by Coe Booth
I feel fat after dinner. Me and Adonna practically stumble down the hall to her room, and when we get there, we plop down on her bed like two rocks. We lay next to each other on our backs, giggling about how much we ate.
“I love your room,” I say, even though I tell her the same thing every time I’m here.
“Me, too,” she says. And she really does, because when I look over at her, she’s looking around and smiling like she’s seeing everything for the first time.
A couple of months ago, she got a whole new bedroom set, and everything is shiny wood, a full-size bed, a desk, and a big dresser with a gigantic mirror, which Adonna just loves.
But what she really loves about her new bedroom set is the fact that her father’s the one that bought it for her.
I turn on my side to face her. “Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah,” she says. “I talked to him Wednesday and he said he was gonna try and make it here tomorrow, if he had the time. But then he called my mom yesterday and told her to tell me he couldn’t make it.” She sighs. “I mean, you would think he would wanna see the way my room looks now, you know, after all the money he spent, but—” She shrugs.
“Is he busy with work or something?”
“That’s what he says, that he has to work on the weekends. But that don’t really explain why he can’t come around during the week, like after school. He only lives, what, an hour away? An hour and a half, at the most.” She shakes her head. I don’t get him.”
Most of the time Adonna don’t let anybody see this side of her. Nobody except me. Because she can get hurt just as easy as me, but she’s just better at hiding it when she needs to. “He’ll come by,” I say, even though he hasn’t been around for almost a year already. “Or maybe you can visit him over the summer, if you’re not stuck in summer school.”
She turns over toward me and pinches me real hard on my arm. “Don’t even say that!”
“Ow!” I say, starting to laugh. “You’re torturing me!” But I’m too full to get away from her.
But at least she’s laughing now, too. “Take it back!” she yells.
“Ow! Okay, okay! I take it back!” Because, really, it does hurt, what she’s doing to me. “You’re not going to summer school! Definitely not!”
She lets me go and we go back to laying there, me rubbing my arm. I mean, the things I have to go through just to cheer her up. The suffering!
But the truth is, sometimes I feel guilty when it comes to her father. I mean, yeah, her father bought her this whole new bedroom set and I know mine could never afford to do that for me, not anytime soon. But at least I get to see Kenny all the time.
I can’t say the same thing about Renée, though.
A little while later, Adonna changes the subject, which is probably a good thing because she needs to get her mind off her father, and I need to get mine off Renée. “When does Nana want you to come home?” she asks.
“She said to stay here ’til she comes for me.”
Adonna’s eyes get that look in them. “For real? Are you serious? You know what this means, right?” Before I can even think to open my mouth, she answers her own question. “It means, she’s probably downstairs with that dude right now and she don’t want you walking in on them, you know, doing the nasty!”
“Ill!” I cover my mouth with my hands. “Don’t even say that!”
“How much you wanna bet?”
“No, not Nana. No.” I’m shaking my head. “Both of them are, like, old!” But it does kinda make sense. I have to admit that.
And that’s when Adonna comes up with her plan, to sneak downstairs to my apartment to see if anything’s going on in there.
“And what are we supposed to say if she catches us?” I ask.
Adonna gets off the bed and pulls me up by the arm. “We’ll tell her you came down here to get that book I lent you.”
“But I’m still reading it.”
“Who cares?” she says, dragging me outta the room with her.
While Adonna heads for the door, I go into the living room to get the key outta my book bag. In the kitchen I hear Kenny say to Grandma, “All I need is a hundred, just ’til next week. C’mon, Ma.”
I try not to react, which is hard considering how much Kenny sounds like a little kid. And he’s borrowing money from a woman that’s living on disability checks, which is hardly any money at all. I shake my head, grab my key, and leave. I’m not gonna think about any of that now, not when me and Adonna are on a mission.
All the way downstairs in the elevator, we’re giggling and excited about what we’re about to find out. I’m just hoping, if they are there doing it, they’re not in the living room, because I don’t wanna have to open the door and actually see them or anything.
When we get to the door we have to get quiet, which takes awhile for us. Finally, I stick the key in the lock, look over at Adonna one last time, and open the door real slow and silent. We tiptoe inside and I don’t see them in the living room or the kitchen. Thank God.
“Maybe they’re in the bedroom,” Adonna says. She don’t even notice my disgusted face. “C’mon.”
We go down the hall without making a sound. But Nana’s bedroom door is open and the room is empty.
“Shit,” Adonna says, disappointed.
“I know,” I say. “I thought we were gonna see something.” I shrug. “Oh, well.”
We walk back toward the front door, and I’m feeling like our spy mission was a big waste of time. But as we pass the kitchen and take a closer look, I see something. Evidence. There are two mugs in the sink and a jar of instant coffee on the counter.
“You were right,” I tell Adonna. “Clyde was here.”
Adonna giggles. “They probably went back to his place for a little something something!”
I head straight for the front door, covering my ears with my hands. “I’m not listening to you,” I tell her, then start humming to drown out any other nasty thing she might wanna say.
