I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “No worries. It’s fine.”
“He keeps asking about you,” she whispered, her lashes lowering. “I’m sorry for being nosy, but did something happen between you guys?”
My mouth fell open in surprise. “Absolutely not. I’m not the kind of girl that jumps into bed with every guy that walks by me.”
“Okay,” she said the word slowly, staring at me, “then what is going on? And don’t tell me nothing, because I know there’s something?”
“Honestly?” I shrugged and she nodded. “I don’t know. He knocked me over within my first ten seconds on campus and then there was the pool thing and the coffee thing and…” I trailed off, purposely not telling her about the times he ran with me, because my runs were my thing and for some reason I didn’t want her to know. It was one of the only times I was ever free of my thoughts and I didn’t want to share that with her. “Yeah, that’s about it. He asked me on a date one time and I said no. I don’t want a relationship and he’s your brother. That would be majorly awkward. He’s not my friend…I don’t really know where we stand.”
She eyed me for a moment and let out a soft sigh. “He likes you.”
I shrugged again. “So?”
“My brother doesn’t like many people or trust them. I mean, he’s nice to everyone, but it doesn’t mean he likes them…not in the way he likes you.”
“Cade doesn’t like me in any different way,” I replied easily.
Her expression said ‘yeah right’. “I’ve known my brother a lot longer than you have, and trust me when I say he likes you.” Her face softened. “He’s a nice guy and he deserves to have someone in his life. Someone like you.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I held my hands up in defense. “Get that look out of your eyes right now. I can see you planning our wedding already. I’ve only been around your brother a few times and yes, he’s nice. But he’s also ridiculously cocky and annoying. I don’t want or need a boyfriend. I’m just fine on my own.”
She sighed. “Whatever. But I seriously wouldn’t be mad if you liked him back.”
I buried my face in my hands. “What is this? Elementary school?”
Thea’s eyes lightened and she grinned. “College. Elementary school. Same thing.”
I cracked a smile at that and we finally left.
The carnival was only about fifteen minutes away from campus—but it took us another ten minutes to find a place to park. It looked like everyone else had the same idea we did.
Thea’s phone chimed with a text message and she looked down at the screen.
“Cade said they’re at the entrance.”
I nodded because I didn’t know what else to say.
I followed her to the entrance, tugging at the bottom of the dress. I suddenly felt very naked and I kinda wanted to run back to my car and hide.
“Stop fidgeting,” she scolded.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, and let my hands drop. My arms felt awkward at my sides so I crossed them over my chest, which only served to make me look grumpy.
“Honestly, Rae.” Thea groaned. “At least try to smile.”
I tried to force my lips up.
She wrinkled her nose. “On second thought, don’t smile. That looks even creepier.”
Thea, Queen of the Blunt Comments.
I finally lowered my arms and took a deep breath.
I could do this.
It was just a carnival and I was going to have fun. It didn’t matter that Cade was here.
The entrance came into view—a silly arch made of balloons—and there stood the three guys waiting for us.
Xander and Cade had their heads bowed together in conversation while Jace stood a few feet away smoking a cigarette and tugging at the beanie he wore.
Cade looked up then, almost like he sensed us, and a huge smile spread over his face making his eyes crinkle at the corners. That smile…it was like a kick to my gut. It reminded me of everything I could never have again.
“Hey,” he chuckled, stepping forward, “look who it is. My Rae of Sunshine.”
I rolled my eyes at his jest-filled comment. “Ha, ha, ha,” I fake laughed.
“Come on,” he grabbed my wrist, “admit that it was a good one. In fact, I think it might be your new nickname.”
I tried to pull away from his grasp but he was too strong for me. He wrapped a paper band around my wrist and secured it. Seeing the question in my eyes he explained, “You have to wear a band to get in.” He held up his own wrist and wiggled it around.
“Oh,” I nodded. Of course. “You didn’t need to get one for me. I could’ve bought my own.”
“That’s what friend’s are for.” He shrugged, smiling lazily.
“You’re not my friend.” I said the words firmly.
He chuckled and scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “I beg to differ, but if you say we’re not then I’ll have to work that much harder to convince you that we are.”
I felt flustered by his words and very confused. I hadn’t seen him in a while and he was acting like we were close, which most definitely wasn’t the case. He baffled me.
“I don’t understand you.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead for saying anything, because I knew he’d make me explain.
“Why is that?”
As we walked forward, beneath the balloon arch, I shrugged. “It’s just…I haven’t seen you in a while and you’re acting like…”
“Like what?” He prompted, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans and gazing down at me.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.
He chuckled. “Oh, you know.”
Ugh. I stopped in my tracks and tilted my head back to look at him—which was saying something since a lot of guys were shorter than me. “You act like you know me and you don’t. I haven’t even seen you in two weeks.”
His eyes lightened and he smiled. Over his shoulder I saw Thea watching us closely. “Someone’s been keeping track.”
I rolled my eyes. “Definitely not.”
He shrugged off my words. “I’ve been busy. Coach has us practicing morning and evening. Plus, I have classes. As for the not knowing you part…” His voice lowered and he took a step forward and cupped my cheek. I shivered at his touch and backed a step away so that his hand fell away. “I really want to get to know you.”
