Jace’s voice might’ve been incredible, but I found myself unable to take my eyes off the man beside me.
“You want to get out of here?” Cade asked, his eyes heated.
“Yes,” I breathed. I wanted that more than I wanted anything else in the world.
Cade turned to Xander and said, “Excuse us.”
Xander smiled knowingly and slid out of the booth so we could follow.
“Can you take Thea back to the dorms?” Cade asked him, grabbing ahold of his arm before he could sit back down.
“Yeah,” Xander shrugged, “that’s not a problem.”
Cade released him and Xander sat down.
We shrugged into our coats and he reached for my hand, entwining our fingers together. His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Let’s go.”
The chaos of the bar melted away along with the soulful sound of Jace’s voice.
Cade pushed open the door and we stepped outside. In the short time we’d been inside the world had been covered in a thin sheet of white snow. It fell down around us in tiny white puffs like the feathers of an angel.
Our collective breaths fogged the air and I couldn’t help smiling.
This moment it was perfect, and Cade was about to make it even more perfect.
“Rae?” He asked, his voice thick with emotion. Little flakes of snow stuck in his hair.
“Yeah?” The one word sounded like a gasp.
“I really want to kiss you right now, but I don’t want to scare you.”
I closed my eyes, a smile on my lips. If only he knew how many times I had wanted him to kiss me and he hadn’t.
“Kissing me would be more than okay. If you don’t, I might never speak to you again.” I opened my eyes so he could see that I was serious.
“Really?” He smiled cockily, stepping forward. “You’d give me the silent treatment?” He cupped my cheeks in his large hands, and his touch managed to heat my whole body.
“Oh, shut up.” And then I did something that completely shocked Cade.
I took charge.
Yep, that’s right. I took what I wanted and that was a kiss from Cade.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, and even though I was tall he was even taller so I stood on my tiptoes, and pressed my lips to his.
Softly, at first, almost hesitant.
I’d only ever kissed one boy, and for all I knew I sucked. So I was a bit scared to try out something crazy. I figured Cade could take the lead.
His body was rigid against mine with surprise, but once he realized that I had kissed him he relaxed and his mouth moved against mine.
It was like we were dancing.
But with our lips.
A dance only the two of us knew.
He tilted my head back and deepened the kiss. I couldn’t stop the moan that passed between my lips and into his. He growled in response as his teeth lightly nipped my bottom lip. Then he was soothing the spot with a flick of his tongue.
Kissing had never been this soul shattering.
It was like with one kiss Cade was tearing me apart and putting me back together.
I swore with the heat we were generating the snow had to be melting around us.
The passion with which he kissed me was intoxicating.
This was the kiss of a man staking claim. He wanted to make a point, to show me that I belonged to him. But if I dug deep enough into the recesses of my mind, I knew that he’d staked his claim the very first time we’d met.
I hadn’t been looking for love.
Or friendship.
Or a lot of things.
But the things you think you don’t need can turn out to be exactly what you didn’t know you were searching for.
Cade Montgomery crashed into my life, literally, and now I never wanted him to leave.
He was my salvation.
My hands moved from around his neck to fist the fabric of his jacket.
I wanted closer to him—to sink inside him so that his light and goodness could clear away all the dark shadows around my soul.
I knew it didn’t work that way, but for a moment I wanted to pretend that I was worthy of him—that I was healthy and whole, and not this fractured and splintered girl I’d become.
For a moment I wanted to be enough.
And I was.
twenty
Cade pulled away and placed a light kiss on the end of my nose.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever to do that,” he breathed.
“Not quite forever,” I joked, “but close enough.”
He grinned crookedly and entwined our hands together, heading back to his Jeep. “Wanna go to the football field?”
I waved my hand at the swirling snow. “Isn’t a bit cold for that?” Not to mention his coach might bust us again.
He chuckled and lowered his head to nuzzle my neck. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. I’ll keep you warm.”
My body hummed at his words. Oh, I had no doubt he could keep me warm, and my cheeks flamed with thoughts of just how he’d go about it.
“Sounds good,” I agreed, as he opened the passenger door of the Jeep for me.
When Cade slipped into the driver’s seat he took my hand once more. I couldn’t help staring at how our fingers wrapped around one another’s, like neither of us ever wanted to let go.
Things had been changing between us for a while, slowly at first, and now all at once. I didn’t think there was any coming back from this.
“What are you thinking about?” Cade asked, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on my hand.
I shrugged, wiggling in the seat. I pretended my restlessness came from a need to adjust the seatbelt.
“Come on, Rae, tell me,” he pleaded, glancing over at me.
“It’s embarrassing,” I mumbled.
The glow from headlights brightened his face for a moment before he was bathed in darkness once more.
“Do you really think I’ll laugh at you?” His gaze flicked in my direction. “You should know me better by now. I won’t laugh. I promise.”
I knew he wasn’t going to leave it alone. “I was just thinking that I don’t believe there’s any coming back from this. Not for me anyway. It’s different with you,” I admitted, biting down on my bottom lip before anymore truths could come tumbling out of its depths.
