by Sarah Morgan
‘No, of course not. You know I’m not like that. And you’re not making sense, Daniel.’
His hold on her didn’t slacken. ‘I’m just telling you how I feel. I didn’t say any of it made sense.’
‘In two days’ time it’s Christmas Eve. It’s the two-year anniversary of the night you proposed to me.’
He inhaled sharply. ‘I know what day it is.’
Her cheeks stung from the cold. ‘And it’s the second anniversary of the day you broke off our engagement.’
‘I know that, too. But I still don’t find it easy watching you flirt with another man.’ His hand brought her into direct contact with his body and, because they were moving fast, she couldn’t resist.
‘I wasn’t flirting, but even if I was, it’s none of your business. I can flirt with who I like.’ Her fingers tightened on the hard muscle of his shoulders. ‘Why would you even care?’
Daniel spun her round, his mouth next to her ear. ‘I care, Stella.’ His voice was rough and male. ‘You know I care.’ He’d stopped in the centre of the rink, cleverly avoiding the rest of the revellers who were playing it safe around the edges. ‘There was never any question of not caring.’
‘Is that supposed to make it better? Because it doesn’t.’ Stella looked up at him, angry with him because it would almost have been easier if he didn’t care. Her heart was pumping as though she’d run a race and she felt a flash of desperation because the chemistry between them was as powerful as ever. ‘I care, too, you know I do. But I haven’t changed, Dan. And neither have you. I don’t want to spend my life as someone’s girlfriend. I want to make that commitment to someone and I want them to make that commitment to me.’
Someone.
Not just someone, she thought desperately, her arms locked around his neck as they stood motionless in the centre of the ice.
Daniel. She wanted Daniel. That had never changed and it was starting to look as though it never would.
The loudspeakers were playing Christmas carols and, as snow floated silently down and covered the skaters, Stella felt his hold on her tighten.
She closed her eyes, the sexual attraction so intense that she could hardly breathe. A stab of awareness shot through her body, spreading heat across her pelvis and making her legs tremble.
It was a feeling she’d only ever experienced with Daniel. Wanting a man like this.
Her desperately tempted body responded dramatically to the subtle pressure of his. She knew he was equally aroused and that knowledge heightened her own response.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ Daniel growled, drawing her towards the side and dragging off his skates.
Stella did the same thing, her hair sliding forward in a silvery sheet as she bent to pull her feet out of the skates.
Part of her knew she ought to go back out into the middle of the ice and stay there until Daniel left, but another part of her knew that that wherever he was going to take her, she was going to follow.
Another mistake?
Without a doubt.
If she was going to be safe and sensible, she ought to rejoin a crowd of her colleagues—there was protection in numbers, wasn’t there? But a reckless part of her drove her forward and she rescued her coat and bag from Ellie who was deep in conversation with one of the other nurses from the emergency department.
Ellie said nothing—simply gave her the coat and a worried look.
Without explaining himself to anyone, Daniel took her hand and led her away from the ice rink through the dark shadowy trees made ghostly by a frosting of snow and along the frozen, rutted path towards the lake. As they moved away from the noise and lights, he fished into his pocket and removed a torch.
‘Prepared for every eventuality,’ Stella said lightly, but her heart was bumping erratically and she was so conscious of him that every nerve ending in her body was crackling. ‘I don’t know why I’m coming with you.’
His hand tightened on hers. ‘Sometimes it’s good to do something just because it feels right. We need to talk and we can’t do that with everyone watching and listening.’
Their footsteps were muffled by the snow and Stella shivered and wrapped her coat more tightly around her.
‘Cold?’ His arm came around her and he drew her against him, the warmth of his body pressing through the fabric of her coat.
They continued to walk and she didn’t bother asking where they were going. Their destination had no relevance. The only thing that mattered was that she was with him. And she savoured the moment.
As they reached the water’s edge she heard the soft lap of the water. Behind them, in the distance, they could hear muted laughter and music but here, by the pebbled shore, they had privacy.
The intimacy of the setting stole her breath. It was just her, Daniel and the darkness.
She turned to him, intending to speak, but the words never left her lips because he scooped her face into his hands and lowered his mouth to hers. His kiss was fierce and demanding, the contrast between the cold of his fingers and the warmth of his mouth somehow increasing her excitement.
Afterwards, looking back on this moment, she decided that she’d never stood a chance.
From the moment he kissed her, the end had been inevitable because their passion had never been a half-hearted beast. What they shared had never burned itself out, diluted itself or run out of steam. His touch melted her, as it always had, and when he urged her back against the solid trunk of a tree, she didn’t resist.
Excitement engulfed her and she wrapped her arms around his neck, unresisting as he closed his hands over her bottom and brought her into contact with the hard thrust of his arousal.
‘Daniel…’ The heavy ache in her pelvis was almost too much to bear and even while he teased her with his mouth, she wanted more. ‘I want you.’ Her broken admission came out as a sob. ‘I know it’s crazy and I know I’ll regret it but I want you.’ Her hand reached down and covered him and she heard the sudden change in his breathing.
