as he stood above her. His eyes held hers as he slowly unbuttoned his coat and peeled it from his body. The buttons to his black waistcoat needed his attention and he looked down as he undid them. But as he went to slip out of it, he looked deeply into her eyes through that lazy lock of hair.
She shifted to her knees when he slowly pulled his shirt out of those black breeches that could have been painted on his muscular legs. Was he purposely going this slowly? Didn’t he understand she wanted to see him...now! When he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head, her mouth went dry and there was an audible catch in her breath. She needed to suck in air because the sight of Hartwick without his shirt was breathtaking. Nothing could have prepared her for seeing him without his shirt, wearing skintight black breeches and black Hessians in the glow of the firelight.
His strong shoulders curved towards his biceps and there was a faint dusting of hair across his chest. He stood like a man who was comfortable in his skin and had nothing to hide.
Unable to stop herself, Sarah stood and took a step forward so they were mere inches apart. She felt his eyes on her as she watched her own hands move up his arms, feeling the muscles of his biceps flex as she skimmed over them on the way to his shoulders. The hair on his chest was springy and slightly coarse and stopped at the top of his ribcage. There were ripples of muscles crossing his flat stomach that she traced softly with the pads of her fingers until she brushed along the thin line of dark hair that extended from under his belly button to the top of his breeches.
She wanted to see the rest of him. Did he look like the statues of the nude men in the museum? Before she was conscious of what she was doing, she gave a slight pull to the waistband of his breeches. A devilish smile curved those smooth firm lips and he arched a challenging brow while placing his hands on his hips.
There were six buttons on the fall of his breeches. Could she be so bold as to undo them? Part of her knew she should feel embarrassed by her forward actions, but he was looking at her with intrigue and a smouldering passion that made her feel emboldened and free to explore his body.
Was she daring enough to unwrap the rest of him? She chewed her lip and eyed those buttons. Six little soldiers guarding what the whispered rumours said was something very impressive indeed. His devilish grin grew a bit wider.
If he could see the intimate parts of her, it seemed only fair she should cast her eyes on him. She was biting her lip now as one by one she undid the buttons. When it sprang forth it was definitely bigger than the statues in the museum—much bigger. And it was stiff and pointing up towards her as if it was straining to reach her. She raised her hand to feel it and it twitched. It actually moved on its own.
She met Hartwick’s aqua-eyed gaze with astonishment and he let out a soft chuckle.
‘Forgive me. I couldn’t resist.’
‘You did that? You can do that?’
He rubbed his lips together in an attempt to suppress a grin and nodded. ‘I can do many incredible things with it. I’d love to show you all of them, but tonight we’ll only do a few.’ His eyes grew dark. ‘You can touch me, Sarah.’
Biting her lip, she reached for him. This time she stroked his velvety soft skin with her finger from the tip to the base and back again. She noticed a bead of wetness at the tip and pushed it around with her finger. If he liked that she had been wet for him, Sarah assumed this was something good. If she had any doubts, his unsteady breaths were her reassurance.
He swallowed hard and adjusted her hand so it was wrapped around him. He felt hard and stiff when she slid her hand up and down along his length. His fingers curled into her hips through the linen of her night-rail and suddenly his hands were cupping her jaw and he was devouring her mouth in a kiss. The firmer her grip as she stroked him, the harder he became until he grabbed her wrist to stop her movements. They were both breathless.
‘Lie down for me.’ It was out of his throat like a low growl, making the apex between her thighs flutter.
She did as he asked, lying on the red-and-gold rug, the warmth from the nearby fire heating her skin. Or maybe it was the look in his eyes as he stripped o
ut of the rest of his clothes, lowered himself to the rug and crawled slowly to her like a beast stalking its prey. His eyes never left hers, even when he was sliding her gown up her calves, over her knees and up her thighs. It wasn’t until he had spread her open that his gaze dropped and he wet his lips before lowering his mouth to her.
The moment his tongue gave that first long, slow lick, her entire body came off the rug with a jerk. His eyes locked with hers as his hot breath blew against her wet skin. This time when he lowered his mouth to her, he held her hips down so she couldn’t move. ‘If there is anything you do not like, tell me and I will stop.’ She could see the devilish smile lifting his eyes. ‘However, if there is something you particularly enjoy, you should tell me that, as well.’
She was trying to breathe and comprehend what he had said. It wasn’t easy with his mouth on her again. She couldn’t have formed words even if she’d wanted to. He tended to her like she was his favourite treat, savouring her. And when he also slid a finger inside her, an appreciative soft moan snuck out of her lips.
That was all the encouragement he seemed to need.
‘Hart,’ she said on a breath.
If he stopped now, she would cry. Whatever he was doing felt amazing. All it took was a slight change in the position of his finger and he took her over the edge.
His breathing was as ragged and raw as hers, as he brought his lips to her ear. ‘I need you. Right here. Right now.’
There was a feeling of emptiness inside, the likes of which she had never felt before. She needed him to make this ache go away. If they were doing this, she wanted to feel his bare skin against hers. She pulled her night-rail off and tossed it aside.
‘Sarah, you have no idea what you do to me,’ he growled, positioning himself so they were face to face. ‘I know how to do this so there will be no child.’
She nodded, trusting he knew what he was doing. He was staring deeply into her eyes and hesitated until he ran his fingers through her hair and gave the slightest tug, arching her neck as he thrust himself inside her. Their eyes never left one another as he moved his hips back and entered her again.
An Unexpected Countess Page 16