by Lana Hartley
I watched us pull from the gates and out of a long driveway. Jacob's home is truly separated from anyone. When we hit the highway, and then the city, I'm excited despite all my misgivings. I've only been in the city a few times, and Alanor Heights is instantly an exciting, if not an overwhelming, change of pace. I've been shut in my whole life, though, and when we step out of the car and toward the salon, seeing the sheer number of people actually hits my chest like a brick is dropped on it. I suddenly have the urge to hold my hands together. I wish for a second that Jacob was there.
I curse that thought. Why would I think that? I don't want that. I unclench my fists and breathe slowly. Of course, trying to control my breathing sends erotic flashbacks of Jacob Renaud licking my pussy so good that I almost get dizzy just thinking about it. Fuck.
"Carlotta, she's my girl now, she'll take care of you," Tatiana says, and she puts her arm on my back and walks with me. "Do you think you want bangs? With that baby-doll face, they could be so cute. Mr. Renaud would like them," she says, adding that last part like she might be measuring my response.
I want to build up her trust in me, and I don't want to be any ruder to her than I might have already been, so I smile, nod, and tell her that I'd like that, too. "Let's try it!" I hope my enthusiasm rings true. I am curious to know what I'd look like with well-coiffed hair, with adult, well-done makeup. With fancy clothes. Maybe today will be exciting and feel good, and that's okay. It isn't like I could run right now, and I don't know where I'd run to. I have to let go of the feeling like static under my skin and quicksand under my feet, that I'll never get away if I don't do something now. There's nothing to do now. Right now, I need to assess the situation. Besides, I never thought I'd get away from my father, and now I'm free. If I'm honest, I know that I was never going to try to get away from my father's house. I knew he was going to sell me someday, but it wasn't until it was really happening that I felt a fire was lit under my ass. Now, I have to bide my time and be smart.
And for just a moment, maybe be a little happy. I know better than to think I'll ever be fully happy, because if it is a destination, then it isn't one for me. But for a few moments today, I'm normal. I'm just another girl getting her hair cut.
We walk into the salon and a gorgeous woman who's nearly as tall as Jacob walks up to Tatiana and they hug. "Darling, who is this angel cakes you brought me today?" The woman I presume is Carlotta says, looking at me.
My face heats. When Jacob said he thought I was beautiful, it was shocking to me. I feel plain. When Tatiana was sweet to me, I thought that's all it was. Carlotta now is probably just being nice. Still, I'm shy again, and I try not to stammer as I put my hand out to introduce myself. "Leah Waterson," I say. Part of me wishes I didn't use my last name. I don't want anything that reminds me of my father.
"Sugar, please," Carlotta says and shakes her head. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in for a tight, squeezing hug. "Lotta gonna take care of you, come over here." She points to a seat, and I sit down. She adjusts the stool with her foot and puts a smock on me, lifting my hair up and securing it at the nape of my neck. "So tell me you're keeping this length. This color is perfect too. Ooh, let me play with it. Can I?" She's talking fast, and despite everything, I have a huge grin on my face and simply nod along with her, even laughing when she finally pauses to let me answer. "Good, good. Now, let's shampoo first, come here," Carlotta says and extends her hand. I take it and follow her over to the sinks, laying my head back when I sit down and feeling the extra-hot water sink into my scalp and transport me to a calmer state of mind. Tatiana can't have known just how much this would put me at ease, but she did well in making me comfortable. Before I close my eyes, I see her sitting down at a station for a pedicure. I've never had one of those. It sounds totally indulgent, but after feeling how soft Jacob's sheets are, the next time my feet are on them, I want them baby smooth. After everything on that list, I know that Jacob won't care that I'm spending whatever it costs to get a pedicure, so I think I'll have to give the pedicure a try.
I suppose knowing that he has so much money and knowing that I want to get far away from him, I shouldn't care about how I spend his money. But I know that's not right. It feels gross to imagine using him like that, which is maybe foolish.
"Child, your shoulders are so tense." Carlotta says and does a tsk, tsk sound sucking at her teeth. "Is the water too hot?"
