‘There is no medical explanation of why Finn died. He was a victim of sudden infant death syndrome—sometimes known as cot death.’ Aksel took a deep breath and inhaled Mina’s delicate perfume. There was something touchingly protective about the way she had her arms wrapped around him and it was not difficult to tell her the secrets he had never told anyone else.
‘I’ll start at the beginning,’ he said gruffly. ‘When I broke up with Karena I discovered that she had been cheating on me with a Russian businessman. She assumed the baby she was carrying was his, but when the child was born her boyfriend insisted on a DNA test, which proved he wasn’t the father. Karena knew the only other person it could be was me, and another DNA test showed that the baby was mine.
‘But even without the test I would have recognised that Finn was my son.’ Aksel’s face softened. ‘He was so beautiful, Mina. I’d never seen such a tiny human being. He was perfect, and when I held him in my arms I promised him I would be the best father that any little boy could have.’
Tears clogged Mina’s throat at the thought of Aksel, whose own father had more or less abandoned him when he had been a child, promising to be a good father to his baby son. ‘You loved Finn?’ she said gently.
‘More than I have ever loved anyone.’ Aksel’s voice cracked with emotion. ‘I asked Karena to marry me. She was the mother of my child,’ he said when Mina looked shocked. ‘I knew the marriage might not be popular in Storvhal, but Finn was my son. More importantly, I hoped we could put aside our differences for the sake of our son and give him a happy childhood. Karena agreed because she liked the idea of being a princess, but she wasn’t interested in Finn. She had kept her pregnancy a secret in case it harmed her modelling career, and once the baby was born she went to nightclubs and parties every night.’ Aksel’s expression hardened. ‘One night she wanted to go out as usual and was annoyed because it was the nanny’s night off. I was leading a double life, spending the week in Storvhal carrying out my royal duties and returning to Russia to see Finn at weekends. I was tired that night, but I was still happy to look after my son. But he was restless and cried constantly. In desperation I moved his crib into my bedroom and when he finally settled I must have fallen into a deep sleep.
‘The next morning I was surprised that Finn hadn’t woken for his next feed and I checked the crib.’ Aksel’s throat felt as if it had been scraped with sandpaper. ‘At first I thought he was asleep. But he was paler than normal, and when I touched his cheek it was cold.’ His throat moved convulsively. ‘That was when I realised that I had lost my precious boy.’
Mina blinked back her tears. She had heard pain in Aksel’s voice but his face revealed no emotion. ‘Have you ever cried for Finn?’ she whispered.
His expression did not change. ‘Princes don’t cry.’
‘Did your grandmother teach you that?’
He shrugged. ‘I blame myself for Finn’s death,’ he said harshly.
‘Why? You’ve told me that there is often no medical explanation for sudden infant death syndrome.’
‘If I hadn’t been tired and slept so deeply I might have realised something was wrong and been able to save him.’
Mina held him tighter and rocked him as if she were comforting a child. ‘I don’t believe there was anything you could have done. Finn’s death was a terrible tragedy. But because you feel guilty I bet you haven’t talked about what happened, not even to your close friends or your grandmother.’
‘No one apart from Karena, my chief advisor and the Sami herders knows about Finn. You are the only person I’ve told.’
‘You mean...?’ She broke off and stared at him. ‘Don’t the people of Storvhal know that you had a son?’
‘Harald Petersen thought if news got out that I had fathered an illegitimate child it would prove to the Storvhalian people that I was an immoral and degenerate prince like my father. There had already been one civil uprising in the country, and to maintain peace and order I agreed with Harald to keep Finn’s brief life a secret. It suited Karena because she went back to her Russian oligarch who didn’t want to be reminded that she’d had a child with another man.’
Mina cupped his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. ‘Oh, Aksel, don’t you see? You feel empty inside because you have never been able to grieve openly for Finn. You’ve carried the secret that you had a son who died, and it’s not surprising you blocked out your emotions that were too painful to cope with.’ She hesitated. ‘I want to help you to deal with the painful experiences in your past. There are various kinds of psychotherapy—’
‘I don’t need therapy,’ he interrupted her. ‘I realise you mean well, Mina, but no amount of talking about the past can change what happened or bring my son back.’
‘No, but it might help you in the future to love again like you loved Finn.’
‘I don’t want to love. I managed for most of my life without it.’ He moved suddenly, taking her by surprise as he pushed her flat on her back and rolled on top of her so that his muscular body pressed her into the mattress.
‘It’s a fallacy that sex can only be good if emotions are involved. I can’t pretend to feel emotions that don’t exist for me, but I can give you pleasure when I make love to you.’
He lowered his head and captured her mouth in a hungry kiss that rekindled the fire in Mina’s belly.
‘This is what I want from you, angel,’ Aksel said roughly. ‘Your beautiful body and your sweet sensuality, that makes my gut ache.’
Mina’s breathing quickened as he ripped the sheet away from her and, after sheathing himself, ran his hand possessively down her body to push her thighs apart. His erection pressed against her moist opening and her muscles quivered as he eased forwards until he was inside her.