He didn’t say anything. Or smile. Or give me any sort of indication of what he was thinking and that scared me. I thought maybe I’d said the wrong thing and admitted too much. The only thing that kept me from completely freaking out was the fact that he still clasped my hand in his.
One heartbeat…
Two…
Three…
I waited. Counting until a full minute had passed.
“I agree completely,” he finally replied. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding—the sound of my exhale seeming to echo around the car. “I’ve never felt anything like this before.” Grinning now, he added, “That’s why I was so relentless in my pursuit of you.”
Relaxing, I joked, “Really? I thought it was because you were a cocky jock that couldn’t take no for an answer.”
His smile sweetened. “Rae, you should know by now that I’m not a cocky jock.”
He definitely wasn’t. Cade Montgomery was unlike anyone I’d ever met before.
He parked near the stadium and we headed inside the locker room and out onto the field.
Instead of leading me onto the field, Cade surprised me by turning and jogging up the steps to the bleachers.
When he turned and saw me still standing below, he said, “Come on. I never get to experience it from up here. Let’s sit here for a while.” He was already making his way down one of the aisles.
“Sure,” I agreed, hurrying up the steps after him.
The stadium was open on top so the snow still swirled around us, coming down more frequently now. The whole field was a sheet of white. Maybe it was a good thing we hadn’t gone out there. Our tracks would show a disturbance
and his coach would no doubt figure out it was us.
Cade sat down and stretched his feet out in front of him. Lifting his arm, he waved me over to curl my body against his. It was all the invitation I needed.
His warmth wrapped around me as I snuggled close.
After losing Brett and my friends I’d never though I’d have this closeness with another human being. I’d never been happier to be proven wrong in my life.
Cade looked around and chuckled softly under his breath. “You know it’s funny, when this place is empty it kind of reminds me a skeleton. Just a shell of what it can be.”
I looked around and shrugged. “Yeah, I can see that.”
“You think I’m crazy,” he chuckled, his fingers tangling in my hair.
“No, not crazy,” I snuggled closer, resisting the urge to purr like a kitten at his touch, “just passionate.”
“Passionate,” he mused. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone call me passionate before.”
“Really?” I asked, sliding down and stretching out my legs on the bleachers so that I could lie down. I rested my head on his thigh and he resumed stroking my hair.
“Yeah,” he nodded, looking out at the field. Smiling down at me, he added, “I think I like being called passionate.” He reached out and traced the shape of my lips. “I also really like kissing you.”
My cheeks warmed despite the cold. “I like kissing you too.” My heart fluttered and I felt like a little girl again, falling in love for the first time, where everything was still sweet and innocent and there were no complications. Clearing my throat, I asked, “How many girlfriends have you had?”
Cade’s jaw clenched and his eyes darkened.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled hastily, “I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“No, it’s fine,” he sighed, his breath fogging the air with a thick cloud. “I just didn’t expect you to ask that.” He looked away and seemed to be gathering his thoughts.
“You know there was only Brett for me and I just…I was curious,” I rambled, feeling the need to explain myself.
He smiled down at me then. “Don’t feel bad, Sunshine. Just give me a minute.” He looked out towards the field and took a deep breath. “There was a girl in high school. We dated from the time we were sophomores until it was time to leave for college. That’s when it all fell apart…” He trailed off. “She wasn’t happy when I told her I wasn’t planning to go pro. She argued that I ruining our lives. Throwing everything we could have away. She didn’t understand that I’m not that kind of person. I’m in it for the love of the game, not the fame.”
I sat up, leaning my head on his shoulder and reached for his hand. I gave it a small squeeze for reassurance.
“She said some things that were hard to swallow, and I kept trying to get her to see where I was coming from. But it became clear that she was only with me for the future I could possibly provide for her. She didn’t love me. She loved the idea of me,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I was hurt for a long time after that. She was my first love,” he smiled at me, “and I was a lovesick fool. For a long time I kept hoping she would change her mind. I heard from someone that she’d moved on to a guy that was due to inherit his dad’s millions. That confirmed to me that it was all about the money for her. After that, I dated here and there,” he shrugged, “but most girls were just like her. And the ones that weren’t didn’t hold my interest. To be completely honest with you, I fucked a few of them.” He mumbled, and I could see the shame etched on his face. “I hated myself for that, for using those girls for selfish needs. My dad might be an asshole, but neither of my parents raised me to act like that. So, I started keeping to myself.” He began to play with my fingers. “I hated the cocky jerk I’d become, so I changed.”
I lifted my head to look at him. “You changed? Just like that? I find that hard to believe and you acted very cocky with me,” I jested.
He chuckled and scratched at his stubbled jaw. “Do not mistake my confidence for cockiness. Big difference. Huge.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That sounds suspiciously like an euphemism.”
“Sunshine,” he winked, “I’m not one to be coy.”