But, yeah, at the same time I know she’s right. I mean, coffee? Things are probably getting serious between Nana and Clyde.
He got Nana to turn her back on Oprah.
THIRTEEN
All through the play the next night, I can feel Darnell watching me. We’re backstage working together and everything is getting done, but as soon as we get a second to breathe, there he is looking at me again.
At the end of the showcase, after we take our bows and we’re finished cleaning up, he comes up behind me and says, “Kendra, I, um…”
“Yeah?” I smile a little, trying to let him know it’s okay to say what’s on his mind.
He looks me in the eye, then looks down. Then he tries again to look me in the eye. “I, I just wanna say, um, you’re gonna be here tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Last show. Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Okay,” he says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he walks away.
I stand there for a second, now knowing that he wanted to ask me out. Definitely. And I’m thinking how hard it must be for guys to always have to do the asking. I mean, look at Adonna. She been checking out Nashawn for months now, and he still hasn’t worked up the courage to ask her out. Or even talk to her.
Mara comes over to tell me bye, but I don’t want her to leave too fast.
“Come meet my grandmother and her, um, friend,” I say to her, thinking it can’t hurt for Nana to meet Mara and see that I’m hanging out with a nice girl when I’m at play practice.
Nana and Clyde are still in the theater, sitting down in their seats and talking like they don’t even notice that hardly anybody is still there. Yesterday, when she came to pick me up from Adonna’s apartment around eleven o’clock, she never said where she was all that time. And I never asked. Because I already knew.
Nana and Clyde get up from their seats when they see me and Mara coming over to them. After I introduce them to Mara, Clyde goes on and on about what a great job we did on the set. “Wha
t I mean is, it looked professional,” he says, and the way he talks is like every word is important or something. “That’s what we kept saying to each other, that it looked like something professionals did. Right, Valerie?”
“It was beautiful,” she says like she really means it.
“Thanks,” I say. “Now you see why it took us so long.”
She nods and there’s even a little smile on her face. It’s like she’s being extra nice since she’s with Clyde.
“I was telling your grandmother that we should go out to dinner,” Clyde says. “And why don’t you come with us, Mara?”
Me and Mara look at each other and I nod. “Yeah, please, can you?”
Mara whips out her cell phone. “Let me call my mom, but I’m sure she’ll say okay.”
An hour later we’re all at IHOP and we’re actually having a good time.
“Kendra, Mara,” Clyde says, turning his attention away from Nana for a second. “You know, you girls could probably go to college for that—what do you call it?”
“Set design,” Mara says. “But it was Kendra’s design. Mine was rejected.” She makes a funny sad face and we all laugh.
“No, but you girls should really think about becoming real set designers, like on Broadway and off-Broadway, because I bet them cats make some decent cash, you know?”
Cats?
“My mom wants me to become a teacher,” Mara says, “because that’s what I wanted to be when I was little, and I still think I’d like it, I guess.”
Nana smiles. “When Kendra was little, all she ever talked about was one thing,” she says. “She used to walk around talking about, ‘When I grow up, I’m going to be a college.’ Not a college student or a college professor. No, she wanted to be a college.” She laughs, and even her laugh is nicer when Clyde’s around. “It was so cute.”
“That don’t make any sense,” I say.
“Well, that’s what you wanted to be.”
Mara laughs, too. “Weird, Kendra.”
The waitress comes over to pour coffee, and after Clyde gets his cup filled, Nana nods at the waitress and gets hers filled, too, and she starts adding cream and sugar like she’s really somebody that drinks coffee, which she’s not.
Mara leans over and whispers to me, “Come with me to the bathroom.”
I nod, and as we get up I see Clyde slip his arm around the back of Nana’s chair. I think Mara notices it, too, because we look at each other for a second but don’t say anything.
When we get into the bathroom there’s only one stall, so Mara goes first, and while she’s peeing she asks, “So, is Clyde your grandmother’s boyfriend?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t even wanna think about her with a boyfriend. I mean, I don’t even have a boyfriend yet.”
Mara laughs. “Me, neither. But I think she likes him. And he’s nice.”
“Yeah,” I say. “He is.”
She flushes the toilet and comes out, and I go in. I’m still kinda embarrassed that I wanted to be a college, whatever that means, but I’m trying not to think about it. Not now.
After we leave IHOP, we drop Mara off at home and make sure she gets into the building safe. Then when we get to Bronxwood, Nana asks Clyde if he wants to come upstairs for another cup of coffee. And, of course, he says yes and parks his car.
Even though this is supposedly Clyde’s first time to our apartment, when the elevator reaches our floor, he gets out and already seems to know which way to walk. And then when we’re inside and Nana hangs up his jacket, he asks to use the bathroom, and she don’t have to tell him where it is.
I’m just watching everything, collecting the evidence. Then I grab the cordless phone off the charger and I’m about to go to my room to call Adonna with all the latest info, not just about Nana and Clyde but about Darnell, too, but the doorbell rings and I have to turn back around to answer the door.