It had been so long…
‘I want you, too.’ His hands were under her jumper and she gasped as his skilled fingers grazed the sensitive peaks of her breasts. Thick, treacly pleasure poured through her and when he threw his coat onto the ground and lowered her onto it, she didn’t resist.
The ground was hard and cold through the wool of his coat, but all she was aware of was heat. The heat of his mouth. The heat of his hands. The heat of her body as the fire built. The flick of his tongue over her nipple drew a gasp from her and when he drew the hard peak into his mouth she moaned and arched against him. Sensation shot from her breast to her belly, the ache in her pelvis building and building until she could no longer stay still.
When his hand moved lower she arched her hips to help him, and when his fingers touched her intimately she dug her nails in his shoulder, feeling the hard swell of muscle through the thickness of his jumper.
The cold air licked at her exposed flesh but she didn’t notice, her body devoured by the sensation created by his skilled, clever fingers.
When he shifted over her she murmured his name, the feel of him against her so intolerably exciting that she couldn’t breath the air into her lungs. He was silk, velvet and steel and his initial thrust drew a shocked gasp from her that quickly turned to a moan of ecstasy.
He surged into her and erotic sensation engulfed her body. His hand slid under her bottom, lifting her, and he drove himself deep, his breathing uneven as he established a slow, sensual rhythm.
Stella stroked her hands down his back, found male flesh under the wool jumper, felt the play of muscle as he moved. Her body was a mass of screaming desire, her need for him so great that it eclipsed anything she’d ever experienced before.
‘I love you.’ She mouthed the words against his neck, a part of her still sufficiently aware to prevent herself making that admission aloud. But perhaps he felt it because he paused for a moment and looked down at her, his handsome features blurred by the darkness.
She thought he was going to say something but he didn’t.
Instead, he lowered his mouth to hers and thrust deeper, shifting the angle so that the pleasure intensified to a level that bordered on painful. Without warning she smashed into a climax so intense that she couldn’t breathe or make a sound.
Daniel muttered something under his breath and she was dimly aware that he was struggling to hold himself back, but he lost the fight and, as her body splintered apart, she felt Daniel’s hands tighten and his mouth came down on hers.
Pleasure tore through her, thick sublime and beyond anything she’d experienced before, intensified by every movement Daniel made. Shower after shower of excitement held her trapped, but it had to end and eventually her body calmed, the madness slowly fading and leaving in its place a delicious warmth and a bitter sense of loss.
Stella gradually became aware of her surroundings—the rough ground digging through the silk lining of his coat, the cold bite of the night air and the strength of Daniel’s body. She closed her eyes for a moment, knowing that she’d never forget this moment.
Regret? Later, perhaps, she’d feel regret.
Now her emotions were so confused that she couldn’t untangle them. Neither did she want to. She just wanted to live for the moment.
All she knew for sure was that her belief that she could live and work alongside Daniel and still move on in her life was a delusion. She’d never move on while this man was part of her life because no other man would ever match up to him.
‘I didn’t use protection,’ Daniel murmured, and Stella gave a painful smile because of all the issues he could have tackled that, of course, was the one that was worrying him.
He didn’t want a child, did he?
He didn’t want to be a father.
‘It’s all right.’ Wondering how she could behave so normally in a situation that was so far from normal, she lifted her hand and touched his face. ‘It’s the wrong time of the month.’
‘You’re not taking the Pill?’
‘I didn’t have any need to,’ she said quietly. ‘There hasn’t been any man but you.’ She was still trapped underneath him, conscious of the weight of his body above hers.
‘I thought you were meeting men over the internet.’
She gave a shiver as the cold licked areas of her exposed flesh. ‘That didn’t exactly get off the ground.’
‘You’re cold. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.’ Daniel rolled away from her and swiftly adjusted her clothing. Then he pulled her to her feet and draped his coat around her shoulders. For some reason that she didn’t understand, the protective gesture made her want to cry.
She was woman enough and romantic enough to want this to have a happy ending.
She wanted to hear ‘I love you.’ She wanted to hear ‘I can’t live without you.’ But she knew that she wasn’t going to hear those words from Daniel’s lips.
‘I’ll call a taxi,’ she muttered, grateful that the semidarkness managed to help her retain her dignity. ‘Is there a way back to the car park that avoids the ice rink?’
‘Yes.’
‘Great. Show me the way.’
‘Stella—’
‘I just want to go home, Daniel.’ Knowing that whatever he wanted to say, it wouldn’t be what she wanted to hear, Stella glanced through the trees towards the sparkling lights, wondering how she was going to face everyone in the morning.
They’d guess what had happened. And her friends were going to think she was mad.
And perhaps she was. Perhaps, later, when she lay in bed, thinking about all this, she’d reach that conclusion herself.
‘If you want to go home, I’ll drive you,’ Daniel said gruffly, taking her hand and leading her along a path that she hadn’t known existed. He opened a gate and suddenly they were back in the car park.
‘I can ring for a taxi.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ He unlocked the doors of his low, sleek sports car and she slid into leather and luxury, grateful not to have to talk to anyone.
‘I hope people don’t think we’re unsociable.’ As she made polite conversation, she was painfully conscious of his strong, hard body next to hers and her own body hummed with the memory of what they’d shared.
