by L. P. Dover
Cooper joined me on the floor and put his arm around me, and as soon as he touched me I broke down again. “I used to kiss him on the cheek every single morning like that before going down to eat breakfast. I always thought he was asleep. All that time he pretended and I had no clue.”
As soon as I left the room, Scott got right back up and went back to the camera, his eyes full of love and adoration. “I love it when you kiss me like that every morning. Okay, now it’s my time to get ready for work.”
He turned off the camera and again it started right back up with a collection of other days. They were just snippets of us laughing together, me dancing and acting stupid, and some of when I was so engrossed in my studying that I didn’t notice he was filming me. It was all precious moments we shared as a couple when all I thought I had to worry about was passing my exams and finishing school.
“You looked so happy back then,” Cooper murmured in my ear. “I can tell you loved him.”
Smiling, I wiped my eyes and nodded. “I did. Does it bother you to watch this?”
Cooper held me tighter and kissed my forehead. “No, love, it doesn’t. I’m seeing a side of you I’ve never seen before. It’s amazing that he wanted to show you this so you’d know how much you meant to him.”
“It’s weird seeing us together like this. Things were so different back then; I was more carefree. You know, I never thought I would love anyone again after what happened to him. I didn’t want to let anyone get close and then lose them like that. It was a pain I don’t ever want to experience again.”
“And you won’t have to,” Cooper promised. “I’m not going anywhere unless you decide you don’t want me anymore.”
Gazing up at him, I smiled through my tears and wholeheartedly stated, “And that’s not going to happen.”
After about five more minutes of various clips, Scott came back on, only this time more serious … more intense. It was five months later than the original date when the video started. Scott’s cheeks had sunk in a little more and he had lost weight. It wasn’t much, but I could see it in his face and in his arms.
“Kate, you have no idea how hard it was to put this video together. The more I watched our time together, the angrier I started to become. I thought I could get through this without getting upset, but the more I see things, the more I don’t want to lose them. I didn’t want to have to tell you this, and for some reason I thought maybe this would all end up as a bad dream. That I would wake up one day and it would all be okay. You would finish up school, we’d get married and have kids, grow old and die together; except none of that’s going to happen for me.”
Taking a deep breath, he blew it out slowly and cleared his throat. “Kate, you know how you’ve been nagging me to go to the doctor because I’ve been sick? Well, I finally did a few months ago and had some tests done. It turns out that after all of this time of procrastinating, I sealed my own fate. If I would’ve gone sooner like you told me to, I might have had a fighting chance.”
Gasping, I moved closer to the television, never taking my gaze away from Scott. What was he saying?
“I’m dying, Kate. I have gastric cancer and it’s already spread. The doctors say I only have a few weeks left, but if I start chemo I can probably prolong it for another month, maybe even a few months.” Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and squeezed them tight, not looking at the camera when he spoke his next words.
“I know you’re going to kill me, but I denied the treatment. Why would I want to spend the last few weeks of my life sick and weak from chemo? I’m already in enough pain as it is, and thankfully, the doctors have given me some pain meds to help the discomfort in my stomach. It’s been so fucking hard to keep this to myself, but I know I must. Please forgive me, Kate. I knew that if I told you it would draw attention away from your studies, and the last thing I want you to do is worry about me when you’re trying to get your medical degree. Deep down I want to be selfish and just tell you so that you’ll spend every last waking moment with me. I don’t want to die alone, and I know you’ve been getting frustrated with me because you think I’ve been pulling away. Trust me, it’s the last thing I want to do, but I’ve had no choice. It’s hard pretending that I’m fine when I’m dying on the inside.”
Covering his face with his hands, his shoulders started to shake as he sobbed silently. I cried along with him while Cooper held me tight.
“I thought he was cheating on me,” I said softly. “When we stopped making love, I thought it was because he wasn’t interested in me anymore. I had no clue it was because he was in so much pain. I engrossed myself more into my studies and tried to overlook his aloofness, but I should’ve paid more attention to him instead of being too scared to find out the truth. I wish I was there for him toward the end.”
Cooper put his hand on my cheek and turned me to face him. “He didn’t give you the chance to be there for him. You would’ve given up everything to be with him and he didn’t want that. He was looking out for you, love.”
The camera shut off and then started up one last time with the date of record being the day before I found him dead. It was the hardest part of the video to watch because I knew without a doubt that after his final words it would be the moment he decided to take his life. He was wearing the same red T-shirt and jeans that I found him in on the morning of his death.
His eyes were tired and weak; his face pale and drawn. It was amazing how sickly he looked and I didn’t even notice it back then. I loved him more than anything, but I was blind. I wanted to see him the way I’d always seen him, and I failed to acknowledge that something was completely wrong.