She wondered how he would react if she told him she loved him. With horror, probably, she thought sadly. Aksel did not trust emotions and believed he was better off without love, which meant that her feelings for him must remain a secret.
* * *
Mina was not surprised when she woke up and found herself alone in Aksel’s bed, but her heart sank when she turned her head and saw he had gone. She had hoped that the night of the charity dinner the week before, when the prince had so uncharacteristically opened up to her, would be the start of a new chapter in their relationship. She had hoped that Aksel was beginning to let her into his heart, but he had got up before she had opened her eyes every morning of the past week. She sighed as she looked at the empty space on the pillow beside her.
When they made love every night it was more than just good sex. Much more. He was a demanding and passionate lover, but he was tender and gentle too, and made love to her with such exquisite care that her eyes would fill with tears and he would kiss them from her cheeks and hold her so close to his heart that she felt its erratic beat thudding through his big chest. The Viking prince had a softer side to him, but in the morning she sensed that he regretted what he regarded as his weakness and resented her for undermining his iron self-control.
The situation could not continue, she acknowledged. Every day she remained in Storvhal she became more deeply immersed in the pretence that she was romantically involved with Aksel, furthering the media speculation that a royal betrothal was imminent. The press interest was so frenzied that she’d had to stop going to the village of Revika to visit the children affected by the fishing-fleet disaster, and instead the families came to the palace so that she could continue the drama therapy sessions.
The drama sessions with the children had cemented her decision to retire from acting and become a full-time drama therapist. She hoped it would even be possible for her to work with the children of Revika again after she had finished performing in Romeo and Juliet in New York. But first she would have to break the news to her father of her decision to leave his theatre company.
Mina sighed. Joshua was immensely proud of the Hart acting dynasty and he had been disappointed when his older daughter Darcey had turned her back on a pr
omising stage career to train as a speech therapist. Darcey handled their temperamental, perfectionist father better than she did, Mina acknowledged. Looking back at her childhood, she realised that she had always tried to win Joshua’s approval because after she had lost her hearing she’d been afraid he would love her less than her brother and sisters. She had spent her life trying to please him, and, if she was honest with herself, she dreaded Joshua being disappointed with her when she told him she was going to leave acting.
It was amazing how parents could influence their children even when they were adults, she mused. Aksel believed he must repair the damage his father had caused to the monarchy of Storvhal, and in his efforts to prove that he was not a playboy like Prince Geir he carried the tragic secret that he had fathered a son who had died as a baby. He had been unable to mourn for Finn and his grief was frozen inside him. Mina had hoped that, having confided in her once, Aksel would feel that he could talk to her about the past, but he had never mentioned his son again and any attempts she made to bring up the subject were met with an icy rebuttal.
The sound of the coffee percolator from the next room told her that Aksel must still be in the royal suite. Usually he ate breakfast early and had already left for a meeting with his government ministers by the time she got up. Hoping to catch him before he left, Mina jumped out of bed and did not bother to pull on her robe before she opened the door between the bedroom and adjoining sitting room.
He was seated at the table, a coffee cup in one hand and a newspaper in the other. He was suave and sophisticated in his impeccably tailored suit, and with his hair swept back from his brow to reveal his chiselled features he looked remote and unapproachable—very different from the sexy Viking who had made love to her with such breathtaking dedication last night, Mina thought ruefully.
She suddenly realised that Aksel was not alone and his chief advisor was in the room. To her astonishment Harald Petersen dropped onto one knee when he saw her and said in a distinctly shaken voice, ‘Madam.’
As the elderly advisor stood up and walked out of the suite she glanced at Aksel for an explanation. ‘What was all that about?’ Her eyes widened when she saw that the front page of the newspaper had three photographs of her wearing different wedding dresses. Closer scrutiny revealed that a photo of her head had been superimposed on the pictures of the dresses, and the accompanying article discussed what style of wedding dress the Prince of Storvhal’s bride might wear if there was a royal wedding.
Mina dropped the newspaper onto the table. ‘Aksel, this has got to stop,’ she said firmly. ‘The press are convinced that we are going to get married, and we must end the pretence of our romance. It isn’t fair to mislead the Storvhalian people or your grandmother any longer.’
‘I agree.’ He stood up and walked over to the window to watch the snow that was drifting down silently from a steel-grey sky.
‘Well...good.’ Mina had not expected him to agree so readily. Perhaps he had grown tired of her and was looking for an excuse for her to leave Storvhal, she thought bleakly. Her stomach hollowed with the thought that there really was no reason for her to stay. She was staring heartbreak in the face and she was scared that all the acting skills in the world would not be enough to get her through saying goodbye to Aksel without making a complete fool of herself.
‘It’s time to end the pretence,’ Aksel murmured as if he was speaking to himself. He swung round to face her, and his mouth twisted in a strange expression as he ran his eyes over her auburn hair tumbling around her bare shoulders and the skimpy slip of peach satin that purported to be a nightgown.
Desire ripped through him, and for a few crazy seconds he almost gave in to the temptation to carry Mina back to bed and make love to her as he longed to do every morning when he woke and watched her sleeping beside him. All week he had managed to resist, reminding himself that it was his duty to be available to his ministers during working hours. He would not be held to ransom by his desire for Mina, Aksel vowed. He would not allow his weakness for a woman to deter him from his responsibilities as monarch as his father had done.
