by Unknown
Noah removed his arm from around her shoulders, clasped his hands together, and leaned forward to get a better look at her.
“I was going to tell you.” She was speaking to him now. With her entire family watching for his reaction.
Noah kept his mouth shut. If he opened it, something snarky like “Before or after you made your decision?” would have slipped out. He chose to nod instead. Nod and breathe and try his hardest not to think or feel.
No one spoke, which made for an uncomfortable silence in a room filled with people. Noah shifted in his seat. If this was what it was like when Cassie first came back after Landon’s funeral, no wonder she didn’t want a repeat experience. The whole “big family” thing suddenly seemed overrated.
“I should check on the girls,” he blurted, standing. Maybe the backyard would have less dense air.
“And I should check on the dessert,” Mary Ellen said right after. Evidently she wasn’t a fan of tension either.
Cassie tried to reach for his hand, but Noah evaded her grip, taking long strides across the room. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. In the backyard, he found his girls tossing a playground ball with one of Cassie’s nephews.
Noah intercepted the ball. “Mind if I join in?”
“Only if you throw it to me,” said one nephew, pointing to Adi. “She throws like a girl.”
“Stop making fun of me!” His daughter stomped her foot, glaring at the boy who was about her age. “I throw like a girl because I am a girl.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to throw like one.”
“And you don’t have to be a stupid head,” cried Adi, clearly offended.
Whoa. It looked like Noah had just traded one uncomfortable situation for another.
“You can’t even kick a ball straight,” the boy taunted.
“Yes. I. Can!” Adi took the ball from Noah, set it on the ground, and kicked it as hard as she could. Instead of going forward, it flew sideways toward Kajsa, who actually caught it.
The boy started cackling and pointing a finger. “Told you.” He doubled over he was laughing so hard.
“She might not kick straight, but I can.” Kajsa glared at the boy then drop-kicked the ball. He had to duck to keep from getting nailed in the face.
Noah couldn’t help but feel impressed. Kajsa had been holding out on him. She had some skills.
The boy wasn’t laughing any longer. He retrieved the ball, glared at Kajsa, and retracted his arm, getting ready to hurl it at her.
Noah jumped forward, ready to intercept, when a female voice shouted from behind. “Alexander Christian Overton, you put down that ball and come here this second.”
He pointed at Kajsa. “But she tried to hit me.”
“I don’t care what she tried to do. Kajsa is a guest, and we don’t throw balls at guests.”
“But—”
“Come here.” She pointed at the ground near her feet. “Now.”
The boy shot one last glare at Kajsa before dropping the ball and stalking toward his mother. Behind her, Cassie slipped out the back door and approached Noah.
“Is everything okay?”
Noah wasn’t sure if she was referring to the girls or to him. “I think it’s time for us to go,” he said.
“Oh, okay. Let me get my purse.”
Noah didn’t waste any time ushering his girls inside. “Thank you so much for dinner,” he told Mary Ellen as he walked through the kitchen. “It was wonderful.”
“You’re not staying for dessert? I’m just about to pull it out of the oven.”
“Thank you, but we have some stuff we need to get done. And the girls have school tomorrow.”
She nodded, her warm eyes understanding. “It was really good to meet you. Don’t be a stranger.”
Noah smiled then nodded a goodbye to everyone else as he crossed back through the house. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Vern. I won’t forget.”
Cassie’s father patted him on the back. “It’s much appreciated, son.”
Son. Ten minutes earlier, the term would have been high praise. But Noah felt less like a son now than when he’d first arrived.
Cassie fidgeted the entire drive back to her house. Noah was upset with her, and he had every right to be. Surrounded by her family—in her parents’ home—was not the place he should have found out about Monique’s offer. She should have told him before.
Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve.
Only didn’t.
And now his two daughters occupied the back seat, making a much needed conversation impossible.
He pulled to a stop in her driveway and waited, not bothering to even look her way. Cassie tried to stamp down the pain. It was her fault she was getting the cold shoulder.
“Thanks for coming with me today,” she said weakly.
“No problem.”
Not knowing what else to say, Cassie opened her door and stepped one foot out. She hesitated, looking over her shoulder at Adelynn and Kajsa. “I’ll see you soon.” She mustered a smile and blew them each a kiss. Then she glanced at Noah, and her smile faded. “I’ll call you tonight.”
He nodded, still looking straight ahead.
Forcing her body to move, Cassie got out and closed the door. She watched as Noah’s truck pulled out of the driveway and rumbled away.
Her heart felt heavy and her stomach clenched. Hurting Noah was the last thing she’d wanted to do.
But he’d proposed. Proposed! Cassie had just gotten comfortable with dating him, and he had to go and throw that out there like it was the next logical step.
Meet. Check.
Get to know each other. Check, check, check.
Propose. Check.
Only Cassie wasn’t ready to check off that next box. There were way too many other checks that needed to happen under the Get to Know Each Other category. Lots of checks. Hundreds and thousands of checks.