“Why?” I asked, incredulous. There was nothing special about me. I was just…Rae. Rachael Wilder. The girl who killed three people. The girl who was angry at herself and the world. The girl who should’ve died that day. The girl who should not be standing here having any sort of conversation with the likes of Cade Montgomery.
“Why wouldn’t I?” He gave me a significant look and sauntered away, catching up with Jace and Xander.
I stood there in shock. Cade confused me like no one else. I truly couldn’t figure him out. I shouldn’t even want to know anything about him, but I did. I so did. Damn him.
Thea scurried to my side. “Still want to tell me there’s nothing going on with you and my brother?”
I gaped at her for a moment. “I have no idea what just happened.”
“Mhmm,” she hummed in disbelief.
“I swear,” I assured her, as we started walking once more. The whole place smelled like popcorn and funnel cake. I felt my stomach do a flip at the thought of all the buttery and sweet goodness I could devour. “You know, your brother is kind of strange.”
She laughed. “So are you. Maybe that’s why he likes you.”
I gave her shoulder a light bump with mine. “That wasn’t funny.”
“I thought it was,” she smiled.
The carnival wasn’t that big and it wasn’t long until we’d ridden everything. Despite my best efforts, I was actually having fun. In fact, I was downright giddy with excitement.
“I’m going to get a bottle of water,” Thea told me, after we got off one of the spinning rides. I felt
dizzy and pressed a hand to my forehead to steady myself. “You want anything?”
“Water is good,” I replied, leaning against one of the game booths for support.
“I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder before bleeding into the crowd.
My skin was warm despite the cool temperature and I felt almost drunk—drunk on life, maybe, because for the first time in a long time I was happy to be alive. I guess having fun could do that to you. I would have to remember to thank Thea for this. I’d been reluctant to come, but this had been the best thing for me. In fact, I was starting to think that Huntley University was going to change my life. Maybe it already had.
For some reason I found myself spinning around with my arms spread wide. I couldn’t stop grinning and since the sun had gone down all the colorful lights blended together in a swirl.
It was beautiful. Magical.
“What are you doing?” Someone laughed at me.
“Living.”
I’d forgotten what it was like to be so happy and carefree. To be just a girl. It was amazing and I didn’t want to lose this feeling. I didn’t want to go back to feeling so morose, but I knew that just like Cinderella at the ball my time was almost up. I was determined to enjoy this and hang onto this feeling for as long as I could.
I finally stopped spinning and when I stopped it was Cade that stood in front of me. I was surprised I hadn’t recognized his voice since it usually filled my body with such warmth.
“Hi,” I said stupidly with a goofy grin on my face. I seriously felt drunk but I hadn’t had anything to drink. I swayed unsteadily again and he reached out to steady me. “Thanks,” I mumbled, clinging onto him. I was glad I hadn’t eaten anything yet. Between the ride and my own spinning adventure I was starting to feel sick to my stomach.
“No problem.” He didn’t let go. In fact, he drew my body even closer to his. Where I was soft, Cade was hard. I fit perfectly against the side of his body and I resisted the urge to rub myself against him like a cat.
I really needed to get away from him, because in my current state there was no telling what I might do or say to him.
“I think we should go on the Ferris Wheel,” he suggested, his hand lowering from my elbow to my wrist. He chuckled when he felt my pulse jump.
I’d been in love once. I thought Brett was my forever, my everything. I thought we’d get married and have kids. Grow old together. But that couldn’t happen anymore.
Right now, with Cade touching me, and the way my body reacted, I couldn’t help but wonder if everything with Brett had been a lie. Well, maybe not a lie, but just not…right. Because this? This felt right. Perfect even. Cade made my pulse race and Goosebumps dot my body. I didn’t even know him but he pushed all my buttons and made me want him when I shouldn’t. After what happened to me I’d vowed never to love anyone ever again. Loving someone and losing them was too painful. But staring up into the depths of his blue eyes he made me want to take the plunge. I’d never known that someone you’d just met could have such a hold on you, but Cade did. I didn’t want him to, but that didn’t stop the feelings.
“Did you hear me, Rae?” He reached out and plucked the end of my braid.
“What?” I asked, blinking rapidly to clear my thoughts.
His lips quirked into a smile. “I said we should go on the Ferris Wheel.”
That was probably a really bad idea, but right now it sounded like the best thing ever. “Sounds good.” My voice seemed to catch in my throat as I stared up at him. I was trying to make sense of my feelings, to find some explanation, but there was none.
Cade nodded towards where the Ferris Wheel sat in the distance. “Let’s go.” I nodded and followed along.
I completely forgot about Thea and the fact that she was supposed to be coming back and would worry when she found me gone.
Cade and I stood in line side by side. I leaned my head back and looked up at the clear night sky. I took a deep breath and felt my heart begin to slow, the high from earlier beginning to disappear.