And now, again, thoughts of Jacob have ruined my relaxation!
"No, I just got lost in unpleasant thoughts. Please, keep working your magic," I say earnestly, taking a moment to try and still my mind.
"No problem, girlfriend," Carlotta says with a chuckle. "I've got you."
The water cascaded down my scalp. Carlotta's long, strong nails worked circles through my scalp, scooped up all my hair to the top of my head, and then lathered the most incredible smelling shampoo through my hair. It was similar to the shampoo in Jacob's shower, but the scent was somehow more upbeat. I didn't know scents could have moods, but this one definitely did. Carlotta worked the shampoo out of my head, giving my scalp a gentle raking motion that felt really good. It was impossible not to feel relaxed. After she'd turned off the water and worked conditioner through my hair, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. "Your hands are magic," I told her, laughing. "I will have to do this again, soon."
"Girl, with them ends, I expect to see you at least every few weeks. You're abusing some otherwise beautiful hair." She shook a comb at me. "That shit won't fly!"
"Yes, ma'am," I said, laughing with her.
She rinsed my hair a few minutes later and walked me back to the chair. "I'm going to turn you around. I don't want you to see the messy part in between, just the happy ending," Carlotta said, and there was a far-off look in her eyes for a second.
I gave her a solemn smile. I didn't want to see the messy parts of many things, just the happy ending, if there was one, so that was fine by me.
Besides, I knew that Carlotta wasn't going to change much. I wondered if I should tell her about the bangs conversation that I'd had with Tatiana, who I could see was getting a very bright neon pink on her toes and fingers now, or if I should just let Carlotta do her thing. Decidedly, I was not the expert here, and I had put myself in her hands. The person with sharp objects near my face was the safest person that I could trust in my life, I told myself. Which I then realized was melodramatic. I drank the coffee this morning too fast and I needed to make sure that I ate a healthy lunch and drank lots of water and flushed that whole stimulus from my body.
My mind wandered to the level of sated I'd been after how many times Jacob had made me come. I didn't think I could be that spent, even if I ran a marathon. That could turn my caffeine high right around... I blinked rapidly, not shaking my head even though the actual motion wouldn't clear my mind. Still, maybe...if I was going to give him my virginity tonight, perhaps I should think about the good parts and not the things about Jacob that frightened me. Or how when he scared me, that turned me on, too.
I focused on the small pieces of my hair that I saw on the ground. Not much came off, but I felt it, somehow, there was something dramatic happening. I was glad. I wanted to end this day nothing like the person I was just three days ago. I wasn't Leah Waterson anymore. I wasn't Leah anything. I was just Leah. I needed to figure out who that was.
I closed my eyes as Carlotta started work on pieces of my hair that were closer to my face. Bangs, I supposed. I thought about what I might look like with bangs. Different. That's for sure. And that was good.
"Carlotta?" I said, hoping I wasn't disturbing her.
"Yes, sweetie?" Carlotta said, continuing to work on my hair. So I must not have disturbed her.
"Do you do makeup here? I was kind of hoping you could help me out. I...I don't really know anything, but I want to look...different."
Carlotta stopped, and I opened my eyes to see her looking at me. "You don't need to be different, but if you want a change, sure. I'll help you out, Leah." Ther
e was a somber note in her voice, and even though it wasn't logical, I felt like she understood what I needed. Maybe she did, somehow, without even knowing my situation.
"Thank you," I whispered.
Carlotta nodded.
I gave a half smile and closed my eyes.
She returned to working on my hair. I started to think about the list. Not to stress myself about whether or not I wanted Jacob to be able to develop the architecture of my life, but because the reality is that I would probably be doing those things regardless of how I felt about him facilitating them. Now, I didn't have to worry about affording college. My father told me, the one time I asked to be able to go school, that if someone worth selling me to wanted me to go to college, they'd pay. The irony of this situation was not lost on me. I was going to have a job...I had real options. I knew what I wanted to major in. It was fantastic that I could choose that major and not worry about money if I chose it. Because wanting to study literature and be an English major wasn't exactly a valid career choice...but I could bide my time at Renaud's place, in his world, until I could afford the school I was going to and find my job.
