by Mae Nunn
Abby straightened, dropped her hands to her sides and took a step back. A step away from his embrace, as if she was finished with the moment. Finished with him.
“That’s what Mama and Daddy keep telling me.”
“Well, from what I’ve seen they’re pretty smart folks.”
“Yeah, and they’ve had each other for almost fifty years. What do they know about loss?”
He reached for her hand, pulled her close.
“Maybe it’s not my place to remind you of this, Abby, but the day we laid the new laundry-room tile, Shorty told me that they lost several babies before they were blessed with you. I’d say they know quite a lot about losing something precious and having the next love be sweeter for the surviving, wouldn’t you?”
She ducked her head.
“How shameful that I’ve never thought of it that way. And how embarrassing.”
“I wouldn’t call it shameful. You’ve simply lacked their personal perspective, just like I lack yours. But as long as you learn from it, don’t you think God would want you to forgive yourself? I certainly think you should.”
As he stroked the pad of his thumb lightly across the back of her soft hand, he couldn’t help but wonder if in giving Abby absolution he was really saying it was okay for him to accept the same pardon. His insistence on having relationships his way or no way was certainly much more to be ashamed of than what this kindhearted young woman had done. What an illustration of the difference in their thinking that she felt guilty as soon as she recognized the behavior while he had spent years feeling justified.
Until today.
“You asked me a question. I’d like to answer it if you’ll look at me.”
She raised her eyes but kept her face downcast.
“No, that’s not good enough.” He put his index finger beneath her chin, tipped her head back. “Much better. While I still have you all to myself for a few minutes I want to see your beautiful face.”
He’d come to know the slight tilt of her blond head and the squint of her eyes that said she wasn’t sure she deserved a compliment. He would gladly fork over any amount of money to change that.
“You asked if it’s right to care for another when you’ve given your heart away.”
She nodded.
“Let me answer you this way. Each time your mother carried a new life I feel certain she gave her whole heart to that unborn child. And each time the promise of that life ended she must have felt some piece of herself die along with it.”
The brown depths glistened.
“Don’t you think that’s probably true? Even for somebody as tough as the Admiral?”
Abby smiled and nodded, as he’d hoped she would.
He squeezed her hand, a reassurance. “But all that pain hasn’t kept her from loving you desperately, even if she’s not the most adept person at showing it. I’ve spent hours sitting with your dad beside Sarah’s bed these past weeks hearing the stories of your life that Shorty’s already shared in great detail.”
“Why didn’t you stop her?” Abby scrunched her pretty ash-blond brows together in dismay.
“That never even crossed my mind. I just pretended I was hearing every single word for the first time so she’d keep talking, entertaining your father. It was adorable to watch the two of them.”
Abby rolled her eyeballs and tried without success to pull her hands free. “Guy, you poor thing. How boring for you to be captive to her lectures.” Sympathy was etched in Abby’s tone.
He chuckled at her discomfort. “Quite the contrary. I know a little something about the love and pride a mother has for a daughter. Abby, that pride is undeniable in Sarah when she talks about you. Shorty may believe you’re his baby girl, but I guarantee the woman who carried you next to her heart for those nine months is the one who knows it for certain.”
Abby’s mouth popped open and rounded into a kissable pink O that made him want to touch his lips to hers again. But he didn’t dare until he’d finished what he’d started.
“I got a bit off track, but my point is this. It’s not only natural, it’s part of God’s healing process to love again. And to want to kiss again.” He winked to lighten the serious moment. “Even when that first, precious commitment has ended in death.”
She was still for so long that Guy feared he might have blown it. Then she reached with her free hand for the cup holding the melting ice. He gave it to her.
“That’s kinda what Casey said to me.”
“Really. When was that?”
She pressed her lips together but her eyes sparkled with some secret humor. “Oh, in the same conversation when she told me what a notorious ladies’ man you are.”
It was his turn to be mortified over family musings. “Please, don’t keep me in suspense. What wisdom could the Warden possibly have on the subject of recovering from loss?”
“She said God was mending my heart and that it might even be time for me to consider dating again.”
He’d throttle Casey for sure over that suggestion! Better yet, he’d send the little troublemaker to Galveston on Monday to spend eight hours filing permits at the courthouse. It was a chore generally delegated to a college intern. But his busybody sister was about to earn some of her obscene salary standing in a long line while she considered her meddling ways.
“Is that a fact?”
“Yes, it is. And here comes possibility right now.”
She pointed across the way where colorful rigs destined for the Luedecke Arena were lined up to enter the Expo Center. “That red gooseneck with the Rockin’ R emblem is owned by a guy I used to rodeo with, Garrett Ramsey. He’s quite the steer-roping champ these days. I’ve always admired the way that man sits a horse.”
Guy noted the approval in her voice, longed to believe she felt something like that about him. He kicked at a dirt clod with a fancy boot that had never seen the inside of a barn, let alone the inside of a stirrup. It had been a long time since he’d felt the need to compete on any level with another man. At least this one was flesh and blood and not a loving memory, so the playing field was level.
