by Jill Mansell
‘That’s OK. It’s just weird, all these years imagining you being an American, talking like an American, and now having to lose that idea. I used to wonder if the dark one from Starsky and Hutch was my dad.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I never much liked his cardigans anyway. Or the guy from Miami Vice,’ said Lola. ‘Don Johnson.’
Nick said gravely, ‘I promise I’ve never pushed up the sleeves of my suit.’
‘Or Robert Wagner from Hart to Hart. Or John Travolta. Even thingummy with the dodgy moustache who was in Smokey and the Bandit.’
‘If I’d known, I’d have brushed up on my American accent.’ He shrugged, half smiled. ‘I can’t imagine why Blythe told you that.’
Lola glanced at her handbag, lying on the chair next to her and containing her mobile. There was nothing to stop her calling her mother right now and demanding an explanation. Or even using the camera on her phone to take a photo of Nick James, then sending it to Blythe along with a message saying ‘Guess who?’
But she couldn’t bring herself to do that.
Ooh, Tom Selleck, he’d been another on her list of possible fathers. She’d evidently had a bit of a hankering for one with a moustache.
Except Nick James didn’t have one.
God, this was so weird.
‘How did you find me?’
‘The piece you did on the local news,’ he admitted. ‘When I said I hadn’t seen it… well, that was a lie. I was flicking through the TV channels that evening and there you were, with your name up on the screen. Lola Malone. You were Lauren when you were born.’
‘I know,’ said Lola.
‘Sorry, I meant I knew you as Lauren. But the day I came round to your mother’s house when you were a baby, she handed you over to a friend and said, “Could you take Lola out into the garden?”’
‘Our next door neighbor’s daughter couldn’t say Lauren so she called me Lola. It stuck. Nobody calls me Lauren.’
He nodded. ‘Well, anyway, I didn’t know for sure if it was you, but it was an unusual name and you were the right age and coloring. So I had to come to the shop and see you.’
That was why he had engaged her in conversation.
‘Hang on, so you didn’t really like those books I recommended.’ Lola’s pride was wounded. ‘You were just pretending.’
Nick smiled and shook his head. ‘I loved the books. I read them because you’d recommended them. Don’t worry, I’m definitely converted.’
He was telling the truth. That made her feel better. Lola took another sip of tea. ‘I can’t believe I’m sitting here talking to you now. Wait till I tell Mum.’
A flicker of something crossed her father’s—her father’s!—face. ‘How is Blythe?’
‘She’s great. Living in Streatham. Having fun.’
‘Married?’
‘I had a fantastic stepdad. He died five years ago.’
Nick shook his head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘But Mum’s doing really well. She’s started dating again. I’m trying to do something about her clothes. Did she have really weird dress sense when you knew her?’
He looked amused. ‘Oh yes.’
‘At least that’s something I didn’t inherit from her.’ Lola patted her furry white nylon suit. ‘I mean, I’d rather shoot myself than go out in public wearing something that people might laugh at.’
Nick nodded in agreement. ‘Thank goodness for that. I have pretty high standards myself.’
He did, come to think of it. Each time she’d seen him he’d been wearing expensive clothes well. A million questions were bubbling up in Lola’s brain.
‘So what happened?’ she blurted out. ‘I don’t understand. Why did you and Mum break up?’
He paused. ‘What did she tell you?’
‘Well. A big lie, obviously. But the story was that she met an American guy called Steve when he was working over here one summer. She thought he was wonderful, completely fell for him, discovered she was pregnant, told him she was pregnant, and never saw him again after that day. When she went along to the pub he’d been working in, they told her he’d left, gone back to the States. They also told her his surname wasn’t what he’d said it was. So that was that. Mum knew she was on her own. She’d fallen for a bastard and he’d let her down. She told me she never regretted it, because she got me, but that she’d learned her lesson as far as men were concerned. Then when I was four years old she married Alex Pargeter, who was the best stepfather any girl could ask for.’