‘The reason Harald knelt before you is because, by tradition, only the wife or intended bride of the prince can sleep in the royal bedchamber,’ he told her.
Mina paled as his words sank in. ‘We can’t allow your chief minister to think I am going to be your bride. I have to leave Storvhal.’ She could not hide the tremor in her voice. ‘I’ve received a message from my father to say that Romeo and Juliet will open on Broadway a week early, and rehearsals are to begin in New York next week. It’s the ideal opportunity to make a statement to the press that the pressure of my career has led to us deciding to end our romance.’
Aksel’s brooding silence played with Mina’s nerves. ‘There is an alternative,’ he said at last.
She shrugged helplessly. ‘I can’t see one.’
‘We could make the story of our royal romance real—and get married.’
She fiddled with her hearing aids, convinced she had misheard him. ‘Did you say...?’
He walked towards her, his face revealing no expression, while Mina was sure he must notice the pulse of tension beating on her temple.
‘Will you marry me, Mina?’
Her surge of joy was swiftly extinguished by a dousing of reality. Aksel hadn’t smiled, and surely a man hoping to persuade a woman to marry him would smile?
‘Why?’ she asked cautiously.
He shrugged. ‘There are a number of reasons why I believe we could have a successful marriage. It is evident from the press reports that you are popular with Storvhalian people. They admire your work with the children in Revika. I also think you would like to continue to help the children,’ he said intuitively. ‘You could combine being a princess with a career as a drama therapist, and I believe you could be happy living in Storvhal.’ He glanced away, almost as if he wanted to avoid making eye contact with her. ‘It is also true that I have shared things with you about myself that I have not told anyone else,’ he said curtly.
He meant his baby son. Mina’s heart clenched and she reached up and touched his cheek to turn his face towards her. ‘I swear I will never tell anyone about Finn...but I truly believe you should tell the Storvhalian people about him. I don’t think they would judge you or compare you in any way to your father. You are a good prince, and everyone knows it. You need to be able to grieve properly for your son and lay the past to rest, and only then can your life move forwards.’
Something flared in his eyes, and Mina held her breath, willing his icy control to melt. But then his lashes swept down and his expression was guarded when he looked at her again.
‘You haven’t given me an answer.’
‘My answer is no,’ she said gently, ignoring the voice inside her head that was clamouring to accept his offer. He had said he believed they could have a successful marriage and perhaps that meant he was willing to build on their relationship, but it wasn’t enough for her. ‘You listed several reasons why we should get married, but you didn’t mention the only reason why I would agree to be your wife.’
He watched her broodingly but made no attempt to close the physical space between them. Mina told herself she was relieved, knowing that if he pulled her into his arms and kissed her she would find it impossible to resist him. But perversely, part of her wished he would take advantage of the sexual chemistry they both felt. When he made love to her she could pretend that he cared for her. But there must be no more pretence, she told herself firmly.
‘Is it so important that you hear me say I love you?’ he demanded tautly. ‘Would your answer be different if I uttered three meaningless words?’
His cynicism killed the last of Mina’s hope. With a flash of insight she realised that if she married him she would for ever be trying to please him and earn his love, as she had done with her father throughout her childhood. She remembered how desperately she had sought Joshua’s praise, and how a careless criticism from him had crushed her spiri
t. She deserved better than to spend her life scrutinising every word and action of Aksel’s in the vain hope that he might one day reveal he had fallen in love with her.
‘I would only want you to say those words if they weren’t meaningless,’ she told him honestly. She walked towards the bedroom. Her heart felt as if it were being ripped from her chest but her pride refused to let her break down in front of him. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I need to pack and phone the airport to book a flight home.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BENEDICT LINDBURG ENTERED the prince’s office and found Aksel standing by the fireplace, staring at the flames leaping in the hearth. ‘I’ve arranged the press conference as you requested, sir.’
‘Thank you, Ben.’ Aksel’s stern features lightened briefly with a ghost of a smile. ‘I’ll be with you in a moment.’
The PA departed, leaving the prince alone with his chief advisor. ‘You mean to go ahead and make a statement, then?’ Harald said tensely. ‘For the good of the country and the monarchy I urge you to reconsider, sir.’
Aksel shook his head. The people of Storvhal have the right to know the truth, and my son deserves to have his short life made public. Mina’s words flashed into his mind. You need to be able to grieve properly for your son.
‘I intend to commission a memorial for Finn, which will be placed in the palace gardens.’ So often he had imagined his son running across the lawn in summertime and playing hide-and-seek in the arboretum. The gardens were open to the public, and he wanted visitors to pause for a moment and think of a baby boy whose time on earth had been cut tragically short.
The conference room was packed with journalists who were clearly curious to learn why they had been called to the palace. Aksel strode onto the dais, and as he looked around at the sea of faces and camera lenses he had never felt so alone in his life. His throat ached with the effort of holding back his emotions as he prepared to tell the world about Finn. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words emerged.
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