Slowly, I came back into myself and I turned to look at Cade. He was watching me closely with narrowed eyes. Back home, when someone looked at me like that I used to duck my head and run away, but Cade didn’t know what I’d done so I stared right back at him. Now that my mind was clearing I was angry at myself for agreeing to go on the Ferris Wheel with him. This only spelled trouble. The kind of trouble that used to be fun, but I wanted no parts in anymore—no matter how nice or good-looking Cade was.
“Go out with me,” he stated.
I snorted. “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”
“We did,” he grinned. “But that time you said no, and today is a new day so maybe you’ll say yes.”
“No.”
He put a hand over his heart and winced. “You wound me.”
“I don’t date, Cade.” I looked away and stared at the back of the head of the girl in front of me. She had pretty chestnut hair and she was smiling at the guy beside her who I assumed was her boyfriend. My stomach dipped. That used to be me. I looked at Cade again. That could still be me if I allowed myself such things.
“Okay…so how about we go out as friends then? No date.” He raised his hands in mock surrender.
I let out a laugh that held no humor. “We’re not friends.” I said for what felt like the hundredth time.
He sighed heavily and for the first time since the day he knocked me over I could sense his frustration with me. Good. Maybe he’d leave me alone. He should. I was no good for him and the sooner he learned that the better.
“Why don’t we go grab a burger next weekend as acquaintances getting to know one another?”
Jesus Christ, he wouldn’t let it go.
“Fine,” I relented. I could use this as an opportunity to show him how fucked up I was and why he should run the other way.
His eyes widened in surprise. “Great. I’ll text you a time when I know something.”
“I never gave you my phone number.”
He grinned. “I’ll get it from Thea.” Of course he would.
I was about to make an excuse to leave, and forget the whole Ferris Wheel thing, but then it was our turn to take a seat. Cade put his hand on my waist and I lost all rational thought. He guided me forward and I sat down.
He took the spot beside me and since he was so large and the seat wasn’t that big we ended up plastered together. Maybe that had been his plan all along.
My heart picked up speed and I grabbed ahold of the railing to hide the shaking in my fingers.
Up we went and I felt his eyes on me, but I refused to look at him. I kept my eyes focused on the stars above and prayed he couldn’t see my heart pounding in my throat.
The wind was cool on my face and I found myself shivering.
Cade lifted his arm and wrapped it around me, drawing me even closer. His warmth enveloped me and my breath left me in a shaky gasp.
“I’m not trying to make a move,” he whispered, like he sensed my unease, “but I could tell you were cold and it’s not like I can take my jacket off and give it to you.” He lifted his shoulders in a small shrug and used his free hand to point to where we were strapped in.
“Where are your friends?” I asked, desperate to steer the topic away from the fact that his arm was wrapped around me.
“They were getting something to eat.”
“Thea was getting us water,” I blurted, “she’s probably worried about me.”
Cade chuckled and his breath stirred the hair on top of my head. “We’ll have to find her once we get off this thing then.”
I nodded in agreement.
It grew quiet between us and neither of us seemed to know what to say. It surprised me that for once Cocky Cade seemed to be at a loss for words.
I looked around us and I’d thought the kaleidoscope of colors had been brilliant on the ground, but from above like this it was even better.
My mouth was gaped in awe like a small child. I
’d been to carnivals before, but I’d never let myself appreciate one. I’d been too focused on other things.
Too soon we were getting off the Ferris Wheel and going in search of Thea and the guys. A part of me wanted to get back on and escape the world for a little bit longer.
Cade didn’t try to hold my hand—which I was thankful for, but also found surprising.
After five minutes of looking we found all of them sitting at a picnic table eating hotdogs. My stomach rumbled at the sight.
I sat down beside Thea and tried not to drool on her food like a hungry dog.
“Here,” she handed me a water bottle, “got this for you.”
“Thanks.” I replied, twisting off the lid.
“I couldn’t find you, but it seems someone else did.” Her eyes flicked across the table to her brother who grinned in response.
I shrugged. “Yeah. He wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel.”
“Of course he did,” she muttered, dipping a fry in…was that mayonnaise? Ew.
Cade drummed his hands against the table. “I’m going to get some food, you want anything?” He asked me.
I turned away from Thea to face him. “I can get my own food.”
“I’ll get you a hotdog.” He grinned and pushed away from the table.
Jace and Xander looked up from their food at me. “Can you believe it?” Xander asked Jace.
“Nope,” Jace replied, shoving a fistful of fries in his mouth.
“What?” I asked, since it was clear whatever they were referring to had something to do with me.
“Nothing,” Xander shrugged.
“Bullshit,” I muttered.
Jace snorted. “I like you.” He took off his beanie and laid it on the table. His blond hair stuck up in every direction but he didn’t seem to care.
“Don’t let Cade hear you say that,” Xander chided. “I think he just might punch you.”
Jace grunted in response. “She’s a cool chick. Just voicing my opinion.” He raised his hands.
I turned my attention to Xander. “What did you mean by your first comment? The whole, ‘can you believe it?’ thing.”
Xander sighed and set his hotdog on the paper plate. “It’s just that Cade would never normally do that for anyone. I’m not saying he’s rude to everyone else…he just…”
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