Why did Noah have to be in such a hurry? He needed to watch What About Bob? and learn about baby steps. He needed to read The Tortoise and the Hare and understand the concept of slow and steady. He needed to let life play out at a normal speed and not feel the need to keep pressing Fast Forward.
When Monique had called, her offer had felt like an answer to prayer. Cassie could accept it, spend the summer in Houston, and she and Noah would be forced to take a few steps back and slow things down. It would be good for them. It would be good for her.
But how could she make Noah understand that without hurting him? She couldn’t. Which was why she’d said nothing. Which was also why she hadn’t accepted the offer yet.
Only now everything had backfired, and Cassie wanted nothing more than to click Undo on this entire day. If only that was an option.
Cassie passed the time by cleaning. She dusted every exposed surface in her house, vacuumed, polished, scrubbed, and mopped. She straightened and organized—even going so far as to stack the ice cream containers neatly in her freezer. But then it reminded her more of Landon and less of Noah, so she toppled them over and closed the door before any of them could fall out.
When she’d finished with the main level, she wandered down to the basement. But as she looked around at everything Noah had created, it reminded her too much of him, how good he’d been to her, and how not-good she’d been to him. So she jogged back upstairs and dusted the family room a second time.
By the time nine o’clock rolled around, Cassie was through waiting. She picked up the phone to call, then shoved it back in her purse and slipped on her shoes instead. The usual ten minute drive to his house took seven.
The light was still on in Adi and Kajsa’s room, so Cassie waited in her car. When it finally flicked off, and a duller glow took its place, she forced herself to wait an additional twenty minutes. Then she walked to the door and knocked quietly. And waited some more.
When another knock still left her waiting, Cassie pulled out her phone and called Noah. It rang three times before going to voicemail. Normally, it r
ang five times, which meant he’d rejected her call. Apparently, he wasn’t ready to talk.
Well, Cassie was. She’d driven all this way, and she was going to find a way to make this right whether he liked it or not. So she walked around the side of the house to the outside of his window and knocked.
Moments later, a crack in the blinds appeared, and Noah squinted out at her. “We need to talk,” she mouthed at him.
He looked away for a second then nodded. The blinds closed, and Cassie made her way back to the front door where she waited until Noah opened it and let her inside. He closed the door, leaned his back against it, and folded his arms, watching her expectantly.
Cassie suddenly felt unprepared. She’d been thinking all day about how she’d explain. She’d formed hundreds of sentences meant to make things right, but now—with him watching her like that—all those words and explanations evaporated. She had no idea where to begin. And from the look of Noah’s tight jaw, he wasn’t about to step in and help her out.
“I was going to tell you,” she finally blurted—er, repeated. She’d already said as much at her parents’ house.
“When? After you’d already decided?”
“Yes.” When his jaw tensed, Cassie belatedly realized how that sounded. “I mean, no. I mean, I was ninety percent sure I was going to turn it down, so what was the point in bringing it up when—”
“What was the point?” Noah pushed away from the door, his eyes zeroing in on hers. “The point is, we’re in a relationship now. And this is the kind of thing we should talk about before any decisions are made—be it ninety percent sure or ten percent.”
He was right, of course.
“I’m sorry,” was her only explanation.
“Yeah? Well, me too.” He stood in front of her, his arms still folded. “Were you afraid I’d try to stop you from going? Is that it?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? You totally blindsided me in front of your entire family, Cass, and I’d really like to understand what’s going on inside your head.”
Even though they were standing in the middle of the room, Cassie felt like she was being backed into a corner. “I don’t know.” She fidgeted again. “I guess I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”
“You spending the summer in Houston is not that big of a deal?”
“Not if I’m not going.”
Noah let out a breath as though his patience was nearing an end. “Tell me this. You said you were ninety percent sure you were going to turn it down. What was that extra ten percent thinking?”
Now he’d really backed her into a corner with no way out—other than to tell the truth, which was something she absolutely did not want to do.
“Monique needs my help,” she finally said. “I feel bad leaving her in a bind.”
“But isn’t that what you’ve been doing since she called? If you’re really planning on turning her down, she’ll now have even less time to find someone else.”
Cassie was running out of excuses. Actually, she was out of them. She sank down on the chair, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. “I know. I’m going to call her in the morning and tell her I can’t make it.”
Noah took a seat opposite her and leaned forward, resting his chin on his fingers. “Do you want to go to Houston, Cassie?”
“No.” That much was true. She had no desire to be away from him or the girls for the summer. She just thought it would be good for them. And sometimes, the things that made a relationship stronger were the harder paths to take.
“Then why did you tell her you wanted to think about it? And don’t give me that garbage about not wanting to leave her in a bind. There are other dance teachers out there.”
It was the moment Cassie had hoped to avoid. The moment she could say “I don’t know” and pray he’d accept that as an answer even though it wasn’t one, or the moment she could tell him the truth and risk hurting him even more.
But what good was a relationship where honesty didn’t exist?