But I resigned myself to the fact that it was a hopeless fantasy. No, if I were going to get away from Jacob Renaud, I would have to hide. And I would have to hide damn well from a man who stole whatever he wanted. If there was any trace of me in this life that remained.
Leah
"Aww, princess," Jacob said, his mouth covering over my skin where he'd spanked me. I could feel the heat of his breath, and it made me whimper, my eyes scanning nowhere and making my toes pinch together inside the heels. "Don't be like that. You don't want it fast." He ran the back of his fingers down the seam of my ass, and I shivered against him. Instantly, his other hand stilled me, capturing my hip and gripping me into place. My heart was pelting through my stomach now. How could even the simplest moves reveal just how dangerous he was, how much I stood to...transform under his touch?
Fuck.
I'd lost this game before it even started. I wanted him. I was desperate for whatever came next. I didn't know if he would spank me, if he would fuck me, if he would talk to me more and do so with his breath so close to me. All of it drove me wild with desire for him. For some reason, that didn't make me want to break down in tears. Not right away. No, it made something feel like fluttering wings in my chest. I sucked in the strength I hoped to gain in a breath, and his hand released my hip, stroking slowly down my thigh, my calf, and then both his hands removed my heels. His palms went flat against my feet. It was odd, something about it was so intimate. It was as if I had no fucking clue what Jacob was up to. If he was just going to fuck me, he wouldn't go through all this, put me through all of this. Goddamn, he was claiming my virginity like it was a quest to be completed. That's what I was. Some perverse conquest.
I whimpered a little. I wanted him. I wanted to hate him.
Jacob ran his hands back up my legs and rose up until his stomach was grazing my back. "Are you okay, Leah?" His voice was quiet, a solemn sound.
It pulled me out of everything tumultuous in my mind and was like a homing missile to my truth.
"I'm scared," I said. I didn't want to say that out loud, but there I was, telling him the thing I didn't want to admit to myself.
"You have to let go," Jacob said, and he moved until our faces were touching, his hand cupping my face and our foreheads pressing together. "Let every sensation mean nothing more than the physical to you. Delve into everything, and let it wash over you. Don't let it all sink in until you're ready, and then completely let go. Give yourself to it."
I opened my mouth as if to speak, but I didn't know what to say. It was incomprehensible madness, and it was the truest thing he could have said to me.
"Why would you spank me?" I asked. I had to get to the concrete heart of something because when Jacob talked to me like that, it made me wonder what was truly going on his mind. He was a complex man. I didn't want to yearn to uncover his mysteries.
"Because sometimes pain is more pleasurable than anything else," Jacob said, his voice sounding like for a moment he was far away in thought. "And because it is a very useful tool for both distraction and arousal. It can help you focus."
"Hitting me can do that?" I was incredulous, even though I'd felt how even a few hard swats warmed my pussy.
"Oh, princess," Jacob said with a laugh. "I know you enjoy this," he said through gritted teeth, landing several swats on my ass in quick succession that made me yelp.
The evidence of how good it felt was pooling under me on the bed. "Yes," I said finally.
"Yes?" He asked.
I knew what he was asking for. Now, I remembered his question. And before I could consider whether or not I wanted to answer him, I was. "I have thought about how if you're going to fuck me that it better be the best goddamn orgasm of my life. I thought the person I gave my virginity to would love me."
I felt strong for a moment when the first half of the statement came out of my mouth.
So why the fuck did I have to say the second part?
He said nothing. Jacob swatted my ass. When he switched to the other cheek, he used one hand to rub the previously abused skin. When he was done and rubbing both of my ass cheeks with his palms, I had sticky thighs and hazy thoughts. Would it be so bad if I did love Jacob Renaud? He had everything.
Including me.