‘Good.’ Nick sounded as if he meant it. ‘I’m glad.’
‘But none of that stuff was true, was it?’ Lola’s fingers gripped the now-empty mug in front of her. ‘Your name isn’t even Steve. So now it’s your turn. I want to know what really happened.’
‘What really happened.’ Another pause, then Nick exhaled and shook his head. Finally, slowly, he said, ‘What really happened is I went to prison.’
Chapter 18
‘It was my own stupid fault. There’s no one else to blame. Everything would have been different if I hadn’t messed up.’
Having left the café, they were now heading in the direction of Notting Hill. It was a frosty night and the pavement glittered under the street lamps but Lola was protected from the cold by her bunny suit. She was getting a bit fed up, though, with groups of Christmas revelers singing ‘Bright Eyes’ at her. Or bellowing out ‘Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run run run’ while taking aim with an imaginary shotgun. Or bawdily asking her if she was feeling rampant…
Which was the kind of question you could do without, frankly, when you were out with your dad.
Your jailbird dad.
God, look at me, I’m actually walking along the Bayswater Road with my father.
‘Blythe knew nothing about it,’ Nick went on. ‘She was four months pregnant. We’d been together for almost a year by then. Obviously we hadn’t planned on having a baby, but these things happen. We started looking around for a place to buy, so we could be together. That was an eye-opener, I can tell you. I was only twenty-one; there wasn’t much we could afford. I felt such a failure. If only we had more money. Are you cold? Because if you’re cold we can flag down a cab.’
‘I’m fine.’ Lola’s breath was puffing out in front of her but the rest of her was warm. ‘So what did you do, rob a bank?’
‘I got involved with a friend of a friend who’d set up a cigarette and booze smuggling operation. Bringing the stuff over from the continent, selling it on, easy profit.’ Dryly, Nick said, ‘Until you get caught. Let me tell you, that wasn’t the best day of my life.’
‘You were arrested.’ Lola tried to imagine him being arrested; she’d only ever seen it happen on TV.
He nodded. ‘What can I tell you? I was young and stupid, and I panicked. Blythe would have been distraught, so I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I appeared at the magistrates court, still didn’t tell her. Had to wait four months for the case to come up in the crown court. Still didn’t tell her. Because I’d only been involved in the operation for a few weeks my solicitor said there was a chance I wouldn’t go down and I clung on to that. I know it’s crazy, but I thought maybe, just maybe, Blythe wouldn’t need to know about any of it. That she’d never find out.’
Lola could kind of see the logic in this. Hadn’t she once failed to hand in an entire geography project and pinned all her hopes on the school burning down before her teacher found out? Oh God, she was her father’s daughter…
Aloud, she said, ‘Good plan.’
‘It would have been if it had worked. Except it didn’t.’ Nick shrugged. ‘The judge wasn’t in a great mood that day. I got eighteen months.’
They’d both gambled and lost. Except her punishment had only been a trip to the headmistress and three weeks’ detention. ‘So h
ow did Mum find out?’
‘My cousin had to phone her. Can you imagine what that must have been like? She came to visit me in prison ten days later, said it was all over and she never wanted to see me again. I told her I’d only done it for her and the baby, but she wasn’t going to change her mind. As far as she was concerned I was a criminal and a liar, and that wasn’t the kind of father she wanted for her child. It was pretty emotional. Understandably, Blythe was in a state. Well, we both were. But she was nine months pregnant, so all I could do was apologize and agree with everything she said. That was the second-worst day of my life.’ He paused. ‘You were born a week later.’
Lola was beginning to understand why her mother had invented an alternative history.
