by Sarah Morgan
Because he felt suffocated, trapped—back in the same place he’d been before. Patrick looked at his son—the son he was going to hurt—his mind already racing forward, planning how he was going to break the news that there was going to be another child in their family. ‘It’s complicated, Alfie.’
‘You’re making me feel bad because this is all my fault!’ The child’s eyes shone with tears. ‘I didn’t know it was going to turn out like this. I thought you’d be really grateful that you didn’t have to cook the turkey by yourself. I was just trying to help!’ Bursting into tears, he stormed out of the room and Posy ran after him, trailing her velvet comforter behind her.
Hayley made a distressed sound. ‘Go after him.’ Troubled, she turned to Patrick. ‘Just go after him. I’ll call myself a taxi and sort something out. I shouldn’t have come.’ Her phone was in her hand again and Patrick walked over to her.
‘Wait—put the phone away, Hayley…’ The scent of her hair wound itself around his senses and his eyes dropped to her mouth, everything he’d been intending to say evaporating from his mind. A rush of heat poured through his body and he knew he had to get to the point before he did something that complicated matters even further. ‘Tell me why you’re here.’
‘Because everyone does stupid things at least once in their life and this was my moment,’ she muttered. ‘Don’t worry about it. Go to your child, Patrick.’
Don’t worry about it?
‘Alfie will be all right for a minute,’ he said roughly. ‘We have things to talk about.’ Even while his brain was warning him that this was a big mistake, his body was reacting to her presence. He wanted to slide his hands into her damp, silky hair—he wanted to press his mouth to those rosy lips.
Reminding himself that those impulses were the reason he was in his current mess, Patrick ruthlessly reined in his baser instincts. ‘You came over here to see me, and…I know it’s difficult, but just tell me the truth. Tell me whatever it is you came to tell me.’
She must be dreading telling him—afraid of his reaction.
And he braced himself not to overreact, reminding himself that this must have been hard for her. She must be worried sick.
But even while he was acknowledging her emotions, he was even more acutely aware of his own. He was angry with himself. And frustrated. And fiercely determined that this time he was going to do the right thing. And that was not going to include marriage.
‘I didn’t come here to tell you anything. I just thought it was time for a change and I might as well…’ Her voice tailed off and she blushed scarlet. ‘All right, yes. I came to find you. Could you stop looking at me like that? This is embarrassing enough without you studying me as though you’re a prosecution lawyer or something.’ Her whole body was shivering and Patrick sighed and grabbed his heavy coat from the back of the door. He peeled off her damp coat in a decisive movement and placed the dry one around her shoulders. It swamped her, of course, because she was so much smaller than he was, and that evidence of her vulnerability pricked his conscience.
‘I understand that this is difficult—’ he fought back the urge to just demand the truth ‘—but you obviously have something to say to me and I really think it would be better for both of us if you just came right out and said it.’
He wanted to know what he was dealing with. They needed to talk dates, make plans—preferably before his children lost interest in television.
‘All right. I’ll say it.’ She looked up at him, her dark hair falling in damp curls over his coat, a spark in her eyes. ‘I think you’re quite possibly the biggest snake and the most horribly insensitive man I’ve ever met.
Stunned, Patrick stared at her. ‘Sorry?’
‘I said you’re a snake. And horribly insensitive. And you’re a hypocrite, of course.’ She seemed to gain confidence as she talked. ‘And two-faced because you’re pretending to be such a great father but you’re obviously sleeping with every woman who takes your fancy even if her lipstick is hideous, which means you also don’t have much taste and that makes it even worse—’
‘Hayley—’
‘And you may be seriously good-looking and have a fit body—a very fit body, actually…’ her eyes slid to his shoulders before she looked away quickly ‘…and be super-intelligent, and obviously quite staggeringly talented in bed, but that doesn’t mean you can just abandon morals and common decency and—’
‘Hayley—’
‘And I don’t think a rampant sex drive is an excuse, and the worse thing is you’re a liar because you didn’t once mention your children or the fact that you’re married, and—’
‘Hayley, I’m divorced.’