Sort of. How did a drugstore cowboy, as Shorty was so fond of calling him, compete with the real thing? Especially when Real Thing was probably a dozen years younger? Guy rubbed his hand over his head, felt his thinning crown, knew there had to be another way to rope that doggy. And hopefully a way that wouldn’t put him in a body cast!
“Do you think you can contain your excitement long enough to join me for a barbecue sandwich?”
“Sure,” she agreed. “Just lead the way.”
Intent on having Abby’s undivided attention once again, he pulled her along in the direction of the food tents. A splash of icy water made contact with the back of his H&H shirt, seeped through the fabric and plastered it to his skin. He hunched his shoulders and sucked in his breath.
“Oh, did I mention I was calling payback?” Abby asked as laughter erupted from the core of her body and bubbled up like a natural spring. Even as gooseflesh prickled everywhere the water clung, Guy had to admit that the sound of her joy was without doubt one of the sweetest he’d ever heard.
“How cool is it that all those smokin’ hot cowboys showed up today?” Casey balanced Dillon on one hip with her elbow crooked expertly around him. Abby marveled at her son, completely at ease in this place crowded with strangers, having no need at the moment for his mama’s comfort. Casey’s other arm was raised, her hand shielding her eyes against the midday glare of the sun while she focused on the long stream of pickup trucks and horse trailers winding their way through the entry gate.
“Casey, my dear, you have a couple hundred guests to attend to. Worry about men crazy enough to sit bareback on mean broncs another day.”
“Mrs. Reagan, I’d normally defer to an older woman’s recommendation especially when she’s accustomed to giving orders and having them followed.” She winked at Abby’s mother. “Not unlike myself.” The two were definitely chiseled from the same gran
ite. “But it’s not every day that I find myself a stone’s throw from a bunch of guys in boots and jeans who want nothing more than eight seconds on a filly whose primary objection is to trample a Stetson in the dirt!”
“Young lady, you’re in Austin, Texas,” Shorty said, joining the conversation. “In these parts ropers and riders are as rampant as fire ants and most of ’em are every bit as poor. When those rangy cowpokes find out you’re the daughter of the Hearth and Home legacy, they will be after you like bored bulls to a new salt lick.” He cackled at his own humor.
Abby’s parents sat side by side beneath an aluminum awning, both wheelchairs locked in the safety position, their hands clasped across the few inches that separated them. She watched and listened with distracted interest while she polished off the plate of sliced beef brisket, creamy coleslaw and tangy mustard potato salad that Guy had graciously prepared. He’d been such a sport, shaking off her prank with a shiver and a laugh.
She scanned the area, teeming with activity and lively conversation, wondering where Guy had disappeared to. He’d delivered her lunch and excused himself.
“Now, go attend to your employees and their families like the good hostess I’m certain your mother raised. Trust me when I tell you those cowboys will make their own entertainment, they always do,” Sarah said, continuing to give orders disguised as advice.
“I may have to find out for myself what sort of entertainment those handsome daredevils make, if you know what I mean.” Casey nudged Shorty’s foot with her own, and got the conspiratorial grin she seemed to expect.
Abby watched the interaction between her family members and Casey. Where it might have seemed intrusive only weeks ago, today it was amusing, even welcome. If this was what it felt like to have a sister, having five must be amazing.
“Casey, would you give somebody else the opportunity to spoil Dillon and come with me for a while, please?”
Guy’s voice sent a surge of pleasant jitters through Abby. She turned about-face in time to catch him jerk his head in a motion that told his sister to join him, and the serious look in his eyes telegraphed urgency. “I need your help with something we didn’t anticipate when we arranged this place as our backup site. Now we have a few unexpected decisions to make about this evening’s festivities so I need you for about an hour.”
Casey strode immediately to Abby’s side and planted a loud smacky kiss on Dillon’s cheek before handing him over.
“Not a problem, bro.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Abby kept her gaze on Guy as she stroked the silky curls on her son’s head, then settled him on his feet to toddle off contentedly.
“As a matter of fact there is, but it’ll be later this afternoon. Just have a seat, put your feet up and enjoy some more lemonade. Leah knows we’ll be out of pocket for a bit, but she’s got everything under control.”
“What’s wrong, Guy?” Abby’s pressed for details. “My legs may have atrophied but I assure you my brain hasn’t. Tell me what’s troubling you. Let me help.” As always, before she even heard the problem, Sarah Reagan was certain she had the answer.
Guy’s eyes narrowed while he appeared to think it over. He was so kind to give the impression he was taking the offer seriously but no way would he do it. Abby was certain of it.
A smile spread across the charming face of the man she’d come to love desperately. With his right hand he snapped his fingers and then pointed.
“You’re on, Mrs. Reagan. Let’s go for a ride.”
Chapter Sixteen
At three o’clock, Guy stood atop the flatbed of an H&H delivery truck that had been called into service for the day to haul a portable public address system.
“An interesting coincidence has developed that we think everyone will enjoy. We’re going to move the final hours of our Employee Appreciation Day activities over to the Luedecke Arena where some of your hometown heroes are about to practice their bareback riding, steer wrestling, team roping and barrel racing. There will even be a mutton bustin’ for our aspiring little buckaroos to join in the fun. So you folks come cheer on the local cowboys and cowgirls!”