‘I served my time, behaved myself and got out of prison after nine months,’ Nick went on. ‘You and your mother were all I’d thought about. I was desperate to see you, and to make Blythe understand how sorry I was. If she still had feelings for me, I thought I might be able to persuade her to change her mind, give me another chance. So I came round to the house and that’s when I saw you for the first time. It was incredible. You were… well, it’s not something you ever forget. You were beaming at me, with your hair in a funny little curly topknot and Ribena stains on your white T-shirt. But your mother wasn’t open to persuasion—she said she’d never be able to trust me. She also said I’d put her through hell and if I had an ounce of decency I’d leave the two of you in peace, because no father at all would be easier for you to deal with than a lying, cheating, untrustworthy one. She finished off by saying if I really wanted to prove how sorry I was, the best thing I could do was disappear. And you know what?’ As they waited for the traffic lights to change, he gave Lola a sideways look. ‘She meant it.’
‘Hey, it’s the white rabbit!’ someone bawled out of a car window. ‘Where’s Alice?’
The lights turned green. Together they crossed the road. ‘So that’s what you did,’ said Lola. Notting Hill tube station was ahead of them now.
‘I didn’t want to. But I was the one who’d messed up. I felt I owed Blythe that much. So I said goodbye and left.’ He waited. ‘That was the worst day of my life.’
Crikey, this was emotional stuff.
‘I keep feeling as if I’m listening to you talk about some television drama.’ Lola shook her head in disbelief. ‘Then it hits me all over again; this is actually about me.’
‘Oi, you in the fur,’ roared a bloke zooming past in a van. ‘Fancy a jump?’
‘My flat’s down here.’ Loftily ignoring the van driver, Lola turned left into Radley Road. ‘I’ve still got loads more questions.’
‘Fire away.’
‘Have you been in trouble with the law since then?’
Nick shook his head. ‘No, no. Apart from three points on my license for speeding. I learned my lesson, Your Honor.’
‘Are you married?’
Another shake. ‘Not any more. Amicable divorce six years ago.’
‘Any children?’
He broke into a smile. ‘No other children. Just you.’
Lola swallowed; God, this was really happening. Wait until she told her mum about tonight.
‘Well, this is where I live.’ She stopped outside number 73; they’d walked all the way from Soho.
‘Nice place.’
‘Thanks.’ The events of the evening abruptly caught up with Lola; one minute she’d been strolling happily along, the next she was so bone tired all she wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a week. But this man—her father—had just spent the last hour walking her home…
‘Right then, I’ll be off.’ Nick James watched her yawn like a hippo.
‘I feel awful, not inviting you in for a coffee.’
‘Hey, it’s fine. I’ll get a cab.’ He raked his fingers through his hair. ‘It’s been a lot to take in.’
Lola nodded; gosh, and now she didn’t know how to say goodbye. This was even more awkward than the end of a disastrous blind date. Was she supposed to hug him, kiss him, shake hands or what?
Nick James smiled and said, ‘Tricky, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is.’ Relieved that he understood, Lola watched him take out his wallet. ‘Ooh, do I start getting pocket money?’
‘I was thinking more of a business card.’ The smile broadened as he handed over his card. ‘I don’t want to put pressure on you, so from now on I’ll leave it up to you to get in touch with me. That’s if you decide you want to.’ Turning, he began to walk back down the street.
Lola watched him go, a lump forming in her throat. What a night, what a thing to happen out of the blue. Tucking the rabbit’s head under one furry arm, she delved into her bag for her front door key.
Nick James was about to turn the corner when she cleared her throat and called out, ‘Um… Nick? I will be in touch.’
He paused, turned to face her and raised a hand in acknowledgement. ‘I hope so.’
Chapter 19
At four o’clock the following afternoon the taxi pulled into Radley Road. Gabe said, ‘It’s the blue and white house up there on the left.’
OK, he was back.
When the cab had disappeared he hauled his luggage up the steps and let himself in through the front door. Leaving the cases in the hall, he made his way upstairs. Then, bracing himself, he knocked on Lola’s door.
So much for bracing. No reply.
Well, it wasn’t as if she was expecting him. As far as Lola was concerned he was still on the other side of the world.
Gabe went downstairs and fetched his cases, piling them up outside Lola’s. Then he crossed the landing and knocked on the door of his own flat.