It’s Kenny standing there with his envelope.
“How was the play tonight?” he asks, hugging me.
“Good,” I say. “Come in.”
He walks back into the kitchen with me and, while I put the phone back on the base, I see Kenny hand Nana the envelope.
“Thank you,” she tells him, but she don’t smile or anything.
Sometimes I wish she would because I know it would make Kenny feel a whole lot better about himself, to know he’s kinda helping us out, even a little bit. I mean, right now all I feel is bad for him because he had to borrow money yesterday and now he’s trying to act like he can help take care of me when he can’t. And at the same time, I really love him for trying. I just wish Nana would show him some love, too.
I walk him out to the elevator.
“When is Renée coming back?” he asks.
I tell him tomorrow, and me and him kinda smile at each other for a while. Then the elevator comes and Kenny gives me another hug. “Good night, Babe.”
“Good night.”
He gets in the elevator but holds the door open ’til he sees me get back down the hall to my apartment and open the door. Then I wave to him and go inside. I’m kinda worried about him, with the way he still waits for Renée all the time. He’s only setting himself up for a big letdown.
Nana and Clyde are still in the kitchen, sitting at the table having coffee and danish. I go in and grab the cordless again, but instead of dialing Adonna, I call Renée’s cell phone.
But she don’t answer. It goes straight to voice mail. So I leave a message, reminding her when the play starts tomorrow, and telling her that it’s the last show. Then I tell Nana and Clyde good night and go to my room so they can spend some time together without me hanging around.
I close the door loud enough so they know they have privacy, and I get undressed in my room. I’m kinda feeling good about everything, the play, hanging out with Mara, even Nana and Clyde. I mean, it’s good that she likes him. And soon she won’t have to worry about having men in the apartment around me because me and Renée will have our own place. Well, as soon as she saves up the money.
It’s not ’til about a half hour later, when I’m already in bed with the light off, that I figure it out. And I don’t feel embarrassed anymore because now it makes sense.
When I was little, I wanted to be a college because that’s where Renée was all the time.
FOURTEEN
Sunday. The last show. Backstage, the guys are back to cracking jokes and trying to make me laugh in between scene changes. But I’m too busy waiting for Renée to get there and thinking about the fact that she’s still not.
I know I must look like I’m crazy or something, but I really can’t help it. Every five minutes I’m checking the audience, peeking out from this spot on the side of the stage and scanning the whole theater, row by row, looking for her face. It’s dark, but still, if she was there, I know I would see her.
Then, during the intermission, I’m doing the same thing, like maybe she’s there but I didn’t see her before. A lot of people are walking around now and it’s hard to see everyone. Or maybe she went to the bathroom or she’s in the hallway talking on her cell phone or something.
By the time intermission is over, I have to face it. She’s not there.
I’m not sure how, but I keep working, just trying to get through the rest of the showcase. But I can’t wait for it to be over now. It’s like I’m not even into it anymore.
Then, during the second-to-last play, we’re behind the curtain, arranging the furniture and laying out the props for the last play. And, as usual, we’re supposed to be doing our jobs real quiet so the audience don’t hear us, but then Gregg bumps into the end of the coffee table. Hard. And it makes so much noise, we all bust out laughing and have to run off to the corner by the storage room so the audience won’t hear us. We’re all covering our mouths but still probably making too much noise, and Gregg’s only making us laugh harder by whispering over and over, “It didn’t even hurt,” because we all know there’s no way it didn’t hurt.
“Oh, shit,” Trevor says, and we all take off running back behind the curtain to finish everything before that play is over and the set has to be turned again.
And we do it. Kinda. We put the furniture in place and change the backdrop, then rotate the set right on time. The only thing is, I’m still holding the fake cell phone, which Tanya is gonna need in, like, three minutes.
I’m just staring at it in my hand, frozen, when Darnell comes up behind me, snatches it, and literally slides it across the stage like he’s bowling or something. It makes a ton of noise, rattling along the wood ’til it hits the couch and stops. Some people in the audience start laughing, but Tanya and Kevin keep saying their lines like a cell phone comes sliding into their living room all the time, no big deal.
I lean over real close to Darnell and whisper in his ear, “You saved me.”
He whispers back, “That’s what I’m here for.” He smiles, and me and him look at each other in the eyes for, like, a second. Then he looks down at the floor.
It’s not ’til the play’s over and the actors are taking their curtain calls that I even think about Renée again. Right away I feel that little stab of pain in my chest. It’s the same kinda pain I been getting ever since I was a little kid, when Renée would tell me she was gonna come home to see me for my birthday or on Mother’s Day or something, then wouldn’t show up because she had a paper to write or a test to study for. And I would get all upset. Every time. It’s like I would never learn.
Since it’s the last show, Mr. Melendez takes extra long with the curtain calls, making sure all of us get to take our bow. I mean, I’m still not all that comfortable in front of the audience, even for the ten seconds I’m out there. The only good thing is being called a set designer for the third day in a row. I could probably get used to that.