‘If you really didn’t—’ She broke off and stared at him. ‘What did you say?’
‘I’m divorced.’ Patrick spoke the words quietly. ‘My wife and I separated two years ago. I haven’t seen her since then. And you need to breathe before you pass out.’
‘You—I…’ Her voice cracked. ‘You’re divorced?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, why didn’t you say so? Why didn’t you tell me that night?’
‘It didn’t seem relevant.’
Hayley rolled her eyes. ‘Only a man would think that wasn’t relevant. Of course it’s relevant! What about your children? Did you forget about them, or were they irrelevant too?’
‘My children had nothing to do with the night we spent together.’
Her mouth fell open. ‘You see? That’s what I mean. You come across as this really caring guy—a bit macho perhaps, but basically caring—and then you go and deny your children!’
‘I’m not denying my children,’ Patrick said patiently. ‘I’m saying they had no relevance to the night we spent together.’
‘You mean you conveniently forgot them.’ Her breathing rapid, she stroked her hair away from her face. ‘Well, at least you’re divorced. That’s one thing to be grateful for.’ Realising what she’d said, she blushed scarlet and shrank slightly. ‘Sorry, sorry. That came out wrong. What I meant to say was—obviously it’s not good that you’re divorced, but I’m relieved to know you’re not married.’
Patrick stilled, his radar on full alert and screaming a warning. ‘Why would you be relieved?’ His tone was several shades cooler as he contemplated the gulf between her expectations and his. ‘Because now you know I’m available?’
She looked at him as though he was mentally incapacitated. ‘No. Because I don’t have affairs with married men, of course.’
‘Right. Of course.’ She sounded so affronted that he wanted to smile, and it occurred to him that this woman continually surprised him. He was trying to adjust his expectations when he realised that she was glaring at him.
‘Are you laughing at me?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Good, because I don’t see anything to laugh about.’
‘Me neither.’ Reminded of the reason she was here, Patrick’s desire to smile faded instantly. ‘Can I talk now?’
She stood stiffly. ‘Of course. Go ahead.’
Patrick rested his hips against the kitchen table, wishing he could switch off the urge to take her straight to bed. ‘First—I’m sorry if I was insensitive. It was a shock to see you on the doorstep and I accept that I probably didn’t handle that as well as I could have done.’
‘If you’d—’
He leaned forwards and pressed his fingers against her lips. ‘It’s my turn to talk, Hayley,’ he drawled softly, watching as her eyes widened. Her lips softened and parted against his fingers and he removed his hand, wishing he’d found some other less erotic way of silencing her. ‘Let me finish.’
The tip of her tongue traced her lips where his fingers had been a moment before and it took Patrick a moment to remember what he’d been planning to say.
‘I’m not a hypocrite. I try and be a good father, although I’m sure I fall short of that ambition fairly frequently, and, despite the evidence to the contrary, which I admit in your case is inco
ntrovertible, I am not sleeping with every woman who crosses my path. And while I’m flattered that you think I’m good-looking and you like my body—’
‘I didn’t exactly mean to say that bit out loud,’ she muttered, and Patrick gave a faint smile and continued.
‘I can assure you that I have not abandoned morals and common decency.’ He watched as her smooth cheeks turned a delicious shade of pink. ‘Neither have I ever lied to you.’
‘Maybe not directly. But you didn’t mention your children.’ She looked tired, disillusioned and younger than he remembered, and for some reason she reminded Patrick of the young single mothers he sometimes saw in the antenatal clinic. Occasionally they were excited, but often they were overwhelmed and daunted by the enormity of it all.
He felt a twinge of guilt.
She was probably worrying about being alone and pregnant and she had no idea how to bring up the subject.
Instinctively he took charge of the situation.