I couldn't help the first line of those thoughts any more than the last, and when he pressed his fingers inside me and curled them, I was already spasming around him, my pussy squeezing his fingers and my body tremoring with the orgasm he'd already brought me to. It felt so good, and the instant he'd contacted my sensitive inner walls, I let all my worries fall away and melted into every sensation he brought me. It all felt so damn good. I wanted to be high on pleasure rather than tugged around by my own inner turmoil.
"Yes, Leah, we all have such hopes," Jacob said. His other hand stroked my back, pushed some of my hair out of the way, and he placed a palm on my back. He removed his fingers from my pussy and lined up his cock at my entrance.
Oh.
Oh, fuck, he was going to do it. There was no more lead-up right now. I didn't need it. My wet pussy was fluttering from the orgasm that he'd just given me and I was sweating all over and desperate for more. For the very thing that had been in every inch of my thoughts, waiting for it to come.
"But you know you could never love a man like me," Jacob said.
I didn't get to ponder that thought or why he'd say that because he slammed the full length of his massive cock into my pussy and I was screaming. It didn't hurt, it didn't even overwhelm me. It did something more than that. It erased every doubt in my body and made me desperate for him to fill me. His hands captured both of mine, and he pumped hard into me, pulling me by my wrists and teasing my nipples with the way my breasts slid over the fabric of the bed sheets.
My mind was a cavern of stars, and somewhere in the immense pleasure of him stretching and hitting every part of my soul with the pleasure his cock unlocked, filling me, I heard his words in my mind and the question my own brain demanded I answer.
What kind of man could I love?
I didn't know if I could love anyone. I was barely able to love myself, still learning.
Jacob...why had he said what he did? I was hyper aware of his every touch, but I zeroed in on the way his hands punishingly held mine. His fingers were bruising me. His grip was so tight. I wasn't struggling. It was almost as if he was. There was no avoiding it now. I was caught up in whatever mystery Jacob Renaud housed in his dangerous soul. I just hoped that it would capture me as well because I needed to escape. For my own soul. For my own sanity.
His deep thrusts were bringing me to another orgasm, and when my pleasure swelled, the fear was consumed by a possibility. Some sick ray of hope that made me think I would never feel this way with anyone else, and maybe I could love Jacob Renaud.
When I had finished coming, he released my hands and pulled
out of my pussy with a wet sound and a feeling that made me whimper.
Jacob turned me over to my back and looked me square in the eyes. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't bring myself to. There was a wild look in his eyes. He never broke eye contact with those soulful portals to his internal enigma peering into my own open soul. His cock slid back into me, slowly this time, and with slow, deliberately tender movements that were just as claiming, he stroked inside me, his face never leaving mine, until he was close to the crescendo of his own pleasure. When he was about to come, then he dropped his face to my breasts and buried his face next to my heart. It must have thundered in his ears as the intimate movement made me cling to him, squeezing him with my inner walls and my arms, I came too.
Leah
"I mean, why steal art?" We'd been trading orgasms and sighs every waking hour, and some incredible twilight hours in the moments before wakefulness and sleep, but our conversations had ended completely. I knew that when I told him I wasn't ready for school or work yet, that I'd disappointed him. I wasn't embracing the life he was trying to give me, but it was a countercurrent to how I was trying to save myself, and I just wasn't ready. I went shopping with Tatiana, went to the gym and trained in self-defense. I fucked Jacob when he wasn't gone on business. I was his kept little woman, yet something about it wasn't right for him. I couldn't pull myself out of the cycle my brain was in to start up a fake life on his dime. This was all I could manage. And I wasn't sure why. I did want those things. Despite what scared me and made me want to hold back, I was still desperate to know more about Renaud. His touch only served to make me more interested. Somewhere between trying to resist him and trying to figure him out, he'd become the only thing I thought about.
The irony. He'd swore to me that I wasn't trading one cage for another, yet I was bound to my curiosity and confined to thoughts primarily of him. "J-Jacob?" I wondered if he heard me, and I stumbled because I'd almost called him Renaud aloud instead of Jacob as he preferred. It was odd. That's not how I thought of him, but I wasn't in any position to decide. He owned me...