I shivered and he moved to wrap his arms around me, bringing me close to his body. I inhaled the scent that was uniquely Cade and let it comfort me.
“I still don’t know what you see in me,” I whispered, my words carried away by the wind.
He lowered his head and tenderly kissed my forehead. “I knew from the moment I saw you that there was something different about you. I had to get to know you.” He paused, seeming to contemplate his next words. “I could tell that you were sad, and I wanted to know why, and frankly I wanted to make you smile.” Wrapping a strand of my hair around his finger he said, “But I really wish you could see how amazing you are, because then you’d never ask me that question. You’d know.”
I closed my eyes, exhaling softly.
Me, amazing?
I wasn’t amazing. Not even before the accident.
I was boring Rachael Wilder. My life was average. I was average.
“Do you ever think of them?” He asked suddenly, changing the subject.
“Who?” I asked, although I was sure I already knew.
“Your friends. Your boyfriend.” He cleared his throat and wiggled a bit, like he was afraid the question might set me off.
I looked up at him. “I try not to, but I think of them all the time. How could I not?” I babbled. “Sometimes I swear I can feel them around me.” I feared I might start crying. Talking about them was nearly unbearable. “I feel so horrible for what happened. I wish I could forget it—have some miraculous loss of memory, but I know that’s never going to happen. Getting away from home was the best thing that ever happened to me, because when I was there, I definitely couldn’t escape their presence. Their families made sure of that.”
I didn’t tell Cade, but Brett’s parents were the worst of them all. Since they lived beside my parents Brett’s mom made it a point to come around and let me know that she thought I was a murderer. Maybe that’s when I started believing it too. Hearing someone, especially an adult, say such horrid things about you can make you crack.
He smoothed his fingers through my hair and was quiet for a moment. “You know it wasn’t your fault right?”
I laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “Cade, it was my fault. Nothing you say can make me see it differently. If I hadn’t looked at my phone, three people would still be alive. But I’m learning that I can’t blame myself forever,” I admitted, “and that’s all thanks to you.”
He smiled, rubbing his hand up and down my arm to keep me warm. The snow wasn’t falling as frequently now, but it still dotted our hair, and stuck to our lashes.
“You know it’s not your fault that your dad hits you, right?” I mimicked his words.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Didn’t used to, though. For a while, he had me convinced that I was a horrible brat that needed to be punished. By the time I got old enough to see that he was just a miserable human being I…” He paused and looked at me, suddenly uncomfortable. “This is going to sound so stupid, but I pitied him.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “What? Why?”
He shrugged, clasping my hands in both of his. I was thankful for the added warmth.
“He lost his son, and that would crush anybody. Once I put myself in his shoes, I felt bad. I’m not saying if I lost a kid I’d hit my other one, but…I get it, I guess. Besides,” he shrugged, “hitting him back wouldn’t solve the problem. It would only make more.”
I looked up at Cade with awe in my eyes. In many ways, he had things worse than I did and he thought of everything so sensibly. That was rare and I wished I could be that way too.
Before I could speak I shivered again.
Cade stood up. “We should go. You’re going to get sick again and I don’t want it to be my fault this time,” he winked.
I bowed my
head, a smile on my lips as I remembered being locked in my dorm all day with Cade. I’d been so mad at first, but then I became thankful for his presence.
He led me down the bleachers and through the tunnel and locker room.
Once in his car, he turned to me. His eyes were serious. “I’m not ready for tonight to end.”
“Me either,” I confessed, holding my hands out where the heat could warm them.
“Not to sound presumptuous, but would you want to come back to my dorm? I’m in a single, so we don’t have to worry about disturbing a roommate,” he winked. “Not that I expect anything to happen,” he hastened to add.
I shook my head, a smile on my lips. “You are one strange guy.”
“Strange?” He repeated. “How?”
I laughed. “Most guys would expect something, but I know you mean it when you say you don’t.”
He chuckled, backing out of the parking space. “Are you saying I’m weird?”
“That’s one word for it,” I laughed again.
“Would you rather me be like other guys?”
“No,” I answered without any hesitation, “I like you just the way you are.”
“And I like you the way you are,” he chuckled.
I smiled. “Even though I’m an incredibly fucked up head case?”
He laughed and reached for my hand. “We’re both fucked up, Rae.” His face darkened from the shadows in the parking lot. “But that doesn’t have to define you.”
“It doesn’t?”
He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. You had no idea what I’d been through with my dad and brother. You thought I was ‘normal,’ didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I admitted reluctantly.
“Exactly,” he nodded, “that’s because those things don’t define who I am as a person, they’re one of the many pieces that make up who I am. A piece is not a whole. Remember that, Rae.”
“But is there really such a thing as normal?” I countered.
He pondered my words. “I guess not, but I think we all have our own idea of what normal is.” He parked his car in front of his dorm building. A grin lit his entire face. “Ready to see my room?” He waggled his brows. “The bed is small, so we’ll have to snuggle.”
I snorted. “Of course we will.”
Rae of Sunshine Page 18