‘Hayley, I didn’t mention the children because we had other things on our minds. Which brings us neatly to the reason for your visit.’ Deciding to make it as easy as possible for her, he turned briefly to make sure the kitchen door was shut. ‘I’m sure you’re feeling really mixed up about the whole thing. I’m sure it’s come as a shock. I’m sure you’re scared.’ Were there any other emotions he’d missed? She’d called him insensitive and he was doing his best to be as sensitive as possible. ‘But I don’t want you to be scared. I take full responsibility. It was my fault. To be honest, I don’t understand how it happened because I thought I’d protected you, but we’ll work something out, I promise you that. You’re not on your own.’
‘Protected me?’
In the circumstances he couldn’t blame her for sounding stunned. He hadn’t protected her, had he? Clearly something had failed that night. And she blamed him. She had every right to be angry.
‘As I said, I take full responsibility. But we need to talk about this calmly. We need to work out a solution together.’
‘What are you taking responsibility for? It was my decision to come here. You had nothing to do with it.’
‘But I’m glad you came.’
‘Are you?’ Her voice faltered and she looked at him carefully. ‘Really? I thought I’d made things awkward for you by coming.’
‘Well, obviously it’s a shock.’ He wasn’t going to tell her just how much of a shock. She obviously needed reassurance that he wasn’t going to overreact. ‘But we’ll work something out. Let’s start with the practicalities. You’re sure you’re pregnant? It’s pretty early on. There’s no mistake about that?’
‘Pregnant?’ The word seemed to echo around the kitchen and Patrick winced, hoping that Alfie wasn’t listening outside the door.
‘Hayley, could you please try not to—?’
‘You think I’m pregnant!’ She backed away from him, so agitated that her breath came in uneven jerks. ‘Is that why you think I’m here? Because I’m pregnant?’
How many times did she have to say the word?
‘Yes, of course. Why else…?’ His voice tailed off as he registered the shock on her face.
‘Why would you think I was pregnant?’ Her tone made it obvious that he’d made the wrong assumption and Patrick pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, wishing he’d broached the subject differently.
‘It was a shock to see you on my doorstep. I just assumed—’
‘I didn’t know it was your doorstep! And what did you assume? That the only reason I’d come to find you is because I was pregnant?’ She made a distressed sound and started to pace around his kitchen, breathing so rapidly that Patrick eyed her with concern.
‘You’re hyperventilating, Hayley, and—’
‘I am not hyperventilating,’ she gasped, her hand pressed to her chest. ‘I’m trying to control my emotions. It’s all down to the breathing.’
‘Right.’ He watched her carefully, sure that she must be making herself dizzy. ‘But you’re breathing a bit fast. I’m a doctor, and I can see that you—’
‘Oh, shut up, Patrick!’ She groaned his name and turned away, digging her fingers into her hair and shaking her head in disbelief. Then she took a long deep breath and let her hands drop, as if she’d come to a decision. ‘All right, I’m going to make a really big effort to think the way you seem to think. So—the sequence of events goes like this. Boy meets girl, boy sleeps with girl who conveniently lives in a foreign country so boy is never going to see her again, girl turns up on doorstep—girl must be pregnant.’ She looked at him. ‘That’s what you’re thinking?’
Given that that was exactly what he was thinking, Patrick didn’t utter a denial and she made a faint sound in her throat.
‘So, still thinking like you—although I have to confess that’s a challenge—presumably the next demand I’m going to make is for money, is that right? Or marriage. Oh, God, now I understand your remark about married men being unable to give me what I want. Is that why you think I’m here? Because I’m looking for a meal ticket? God, that’s truly awful.’ She plopped back down on the nearest chair, as if her legs couldn’t be trusted to hold her. ‘You’d get on really well with my stepbrothers. They think life is all about money and using people, too.’
Feeling the situation spinning out of control, Patrick intervened. ‘Judging from your reaction, I assume I’m wrong.’
Her breathing still far too rapid, she stared sightlessly at a spot on his kitchen floor. ‘Yes,’ she snapped. ‘You’re wrong. Of course you’re wrong. I haven’t even missed a period, for goodness’ sake.’ She broke off, her face scarlet, and Patrick sighed.