Her eyes pled with Noah’s to understand. “I told her I wanted to think about it because I think the separation would do us both some good.”
Noah said nothing. He just blinked at her. Finally, he opened his mouth to say something then snapped it shut.
Cassie moved to sit beside him and clasped his hand in hers. “Noah, from the day we met, we’ve gone from zero to sixty in what feels like two seconds, and it’s too fast. People can’t know each other well enough in that short of time. The last time I rushed into something, it ended in disaster. I don’t want that to happen to us.”
Noah’s nostrils flared slightly, and his jaw worked back and forth. Cassie shriveled inside. Why hadn’t she stuck with “I don’t know”? Why had she thought that honesty would be a good idea? Because it wasn’t. If the truth hurt, then people should just keep their mouths shut.
“I’m not Landon,” he finally said, his voice hard.
“I know.”
“Then why do you keep comparing us? It’s like you’re looking for similarities—any reason why we shouldn’t be together—and when you come up empty, you try harder. And I’m sick of it. I’ve never been anyone other than myself, and if you don’t know by now that we’re not headed for disaster, then maybe you never will.”
It sounded so final. Like he was ready to call it quits here and now. How had it come to this? “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I—”
Noah pulled his hand free and walked to the door, opening it. “I think you’re right. I think you should call Monique, accept her offer, and spend the summer in Texas. Maybe by the time you come back, you’ll know what it is you really want.”
Cassie shook her head, refusing to walk out the door. “Please, let’s talk about this.”
“I’m all talked out.” He glanced at her, and in his eyes she saw sorrow. Defeat. “I know I love you. I know I want to marry you. I know I want to spend my life with you. It’s you who needs to figure things out, not me. So don’t tell me that a few months of separation will do us both good when I already know what I want. The question is: What do you want? If you can tell me right now what it is, I’ll listen. If not, I think you should go to Houston and figure it out.”
He’d basically given her an ultimatum. Stay here and make plans to marry him or go to Houston. But if she did go, if she left things like this, what would happen to them? Would there even be a them?
Cassie didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore.
Slowly, she stood and walked toward him. She placed her hand on his chest and felt the rhythm of his heartbeat. It was so sure, so strong, so confident. Like him. Noah deserved confidence to be met with confidence and faith to be met with faith. He deserved the kind of love he gave, and until Cassie could give him that without fear or reservation, it would always be unequal. And that wasn’t fair to him.
“It’s not that I think we’re headed toward disaster,” she said in a small voice. “I think we’re headed toward something stunning and wonderful. I just want us to take our time getting there. That’s all.”
His eyes met hers. “You’re forgetting that stunning and wonderful can be taken away at the drop of a hat. So why not snatch it up while we can and enjoy it for as long as possible?”
“Because I’m not ready,” she said quietly. Strong and lasting relationships took time to grow, like her aunt and uncle’s. She pushed up to her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek, then dropped down to the balls of her feet, willing him to understand.
“I hope you have a great time in Texas. I really do.”
He was saying goodbye. Cassie didn’t want him to say goodbye. Not like this. She wanted him to say that they’d talk soon, that he’d call her every day. That even though they’d be a few states apart, they would still continue to grow closer. Just at a slower, more sedate pace.
A lump formed in Cassie’s throat. It hurt to swallow. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to stand there and watch Noa
h, feeling like she was letting him slip through her fingers.
Before the tears could come, she turned and walked away, not knowing whether she was being wise or making the biggest mistake of her life.
Pain was like a sledgehammer. It was a destroyer. With one or two hard strokes, it could tear apart something whole and turn it into ugly chunks and pieces. With every step Cassie took away from him, Noah felt himself crumble.
She’d chosen to leave. Why? Because the separation would do them good; because the congested and humid Houston air would somehow clear her head.
Well, maybe it would. Maybe she’d come back ready to commit, maybe she’d come back still wanting more time, or maybe she wouldn’t come back at all.
The question was: Would he still be waiting when she did come back?
Noah wandered down the hall, pausing outside his daughters’ door. He cracked it open and watched his two beautiful girls. Kajsa rolled to her side, mumbling something in her sleep, and Adelynn was dead to the world. They were both so good, so sweet, so loving. There was no holding back with either of them, and he loved that.
Why couldn’t Cassie be the same? Why did everything have to be so hard with her? So much work?
The greatest rewards in life aren’t easily earned.
His father’s words came to Noah’s mind like another blow. He didn’t want to think about them or believe them. Falling in love should be different. It should be easy, the way it had been with Angie. If it was right, everything should be smooth sailing.
Without rocky waves, how can you appreciate calm waters?
Stop it, Dad! Noah wanted to cover his ears with his hands and block out that voice, that advice, that wisdom.
Instead, he closed his girls’ door and went to his room. Noah had seen so much in his life. He’d seen people get knocked down, sickness take kids from parents, and homes get torn apart by winds and floods. But he’d also seen people pick themselves up and move forward with purpose. He’d seen resolve follow tragedy and joy follow heartache. He’d seen people become better and stronger.