“Kate,” he whispered hoarsely. “My time has come, darling. I can feel my life holding on by a thread. This will be the last time I get to speak to you, and I want you to know how proud of you I am. Whatever you do, please don’t hate me when you watch this. You have to know that I wanted to preserve my life for as long as I could and still maintain some sort of normalcy. I wasn’t supposed to live as long as I have, but I honestly believe that being with you gave me that extra time. I wrote you a letter, and of course, I couldn’t say all of the things I wanted to, but that’s why I did this video. I’m going to miss you so much. The thought of leaving you behind is the one thing that keeps me here, but the reality is that I have no choice. It’s the end for me, and the beginning for you. Follow your dreams, Kate.”
Before he could shut off the camera, he looked into it one last time, and it was as if he was finally at peace. I reached out and touched the screen, tracing every single line of his face. For so long I didn’t have the answers I needed, and now I did. I just wished I had known, so I could’ve been there for him and taken care of him.
“I love you,” he whispered, and after a few seconds of staring into the camera he was gone. There was no more …
I love you, too, Scott. Always.
I watched Scott’s video over and over until the sun rose the next morning. My eyes were swollen and sore from crying all night, but my heart felt ten times lighter. I got the answers I needed from Scott, but there were still answers I needed from his family.
Emily Easton was one of the last people on earth I wanted to see, but in order to get closure I had to. The team had an away game this coming weekend in Arizona, and our flight to leave was scheduled for early afternoon. Cooper and I had already packed our things, and since we had the morning to ourselves, I knew it was time I faced Emily.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” Cooper asked. “You could always wait until we get back home on Sunday night.”
I dialed the number Emily had left on the piece of paper and waited for her to answer. “I have to talk to her,” I told him. “As much as I don’t want to, I know I need to. It’s time to get everything out in the open. Once I speak to her I’ll finally be able to put all of this behind me and really move on with my life.”
“Hello,” Emily answered, her voice soft and trembling.
“Emily, it’s Ka
te. Can you come over this morning? I need to talk to you.”
She gasped, “Sure. Should I head over there now?”
“Yes, that would be great,” I said. “I’ll see you when you get here.”
Quickly, I hung up my phone and laid it on the dresser. The last time I saw Emily was at Scott’s funeral, and I still remembered the way she glared at me in disdain. I wasn’t allowed to sit with the family during the service, nor was I even acknowledged as someone special in Scott’s life. The scars of that day would never go away, and I planned on making sure Emily knew exactly what it felt like.
About twenty minutes later, I heard a familiar sound coming down the street … it was a sound I didn’t think I’d ever hear again. Rushing to the window in the spare bedroom, my heart almost fell to the floor when I saw Scott’s black Ford Mustang pulling into my driveway.
“She’s here,” Cooper called from the kitchen. “Do you want me to let her in?”
Hurrying to the door, I stopped him by placing my hand on the door before he could open it. “No, I’m going to talk to her outside. I don’t want her inside of my house after everything her family has put me through. I still don’t know if I trust her.”
Cooper nodded, his blue gaze full of concern when he stared down at me. Taking his face in my hands, I smoothed my thumbs over his stubbly cheeks and kissed him gently on the lips. “I know things have been crazy the past couple of days, and once this is over I’m going to make it up to you … I promise.”
He smirked and bit his lip. “I’m going to hold you to that, love. As soon as you get back in we’ll eat breakfast and who knows what else.” Cooper kissed me on the forehead and went back to rummaging through the refrigerator. “I’ll keep my eye on you. If I notice anything strange I’ll come out there.”
Before walking out the door, I took a deep, calming breath and held my head high. “Thank you. Hopefully, it won’t come to anything like that.”
The doorbell rang, but I decided to go through the garage door and meet her out front. When I turned the corner, I saw that she stood by the door, fidgeting on her feet nervously.
“Hello, Emily,” I announced, startling her.
Quickly, she turned around and grabbed her chest. “Hey, you scared me. I didn’t know you’d be coming up behind me. How are you?”
“Better now,” I said, crossing my arms at the chest. “After last night a lot of things finally cleared up for me, but I still have a lot of questions.”
Emily slowly crept down my front steps and approached, making sure to keep adequate distance. Emily was a petite woman with short bright, blonde hair and reminded me of a life-sized version of Tinker Bell. When Scott introduced me to her, I told him that she looked like the fairy, and ever since then he had always called her by that nickname. I called her that too, at least on up until his death.
Emily sighed and crossed her arms at the chest as well, mirroring my stance. “What do you want to know?” she asked.
Not wasting any time, I went straight to the point. “Why is your mother still messing with me when it’s obvious that I wasn’t the reason for Scott’s death? You all blamed him being miserable on me.”
Nodding quickly, she lowered her head and sniffled. “Yes, I know we blamed you, and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. I found out about Scott’s illness a couple of weeks ago, and when I tried to tell her she wouldn’t believe me. Right after that was when she took off.”
“Why did it take two years to figure out what happened?” I asked incredulously. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Defeated, Emily sighed and flung her hands in the air. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but after Scott died we had all of his things packed up and put away. None of us knew that Scott was sick, and since we were living in Ohio at the time we never saw him. He always sounded exactly like himself when he called to check in with us. Mom was too heartbroken to go through it all, and I was too busy trying to take care of her. It wasn’t until recently when I decided to start going through his things. I regret not doing it sooner, at least maybe then it would’ve spared all of us the senseless heartache.”