‘You don’t have to be embarrassed,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m an obstetrician.’
‘I know you’re an obstetrician!’ She squirmed in her seat, the look she flung him suggesting she wished he was in a different profession. ‘Is that why your mind went off on that track? Because you’re obsessed with babies?’
He took a deep breath, thinking of what had happened with Carly. ‘It just seemed…possible. But obviously I was wrong.’
‘Yes. You’re wrong. And so was I. About a lot of things.’
He wasn’t sure he wanted to explore that final cryptic remark, sensing that he might find the translation more than a little uncomfortable to hear.
The fact that she wasn’t pregnant should have filled him with relief but instead he felt nothing but concern. She looked shocked and horribly pale and the bulk of his coat made her seem even more fragile.
Patrick suddenly realised that this was the first time he’d seen her without a smile on her face. In the short time they’d spent together, she’d smiled constantly. In fact, it had been her warm, engaging smile that had attracted him to her in the first place. He’d wanted to press his mouth to that smile and taste the happiness she exuded.
But her smile had gone and he knew that he was the reason the light had gone out inside her. She was right. He was insensitive.
‘Hayley—I owe you an apology.’ He tried to redeem himself. ‘Can we start this conversation again?’
‘I don’t think so. It was bad enough the first time.’ She gave a tiny, hysterical laugh. ‘Now I know why other people have one-night stands—so that they can maintain the illusion about the person they were with.’ Her hand shaking, she dragged her phone out of her pocket. ‘I’m leaving now and I don’t want you to stop me. The children aren’t watching so you don’t have to be polite.’
Patrick’s analytical mind was computing the data at his disposal. ‘But if you’re not pregnant—’
‘If you say that word again, I might just punch you.’ She dialled a number, her fingers shaking. Then she lifted the phone to her ear.
‘I just want to know why you came here.’ Suddenly it was imperative to find that out. ‘I want to understand why you came to see me.’
Her disparaging glance suggested that the answer was obvious. ‘Because we had an amazing night, and the way you kiss mig
ht just possibly be the best thing that’s ever happened to me and you seem to know more about my body than I do and although I actually did leave my knickers in your bedroom that night I—Hello, Jack?’ She turned scarlet. ‘No, no. It’s me, Hayley—No, I didn’t leave anything in the cab, that isn’t what I meant—Well, I’m wearing them. I was talking to someone else—Well, no, not really.’
Resisting the impulse to smile, Patrick leaned forward and removed the phone from her hand. ‘She just rang to wish you Merry Christmas, Jack,’ he said smoothly, holding the phone to his ear. ‘Thanks for delivering her safely. Great.’ He held the phone out of reach as Hayley made a grab for it. ‘Yes, and you, too.’ He snapped the phone shut, his eyes on her face. ‘Where were we? Oh, yes, you’d left your knickers in my bedroom and you were telling me that I’m an amazing kisser and that I seem to know more about your body than you do…’
‘Don’t get big-headed,’ she warned darkly. ‘I’ve realised that the reason you know more about my body than I do is because you’ve been trained—so it isn’t a special skill. Actually, it’s more like cheating.’
Still keeping the phone out of her reach, Patrick raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s cheating to know what turns you on?’
‘Yes, because you sort of have an unfair advantage.’ She eyed the phone in his hand. ‘You spend your days with women.’
‘Delivering their babies,’ Patrick pointed out mildly, sliding the phone into his back pocket. ‘And I can assure you that when I’m delivering babies, I’m not thinking about sex.’
‘Well, you obviously know everything there is to know about…’ Her face hot, she shifted in her chair. ‘Oh, never mind. It’s my fault for getting involved with an obstetrician. I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation. I should never have come in, but I didn’t want to upset your sweet, lovely son who, by the way, is far too nice to have a disreputable father like you.’
Smiling, Patrick reached down and hauled her to her feet, tightening his grip on her arms when she tried to wriggle away. After a few seconds he sucked in a breath. ‘Actually, Hayley…’ His voice was tight. ‘You’d better not do that.’