‘It’s a Christmas party. Half the hospital is there.’ Daniel reversed out of his parking space and the car growled its way out of the car park. ‘No one is interested in us.’
He drove down the dark lanes towards Patrick’s barn, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
Stella felt numb.
Christmas Eve was just a couple of days away. The twoyear anniversary of the day Daniel had proposed.
Whatever had possessed her to think she could come back here and feel all right about it all? Her love for Daniel wasn’t something superficial that could be swept away like debris after a storm. Her love for Daniel had roots. Deep roots that would always be part of her.
And it was becoming obvious to her that the only way to build a life without him was to live that life nowhere near him.
‘Stella?’ It was only when he spoke her name that she realised that he’d turned off the engine and that they were sitting outside the stable.
‘Oh.’ She grabbed her bag, her gloves and the rest of her things. ‘Thanks, Daniel.’ It felt as though she should say something more. It felt as though the moment was important. But she really had no idea what to say.
And he said nothing, either.
Wondering why that should disappoint her, she reached for the doorhandle.
‘Wait.’ His voice was a hoarse rasp and his hand closed over her leg, preventing her from leaving the car. ‘Invite me in, Stella.’
The words were like the sharp edge of a knife pressed against sensitive flesh. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?’
For a moment he didn’t respond and then he pulled his hand away. ‘Maybe you’re right. I’ll just hurt you again, and I honestly don’t want to do that. Are you going to Patrick’s on Christmas Day when we finish work?’ When Stella hesitated, he gave a bitter laugh. ‘I guess the answer to that is “not if you’re there”. Am I right?’
‘I’m not going to Patrick’s,’ she said quickly. ‘I’m going to Ellie’s. You should be at Patrick’s. It’s where you belong.’
Daniel rubbed his fingers over his forehead. ‘I’m not feeling particularly sociable. If I ever manage to get away from the consequences of people who have drunk too much alcohol and undercooked their turkeys, I’ll probably go for a walk.’ Letting his hand drop, he stared through the windscreen at the swirling snow and Christmas lights that Patrick had hung from the barn. ‘I might just lose myself in the mountains.’
‘You should go to Patrick’s,’ Stella said softly. ‘He’s your family. He’ll need you around. And the children would be disappointed if you weren’t there.’
‘I’ll break their Christmas presents.’
‘You’ll make it special for them, Daniel.’ And suddenly just thinking about him playing with the children was too much for her. If he’d hated kids, or shown no interest in playing with them, maybe this whole thing would have been easier.
As it was, it felt like the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life.
Even harder than the first time because then, when she’d walked away, she’d been angry with him and that anger had sustained her through the long, lonely months of isolation in London.
But that anger had burned itself out and now she just felt sad. Sad because she’d seen what sort of father he’d make.
‘Goodnight, Daniel.’ She slid out of the car and this time he didn’t stop her.
‘Goodnight.’
The exchange had a depressing finality and, as she walked the few steps to the front door of the stable Stella knew that what they’d shared hadn’t been a mistake.
It had been a goodbye.
Chapter Ten
ON THE morning of Christmas Eve Daniel found himself sitting in Patrick’s kitchen, helpin
g Posy mix chocolate brownies.
She waved the spoon in the air. ‘Lick the bowl?’
‘There’s nothing left to lick. At least half this mixture is stuck to your jumper, Posy Buchannan,’ Daniel muttered, prising the spoon out of her hand. ‘And the other half is around your mouth.’
‘Are you going to tell me what happened to you at the Christmas party?’ Patrick was scribbling Christmas cards on the small section of the table that wasn’t covered in chocolate. ‘One minute you and Stella were melting the ice, and the next you’d vanished into the forest, never to be seen again.’
Daniel ignored the sudden flash of heat that warmed his body. ‘Why are you writing Christmas cards? They’re going to arrive after Christmas.’
‘At least they’ll arrive.’ Patrick scribbled an address on an envelope. ‘I was up delivering a baby all night. These people are lucky to have a card from me at all. Why are you avoiding my question?’
‘Because there’s nothing to say.’
‘Are you going to hurt her again?’
Daniel helped Posy scrape the mixture into the tin just as Alfie shot into the room. ‘I hate you, Uncle Daniel,’ he sobbed, the breath tearing in his throat. ‘I hate you!’
‘Alfie!’ Patrick frowned and put down his pen. ‘Don’t speak like that.’
‘Well, it’s true.’ Alfie scrubbed his hand over his face to remove the tears. ‘I do hate him. He’s made her go away.’
‘Who is going away? Why is this family one big drama?’ With a sigh, Patrick stood up and walked towards Alfie but Daniel was there before him.
‘Alfie.’ He dropped into a crouch and closed his hands over the boy’s shoulders. ‘Why do you hate me? What have I done?’ He wanted to think that this was about the scratched DVD or the ruined remote control, but a cold premonition seeped through his body. ‘Who is going away?’
‘Stella.’ Alfie thumped his fist into Daniel’s chest. ‘And it’s all your fault. I hate you!’
‘I guess I have the answer to my question,’ Patrick muttered. ‘Alfie, watch your manners.’