Hoots and hollers went up from the crowd over the prospect of an impromptu rodeo, an event that even the most urban of Texans claim as genetically ingrained culture.
From Guy’s vantage point, he had a clear view of Abby. He watched her eyes grow round with a mixture of emotions before she looked across the crowd and up into his face. Knowing it had been years since she’d had the freedom and finances to enjoy her sport made the sad smile that flitted across her very kissable lips easy to decipher. As he watched, the light seemed to dawn in her eyes. She shook her head, bent to pick up Dillon and then turned away.
If she knew he’d cooked up the whole scheme as a gift to her, would she view the opportunity to ride as a personal challenge or just one more stressor in her life? And if she agreed to participate, would it be because he asked her to do it for him or because she truly had an interest in reconnecting with the wild-at-heart cowboys of her youth?
Youth.
Guy suddenly felt like an old-timer compared to some of these kids. They would take chances and create physical dares as much for bragging rights as for the prize money he’d personally agreed to put up as a silent sponsor for the hastily arranged competition.
“Y’all enjoy the games and rides for a spell longer and then mosey on over to the arena,” he drawled as best he could.
During the laughter and enthusiastic applause, Guy turned the mic over to Casey. He climbed down the makeshift steps and strode toward the Reagan clan where Abby’s back remained turned. She’d squatted, ostensibly too busy with the business of shoelaces to notice him.
Shorty’s dark eyes glinted with mischief; his mouth twitched with the effort to hold back a wide grin. Guy had never seen Shorty look more pleased.
“She’s on to you two.” He wagged a finger at Guy and Sarah. “Claims she won’t do it. I got a silver dollar says she will.”
Guy turned to Sarah. “And what do you say, ma’am? Will she do it?”
Sarah had been a huge help, riding to the house with Casey, giving instructions on where to find everything Abby would need if she agreed to mount up and ride. Though the woman hadn’t been inside her own house for nearly two months, she’d even agreed to wait in the car so no welcome-home surprises would be spoiled.
“I can’t say for sure, but she’s her father’s daughter. If he says she’ll run the pattern, my guess is she will.” Sarah squeezed Shorty’s hand and turned adoring eyes on her husband, giving him credit for their child’s tenacity. A trait Guy was certain had been passed down from mother to daughter.
“Once Abigail pulls on those smelly old boots and that sweat-stained hat and she gets a look at the two mounts you lined up, I don’t see how she can resist.”
“Wish me luck?” He held up both hands, fingers hopefully crossed.
The edges of Sarah’s mouth curved upward and she angled her head slightly. From what Abby had said, that was probably the closest thing to approval her mother ever gave.
“You got it…my boy,” Shorty agreed.
My boy?
The address caught Guy by surprise. He looked from Shorty to Sarah and back again as he swallowed down what felt like a teaspoon of flour in his throat. He opened his mouth so speak, to say thank you, but words fled. The ability to express gratitude that always came so easily was a lost art for long moments while he tried to think of something memorable to say.
“Well, Walgreens Wrangler, you gonna stand there all day or go get my little girl atop a quarter horse for the first time in more than five years?”
“I can’t do it.” Abby’s voice gave no clue as to the reason for her refusal. She yanked the tips of Dillon’s shoelaces securely, and he was off on sturdy legs, looking for adventure.
“Why?” Guy pleaded. Not that the money mattered, but he’d invested thousands arranging for this “coincidence” and it sounded like she might balk
and prove them all wrong.
“I just can’t.”
“Are you nervous because you haven’t ridden in so long? Are you afraid you might get hurt?”
She gave an adamant shake of her head.
“Are you worried about the horses? Because I went to your Rockin’ R friend, Garrett, and asked him to personally arrange a couple of seasoned barrel horses for you to choose between. He remembered you and was glad to do it.”
She dipped her chin, hid her eyes behind the palm of her right hand. “Oh, Guy, I wish you hadn’t gone to all that trouble. Now I’m obligated.”
“Don’t feel that way, hon. Won’t you just relax and have some fun?”
She held her arms out. “I’m dressed for a picnic, not a rodeo.”
“Objection overruled. With your mother’s help, Casey went back to the house and got all your gear. Sarah is so excited to see you ride again.”
Abby’s eyes narrowed; the brown depths sparkled with disbelief.
“My mother approved?”
“Of course. She’s onboard with everything. And it goes without saying your daddy is, too.”
Abby pressed her lips together, stared hard for several seconds.
“Well, what’ll it be, cowgirl? You gonna ride with the big boys or sit on the porch?” He tried for a little Texas levity.
She blinked several times. Exhaled loudly and held her palms aloft in surrender.
He opened his arms, an invitation.
She stepped into them and slid her palms around his waist, pressed her cheek to his chest.
Father, show me how to be what Abby needs most of all. Right now I think that may just be a good friend, but I want to be so much more. I want to be her everything.
Abby listened to the cadence of Guy’s heart and bit back what she wanted to say aloud, offering it up in prayer instead.