The girl was out too. He knocked again to make extra sure. OK, it was his property and he had a right to enter it. Plus, drinking far too much water earlier meant he could do with using the loo. Exhausted after the flight and irrationally annoyed by the lack of welcome, Gabe twiddled the keying around until he located the right key.
He fitted it into the lock, twisted it to the left and pushed open the door.
Jesus Christ, the place had been burgled. Stepping back in horror, Gabe surveyed the scene of devastation. Except if burglars had been here, wouldn’t they have made off with that flat-screen TV? Or the expensive DVD recorder? Or that pile of money over there on the floor next to the plate of spaghetti bolognese?
What the bloody hell was this? Gabe ventured further into the living room, treading a careful path between abandoned clothes, CDs, magazines, opened packets of biscuits, and half-full coffee mugs. Did the girl have some kind of stalker ex-boyfriend who’d been round to the house and trashed it?
But he knew that wasn’t right either. The mess and devastation wasn’t… vindictive, somehow. It was too casual to have been done in anger. Squeezing his eyes tight shut then opening them again, Gabe realized with a sinking heart what kind of a tenant had moved into his home. He investigated the rest of the flat and had his worst fears confirmed. The kitchen was beyond belief. The bedroom looked as if it had been ransacked. The bathroom resembled a small branch of Boots that had been caught in a hurricane. There was a packet of smoky bacon crisps in the sink. The bath brimmed with water that was emerald green and stone cold. There were at least six damp towels on the floor.
He’d been away for four days.
His beautiful flat, his pride and joy. The muscles in Gabe’s temples went into spasm and his head began to ache. As if he didn’t have enough to deal with right now.
Oh well, the sooner the girl was out of here, the better. Maybe it was just as well he’d come back.
That was when he heard the bang of the front door downstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps on the staircase. Was it Lola or the new girl, the Queen of Trash?
Gabe left the flat, closed the door behind him and waited on th
e landing to see which one of them it—
‘Aaaarrrggh!’ Lola let out a shriek of fright and almost lost her footing on the stairs. One hand grabbed the banister while the other covered her mouth.
‘No, I’m not a ghost,’ said Gabe. ‘It’s really me.’
Lola was clasping her chest now. ‘But you’re… you’re… what’s going on?’
‘Didn’t work out.’ He loved Lola to death but still hated having to tell her, to admit he’d failed.
Her mouth dropped open. ‘You changed your mind?’
‘No.’ Gabe briefly shook his head. ‘She changed hers.’
Lola threw herself at him, knocking the air from his lungs. Whoosh, she was in his arms babbling, ‘You mean you’re back? Oh my God, that’s fantastic! Is Jaydena completely mad? I can’t believe it, I thought I was hallucinating! What a cow!’
This was why he loved Lola. ‘I think so too. She got back together with an ex.’
‘Oh well, her loss.’ Lola gave him another rib-crushing squeeze. ‘Come in and tell me all about it. Shall we leave your stuff out here? My God, you went all that way for nothing! Will you be able to get your job back? Where on earth are you going to live?’
‘What are you talking about?’ Following Lola, Gabe said, ‘I’m back. I’ll be living here, of course.’
‘You mean in Sally’s flat?’
‘For crying out loud, it’s not her flat! It’s mine! I’ll explain to her that I need it now, give her a week’s notice. And I’ve just been in there,’ he said incredulously. ‘Have you seen the state of the place?’
‘She’s not terribly tidy.’ Hastily, since she was the one responsible for Sally moving in, Lola added, ‘Very nice though.’
‘Not terribly tidy? That’s like saying the Beckhams aren’t terribly thrifty. She only moved in four days ago—imagine what it’d look like after four months! No,’ Gabe shook his head, ‘she has to go. As for a job, I’ve no idea. I haven’t even thought about that yet. The last week hasn’t exactly gone according to plan.’ He took the can of lager Lola was offering him and pinged off the ring pull.