Sniffling, she wiped away her tears, but kept her gaze on the ground. “You see, my mother fell apart after Scott killed himself; it was like every single thing she lived for just vanished. I thought with having me by her side it would help, but I wasn’t Scott. I wasn’t her favorite. After she basically shunned me, I couldn’t help but hate you, too. My life has been nothing but hell for the past two years.”
“Yeah, well so has mine,” I snapped. “You’re not going to get any sympathy from me. It wasn’t exactly fun listening to you and your mother call me on the anniversary of his death and bitch me out for taking everything away from you. Did it ever occur to you that I loved him and lost just as much as you did? For the past two years I’ve felt nothing but guilt over what happened. I didn’t think I was worthy of anyone’s love until Cooper came into my life.”
“And I think that’s what set my mother off,” she confessed, lifting her tear-filled emerald gaze to mine. “There were times when she’d just disappear for a few days and then come back home. She would never tell me where she went, but I figured it out when I looked at her bank statements. Every so often she would travel here to Charlotte. My only guess was so she could spy on you.”
Gasping, my eyes went wide. “Spy on me? You can’t be serious?”
“Trust me, Kate, if I had any other clue I would tell you. My mother’s lost her mind. That’s why I tried to call you a couple of weeks ago to warn you. She doesn’t want you to be happy. Now that she’s seen you with Cooper and that other guy, she’s been doing anything and everything possible to destroy that. Did you not listen to the message I sent you?”
“No,” I huffed, “I didn’t. I thought you were calling because it was the day Scott died. I was expecting to hear another guilt trip come out of your mouth, so I threw my phone against the wall and shattered it. I honestly didn’t want to listen to your message.”
“I understand, but I tried to warn you that something was wrong. I knew my mother would get to the point where she’d snap, and it didn’t help when she found the brochures to these rehab facilities I wanted to put her in. She needs help, Kate. I haven’t been able to control her, and I don’t know how far she’s going to go this time.”
“Whatever she does,” I said, placing my hands on my hips, “she’s not going to get Cooper away from me. I refuse to let her bring me down any more than she already has. I’m done letting her grief rule my life.”
Sadly, Emily smiled and nodded her head. “I feel the same way.” Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a set of keys and handed them to me. “Here, these are for you. Scott left you his car, along with some other things that I also brought. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get it to you. My mother refused to let anyone send you the things he’d left.”
Oh my God. After all of this time, I had nothing of Scott’s in my possession. I felt so disconnected to him because I was denied any of his belongings … not even a simple T-shirt he wore so I could remember his scent or the pictures we took together.
Mouth gaping open, I gasped and reached for the keys with tears streaming down my cheeks. “Thank you for doing this. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“You’re welcome, Kate. I owe you so much for what you’ve done for my brother, and what I put you through the past two years. In the trunk you’ll find the title for the vehicle and all of the paperwork. Scott had it all put in your name a long time ago. Don’t worry, though; I’ve kept it maintained and paid the taxes on it. I’m pretty sure I could be arrested for withholding it from you, but I’m hoping you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Also, there’s a box in there that has your name on it. I never opened it, so I don’t know what kind of surprises he had in store for you.”
My lip trembled as I slowly walked over to Scott’s car; it was his baby. It still looked shiny and new like the day h
e bought it. I was with him that day, and he drove us all the way to the Blue Ridge Parkway so we could have a picnic. Then he drove all the way back so that I could spend the night studying. His spontaneity was one of the things I loved about him.
Smiling, Emily came up beside me and placed a gentle hand on the hood of the car. “I’m going to miss this thing, but I know Scott wanted you to have it.” She looked down at her phone and held it tight. “If you don’t have any more questions for me, I’m going to call a cab to come pick me up and take me back to the hotel. I’m actually leaving to go back home tomorrow. I can’t afford to take off anymore time from work.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Cooper and I can drive you back to the hotel.”
I knew I didn’t owe her anything, but it took guts to confront me and say that she was sorry. As much as I wanted to be a bitch and not care, it wasn’t in my nature to do so. She was Scott’s sister and he loved her.
Emily shook her head and opened her phone. “No, but I appreciate it. Cooper didn’t seem too happy when I showed up last night.” After searching through her phone, she dialed one of our local cab companies and asked them to come pick her up. When she hung up, she smiled at me one last time before walking to the edge of my driveway and sitting down on the ground.
I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I sucked up my pride and joined her. We sat like that for fifteen minutes, waiting on the cab to come while talking about all of the times Scott made us laugh. It felt good to finally talk about him; it was like I could feel his presence all around me.
As soon as Emily left, I opened up the trunk to Scott’s car and Cooper finally joined me. There were two boxes—one with my name on it—along with Scott’s favorite baseball bat. “Um … why did she leave without taking her car?” he asked curiously.